is it wrong to get upset?

[books_mags]

please delete.

[TysLolakins]

don't need to get upset,  that's expected when the party is held at your place,  there will be major cleanup afterwards,  things will not be where they should be,  occasional toilet clogging up and unless you have your bedroom locked, somebody might wander esp if it's close to the guest powder room/toilet.  some of the other stuff you mentioned,  you're just nitpicking.  we cannot expect that everyone will be as neat freak as we are,  that's a given, bec we all have our ways to keep our houses clean and orderly.
actually just be grateful that they made the food preparations for you, for me that's a very big deal already,  who wants to slave over a hot stove all day and still expected to entertain later.
and most importantly,  they are your husband's relatives,  right now he's already feeling bad because you are being meticulous,  try not to add more to that pressure on him.
i'm sure this is not the kind of reply you're expecting.  huwag mag-alala,  majority will agree with you, wait for it,  they'll come out in droves, hahahaha.

[TysLolakins]

it wasn't implied that whatever they did to your house or in your house is ok.  some people are not always consciously mindful of other people's properties,  of course that's unacceptable, but the  point is, it already happened, just let go of that one.  now you know that there will never be a next time, even your MIL said so.
i can only guess that the relatives of your husbands thought they can get comfortable in your house since it's family and they don't know you yet.  and sometimes we have to give allowances to family no matter how crass and crude they are.  you can pick your nose but you cannot pick your faimily,  you'll have to still see them around,  and trust me,  it's  more stressful when there's tension during family gatherings. 
anyway,  just my 2 cents on the subject.  pag-pasensyahan mo na lang.

[lisse]

Sis TS, let me start first by saying that I understand where you're coming from (been there). I know you must have felt violated and a little disrespected, if you will. Is it wrong to be upset? Absolutely not, I would be upset too. But I think sis TysLolakin is referring to dwelling over it after the fact which puts a strain between you and hubby. Trust me, no amount of missing food nor clogged toilet is worth the peace between you and your spouse. I know it's nakaka high blood that some family seems a little too off when it comes to knowing their boundaries. Sadly, not all families are created equal, but that's why we have to accept them for what they are, especially if hubby mo na ang naiipit.
Share ko Lang, because of an experience similar to yours, to prepare for any gathering in our house:
1. Fianc? and I's bedroom is locked. And it remains so until everyone is gone.
2. The office is also locked, it's  where our computers and video games are, and kahit anong pilit ng nga pamangkin ni future hubs never namin I-unlock yon. We just tell them and the parents that the gun safe is there and we don't want to take any chances. What if for some insane chances eh mabuksan yon diba
3. The extra bedrooms which are also located on the first level are similarly locked. Sometimes we let one unlocked pero we make sure that the cabinets are locked.
4. We only let them use the main bathroom sa first level, our en suite is of limits. If they want dun sila sa washroom sa labas may toilet bowl naman don. And since May relatives talaga n mahilig I-flush mga non-flushables, eh I printed an instruction in a nice paper tapos nilagay ko sa cheapo plastic frame saying na it will clog if anything other than TP was flushed. A covered trash bin is provided for such naman. Then I put big pots of plants side by side sa medicine cabinet slash mirror of said bathroom. That way if gusto nila magsnoop eh they have to remove this very big and heavy pots to open it. So far effective naman sakin.
It's just a suggestion. If anything, learn from this experience so you'll know what to do next time. Trust me there will be a next time, albeit not the same crowd. Don't stress over this too much, don't let this get between you, your hubby and your in-laws. It's enough na you make hubby understand what upsets you and just leave it at that.

[amethyst028]

@TS it?s not worth getting upset over it. The food they took is replaceable naman, the mess they made can be cleaned or repaired. Relatives yan ng hubby mo that is part of him. At this point you can make a big deal out of it and magka lamat ang relationship mo with your hubby and MIL or you just charge it to experience and let it go.

Relationships are more important than things. Kesa lalo pa lumaki ang issue makipag bati ka na sa hubby mo. At least for me that?s what i would do. Oo nakaka upset naman talaga yun ginawa nila pero tapos na nangyari na, kung ganun pala relatives niya iwas na lang magpa party sa house para wala rin away.

[Girltalker2]

TS, aside from what Sis Lisse mentioned (lock masters and some off limit places, next time -
1) potluck is way much better
2) make you if you're not there when the guests arrive, someone who you trust is - like your hubby, your helper para di nawawala mga gamit/food
Or better, cater if marami talaga mga bisita
3) get help or even temporary help to clean right after.di mo naman kailangan akuin lahat

For now, you have to work it out muna sa hubby mo. Gaano katagal na ba Kayong kasal?
Coz I suppose you know na siguro by now, if you're married long enough, Hindi masyado ok if mapintasan Ang relatives ni hubby, especially his Mom and immediate family. Worse, if he doesn't know how to manage it, he might tell everything to the other side verbatim... thus adding more fuel to the fire.

So mag usap kayo. Admit na your patience may have been shorter tsaka di ka sanay having big gatherings. But you want to learn and ok lang magkaron ng gathering naman, baka lang di mo na anticipate what it entailed kasi. Now you know, you can plan better next time.
As for his side, sana if you guys can keep your issues within the two of You muna hanggang sa mag cool down lahat tsaka nalang sabihin Kay mil mga issues nicely.

Dapat tagteam kayo ni hubby. Not him and his family vs you.

[minabey]

I would be upset, too. I'll probably be fuming internally but I'll probably only tell him the major deal-breakers for me, which is having someone enter our bedroom without permission. I mean I would gladly tour guests through the home if they so wish, but without me there, I'd feel violated if they started roaming around beyond the "public areas".

The rest of the stuff, I can let go, esp. the food - unless it was something readily expensive/exotic that can't be easily sourced or replaced, then I would get a bit upset over that (but what monster would do that???  )

I think the main thing here is you get to meet hubby's side of the family and probably learned a lesson on dealing with them in future gatherings. 

Now that you've had a few days to stew over it, shake it off and have a laugh about it with the hubby. He probably feels bad about it, too.

[kaythrielle]

Hahaha i can totally relate. But not a party. May relatives lang (my side though) who stayed at our house. May nasira pa ngang mga gamit sa bahay. Kainis talaga. The difference is, my hubby and i are on the same page. We talked about it, pero sa amin na lang yun kung anuman mga kinainis at hindi nagustuhan. I didn't talk to my relatives about it hinayaan ko na lang. in fact, i didn't talk to them for quite some time after that. LOL!

Okay lang to be upset. Of course you have to acknowledge how you feel. Your feelings are important. But don't let it stay that way too long lalo na kung maaapektuhan na relationship nyo mag-asawa.
Your relationship with your husband is more important than your being upset over the food your MIL gave away, or your being upset over the things his relatives did. Just move forward and focus on what you learned from it. (Meaning, hindi na sila makakaulit! LOL!  kidding 😄 )

[khaleesiCersei]

It?s ok to get upset but if you need to rant and vent it all out just do that to your friends or dito sa girltalk hehe.. tama yung ibang sis na not worth to dwell too much on it tapos si hubby ang nag mo about it everytime maalala mo yung inis mo hehe. telling him about it once is enough na siguro para ma gets niya yung message na theres noway this is ever gonna happen again kasi It?s already done and over with so lesson learned na lang

Madami pang gatherings at party na makakasama mo inlaws mo and mahirap nga naman yung may tension or pag magpa party ka eh lahat sila hindi pupunta hehe.

[glamorosa_09]

hubby agreed to hosting a gathering in our place for me to meet everyone.  since we are out for the entire day, his relatives requested to go early with his mom.

Hubby agreed... But did you agree in all of these? Meron ka bang "say" in the first place?

Also, maybe you don't feel that your hubby understands where you're coming from. As you said, he just dismissed it or played it down. Maybe you didn't feel understood by anyone, that's why you're here in the first place to ask validation for what you feel.

It would have been helpful for you if your hubby has emphatized with you and helped you out. Did he help you ba? And if not, did you ask for his help?

[simang]

I don't think it's wrong to get upset. If ako yan, malamang I'll be upset too. But I won't dwell on it for long. I'll say my piece to my husband, hear his side, then move on na from there.

Relationships are more important than things.

+1 to this. Yung nawawalang lids ng caldero, di ko naman ikakamatay yun. I'd rather spend time looking for it, than waste my time arguing with my husband or being upset with the situation. I also try to put myself in my husband's shoes, sa situation nyo, how do you think your husband would react if family mo naman ang may nagawang di nya nagustuhan?

Also, lalo na in Filipino culture, I find it that most of our families talaga, they're not aware of boundaries. So sometimes, you really have to spell everything out for them so they know. Madalas naman, based on my experience, they understand and they oblige so wala namang nagiging problema.

[shinies]

Grabe sis.. Nagkalasingan ba kaya pati sala may wall food stains?

Tama ba OC ka o at least may level of OCness? Yung mga "normal" na tao kasi, hindi ganun kadali sa kanila intindihin bakit yung iba napipikon sa "konting" dumi o "konting" gulo. Kailangan lang maintindihan at tanggapin ni mister na parte yan ng pagkatao mo.

Buti na lang nakikita na niya yung mga dumi at tinutulungan ka na niya. Nagets na din bakit ka nabwisit sa nangyari.

but hubby pointed to me saying I noticed things were not how i left them

Sa susunod na heart to heart talk niyo ni mister, hilingin mo sa kanya wag ka niya ilaglag lalo na sa magulang niya kahit na inis o galit siya. "Never put your spouse in a bad light"

[kvandenhaak]

Hay naku, ako rin yung medyo meticulous pagdating sa bahay at sa gamit. Nai-stress ako kapag me nakialam ng gamit ko ng walang paalam. So, hindi pwede sa akin ang malaking handaan sa place ko. I would rather rent a place. Saves me from stress and stressed relationship.

[glamorosa_09]

Good for you sis, your hubby eventually understood and helped you... Good thing he volunteered... Baka yun lang din talaga ang kailangan mo...

Good luck kung magpapaparty ka pa sa susunod...