Dating in your 40's

[Apple1230]

I don't know if there is a topic like this already. to girls who are dating in their 40's can you share your experience? mahirap ba lalo makahanap ng guy? i mean mas choosy na ba pag nasa ganitong age range? i also want to hear from those who found love and got married in their 40's. 

why am i inquiring? i'm in my late 30's and still single. feeling ko pag 40 mas mahihirapan na ako makahanap lalo na dito sa philippines. i have a successful career, 2br condo, suv, investments, and i look young for my age but when guys find out about my age medyo back off na sila when initially they are interested. those are the guys i meet through my work. sa online naman i have more luck mostly foreigners kinakausap ko pero mga iba visiting here lang so hindi ko na tinutuloy yung chat dahil baka naghahanap lang ng ka s*x yun when they get here.

why foreigners ang kinakausap ko? sila kasi yung mas open minded they don't care much about age. sa pinoy medyo very particular sila na gusto talaga nila at least late 20's or early 30's kahit na 40's or 50's na yung guy at hindi naman ka gwapuhan.

i would love to hear your thoughts on this and from other girls who share the same sentiments.

[BicuriousGS]

Siguro mas choosy na. Pero kasi natitira ka age bracket mo or mas may edad sayo ay either bading, silahis or widowed...the rest pamilyado na.

Just enjoy your singlehood...darating yan in unexpected time...DESTINY. Trust me! Wag ka ma pressure for being single. Sarap kaya ng single!
I feel you...late bloomer kasi ako hehe. Dumating si DESTINY ng di ko inaasahan. Pero i already maximise and enjoy my singlehood kaya nun dumating si destiny...ready na ako.

[Girltalker2]

Ts, agree with you, Mas ok maghanap Pag di Asian kasi asians in general are less open minded, pati family narin nila (na kelangan mo din pakisamahan).

I met my current partner when I was 40. But Di sa pinas.

Also you have to be choosy. Di puede Basta Basta lang. you didn?t survive your first 40 years para lang maloko (emotionally or financially) ng sino-sino lang. don?t settle, especially with your status, you really have to be extra careful.

Also prayers. Kasi ako I just surrender all to God. If may nameet ako na ok, I always pray na if he is the guy for me, then iallow sana ni Lord na mas magkakilala kami. If not, Si Lord narin Bahala na magkaiba kami ng landas.

[amethyst028]

@TS may mga friends ako na 40?s and still dating. My bf is 47  and i asked him if he is willing to date women his age, sabi niya ok lang naman pero hirap siya makahanap ng ka age niya who is still single and ok, kung single man madalas daw neurotic or napaka negative. Dala na rin siguro ng dami ng pinag daanan minsan nagiging negative or tingin ng girl lahat ng lalake manloloko.

I?m 39 na and still single kahit na i?m in a relationship now and we are planning to get married i?m still not sure kung siya talaga gusto ko makasama. Sometimes i feel like i?m just settling. Just going with the flow for now and like you parang iniisip ko baka mahirapan na ako makahanap pag 40 na ko.   

[Apple1230]

@Girltalker2 pinoy ba yung partner mo? What is your age gap?

Actually my dilemma is i feel like I am wasting so much time. I?m in my late 30?s i actively go out on dates pero parang ang bilis ko sila drop. Just this year i met 2 guys, 1 is a lawyer na single dad and the other one coach ng sikat na sports team dito he is italian. Si lawyer we went out a few times in love na daw siya agad so hindi ko na kinausap. Mabait siya and a perfect gentleman yun lang sinabi niya na inlove siya iniwasan ko na siya agad. Yung coach naman i am not physically attracted to him bulky kasi yung built niya pero sa ugali and all ok naman.

Parang ang picky ko ba or i think too highly of myself. Has anyone else experience this? Sorry ha kung parang ang babaw ng problema ko sa iba. I am just concerned that if i continue doing this i will really end up alone.

Lately i have been thinking about this. Baka sa sobrang pag iinarte ko wala na dumating kasi yung mga nag show ng interest i am very quick to dismiss them. May mga nakaka relate ba sa ganito? I keep waiting for the best guy for me but is there such a thing? Bigla lang ako natakot dahil siguro mag birthday na ako in a few months.

[kvandenhaak]

I think mas mahirap sa Pilipinas if you're in your 40's to look for dates. Most guys kasi likes younger (or waay younger) women.

I am 47 years old. Dating a guy 10 years younger. Kaso nasa Canada ako. My dilemma is that most guys approaching me are really young.

[Apple1230]

^oo nga sis e. Kaya siguro dapat hindi na ako masyado choosy and take my lovelife seriously na. Bigla lang ako natakot na baka pag 40 na ako i will have a harder time finding a partner.

Sa online profile ko either same age or older ang nilalagay ko. I prefer someone older talaga. Pag bata kasi mga hindi naman serious ang gusto. I want marriage minded guys kasi sayang lang ang time ko if i entertain guys na hindi naman yun ang gusto. And most younger guys here hindi pa rin financially established which is one of my primary concerns baka ang ending ako pa bubuhay sa kanya. Huwag naman.

[Girltalker2]

^ sabi nila 40s nowadays are the new 30s 😁
My partner is 10 years older sakin and di pinoy. Kahit older sya, he is more fitter than I am because he is into sports and healthy diet. Initially I really preferred non- pinoy but negotiable naman. Nagkataon Lang na he is really better, way better than the others I?ve met.

[otra_vez]

i have lots of friends who are single and in their late 30s-50s. some are dating. most are not. hindi ko na rin inuungkat madalas because i feel like we're at that stage in life wherein we know that neither situation is preferable, sa totoo lang. i am not single but i do have days that i wish i were, much as i love my partner.

as for their experience- it really depends on the person. my super pihikan friends did not suddenly become more open when they reach their 40s. my adventurous friends were not tamed by age.  obviously, yes, your pool in your 30s is bigger than in your 40s but again, nasa tao yan. but yes, medyo you're at a disadantage in filipino society kasi mas konti choices mo and mas madaming kyeme mga Pinoy. but i really believe that we get what we work hard to get in life. if it's your life's biggest priority to find the love of your life, you have to put yourself out there, despite the odds.

[Girltalker2]

Mahirap din sa pinas kasi it is still a developing country. Ilan % lang ang guys na can afford or at least at par with your financial status?
Then out of that pool, educational attainment pa. Then syempre yung single or totoong annulled pa at hindi gay. From there, hahanap ka pa ng qualities na hinahanap mo like romantic, maalagain, understanding, compatibility nyo,  etc. Then lastly, may spark ba o chemistry.

Ilan beses ko na ito nabanggit, Mas malaki chance mo manalo sa lotto kesa makahanap ng partner na walang issues at the age of 40 and up. But it doesn?t mean walang pag asa.
Para sakin, just always be at your best, be wise and discerning and pray and Trust in God and let Him just lead your life while you live single (happily).

[Apple1230]

i really believe that we get what we work hard to get in life. if it's your life's biggest priority to find the love of your life, you have to put yourself out there, despite the odds.

I never really cared about this before. I just always assumed it will be easy for me and that there are plenty of guys out there. I never had a hard time finding dates or being in a relationship right now madali pa. madali ako mag give up sa relationship or i easily dismiss a guy i?m dating pag may nakita ako na ayaw ko minsan kahit mababaw lang.

yung fear ko is what if hindi na naman nag work and i reach 40 na meron pa rin kaya? Based on the answers mukhang mahirap na nga.

Ilan % lang ang guys na can afford or at least at par with your financial status?
Then out of that pool, educational attainment pa. Then syempre yung single or totoong annulled pa at hindi gay. From there, hahanap ka pa ng qualities na hinahanap mo like romantic, maalagain, understanding, compatibility nyo,  etc. Then lastly, may spark ba o chemistry.

 Yun din siguro isang factor why i am choosy kasi madami naman talagang guys dito sa philippines pero major concern ko rin kasi yung financial. I don?t want to date someone na lower income level sa akin. Hindi naman ako big time or anything, very far from that actually. Pero matipid kasi ako and since early 20?s nag iipon and nagsisikap na ako. All my money goes to investing wala akong mga luho. Kaya siguro ganun din standard ko sa guy dapat masikap at marunong sa buhay.

Baka masyado rin kasi akong set in my ways. Siguro dahil nga indepedent ako mabilis akong umayaw sa guys and mabilis rin ako mag move on. Once mag break parang wala lang sa akin. Maybe i need to change and be more human. Masyado lang ako nasanay sa work environment that i have to always be tough.

[Girltalker2]

^ I have a Friend, she is in her late 30s. Career woman din. Meron sya sarili nyang property sa fort. She decided to migrate to New Zealand. Abah, less than a year, she found her match/bf! 😁

sakin mas masarap to just be yourself. Be open minded in meeting but firm on your values. If he is a match, malalaman mo naman eventually. Dating men you don?t necessarily like (but pasok sa criteria mo in terms of age, status, financial, educational attainment) is also ok. Minsan you start off lang as friends and later Mas ok pala sya as you get to know him.

I wasn?t attracted initially to my current bf when I met him through a colleague. May house blessing Si colleague and we also bumped each other one time sa badminton. But when he asked me out, and as I got to know him, grabe sobrang match at kakaiba. God fearing, so into sports and fitness, maalagain, very expressive sa thoughts which help us communicate effectively, he loves dogs too!!! 💕 tapos understanding, tumutulong sa chores kahit di sya sanay, etc etc I can go on and on but as I get to know him more, Mas lalo ako na attract sa kanya.

[ms.holly]

I think we are lucky to date at this day and age. Yes PH is mejo left behind in terms of dating concepts and mas traditional but we are evolving which means people are more accepting of online dating (even Tinder), single motherhood/fatherhood and so on..

So noon eh limited ang means to date but now we have options so dont limit yourself OP. Put yourself out there date around but siempre yung alamo lang na may potential and idate mo. Look at Delamar Arias she found love at 40. Dont lower your standard but I suggest you hang out with married or friends in a relationship listen to their kwentos and you will realize theirs are not perfect relationships. Wala namang perfect eh but you will learn  what is tolerable and acceptable and what isn't. Your standards may change or at least be more acceptable. So hang around with people single and not single. Just enjoy the ride. Enjoy being single kung alam mo lang ang mga taong in a relationship at that age wished they were single.

And sabe nga what you resist persists. So if you keep thinking wala ka nang time e thats what you will get. Ang lake ng mundo there are infinite possibilities to find love sa Pinas or outside Pinas why limit yourself. YOu are a self-made woman you have the luxury to choose unlike some na stuck in a marriage they wished they weren't         

[hisana]

Have nothing much to add, except to say na ang gaganda ng advice dito and to share that I too know some women in their late 30s to late 40s na dating pa rin (yung iba engaged na nga recently lang). From what I know, the guys are a mix of late bloomers, hiwalay na, and foreigners. They usually meet these men through work kasi wala na raw kasi silang time masyado i-widen yung social circle nila because they are medyo busy with their careers (medical/sciences field), pero nakakahanap pa rin naman. Still, the big question is, do they want to spend the rest of their lives with the one they're dating? Some are willing to settle, some just can't bring themselves to do so, and some seem very grateful and happy na nakilala na nila yung true love nila sa wakas, haha, kilig lang kami for them. Iba-iba talaga ang outcome.

[kvandenhaak]

The key is putting yourself out there. If you're not an outgoing type like me, online dating is pretty much the best way to meet guys. There are still plenty of fish out there.

[otra_vez]

@Apple1230, I think that you just need to find the balance between being "picky", like you said and being open. make a list of the things you want from a partner but know that no one out there will embody everything that you want in a partner. i don't think there's anything wrong about being selective. i believe that sometimes, we know in our gut who we are supposed to be with and sometimes, when you find that person, it defies logic. and when you actually get together with that person, suddenly it all makes sense. maybe you just really haven't found that person  and you have to find him if you really want to be in a loving relationship. because relationships are hard enough with someone you're madly in love with and you owe it to yourself to find someone you adore and respect and who feels the same way about you. you don't want to settle. it's doomed from the get go.

i wouldn't worry too much because it does sound like you're not hiding in a cave and just waiting for someone to drop in front of you. you're actually dating. i say don't panic, get to know more people and just enjoy dating. again, find that balance between knowing what you want and at the same time, letting people surprise you.

[Apple1230]

Thanks sa mga nag reply. I love all your advices, very insightful.

Yes i am actively dating, pag meron nag aaya i go out naman pero siyempre pinipili ko rin. Ang focus ko now is opening my own business kasi hindi ako pwede mag employee forever.

I guess darating din yun if it is really meant for me. Mahirap yung napipilitan lang or i will be with someone kasi feeling ko i am running out of time. I will just let things be for now.

The lawyer i am dating may friend daw siya na lawyer din she is getting promoted as judge but she is putting it off for a long time kasi baka mas mahirapan na siya makahanap ng partner pag naging judge na siya. Eventually she accepted the position at nag give up na daw sa paghahanap. Bakit kaya pag ang babae yung successful hirap na makahanap ano? Pero kung guy yun in the same position hindi siya mauubusan ng potential partner.

[angeljolie]

Apple1230, you're single, child-free, and relatively still young (I'm in my late 30s din and I always get told I'm still young, so sige maniwala na lang)! Unsolicited advice, ibahin mo ang environment mo. Start a new life somewhere. Sometimes we need to take life-size risks if we want our life to change. I know it is easier said than done. But if I were in your shoes, I would do that. I have kids so medyo mahirap for me. Pero I am actually going to try.

[LuckyBabyFaceGirl]

Hi! Same dilemma here. I'm in my late 30's na rin pero akala ng nakakakilala sa akin, nasa 26-27 lang ako  nagugulat sila pag sinasabi ko na nasa 30's na ako. Anyway, I'm seeing this guy who's  younger but in his early 30's na rin. When we were in our getting to know you stage, he asked me about marriage and family. Siguro, iniisip nya na baka magyaya agad ako na magpakasal since I'm in my 30's na. Sya kasi parang hindi pa kasi priority nya na makapagtayo ng sariling business nya. Since I'm older than him, I'm thinking na baka pag when I turned 40, baka isipin nya na iprepressure ko na sya na magpakasal.

[Apple1230]

^what do you want ba?

Ako kasi i make it clear sa guy that i am seeing kung anong gusto ko. And i am not apologizing for it. If he cannot give it to me i move on. I will not waste my time on him knowing we are not on the same page and are not going in the same direction.

Hindi rin ako yung type na mag stay para lang masabing merong guy kahit na magka iba naman kame ng gusto. I would rather be free and find what is right for me. There is more to life than just having a boyfriend or getting married. If that is not my destiny so be it.