How do you prove to men that you are worth the effort too?

[young_maiden]

Mga sis and bros, pa-advise naman. Paano mo ba mapapatunayan sa mga guys na karapat-dapat ka rin nila pakitaan ng effort? Effort means yung dadalawin ka, pupunatahan ka kung nasaan ka man, bibigyan ka ng gifts, ipapakilala sa friends at family, etc. Hindi yung hanggang text, tawag o fb messenger lang ang usapan nyo o hanggang casual sex lang pakay sa babae.

Simula 2018, isa sa mga new year's resolution ko is to stop entertaining pakboys lalo na yung may mga gf at asawa na. I will never be a third party again. Pag si guy eh nagpahiwatig agad ng sex, goodbye agad. ayoko na mag-aksaya ng oras sa kanila.

january 2018 pa lang meron agad pakboy na nagparamdam sa akin. ang kapal muks may gf na at may 2 daughters pa with that gf. nagflirt sya thru messenger. hinanap daw niya ako nung highschool reunion namin. sayang daw di niya ako nakita. niyayaya nya ako lumabas at uminom kami. syempre pag ganun most likely sex habol nyan. i blocked him agad sa messenger. bukod sa ayaw ko na maging pangalawa ulit, naawa ako sa mga anak nya.

then a few weeks later, another highschool classmate chatted me up sa messenger. seatmates kami nung highschool pero di kami super close. He is currently single pala. No wife o gf at all. All of a sudden, he opened up a lot of things to me. nagkwento siya about his family, dreams, plans, etc. super tagal kami mag-usap nun sa messenger. pati yung depression nya nung namatay ang puppy niya nakwento nya pa sa akin.  nagtatanong din siya kailan ako mag-aasawa at ano rin plans ko sa career ko. nasense ko na baka "type" ako pero syempre di pa umaabot sa point na in love na siya sa akin. i think he was testing the waters. sabi rin ng guy friend ko most likely itong si classmate pumoporma nga sa akin kasi nagpakita daw siya ng vulnerability nung nakwento nya yung pagkamatay ng puppy nya.

nung una naisip ko, finally meron na single at matinong guy na nagpapahiwatig sa akin. pero syempre di pa ako umaasa na liligawan na ako. too early pa. enjoy ko lang conversations namin. eventually nairita na rin ako kasi hanggang fb messenger lang. syempre gusto ko rin yung yayain ako lumabas para mas makilala namin isa't isa.

tuluyan na akong naturn off nung pinakita na ni classmate true colors nya. bigla nya sinabi na sana pwede daw nya ako dalawin sa condo ko pag solo daw ako. sana daw mag movie marathon kami. so ALAM na. sexy time lang din pala gusto.

hindi ko na ni-entertain mga chats nya. nung niyaya nya ako maging date nung valentine's day, i said no.

sa ngayon nasa abroad na siya. he left nung feb. 27. seaman kasi siya.

nakakafrustrate lang. ang hirap maghanap ng guy na todo effort sa babae. puro na lang pakboys o guys na sex lang ang habol ang lumalapit. worse, ang iba taken pa.

paano ko ba mapapatunayan sa mga guys na gf material din ako at hindi pang-fubu lang? paano ko ba mapapatunayan na hindi lang hanggang text o fb messenger dapat ang usapan at sana gawin na naman nilang kausapin ako in person? kung yayayain man ako lumabas, paano ko maprove na di lang dapat hanggang fubu lang? Dapat ba magpakipot? If yes, hanggang saan? Dapat ba maging easy? Dapat ba maging demure o outspoken?

i am sick and tired of men na iyan lang ang pakay. syempre gusto ko rin naman magkaroon ng relationship. i've been single for almost 9 years na. :-(

[otra_vez]

You're doing pretty good, I think. I say just continue being outspoken about your limits. Setting boundaries is definitely a good practice on your part and I commend you for doing that. I say just keep at it and the right guy who is definitely interested in you enough will respect your boundaries and will take the time to really know you and build something real with you. Don't worry too much. I think worrying puts a lot of pressure on you thereby increasing the risk of you making decisions that you're not comfortable with. Just stick to your guns and enjoy being single. If you're having fun and you're happy on your own, you will attract the right kind of people. 

[simang]

I don't think you should prove anything to anyone but yourself. And andyan ka na sa realization na yan, you no longer tolerate what's below your standards. Sa tingin ko sis ah, hindi naman ikaw ang may problema. It's just that you're meeting all the wrong people. Paulit ulit kong sinasabi to, na when the right person comes, it's going to be smooth like butter. Hindi ka mag-aantay na yayain ka sa labas, kasi he will do it. He will let you know how wanted you are. He will make you his girlfriend and he will make that clear, walang doubts, walang mixed signals. Sa ngayon na wala pa sya, just do your thing and believe that someday soon, someone will make all the efforts for you without you proving anything to him. Kapag nangyari na yun, you will understand bakit ka dumaan sa phase na yan.

[mimiku]

They say you have got to kiss or meet a lot of frogs before you find your prince. True yan. Hopefully hangang meet lang. Hehe. You are on the right direction. Tama sila you dont have to prove anything to them, you got to prove it to yourself that you are worth respecting. In the dating world (especially now na nagkalat na ang mga p*kboys and p*kgurls who knew fully well that they don?t have to pay for a whole cow because free milk is so everywhere), napakahirap maghanap ng matinong partner. Daming gusto ng free milk. Pero you know what, meron at meron pa ring naiiba sa mga ito. And that person, will come at the right time and right place. Avoid mo lang rushing into relationships and you must, I say a must, set your limitations and boundaries. Date lang ng date and entertain. Tama yang ginagawa mo, kung halata mo nang p*kboy, block kaagad. Ako I only had 2 ex bfs. One is my first ex and the last one is now my husband. 5 years ang agwat before I found the one. But along the way, I have met a lot of frogs- most of them are either married, in a relationships, or single na gusto lang goodtimes. Kahit ikaw na siguro ang pinakaconservative na babae sa mundo, lalapitan ka pa rin ng mga oportunistang lalaki. Ako never akong nakione night stand or pumatol sa married guys (ewan ko ba nakaauto pilot na yata ang utak ko na maturn off sa mga lalakeng ganyan) pero you see, may mga lumapit pa ring masasamang espirito. Just enjoy and trust the process. Alam mo totoo yung sinasabi nila no matter how cliche it is, ?love yourself so much that you will only allow your heart to house the only guy who could give his whole world for you.? Sooner or later, the universe will conspire to make you meet your prince. Take it from me. Been there, done that.

[Girltalker2]

I always believe that there should be a balance between being open and being suspicious.

But I don?t think you have to prove to people anything. Just be yourself, set boundaries and pray you won?t waste time with *ssholes.

Sa totoo lang naman kasi, maraming guys ganyan. Ewan ko na, Basta iyan din impression ko. Good news though, you?re wiser na!

See below my thoughts...

niyayaya nya ako lumabas at uminom kami. syempre pag ganun most likely sex habol nyan. i blocked him agad sa messenger. bukod sa ayaw ko na maging pangalawa ulit, naawa ako sa mga anak nya.

Correct! Block him at sabihan isusumbong Kita sa asawa mo! Hahaha 👹 (kahit di mo gagawin)

eventually nairita na rin ako kasi hanggang fb messenger lang. syempre gusto ko rin yung yayain ako lumabas para mas makilala namin isa't isa.

Minsan May advantage/disadvantage kasi ang texting. You mean to say lahat ng kwento nya about the puppy etc eh through messenger lang?
Galing din nya mag type ah! Haha

I remember this guy, saying, hi! I got your number from so and so. How are you. DI KO SINAGOT. Kasi gusto nagpakilala. Yung isang ka team ko Sabi sakin gusto ka makilala. So sakin ok lang naman. But approach me. Either you call or harapin mo ako. Nahihiya daw. Well sorry, I didn?t respond at all.

tuluyan na akong naturn off nung pinakita na ni classmate true colors nya. bigla nya sinabi na sana pwede daw nya ako dalawin sa condo ko pag solo daw ako. sana daw mag movie marathon kami. so ALAM na. sexy time lang din pala gusto.

How did you conclude na sexy time lang gusto nya?
What if he just wants to talk?

Convo ko, if ever ganyan...
Guy: Can I come to your unit when you?re alone?
Me: why when I?m alone only?

Guy: so I can talk to you
Me: (if you?re not comfortable him coming to your place) ah medyo magulo Place ko. Tsaka na.
If you want to talk, we can have coffee near my workplace.

hindi ko na ni-entertain mga chats nya. nung niyaya nya ako maging date nung valentine's day, i said no.

Sabi mo kasi you?re not being invited out. Nung niyaya ka naman, you feel iba ang pakay.

Ako kasi feeling ko nothing wrong to get to know him, but you set the boundaries. You set the venue, refuse if you are not comfortable, it?s your right. If they ask for drinks, normal sagot ko I don?t drink but I prefer coffee.

sa ngayon nasa abroad na siya. he left nung feb. 27. seaman kasi siya.

Yun naman pala! Seaman! NVM! (Sorry no offense meant, my opinion lang naman if Di mo pa naman naumpisahan, at May option, better not)
Move on sis, mahirap makisama sa seaman, most of the time wala sila. Mas marami oras na wala sila kesa andyan sila.

nakakafrustrate lang. ang hirap maghanap ng guy na todo effort sa babae. puro na lang pakboys o guys na sex lang ang habol ang lumalapit. worse, ang iba taken pa.

Pag taken, understandable na have to avoid them. Pero pano if you don?t know na taken?

Minsan naman kasi di mo puede iexpect na todo effort sila eh getting to know stage palang naman. That?s why I think for the first date, Mas ok coffee lang. and better if within the same area din. You will have more time to get to know each other. Kesa naman nasa Manila ka at sya say taga pampanga.

paano ko ba mapapatunayan sa mga guys na gf material din ako at hindi pang-fubu lang? paano ko ba mapapatunayan na hindi lang hanggang text o fb messenger dapat ang usapan at sana gawin na naman nilang kausapin ako in person? kung yayayain man ako lumabas, paano ko maprove na di lang dapat hanggang fubu lang? Dapat ba magpakipot? If yes, hanggang saan? Dapat ba maging easy? Dapat ba maging demure o outspoken?

Depends din sa conversation.
Sometimes when they ask about your plans, ano sagot mo?
Alala ko before I usually say - oh I?m dating now and hoping to find a good partner. Also enjoying my singlehood at the same time. And If I find a WORTHY partner, then good. If not, Ok lang.
I let them know that I?m seeing others din. Kaya we don?t have the same objective, then don?t waste my time.
In your case, you can be honest by saying you are looking for your soulmate and lifetime partner. So alam nila marriage ang hanap mo. And so far wala pa naman ikaw nakikita.
Good to also have that checklist handy. Ano ba gusto mo sa isang partner. Some of them kasi malalaman mo initially, if no negotiable, huwag ka na makipag meet. Some you need to meet him to know while some naman over a few weeks or months mo malalaman.

[plumpolka]

dont entertain all the guys na magbibigay ng attention sayo. value youyrself more and guys will see that in you. pag nakilala ka nila na parang pamigay ka lang, yun lang ma-attract mo. what you think, you become. and think about how you portray yourself to men din. are you too aggressive? liberated? treat yourself as a queen and men will see you as one 

[glamorosa_09]

niyayaya nya ako lumabas at uminom kami

Yung isa naman, nagbabaka sakali mag-isa ka lang sa condo.

Nagtataka lang ako, ano ba ang reputasyon o image mo sa mga lalaki? Iniisip ko kasi, kung single ako ngayon or yung mga kaibigan ko, walang walang makakapag-sabi nyan sa amin.

Curious tuloy ako kung ano nakalagay sa facebook profile mo, the activities you do and the kind of people you hang out with. Consciously or unconsciously, you are projecting an image of yourself to the world.

Anyway, I agree naman with what others said na your sense of worth and respect should come from you. And that you don't need to prove your worth, you establish your worth. Anyone who cannot afford your worth is already out. I think it's as simple as that. It's up to you na lang if you will settle for less.

[hushush]

^this! 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[kvandenhaak]

Agree, you don't have to prove anyone anything. If you want to do better, do it for yourself.

I have met sooo many of them. I just don't entertain them at all, period.

[Shadow Angel]

That's life bago mo makita ang para sayo madami ka makikilala na "patapon". Tama lang naman ang mga ginagawa mo. Siguro better din baguhin ang mga circle of people na nakikilala mo or pinunpuntahan. Para makakilala ka ng iba. Di mo kailangan may patunayan be yourself and un better na ikaw.

[khaleesiCersei]

Why do you have to prove yourself ba to men? Tama ibang sis natin dito. You dont have to. If you want something, demand it. Say it.

Sabihin mo listen, Im looking for something serious, i want someone who would want to take me out to dinner dates, you know yung mag eeffort to make me feel special, if you are not up for that then we are just both wasting our time. Tapos. Period. Wala ng paligoy ligoy pa at hindi mo din kelangan makipag usap ng napakatagal sa messenger para lang makinig ng sob stories nila. End the conversation na kagad. Busy ka kamo or inaantok ka na, next time na lang siya makipag usap. Baka kasi you make yourself seem too available for them

[Apple1230]

@young maiden sabi nga dating is a number?s game. The more guys you meet the higher the chance you will meet someone that is right for you. So far based on your story 2 pa lang naman ang nakakausap mo. That does not mean lahat ng guys same na.

Put yourself out there but at the same time stick to your standards. May darating din anyway bata ka pa naman ata. Just be the best person you can be and the right guy will see that.

[super bratinella]

sis young_maiden virtual hugs and kudos to you!! Alam ko kakayanin mo tanggihan mga offers ng mga guys na walang respeto sa babae, first I just want to know if your profile pic or you post pics with decent clothes naman po diba?

second if you want to meet guys na will let you prove your worth you will be able to find them in God's time, you may want to join Single for Christ community there are single guys there just waiting for their right girl, if you are just in the right community, it is really better to socialize personally rather than just chatting.

Social media likes, calling and texting are not effort these are just maintenance to ones relationship.

[Barbie_Cue]

Girl you can't.

Kahit tumabling ka dyan, kung hindi nila feel mag-effort sayo, they won't. Stop thinking na may kailangan kang gawin para makita ng iba ang value mo.

However, the best thing to do is to make sure you are the girl you would want to marry if you are a guy. Gets?

[fall2pieces]

How do you project yourself so that guys would see you as someone worth the effort? How should one act in public or towards other people especially in an office setting?

Ano bang mas attractive sa guys na image ng babae sa office?

[plumpolka]

someone will see your worth and you dont ned to prove it to them. 

[khaleesiCersei]

Why the need to  project yourself hehe.. To hell with men. Just be yourself. Tsaka wag masyadong magpabola hehe. Action speaks louder than words. Kung puro salita lang at mas marami ang excuses kesa sa mga natupad na pangako ay naku mag isip isip na. Stop wasting time sa mga ganong lalaki

[kvandenhaak]

Since sila ang lumalapit, they should be the one asking that question. Hindi naman 'to job application.

[bratty]

someone will see your worth and you dont ned to prove it to them. 

Tama!

[fall2pieces]

Tama kayo dyan sis.. we should stop overthinking things and be our authentic selves. Haha