On Anak sa Labas- Im Quitting- MODS, PLS REMOVE

[angese10]

  all good na sisses

[Girltalker2]

Kung Wala na sa picture yung ina, Tingin ko ok lang.
since both of you are interested in rebuilding a family, should be ok.
Pag usapan nyo nalang mabuti pano ang disiplina sa Bata, gastos, etc. May say ka ba or puede mo ba pagalitan if the child is not behaving?
Tsaka how will the child treat you, will he/she call you mama too?

[angese10]

thanks!

[khaleesiCersei]

Hi sis, kung ako ang nasa kalagayan mo,  bago ako pumayag sa ganyang set up i will lay down all my rules first. And set boundaries. Number 1 dapat wala na talaga sa eksena ang mother kasi baka someday manggulo pa yun. Otherwise I will suggest na sa relatives niya na lang mag stay ang bata, dun sa lola niya siguro.

Number 2 dapat siya lang ang gagastos sa bata lalo na sa education at medical expenses. Hindi naman sa pagdadamot pero kasi more often than not nagiging cause pa yan ng resentment at malaking issue in the long run. Sa food oo pede magshare, Tsaka minsan ipag shopping yung bata ng clothes, give gifts pag may occassion. Pero anything major like yun nga education, medical, birthday party, travel trips, or anything expensive siya lang dapat gumastos.

And lastly sa pag aalaga. Hindi ko siguro kakayanin maging super hands on like what i do with my own kids kaya dapat siya na yun. Ikuha niya ng yaya kung gusto niya pero dapat siya magbayad hehe. Tutulong lang ako paminsan minsan, pag hindi ako busy.

And when it comes to disciplining, the child is under my roof so whatever rules i set to my own kids dapat ma apply din sa kanya.

Siguro what im trying to say is, kelangan ko siguro tumulong, on my own terms, yung kung hanggang saan lang ang kaya ko, to keep my own sanity hehe at para rin hindi naman ako masyadong talunan sa situation. Tsaka may nanay yung bata eh, someday baka balikan pa yan so siguro one way of saving myself na rin.

[kvandenhaak]

You won't be charged with kidnapping because you are with the dad who is the child's legal guardian. If they are really not together anymore, I don't see why the child can't be with you. Alangan namang iwan ng daddy? May mga kilala kong ganyan story and they got along well. Since you have that concern, you have to have a heart to heart talk with the dad.

Now, I am speaking for the child here. Because he/she's a minor who can't support him/herself and can't speak for him/herself. The child is basically a victim here. Just treat him/her as if the child is your own. It's bad enough na hindi naman sya tinanong bago sya pinanganak. Kung ano kinakakain ng mga anak mo, ganon din dapat. Kung ano damit ng mga anak mo, ganon din. Kung ano school ng mga anak mo, ganon din sya. It's probably not going to be easy but that's the extra baggage you decide to take when you also decided to take your husband back. Just always remember that the child has nothing to do with the mess his dad created.

[amethyst028]

@TS wala na ba talaga sa picture yung mom? They are not going to share custody of the child?
Never mind what your relatives will say hindi naman sila ang magpapa kain e so deadma na lang. kung ok naman kayo ng guy and talagang wala na yung mom why not give it a try.

Separated naman kayo nung nagka anak siya right? It?s not like pinag sabay niya kayo ng mom nun tapos nung hindi sila nag work at bumalik siya sayo.

But what are the reasons you broke up in the first place? Nagbago na ba siya and sure ka na this time mag work na kayo and hindi na maghihiwalay no matter what? Kasi siyempre aside from your own children you are bringing another one into the mix. Dapat sure na stable na kayo at hindi na masisira ulit kasi it wil break the kids heart pag nasanay sila na andiyan kayo pareho then one day wala na naman.

[Girltalker2]

yun din madaming factors na nakakailang. i dont want to sound selfish pero sa totoo lang parang magmumukha akong t**** sa setup.

Sis, the fact na ?nagkabalikan? kayo at tinanggap mo ulit sya, iisang package ang tinanggap mo. Eh ano ngayon kung ano sabihin ng mga kamag anak mo, if you really love him and he loves you, yun lang ang importante.
However, if Tingin mo di mo kakayanin yung embarrassment, then you have to move on and scrap plans living with him. If it is just for the sake of your kids, well you can always arrange visits ni hubby and time with them.

Tingin ko hindi fair na gusto mo nasa bubong mo asawa mo pero iiwan mo Bata somewhere. Kawawa yung Bata kahit anak pa sya ng babae na nagcause ng breakup nyo before. It wasn?t his fault.
Ang concern ko Lang kasi if he knows his mom as his mom, Di kaya mahirap ang integration sa bahay and lagi May conflict. And ayoko maghirap palakihin ang isang anak sa labas only to find out years later eh kampi parin sya sa Mom/dad tandem nila kesa ako at asawa ko.

Hi sis, kung ako ang nasa kalagayan mo,  bago ako pumayag sa ganyang set up i will lay down all my rules first. And set boundaries. Number 1 dapat wala na talaga sa eksena ang mother kasi baka someday manggulo pa yun. Otherwise I will suggest na sa relatives niya na lang mag stay ang bata, dun sa lola niya siguro.

Number 2 dapat siya lang ang gagastos sa bata lalo na sa education at medical expenses. Hindi naman sa pagdadamot pero kasi more often than not nagiging cause pa yan ng resentment at malaking issue in the long run. Sa food oo pede magshare, Tsaka minsan ipag shopping yung bata ng clothes, give gifts pag may occassion. Pero anything major like yun nga education, medical, birthday party, travel trips, or anything expensive siya lang dapat gumastos.

And lastly sa pag aalaga. Hindi ko siguro kakayanin maging super hands on like what i do with my own kids kaya dapat siya na yun. Ikuha niya ng yaya kung gusto niya pero dapat siya magbayad hehe. Tutulong lang ako paminsan minsan, pag hindi ako busy.

And when it comes to disciplining, the child is under my roof so whatever rules i set to my own kids dapat ma apply din sa kanya.

Siguro what im trying to say is, kelangan ko siguro tumulong, on my own terms, yung kung hanggang saan lang ang kaya ko, to keep my own sanity hehe at para rin hindi naman ako masyadong talunan sa situation. Tsaka may nanay yung bata eh, someday baka balikan pa yan so siguro one way of saving myself na rin.

Parang ang Hirap nito.
Staying in 1 roof pero madrasta/evil step mom  ang dating at iba ang treatment ng totoong anak vs anak sa labas. Sakin naman this is what I want to avoid. Bata Lang sila, they shouldn?t suffer from the mistakes of their parents. Worse is Your kids might even feel superior while growing up, what values ang makukuha nila sa set up na iyan.

Just treat him/her as if the child is your own.

This is how it should be. If kasama nyo sa house.

[plumpolka]

kasal ba sila nung nabuntis nya? if not, the mother has the SOLE custody nung bata kahit pa present yung tatay. (check family code) pwede kayong balikan ng nanay pagdating ng panahon, and gulo yan. yes, di kasalanan ng bata pero you also have to protect yourself and your kids sa pwedeng mangyari kung maghabol uli ang nanay. just make sure na may custody rights yung father para walang pwedeng ikaso sa inyo.

[khaleesiCersei]

^^haha evil stepmother agad sis? Iba ang tingin ko kasi dyan, sakin kasi its one way na rin of letting my husband do his own responsibilities.

Hindi naman sa iba ang turing sa sariling anak, what i meant was yung pagdating sa pag aasikaso at major financial expenses dapat mas hands on ang tatay niya which is but right imo. Kaya nga sinabi ko rin if it was me, tutulong ako on my own terms, yung kung hanggang saan ang kaya ko at yung bukal sa loob ko, yun bang hindi mo mafefeel na obligado ka akuin yung mga ganong reponsibilidad kasi in the first place wala ka naman obligasyon dun, tsaka baka maging cause pa yan ng sumbatan in the end. Pero kung bukal sa loob mo maging nanay nung bata eh di well and good.

For me ang treatment siguro is like parang sa pamangkin, like pano mo ba treat mga pamangkin mo? Ganon. Kasi at the end of the day may nanay siya, anytime pedeng sumulpot.

[angese10]

[angese10]

 

[mysterioza_me]

UPDATE
he told me na kung saan siya duon din dapat yung bata and so if gusto ko ng buong pamilya, i should accept the kid.

For me tama naman si hubby sa part na ito. Sabi nga baligtarin man ang mundo ang anak hinding-hindi mapapalitan. Kawawa ang kid wala naman siya kinalaman sa gulo. Kung di matatanggap ng buo at di kaya tratuhin like your own mas mabuti pang wag na balikan si hubby. Kasi mafifeel ng bata na hindi siya tanggap and most likely hindi magiging maganda ang effect nun sa kanya.

And also sis dapat timbangin mo pros and cons ng pagbabalikan ninyo. Isa pa magbabalikan kayo pero walang sex and kanya-kanya pa din kayo ng gastos sa mga bata (ikaw sa anak ninyo at siya dun sa isang kid niya) so anong sense ng pagbabalikan ninyo? Siguro mas mainam pag-usapan ninyo paano magiging financial setup ninyo pagnagsama kayo, pagdisiplina sa bata, at kayo bilang mag-asawa. Kung di ka satisfied sa sagot niya wag mo na ipush ang pakikipagbalikan. Di lang naman ikaw ang nagiisang single parent sa mundo. Wag ka ng kumuha ng bato na ipupokpok sa ulo mo.

[kvandenhaak]

Oh so ikaw pala nag initiate ng balikan. Basing on what you told us, sakit lang ng ulo siguro. Baka mang babae na naman later on. Being a complete family sometimes isn't everything. Being a happy family is what's important even if it's not complete.

[khaleesiCersei]

Wow dun daw siya sa anak sa labas pero sa mga anak nyo na legal eh wala siyang pake.

And yes kung history niya na manakit eh malamang sasaktan ka ulit niyan. Tama quit na lang sis, you and your children do not deserve him

[amethyst028]

@angese10 ikaw pala nag initiate so parang lumalabas ikaw lang may gusto? He just went along with it kasi convenient for him? And why hindi kayo intimate married naman kayo.

Based on your story mukhang there?s really something wrong with your husband. Womanizer na abusive pa not to mention he is also not a good provider. do you really want to get back together with this man? What for sis? Kung magsama kayo buo nga ang family pero kamusta naman siya sa mga kids niyo? Is he a good father? Or baka he favors his son with the other woman kasi nga feeling niya kawawa yung bata dahil wala na yung nanay?

Mahirap iyan sis, you will go back to a life you already left behind with bonus pa this time yung anak niya sa labas. Pag isipan mo ng mabuti and always consider the welfare of your own kids. Makakabuti ba sa kanila pag nagbalikan kayo? And what about you are you better off with him or without?

[hisana]

Sis, bakit napakaimportante sayo na mafeel na buo yung family nyo at the expense of so much potential heartache? Tsaka will this man make you and your kids feel safe, secure, loved and supported like in a truly happy family when he has clearly failed to do so before? Hindi ba mas mabuti ngang magtanggal ng stress at problema sa buhay nyo? Ganyan din kasi yung reason ng mom ko and so we grew up kumpleto nga but in an unstable toxic environment. I think you should really, really think this over. Doing it for the sake of the kids kasi while the marriage itself is shaky is not sustainable in the long run, IMO. The old problems/issues and resentment always have a way of resurfacing.

[Girltalker2]

TS, sa pagkakaalam ko, generally, people or husbands don?t change fore the better. Kung ano sya, either ganyan na sya or 50% pa of that once tumanda.

but siguro ako nga lang naman may gusto. ever since pumasok siya sa eksena, hindi naman siya nagaaya ng balikan but i was very vocal about it. gusto ko kasi mafeel man lang na buo yung family namin.

Mafeel buo pamilya... I think this is the root cause. Masarap mangarap, ipikit mo nalang mata mo and just think na maybe in the future, you can find a better man than this guy.

Once you do, you can feel that!
Kasi kahit physically andyan sya, I don?t know kung feeling ba tawag dun or para makita lang ng ibang tao, fb pics, para mabati ka ng iba at sa gayon maramdaman mo na buo pamilya. But in reality, alam mo there?s something wrong eh.

pero all these times, walang i love you sa amin. parang yes magbabalikan kami sa isang bahay pero walang s"x or kiss man lang na nagaganap pa samin.

baka mali ito.

Does he love you?
Does he love the kids?

Sis, you better not pursue what you?re thinking. Yung damage sa mga anak nyo andyan nanga, tapos ipapaasa mo sila, then most likely mauwi na sa conflict. Parang ikaw nags setup ng sarili mong trap/hell at bahay mo pa mismo! Bakit di puede sa bahay nya?

we broke up because he got involve sa super daming girls. when he was at his peak, hindi man lang nagbigay. nakasupport lang yan one or two years pero nuong may nabuntis, inalis na naman kami sa eksena. wala na daw siya pera. only to find now na maayos naman buhay nila dati. ayaw niya lang magbigay samin.

ngayon na good kami, wala din binibigay for the kids. laging walang pera. pero he is the one supporting the other kid. siya lang magisa.

1) pambababae nya before
- nagsorry ba?
Sorry ba talaga?

2) di nagbibigay support and still not doing, and ok lang sayo?
Yung past you forgave him?
And now ok lang?
Him lying wala sya pera pero di naman pala totoo, and you want to accept this?

And Sabi mo ?good kayo?
Paano kayo naging good sa situation ba iyan.

3) lastly, nambubugbog pala iyan. Di malayo pati kayo ng mga anak mo mabugbog din.
Did he ever apologise from his past mistakes? Ever?
If not, di ko magets why you just want to feel buo family with an evil guy like this. Sinungaling, babaero, nambubugbog, ano pa ba?


Lastly, saw you changed the title of this thread. Glad that you?re quitting.
Sis marami pa naman iba dyan. Just move on.

[KVsWahmmy]

Somehow, I see so many things wrong with what's happening - and walang involvement yung child doon. The kid is just a helpless victim in a web of complications caused by the adults around her.

Buti na lang you're 'quitting'  because your 'hubby' sounds toxic. Yung tipong tinatawag ng mga matatanda na 'batong ipupukpok sa ulo'. On having a 'complete family' - what your kid/kids need is a LOVING and CARING environment - at kung di nila yan makukuha with a 'complete family', then it's definitely not worth it. ''

[plumpolka]

yes, package yung hubby mo at yung anak nya sa labas. but then again, may nanay yung bata at yung nanay ang dapat responsible sa anak nya. lalo na hindi naman pala sya ang legal na asawa. pag illegitimate, mother has the SOLE custody unless binigay ng court sa asawa mo ang custody ng bata. but then again, regardless of the legal issues, mukhang mas gusto ng asawa mo maging repsonsible sa anak nya sa labas for god knows why. alam ko pantay pantay lang siguro ang pagmamahal ng mga tatay sa mga anak nila regardless kung labas man or legal, pero the fact na mas pinipili nyang suportahan yung sa labas kesa sa inyo, or maybe naaawa din sya kasi walang nanay yung sa labas at yung mga anak nyo, andyan ka naman. pero kahit na. dapat nga package. dapat lahat pantay pantay sa paningin nya. walang ikaw lang ang sumusuporta at sya lang ang sumusuporta.


im happy you made a choice. mahirap talaga pag may ibang bata na involved. lalo na yung anak sa labas from infidelity. hayaan mo na hubby mo. be glad you're free from stress and gulo ng buhay nya. who knows, pagdating ng panahon, sya naman ang maghahabol sa inyo at lumaki ng successful ang mga anak mo dahil sayo. e kaso moved on ka na, sorry na lang sya d ba

[nerddict]

Based sa mga nashare mo, mukhang hindi good si husband, as a husband and as a man.

Yung pagbubuhat ng kamay, red flag na yun.

Good that you are finally quitting and stepping up!