Hot tempered Hubby or Partner

[naizlabonita]

May Hubbies or partners or boyfriends ba kayo na matindi magalit. Like simple lang naman [textspeak!] issue or tanong biglang magbablast out of nowhere. Yung biglang nanununtok na ng walls or naghahagis ng gamit?

Nung mag bf gf palang kame hindi naman siya ganyan pero nung nagsama na kame yung reaction nya sa mga bagay or issues na ayaw nya pag usapan or kung minsan guilty siguru eh bigla sila nagsisigaw..nag susuntok ng mga bagay or hahagis ng gamit.

Ano ginagawa nyo if ganun?

[mysterioza_me]

^Iiwanan ko siya and will never look back. Hindi malayo na ako na ang sasapakin niya next time, baka mapatay pa niya ako.  Any forms of abuse is a No No.

[i_miss_sleep]

Sorry to hear that, sis. It's not easy to part from your partner lalo na't mahal mo. Ayan yung bigyan mo ng rason why he's like that or why he turned out to be like that. But I'm glad na na-recognize mo agad itong attitude niya na ito. He may not have physically hurt you (at least not yet) but he's torturing you emotionally. Sa iba man siya galit, it's not right na dalhin pa niya sa harap mo or sa bahay niyo yung rage niya. Rage is different from just being frustrated. Yes, in times of good or bad dapat nagdadamayan kayo, but if he has respect sa marriage niyo, or sa iyo, dapat he should control his anger.

Have you tried talking to him? Kausapin mo siya sa times na pacified siya. Let him know that hindi ito ang life na gusto mo sa family niyo. Mag-marriage counseling kaya kayo? Magpa-psychiatry help/anger management kaya siya? Minsan kasi brought about sickness yan na di lang niya nare-recognize.

Give him an ultimatum that if he doesn't do something about his rage or sa next time magwala siya ulit, iiwan mo siya. Before you give love to others, you must love yourself first.

[amethyst028]

Nung mag bf gf palang kame hindi naman siya ganyan pero nung nagsama na kame yung reaction nya sa mga bagay or issues na ayaw nya pag usapan or kung minsan guilty siguru eh bigla sila nagsisigaw..nag susuntok ng mga bagay or hahagis ng gamit.

Ano ginagawa nyo if ganun?

sabi mo nga may mga bagay or issues siya na ayaw niya pag usapan so to avoid him being hostile huwag mo na lang i-bring up. baka it's the way you say it rin kasi. i'm not defending him, but it always takes two people to create a healthy and loving relationship.

but if it were me i would leave the guy fast. it's very toxic to live with someone na may mga outbursts. it will affect you psychologically and emotionally not to mention your child. hindi ka ba natakot para sa anak mo na lumaki siya sa ganung klaseng environment? if you think he will eventually change, he won't. it will just get worst over the years. so it's your call.

lagi sinasabi ng parents ko sakin, choose a guy who will treat you right, basta dapat huwag ka sasaktan at pahahalagahan ka, mamahalin ka ng sobra sobra kasi kame nga hindi ka namin mapadapo sa lamok. we sent you to the best schools, hatid sundo, mahal na mahal ka namin we try to give you the best so don't accept anything less when you choose a partner. and i carried that with me. slightest mis-treatment and i'm outta there. not because i'm mayabang, but because i was raised to know my worth and know what i deserve.

[Girltalker2]

but if it were me i would leave the guy fast. it's very toxic to live with someone na may mga outbursts. it will affect you psychologically and emotionally not to mention your child. hindi ka ba natakot para sa anak mo na lumaki siya sa ganung klaseng environment? if you think he will eventually change, he won't. it will just get worst over the years. so it's your call.

Totoo ito.
Paano anak nyo? Witness/Victim din ba sya ng pandadabog /tantrums ng asawa mo?
Is he into drugs? Or is this a psychological problem na kailangan nya patingnan sa doctor?

[shinies]

Wala talaga siyang symptoms nung mag-BF pa lang kayo? Pwede mo ba tanungin pamilya niya? Kasi kung kailan lang yan, ano pinagdadaanan niya at naging ganyan.

Pinakaimportanteng tanong, mukha bang magbabago siya? Kasi kung hindi, may pagkakataon ka pa umalis tutal nagsasama pa lang naman kayo.
Pag di na siya galit, kausapin mo ng masinsinan tungkol dito at sabihin mo hindi healthy yan. Kung pano niya ito sagutin o pano siya magreact, malalaman mo kung may pagasa pa siya maimprove sarili niya.

[glamorosa_09]

Sis naizla, napansin ko kasi may mga na-raise ka na ring problems tungkol sa partner mo sa ibang threads. He sexually cheated on you multiple times, financially irresponsible, and then ngayon, anger management issues. Meron pa ba? Hindi ka naman ba dyan tumanda ng maaga?

Can't comment about his anger problem, marami kasing issues, ano ba uunahin dyan.

Ang tanong, worth it ba talaga yang relationship na yan? Para ba talaga sa anak mo o dahil mahal na mahal mo? Huwag na lang gamitin ang bata, it's more of mahal yata. Di na natin kailangan ng proof to say na a child cannot grow emotionally healthy in a dysfunctional marriage/relationship. Kahit isang responsable at mapagmahal na magulang lang eh, magiging resilient na ang bata.

Understandable naman kung mahal na mahal mo eh... Ganon talaga life... Minsan nananaig ang puso.

[super bratinella]

Hot tempered, siguro mauunahan na if makukuha sa lambing.

If bata (bf/gf stage) hindi pa talaga issue ang hot tempered it goes with the age, napansin ko lang kasabay ng pag mamature is ang pagkawala ng pasensya, pinagaralan ko sarili ko about it since mas mature mas stress tendency madaling magalit sa maliit na bagay, kaya importante talaga ang time off with out gadget, tv, radio just you and yourself. kahit sa traffic magagawa ito just analyze kung ano ang pwedeng ma improve sa sarili in my case letting go of little things then I share it with other people baka it will work for them.

Pag si hubby magagalit pa lang, and this statement never fails:

Hey, babe kilala mo ba kung sino kausap mo?

I am MRS.our last name,

then he will realize that he should talk to me in a manner with respect and love.

everytime sinasabi ko na sa kanya yan inuunahan na niya ako..haha

[Shadow Angel]

Nakakatakot naman isa sa mga ayaw ko un parang de numero ang ikikilos mo I mean para hindi sya magalit tatahimik ka lang or hindi mo ma express ang nasa isip mo. Habang kaya mo pang iwan sya gawin mo na.

[nessy]

TS, i will speak based on my experience ha? If I were you, I will leave him right away. Napaka stressful ng ganyang situation. If you are thinking about your child, I have cousins who grew up without their Dad kase babaero pero they are now responsible adults. Lahat may anak na at wala sa kanila ni isang broken family. I don't know if you will believe but I would like to give credit to my Tita's way of disciplining them. Plus pa yung how she prayed hard para mabigay lahat ng kelangan ng mga anak nya despite of her being a single Mom. back to your story, bukod sa napaka stressfull kasama ang ganyang tao, maaapektuhan rin pati ibang aspect ng life mo.  Galeng din kase ako sa ganyang situation sis. My ex was drug abuser. At first nakakayanan ko pa but eventually napagod na ako. . Dumating na kase sa point na nasaktan nya na ako. Tao lang ako eh kaya I gave up na. Ngayon he is behind bars asking for my forgiveness. Kung papatawarin ko ayaw ko na rin makipagbalikan sa kanya.  So ayun, wag ka na gumaya saken. Wag mo na hintayin na masaktan ka nya kase napaka degrading ng feeling really. I hope mabasa mo to  agad. I wish you well.

[naizlabonita]

Sis naizla, napansin ko kasi may mga na-raise ka na ring problems tungkol sa partner mo sa ibang threads. He sexually cheated on you multiple times, financially irresponsible, and then ngayon, anger management issues. Meron pa ba? Hindi ka naman ba dyan tumanda ng maaga?

Can't comment about his anger problem, marami kasing issues, ano ba uunahin dyan.

Ang tanong, worth it ba talaga yang relationship na yan? Para ba talaga sa anak mo o dahil mahal na mahal mo? Huwag na lang gamitin ang bata, it's more of mahal yata. Di na natin kailangan ng proof to say na a child cannot grow emotionally healthy in a dysfunctional marriage/relationship. Kahit isang responsable at mapagmahal na magulang lang eh, magiging resilient na ang bata.

Understandable naman kung mahal na mahal mo eh... Ganon talaga life... Minsan nananaig ang puso.

True sis di na nga ako makapag decide eh ive been talking to my mother..naraise ko na din to sa parents nya..kasi on a normal day napaka bait naman nya talaga eh at sweet tapos sobrang responsable na ama lahat binibigay sa anak at talagang binabantayan si baby kapag wala ako. Kaya sobrang torn ako until now 1year palang kame nagsasama and im seeing all of these already. Na ooverwhelm ako. Kinakausap ko naman siya kapag good mood nagsosorry siya alam nya daw mali yung way ng pagrereact nya pero dahil din daw kasi sa pagsasalita ko at pagiging bossy.
Honestly dont want a broken family.. Both sides eh walang broken family samin kaya i am trying na baka pede pa maayos or baka sakaling madaan pa sa maayos na usapan. I tried to ask him about counselling..ayaw nya eh.

[simang]

Kinakausap ko naman siya kapag good mood nagsosorry siya alam nya daw mali yung way ng pagrereact nya pero dahil din daw kasi sa pagsasalita ko at pagiging bossy.

Sis grabe naman sya na nga ang nagalit at nagwala, pero sinisisi pa rin sa pagsasalita at pagiging bossy mo. Ang laking red flag yan kinakawayan ka na sa mukha mo, he's making you believe na ikaw ang kelangan magbago at ikaw ang may kasalanan.

kasi on a normal day napaka bait naman nya talaga eh at sweet tapos sobrang responsable na ama lahat binibigay sa anak at talagang binabantayan si baby kapag wala ako.

If you think his being a good father and sweet and nice partner to you on good days outweighs his tendencies to be short tempered, then I guess wala kang magagawa but magtiis and live with it. Pero for me talaga, relationships are what they are now. Malamang sa malamang yang ganyang ugali nya eh mas lalala pa over time. It's just a matter of time, ikaw naman o ang anak mo ang pagbubuhatan nya ng kamay.

[Girltalker2]

Honestly dont want a broken family.. Both sides eh walang broken family samin kaya i am trying na baka pede pa maayos or baka sakaling madaan pa sa maayos na usapan. I tried to ask him about counselling..ayaw nya eh.

Sis, you?re not a family to begin with. Di kayo kasal. So what is there to be broken to begin with kung Hindi naman kayo buo?

Your kid is still illegitimate.

Kung alam nya talaga na mali sya, he won?t do it again. And I agree, 1 yr palang kayo nagsasama, ganyan na sya. And I assume bata pa kayo. Habang tumatanda ang tao, usually Mas emphasised ang mga vices. Lalala iyan. And wala syang balak magbago. Usually kasi people agree to counselling because they WANT to change. Pero sa kanya, isang sorry lang tingin nya ok na lahat. So next time, kapag nasaktan ka na nya physically or anak mo, or Kung mapatay nya kayo, mag s sorry Lang naman sya next day, ok na ulit lahat.

[khaleesiCersei]

Hindi ko kaya yung ganyan. Nakakatakot. Mag eescalate yan unless siya mismo maka realize na may anger issues siya at siya mismo ang gumawa ng paraan para magbago.

Unsolicited advice sis, wag ka mag settle at wag mo tiisin yang ganyan kasi it is never worth it. Makakalakihan pa ng anak nyo ang ganyang ugali niya at baka gayahin pa niya yan paglaki or isipin niya na normal yan. Tapos yun nga may possibility na saktan ka na niya pati ang anak nyo.

Di bale ng broken family kesa naman broken ang fez mo pati na dignity at yung anak nyo eh broken emotionally at psychologically dahil sa trauma na dulot ng tatay niya

[Twinsies33]

I myself is one, Kaya pag nagsabay kame ni husband e for sure away [textspeak!]. Since super pride ako, mag wwalk out nlng si husband. And that works... we give each other space then time heals us both... buti din never Umabot sa physical, hanggang lakas [textspeak!] ng boses, talo nga lang sya Dahl cheerleader ako since HS to college Kaya malakas [textspeak!] boses ;-) then pag ok na kame both we talk about it... pansin ko [textspeak!] din.. the more we talk and learn from each other after fight Bakit  di kame nagkaintindihan, in the process,  mad nababawasan  [textspeak!] pagka mainitin ng upload namen.... [textspeak!] so I think need ma identify [textspeak!] cause para masolve din agad.

[aquacharly]

Based on my experience,  a hot-tempered person is more likely to escalate his tantrums into rages/emo abuse rather than to tone down.
So, 1st on your protocol list is:  Stop Hoping.  Hoping will leave you more victimized, &/or dead.
LEARN how to Best Cope, instead.

I am married to a man who can whip up a tornado in the blink of an eye.
Small or big issue,  it is all the same:  worthy of rage.
Yes, Loving is  hard, unfortunately.
 
So is it hopeless?  What is "Hopeless"  to a person who loves, as a sis here pointed out?
What can you do? You Cope.

Study him like a lab specimen.
Study what triggers the rages/"showtimes".
You must learn to diffuse/avoid these. 

Basically, to head off a rage:  I pander, agree, give in, provide, play along.

Next level, if required:   I prevaricate, manipulate, shift the topic, do doublespeak (as in:  it comes as "I agree, you are right, bleh bleh bleh"  Then he settles down and thinks back to rationality.); do deadma, go deaf while he whines/rages/complains; &/or re-direct the aggression (which makes me cringe after, but heck, my neck or somebody else's at the  moment of great tension?).

Next, next level of coping:  I disappear, for an hour, hours, a day, couple of days (when I feel sooo at peace.  No feeling of being in the company of a tiger that is about to bite your neck off at any moment. )  I go back when his rationality kicks back in.   Getting all worked up in a rage is tiring, after all.

BUT, when all else fails, or am cornered ...
     I put on a hard face with even harder eyes.
See, once after spending the whole afternoon with his kabitch, he came home in anger, walked up to me working at my laptop, and just hit the side of  my head.  I got up, placed a pointer finger near his face and declared:  You do that again, I will kill you.    Murder or hatred surely must have been pouring out of my eyes, coz he backed off.

IMO, rages/a bad temper if allowed to grow just ends in 1 place:  Violence.
Hindi ko paabutin sa ganyan. 
BUT, when  all else fails, unahan na lang.  I will not go out of this world without a fight. 
Eh Judge, nandilim paningin ko. Sorry.

   

[preciousjulia]

Ganyan si hubby before. Actually bf ko pa lang sya alam ko ng ganyan sya. Kahit for me simpleng bagay ibang level agad sya magalit. I thought dahil yun sa mas matanda sya sakin, magkaiba kami ng understanding sa mga bagay bagay. Ang ending kahit ako may kasalanan dahil ganun sya magalit ako ang nahe-hurt sa huli at nilinaw ko sa kanya yun. I told him naiintindihan ko naman yung point nya, ang ayaw ko lang yung way nya ng pag deliver ng issues nya specially yung choice of words nya at tone ng voice. Tama yung sabi ng ibang sis dito. Minsan kasi nakaka-degrade. Pag kalmado na sya nagso-sorry naman. As times goes by, mas nakilala ko sya, kung pano sya lumaki and nakatulong din yun para mas maintindihan ko sya. Lalo na nung kinasal kami at magkasama kami sa house. Nakita ko talaga kung ano pinanggagalingan nya, hindi naman pangit yung family na kinalikahan nya, in fact super close sila pero si hubby kasi ang nagdala sa family nya kaya maaga sya nag mature plus the fact na may sama sya ng loob sa family nya, hindi nya sinasabi ng diretso pero yun ang napi-feel ko, minsan kasi out of emotion naku-kwento nya. Lumalabas lang kasi yung mga hinanakit nya pag galit sya pero pag normal days super loving nya na ulit sa family nya. Pero ngayon super pasensyoso na ni hubby lalo na sakin, maybe dahil may baby na kami. Nag-usap kami na ayaw namin lumaki si baby na ganun yung environment..and maybe may mga pangyayari sa buhay na kahit hindi maganda eh nakabuti din for us para mas ma-appreciate ang isa't isa.

[cupcakejane]

being angry and unhappy is a choice honestly. I was once a very negative person but i have changed tremendously after making that choice for myself to be positive this year.  I'm taking some vitamins too, which apparently  helps with moodiness.

[RoadrunnerXCX]

Hindi pala ako nagiisa na nakapag asawa ng ganito. Some days are fine, some days are not. Pero hndi ko hiniwalayan kasi umasa din ako baka may mabago saka napapahinga ako sa storm nya kapag nasa abroad sya  like 1 or 2 years so sabi ko noon bakit ko pa hihiwalayan e minsan naman parang hiwalay na din kami and of course we never argue  as often kasi  chat chat lang and emails.  The worst days would be when he was out of work and we were financially tight. Ganyan din si hubby nagsosorry pag nahimasmasan maasikaso sa mga bata malambing but yon nga may temper and closed minded kaya hindi rin pwede mag counselling. He never hurt me physically but I was verbally abused whenever he was on rage. I learned to fight back as years go by  and I knew I never triggered him kasi napaka mild mannered ko and soft spoken  but I learned to fight back. We have kids and I contemplated on leaving him so many times  and during my darker days which is  mga 5 times in our 21 yrs of marriage I prayed and prayed so hard to God to show me the right moves. I even got into new age religion basa basa na your perception of yourself creates your reality daw kaya i avoid thinking negatively of my husband kaya minsan may mga post pa ako na i still appreciate him and all baka kako umepek naman if i always be positive. Hahanapan mo talaga ng solusyon kasi sabi ko nun my family is my masterpiece at bubuuin ko ito. Minsan totoo pala yon si Lord na mismo gagawa ng paraan sa sitwasyon mo. I am abroad right now by circumstances and hubby allowed me to come here so I left my kids and hubby back home. Am working on sponsoring my kids and him  na rin  kung  makakapasa sya kasi may inadmissibility issue sya dito ifever. so I dont know what will happen  kapag naiwan sya sa pinas yon na ang kasagutan ni Lord sa sitwasyon ko. i can get rid of him...but the bottomline is nothing changes he is what he is....may attitude problem sya. I am very prayerful and leave it all up to fate. I  never look for another partner because I was never the type who will search for my second wind...relationship is too exhausting for me really. I can just do things on my own literally on my own LOL!. Be strong and keep the faith. Goodluck to all of us!

[megansmomma]

Si EX? hindi naman sya always angry, hot tempered lang. whenever the situations became heavy he would always throw an outburst without even thinking what would be the effect on me.. he isn't even sorry ha, wala lang.. kakalimutan ko na lang.. sasabihin ko sa kanya na masakit wala din effect.. deadma lang sya.. I even made him realized na mali sya wala padin.. maybe I was blinded by love to forget everything and let it all passed but until one day, i gave up on him.. and all his emotional baggage.. ayoko na mabuhay ng wala ng self esteem, yung de numero ka kikilos kasi kahit anong gawin mo he will raise a tone if hindi nya magustuhan.. buti sana kung sa ibang tao lang ako napapahiya pero pati sa sarili niyang kapamilya, ginagawa niyang mapahiya ako.. name names, mura and everything.. hitting me? twice pero before I finally decided to part ways with him there's this instance that I provoked him to see if how will he react on it.. fortunately proving me my expectation.. the moment na sinabi niyang "sipain kita" ayun na.. kinabukasan nakipaghiwalay na ako.. Wala syang karapatan kahit konti na saktan ako physically and yung 2 beses na hinayaan ko sya..tama na yun in 10 years.. ang baba baba na ng tingin ko sa sarili ko sa paraan niya ng pagtrato sakin.. i told him about it.. wala padin as in & that's in 10 years ha.. guess he will never ever change.. or if he will otherwise, too late already.