Online Dating (Thread 2)

[Girltalker2]

^ sis for me kasi hindi bin-bf Ang guys na urong sulong. Yes you can remain friends but I don?t think it?s fair to both of you to commit and yet both of you walang plans.
Then just date, see each other, hang out together. But don?t commit. As for intimacy, nasa sa couple iyan but as a sister, I usually suggest no intimacy especially if wala naman kayong future.

If I?m in your shoes, I will just entertain si new guy friend. No harm to mingle and get to know more people. Iyan naman dapat lagi ang mode natin - to mingle - that is, if wala ka Pang lifetime partner na nahahanap.

And lastly, be honest with them and with yourself. You are meeting and dating them to get to know them more. At baka May potential. But you are dating (not necessarily sleeping) around lang naman.

[angeljolie]

^Thanks sis. Well may intimacy with urong-sulong guy pag nagkikita kami (so far twice pa lang in a year?s time coz LDR) kasi mag bf-gf naman kami. Kaya lang nga ang labo nya kasi. I hope I get to a decision soon. And I hope tama ang maging desisyon ko.

[Girltalker2]

^ not deciding now is a decision to stick with a relationship with an uncertain future.

Believe me, you?re much better off with someone who is determined to have a future with you.

Tsaka if ever you decide, di ka naman nakikipag away. Cool off lang. and you?re better as friends muna. If he wants you, he will pursue you kahit pa may iba ka nang dine date.

Moral of the story is huwag mo naman bakuran sarili mo unnecessarily. If he is the right guy, you won?t be in this situation na nanghuhula if your decision is correct or not.

[angeljolie]

^Thanks sis. Both situations are uncertain as of now. Itutulog ko muna. Hehe

[Shadow Angel]

Kung ako di ako mag aaksya ng oras sa lalaking malabong kausap or paiba iba  ang isip. Ayaw ko ng masuprise ako na bigla isang araw ayaw na pala nya tapos ako attached na or umasa na. Will not take the risk kahit pa gaano ko kagusto si guy. Like i said before pag di ko kapareho ng goal sa buhay at pananaw umiiwas na ako bago pa ako mafall kasi alam ko kung anong gusto ko.

[Girltalker2]

@ angeljolie
This time is supposed to be an enjoyable time. No stress. No worries.

^ sakin naman no need to clarify. His actions speak louder. If Malabo, malamang sya mismo di nya alam. Kaya kahit anong piga/Tanong mo, you won?t get anywhere.

I don?t know if nakwento ko na, but I have a friend, w a Brit guy. Ganun din no plans. On and off with my Friend until my friend decided to leave the relationship. She is now with another Brit but this guy is more determined to stay for good and may future.

Another friend naman, American. She decided to move on and leave as the guy is undecided and she is already 30, not married and no kids - both of which she wants. Then next minute, it made the guy realize what he is about to lose. He proposed. And they?re happily married now.

Moral of the story?
Move on if there are doubts. Either he will come again more determined or you can find a better one. Both of which are worth doing for the right guy for you.

[Apple1230]

If he is the right guy, you won?t be in this situation na nanghuhula if your decision is correct or not.

@angeljolie this is very true. The right guy will make you feel secure and will lock it in. Kasi takot sila baka maunahan pa ng iba.

Kame ni bf on our 2nd date he made it clear what he is looking for, he is dating for marriage. 3rd date he asked for commitment and he is even ready to marry me sabihin ko lang daw kung saan. Ang iniisip ko nun nambobola lang just to get in my pants. But his actions proved to me that he really means what he says.

Ako lang talaga, i guess i got overwhelmed and scared at the same time. He just seems too good to be true. With him there are no guessing game, no wondering what, no questions asked, he lays it all on the table. He tells it like it is. He doesn?t say it, his actions makes it clear na he is the real deal and he is here to stay for good.

Masarap yung ganung feeling sis na may stability. You know exacty where you stand hindi yung nanghuhula ka. the right relationship feels easy like breathing. Hindi pilit or hindi mo kailangan isipin or get stressed over.

[angeljolie]

Actually, it's my 3rd day today....lol!

Sabi na eh!

"For the second and friggin' last time...WHY?" He replied, "It's okay now, omg! LOL".

Sorry tawang tawa ako sa convo nyo LOL!

... if he doesn't put a fence up then the sheep thinks  she has the right to wander.

Right!

Kung ako di ako mag aaksya ng oras sa lalaking malabong kausap or paiba iba  ang isip.

I normally don't waste my time too. Hindi ko talaga alam why I am now.

@ angeljolie
This time is supposed to be an enjoyable time. No stress. No worries.

^ sakin naman no need to clarify. His actions speak louder. If Malabo, malamang sya mismo di nya alam. Kaya kahit anong piga/Tanong mo, you won?t get anywhere.

True. Pareho kaming malabo siguro? Siguro deep inside hindi ko din alam kung ano ba talaga ang gusto ko.

Morally the story?
Move on if there are doubts. Either he will come again more determined or you can find a better one. Both of which are worth doing for the right guy for you.

He asked me for a break twice na. Both times hindi ko sya kinausap during the break. And both times sya ang nakipag communicate. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko sya magawang dedmahin pag andyan sya. Pero pag wala naman sya, okay lang ako. Weird ko din eh.

Sis Apple1230 baligtad nyo kami. Ikaw sya at si bf mo ako. Ewan ko ba.

Thank you all mga sisses. Appreciate your feedback. For now hindi ko alam if I need to do anything drastic. I'm thinking it might be too early to compare them now dahil nung isang linggo ko lang naman nakilala itong isa at wala talaga akong ma-feel na spark. Baka naman kasi feelingera lang din naman ako and all he wants is someone to help him cope with his new life here.

[Girltalker2]

True. Pareho kaming malabo siguro? Siguro deep inside hindi ko din alam kung ano ba talaga ang gusto ko.

If that?s the case, then just be good friends. I?m sure you?ve heard of collect and select. Kung andyan ka lang for him, then make him be there also for you when you need company. No need to be bf-gf. No need for intimacy. No need na bakuran mo sarili mo or makonsyensya when meeting others.

He asked me for a break twice na. Both times hindi ko sya kinausap during the break. And both times sya ang nakipag communicate. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ko sya magawang dedmahin pag andyan sya. Pero pag wala naman sya, okay lang ako. Weird ko din eh.

Him coming back doesn?t mean he wants to have a future with you. Puede kasi alam nya lagi ka naman available to him.

Thank you all mga sisses. Appreciate your feedback. For now hindi ko alam if I need to do anything drastic. I'm thinking it might be too early to compare them now dahil nung isang linggo ko lang naman nakilala itong isa at wala talaga akong ma-feel na spark. Baka naman kasi feelingera lang din naman ako and all he wants is someone to help him cope with his new life here.

Agree naman na you don?t need to do anything drastic. Ikaw din nagsabi, the new guy walang spark. Then go on, entertain these 2guys if they ask you out. Enjoy their company. But don?t commit and instead just have fun. Continue to mingle and enjoy your freedom until you find the right guy willing to commit to you and ikaw din willing to give up your freedom. Di tulad now, wala pa ngang commitment inuunahan mo munang itali sarili mo.

Don?t overthink things. Just set boundaries, meet as many people as you can that interests you. I?m sure may Isa or dalawa dyan mahahanap Mong Mas ok kay French guy.

Ito naman Si new guy, treat him as a friend lang. and u can be clear to him on this. If he still asks u out, then go! If Di naman maging kayo, ok lang. u hv new friends naman and I?m sure baka May mas guapo pa syang friend na puede mo makilala 😍

[Shadow Angel]

^^mahirap din yan di mo alam kung ano ang gusto mo, for me lang ha better din di ka muna magcommit tama si girltalker collect and select lang muna until malaman mo kung ano ba talaga ang gusto mo.

About spark di mo malalaman kung di mo pa nakakasama ang tao for me lang naman ha. Sa katulad ko di naniniwala sa love at first sight kaya di ako nagfofocus sa ganyan bagay.

French guy pala infairness sweet sila and sarap din matuto ng language nila kahit na sa una ang hirap.

[Apple1230]

@angeljolie ano na ba status niyo ni ex mo? Same as before ba?

Mahal mo ba talaga siya or takot ka lang mag start ulit? Siyempre nag invest ka ng time and emotions sa kanya so it is not easy for you to just let it go. But if you want marriage and he doesn't what do you think will happen to both of you?

Sa akin kasi i want a serious relationship so i date guys na ganun din ang gusto. Marriage is a by product kung doon mapunta e di good but i don't really think that far ahead. Si bf since 50yrs old na super ready na siya. We have know each other for 10yrs. may mga common friends kasi kame pero hi hello lang hindi ko siya nakakausap talaga dati. And nagkakataon na we were dating other people tuwing nagkikita kame so no spark din.

Sa tooto lang iniiwasan ko nga yun dati parang arrogante kasi. Lumalabas siya sa tv he gets interviewed sa bloomberg at business programs dahils sa expertise niya. We are fb friends so nakikita ko mga posts niya then nung presidential elections magkaiba kame ng president na sinu-support and he posts political stuff kaya asar ako sa kanya. He got my number from a common friend and dun na nag start. Pero sinusungitan ko siya minsan inaway ko pa nga kasi ang yabang magsalita. Hate na hate ko pa naman mga pa impress.

Yung first date namin no awkwardness between us since matagal na kame magkakilala. Hindi pa tapos yung first date nag sched na ng next. 2nd date and 3rd date nagsimba kame. Wala pa din spark for me I treated him as a friend lang. pero slowly as i got to know him nakita ko na mabait pala siya and madasalin. Every week we go to mass. Binibigyan niya pa ako ng mga stuff from church. Tingin ko mas strong yung relationship pag based sa na develop kasi mas lasting siya. Yung spark kasi nawawala yan e, pero yung na inlove ka dahil sa ganda ng ugali, how well he treats and values you yun hindi nawawala. In fact mas nag go-grow pa yung feelings mo for him.

[angeljolie]

Girltalker2, I knowwww. Sometimes I wonder why I am always there for everyone. Seriously. I guess I am too accommodating and maybe I should change that. I am not a pushover naman but it is just my nature to be there.

Ok so nagkape na naman kami ni new guy. Wala pa din akong maramdamang spark kahit katiting. Hindi pa man din ako nag confirm sa dinner invitation, may movie invitation na. I do enjoy our conversation kasi pareho kami ng mundo (career-wise). He?s well-educated and very professional. Enjoy ko din naman conversations ko with the first guy (he is a sophisticated French chef) and our conversations are generally refreshing for me.

Mukha namang pareho silang walang long-term plans with me so tama ka sis Girltalker2, I should not overthink. I have heard about that collect then select but somehow hindi ko pa nagawa. Siguro kelangan subukan. 

Shadow Angel, true malambing si French guy. I love their language too since college. Medyo na nosebleed ako sa France pero masaya naman.

Apple1230, oo yata love ko yata sya hehe. And yes parang nung dati ulit ang status.

I know ang labo ko diba. Pasensya na kayo, at least may entertainment tayo lol.

[Girltalker2]

Mukha namang pareho silang walang long-term plans with me so tama ka sis Girltalker2, I should not overthink.

If wala silang Long term plans, then your stance should always look for others who can. Meaning CONTINUE SHOPPING!
Masarap kaya magshopping! 😁

Si new guy, ipark mo lang. if tumawag, ok lang. if not, ok lang din. Just enjoy the conversations. Dyan naman minsan nag uumpisa.
Understandably, you don?t expect this new guy to profess! Kakakilala nyo palang naman.

I have heard about that collect then select but somehow hindi ko pa nagawa. Siguro kelangan subukan. 

It?s not about ligaw or what. It?s about collecting eligible friends/bachelors and just enjoying their company. Not bfs, just friendships. From there marami ka rin matututunang personalities, what you like/dislike. That?s why this journey to mingle is very important for you. Aside from wala pa naman dumadating who deserves to be your partner, you yourself don?t know what you want. Once you go around with different dates, Mas makikilala mo rin sarili mo.

Apple1230, oo yata love ko yata sya hehe. And yes parang nung dati ulit ang status.

This is another rule I live by when dating, I try NOT to fall. And the only way I do that is by mingling, diverting my attention to other friends.

So just sharing with you dating rules 101, sana May mapulot ka:
1) mingle mingle mingle!
Never stop shopping around until you find a guy willing to commit to you na syempre gusto mo din.

2) don?t assume he is into you unless he verbalizes it and acts on it
Never leave a tinge if doubt kung San ka nakalugar sa buhay nya. If may doubt, eh Di ipark mo lang din sya. Move on ka, see #1 😁

3)  have a list (negotiable and non negotiable) on what you?re looking for
(Like educational attainment, financial status). Gamitin mo yun to first select who to meet up with (non negotiable list) and who to pursue.
Like syempre if you date men, u want someone na hindi mo ikahihiya aminin in the future na naka-date mo dati

4) never commit yourself Nor sleep with him if there?s no future involved
Unless you just Want to have sex or ok lang sayo one night stand

5) DON?T FALL for anyone who hasn?t fallen for you. Yes you need to hold back. This is to protect yourself from being in trouble or doing stupid things like what?s happening now with the French guy. 😏

6) have fun

[Shadow Angel]

^parang halos pareho tayo lalo na sa number 3 and 5 Pinag isipan at ginamit ko un mga sarili kong goals for my husband to be. Siguro kasi after long term relationship with my ex ayaw ko ng mag sayang pa ulit ng oras sa mga taong di worth it. Once kasi nagkamali ako as far as I can I make sure na di na maulit.

Dagdag mo pa dyan na kapag May redflag don't ignore it. I rather stay single than to have stressful husband or married life. Sabi nga wag ka kumuha ng batong ipupukpok mo lang sa ulo mo.

Kapag pala nasanay ka gamitin ang ibang language ex. French nakakalimot na sa ibang words ng english. Di ko alam if ako lang to. Kaya ngayon back to english muna kami sa bahay then french sa labas no choice sa labas kasi bihira ka lang makakita ng nageenglish. Lalo na dito masyado nilang mahal language nila kahit marunong mag english di ka kakausapin except lang sa tourist spot. Although medyo iba ang canadian french sa french ng taga France. Ipagpatuloy mo study sis ok na ok sya.

[angeljolie]

^^Thanks sa mga tips sis! Hehe I wish I had the time to shop. I'm turning 40 this year and am raising 2 kids. So talagang passively lang ako nakakapag dating site, let alone to date. I actually feel I'm okay with an LDR because it's less demanding. There are things I want to do pa which I think I couldn't if I'm dating someone here.

Si new guy hindi pa explicitly nag profess, pero nagtext kagabi na nasa restaurant daw sya eating alone and he wished I was there. Hindi ko sinagot. Hehe. Then he texted, "did I just flirt with you? :-)" Sa totoo lang, medyo awkward. Director level sya where we work at ako ay entry level hehe. So I just said, "LOL! Enjoy your dinner!" Nagyaya nga this weekend lumabas. I can't because I need to attend to my kids. Busy yung 15 year old daughter ko, syempre lagi ko sya sinasamahan. At hindi ko naman isasacrifice yung time namin ng anak ko to go on a date.

Dun sa "don't fall" part, it's too late for that with frenchie. Marami na din ako na friendzone na guys pero ewan ko kung ano meron sa kanya. He's very passionate kasi. Maybe that's one. Plus, alam ko naman what I am to him. Ipinakilala nya ako sa family nya and I think it's something. I know where he is coming from kaya sya nahihirapan din sa situation namin.

About my non-negotiables, I think mas madaming na-meet (so far) si frenchie. I have a list naman, and I do an elimination round. That being said, ibig sabihin pumasa sila pareho in terms of my non-negotiables. I'd give you an overview of each of them. Feeling ko mas gusto ko talaga si frenchie. But it doesn't mean naman that I would settle na agad. One thing I've realized is hindi ako ready to move in with someone. At least not with any of them right now.

First Guy
51 years old (looks older than his age)
Divorced (8 years)
Bachelor's degree
French executive chef
No health issues
Catholic
Earns average income for his profession
Great dad to his son
Caucasian, 5'6", athletic
Face: 7/10

Second Guy
55 years old (looks 10 years younger)
Divorced (3 years)
Master's degree
Director in an international organization
Prostate cancer survivor
Protestant
Earns a fortune
Great dad to his son
Black, 6'3", athletic
Face: 5/10


Anyway, halatang halata na smitten ako kay frenchie. I don't even know kung bakit ko ineentertain si new guy. Siguro feeling ko kasi it's a missed opportunity kung hindi ko kikilalanin man lang. Ang biggest question mark ko sa kanya ngayon would be the sexual part. Let's face it, it's part of a relationship. And him being a prostate cancer survivor, medyo nagaalala ako kung anong mangyayari sa aspect na yun if and when magkatuluyan kami. I'm too young to give it up (sorry if TMI!).

^Shadow Angel, sa Quebec ba kayo? Nung nasa France kami, yes napagusapan yung differences ng Canadian French sa French French tee hee!) Nakakatuwa parang dito sa atin na may kanya-kanyang punto per region.

[Apple1230]

^hi sis. Pareho tayo ganyan din ako dati, i qualify guys based on ther job, height, physical features etc. But that?s not all there is to it. Pag hanap mo long term you have to also assess the character of the guy. And how he treats you. Ano ba yung level of love niya sayo, yung tipong hindi siya mabubuhay pag wala ka.

I did not understand this before. My friends are giving me advice regarding this even yung mga husbands nila nagsasabi sakin pero deadma. Importante na yung guy mahal na mahal ka. Treats you with respect, tanggap niya lahat lahat sayo. Yung tipong aalay niya buhay niya sayo. I know sounds oa pero meron palang ganung klase ng love. At may mga tao na ganun mag mahal.

Yung malinaw na malinaw where you stand sa kanya. Yung love na secure, consistent, and stable. Dati hindi ko ito gets. Akala ko ang relationship dapat challenging, normal lang mag away, pag hindi nagka sundo hiwalayan na. Yung pala kaya ganito mga relationships ko is because i was always choosing the wrong men.

I cannot change how you view things. Ikaw lang makaka discover niyan on your own. We are in the situation we?re in based on our choices. Akala ko dati by accident siya nangyayari hindi pala, it is based on our mindset and the decision we make.

I tried to look past beyond the physical and whether the guy looks good on paper. I dug dipper, yung inner parts of a person, his soul. What he is all about. The goodness of his heart and his capacity to love, his generosity to others, his level of patience and most of all his relationship with God. Kasi at the end of the day the superficial stuff won?t matter. What will matter the most is how he makes you feel.

[Shadow Angel]

^^ yes sis sa Quebec kami, tama ka dyan sa accent kapag may kausap ako na taga France medyo nawawala ako sa usapan kasi hindi ko maiintindihan lahat ng sinasabi dahil sa accent although sabi nila mas mahirap ang accent ng Quebecois dito ako mas sanay kaya mas naiintindihan ko sila.

Anyway tama naman dapat may list ka kung anong profile ng guy and tama rin include mo ugali dahil mahalaga rin lalo na if long term relationship ang hanap mo. Mahalaga rin sa akin na may stable job ang lalaki or kahit papaano may saving lalo na kung over 40 na dyan mo kasi makikita marunong ba sa buhay.

[jtansanco]

Give up nako sa online dating. Hahaha

[young_maiden]

^ Pareho tayo bro.

I hate small talks. Common ang small talks sa online dating. Ayoko yung puro hi, hello, kumusta at taga-saan ka na conversations. Ang boring. Yung ibang guys pa bastos.

I deleted all dating apps sa phone ko. Sayang lang sa space.

[jtansanco]

^ It's not only that. You have to keep introducing yourselves to each one. Another factor is the chemistry. Online chemistry is different than in real life especially if you haven't met them in person. Another issue I've had with women is ghosting. Bwisit. Hahaha! I might as well date myself and spend all my hard earned money for me alone. LOL