NeoNatal / Infant Loss

[AmbersMom]

 I have read that Saab Magalona's baby girl passed away last Feb. It all came back what happened to my baby girl a year ago.  I have my eldest she is turning 10 this June, born 2008. My hubby and I decided not to have another baby for few years. After 7 years we decided it's time since our eldest is already asking for a sibling. We tried and God answered our prayer but not for so long. We had a miscarriage at 6 weeks, the baby had no heartbeat. It was devastating but we were able to cope up with it. We tried after a year and God did not disappoint us, we got pregnant again. Everything went well, but at 2 months I had bleeding, so I was on bedrest for a month. Everything was fine, all labs and ultrasound they were all ok. My mom is an OB but practicing in the province, so I decided to give birth there. It was supposedly a schedules CS at 39 weeks but I went on labor at 37week and 5 days. My labor progressed so fast that I have birth vaginally. Her apgar score was 10, she was perfect. But lunch time she was still not being roomed in so I asked, they said she is under observation. Night came and her pedia said she might have heart problems since she goes BLUE when crying and oxygen level is low. There is NO Neonat or Pedia Cardio in our place we had to go to ILIGAN or CDO for a check up and flying her to manila is not an option since commercial plane will not allow. I was not thinking of the worse case scenario, I was thinking she will be OK and we can bring her to manila after a month. She was intubated, placed on a ventilator but still her oxygen level was still not improving. Just after 2 days, her little 5 lb body did not make it. She died in the hospital just after I arrived to visit her. My world fell apart, her dad and big sister was not able to see her alive since they  were here in Manila.  I thought of so many things, like why it had to be her. What went wrong when we were so careful with the pregnancy, complete check up vitamins and ultrasound while others who doesnt have the means to even go to a doctor get to have a healthy and alive baby. I have to admit I did question God but never lost faith. It almost came to a point where I just locked myself in the room for a month and sulk in bed. But when I think of my husband and my eldest I know I had to be strong.  It hurts a lot! I cannot explain how painful it is to loose 2 babies consecutively.   But we were undeterred, just after 5 months, we found out we are pregnant again! We are scared and happy at the same time and we are talking it one day at a time. We suppress our excitement as it may disappoint us again.

After a year my daughter died, we will be having our 4th child on April 12th. Hoping and praying all will be ok. And oh.... its another GIRL for us.

To those who went through the same, just hang on! Dont loose hope and faith to God. Everything will be given to you/us when the time is right.

[exquisitegem]

^Hugs sis. Very inspiring read.
I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you're gone through.

FTM here. I hope we'll have a smooth and healthy pregnancy. Goodluck and my prayers are with you.

[AmbersMom]

^Hugs sis. Very inspiring read.
I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you're gone through.

FTM here. I hope we'll have a smooth and healthy pregnancy. Goodluck and my prayers are with you.

Thank you!!

[Letizia.c]

Hello,

Sorry to hear that you lost 2 pregnancies but you are not alone.

I want to share our story because its hard just to keep it and just move on.
We lived here in Canada for a while.
Our 1st pregnancy isnt plan it's just happened and we are surprise to found out that we are pregnant. We went to ER because I have sharp pain on my lower abdomen and I thought my UTI is active again, from there that how we found out we are pregnant. Because it was late evening when we went to ER so the ultrasound dept isnt available so they requested to comeback the next day and wait for a call. We came back and found out its was ectopic pregnancy and i need to undergo surgery because it was already ruptured.

2nd pregnancy - after few months on the same year 2015 we got pregnant again and this is a plan one. We are so excited and because we have history of ectopic we went to ER to make sure it isnt. So they ruled it out that day and I was 5 weeks then. Here in Canada it takes time to see your OB-GYN, usually you get to see them on your 11 to 14weeks of pregnancy. So I just see my Family doctor and asked to just take vitamins, so I did. I dont have any symptoms so i was happy that oh it will be a easy pregnancy. Then here comes the day when I had my first official ultrasound, I was alone and travel from work to clinic then waited for my turn and excited to hear the heartbeat. The sonigrapher is really quiet. And she said she'll be back and when she get back she ask me to go to a room and a Doctor will speak to me. Then i found out there is not heartbeat. I was really devastated. Call my husband and he said just wait for few weeks for the heartbeat his still being positive but i was crying while waiting on the bus and tells no it was official the baby didnt make it. The next day i have a spotting and then the next next day of early morning i had severe abdominal cramps and i know thats it. I feel so weak and lonely because i felt i am the one to blame for happening this becuase i still working though i am pregnant. My [textspeak!] even said that you should stop working, so who i am to know that working will be a factor to experience miscarriage.

3rd pregnancy - after 2 yrs got pregnant again this time i take sometime off from work. Bedrest and totally cared by my husband and in laws. I have a severe morning sickness that i vomiy 6x a day, nauseous and dizziness and all i did each day is sleep eat a little drink little and sleep again. So our Family dr said it ok to have severe m.sickness it means the baby is doing well. So first and 2nd ultrasound and first prenatal screening are ok. But the second screening we received a phone call that we need to see my OB-GYN and i started to worry. Good thing i have an appt with my FD the next day and ask whats the result of my 2nd screening he said oh they said we have a risk of down syndrome so i was surprise and shock to hear that but he said this is nothing we dont have to worry about because the ratio is to small like 1 out of 20,000. So it calms me a little. Then after 2 days i met OB GYN (not my ob different dr bec my ob isnt available). Waited for 10 mins in a room alone when the dr finally came in and discuss about the 2nd screening but i was totally shocked when she said you have a high risk on neural tube defects the ratio is 1 of 2 so 50%. I didnt expect it  because my FD said nothing to worry. Then the OB said need to undergo some test to make sure and ultrasound. But we have to wait for about 10 days to have the detailed ultrasound.  Then we read about everything we can search on neural tube. Finally the day ( august 7 2018 )came for the detailed ulteasound and excited to see the baby but we are devastated when the dr said i am sorry your baby pass away. I started crying my husband too and we just hug each other. That day we are sad that we cant even think of anything to do. We talked to a genetic counsellor and we cant even think if any questions but we are just emotional and hurt. So we decided to go home and me and my husband just hug each other that we took us to sleep for the whole day. The next day we went to my in laws and inform them what had happened. They said its ok dont loose hope and then my [textspeak!] side comments "kakapanood yan ng drama". I am a sensitive person but that morning i was numb and didnt say anything. I am the one who open up what happened because my husband isnt comfortable. Now we are waiting for our appointment for dilation and evacuation this coming tuesday.

I have lots of question like i dont feel any pain for the past few weeks. I even ask God why is these happening to us were all we want is to have a kid.but i am not angry or mad i just asks why??? I even try to recall all the food i eat like kaldereta with liver spread, egg tart etc.

My husband is really affected on what had happened but i keep trying to be positive and ask him we need to be strong together.

Please include us in your prayers.

Sorry dahil ang haba ng message but i just want to share it.