Paranoid

[Maldita_Princess_Bebe]

all good now

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

^Gosh I need some time Sis para mag-react, seriously pati ata ako na-bother. 

[glamorosa_09]

Nararamdaman mo yan. Wala namang mali sa nararamdaman, magkakaron lang ng mali kung mang-aatake ka verbally. Kung maganda ang pagkakaibigan niyo ng partner mo at maganda ang komunikasyon niyo, masasabi mo ang mga saloobin mo.

Yung iba hindi maganda ang level ng komunikasyon, hanggang sa mga mabababaw lang ang napag-uusapan (e.g., ano pagkain ng bata, kumusta araw mo), pero hindi kaya makipag-usap nang kung anong nasa kaibuturan.

Simple lang dapat yan. Magiging transparent ka sa nararamdaman mo, sabihin mo sa kanya ng mahinahon. Importante ka sa kanya at ang relasyon niyo. Gagawa sya ng paraan para maglagay ng emosyonal na distansya para mapanatag ang kalooban mo. Kasi mahal ka niya, importante ka, at ayaw nya ng gulo dahil lang sa isang hindi naman ganun ka-importante.

Ngayon ang mahirap, una, hindi mo kaya maging vulnerable at maging transparent. Pangalawa, hindi ka sigurado kung gaano ka ka-importante sa buhay nya para mag-adjust sya sa ikapapanatag ng damdamin mo. Pangatlo, hindi ka ganun ka secured sa relasyon niyo.

Kung mapaparanoid din ba kami, para saken, it doesn't matter much. What matters is how you feel, how you communicate it, and how he will respond. Eh paano kung di kami paranoid? Titiisin mo na lang yung fears at insecurity mo. Minsan subjective din ang fears, yung takot mo eh hindi ko takot. Again ang mahalaga, paano ito mapaguusapan ng mag-asawa.

[Maldita_Princess_Bebe]

Wow. Thank you I really appreciate it. Parang yun nag gusto kong marinig. It helps. thank you sis.

Yes I am scared of being transparent because the more he will hide it from me.
But still I tried, this afternoon I talked to him na I will try to be open minded but please be honest with me.

And you are right kung importante ako he will keep distance.

Another case tonight.

I will apply for a job. I told him I preferred those na malapit sa kanya para sabay kami papasok at uuwi.

He said,

thats too early for you to wake up at 4am tapos 8am ang pasok.

Try ortigas, mahirap sa Makati I said thats not a problem magkasabay naman tayo.

Hindi ako sanay kase sya yung tipong bawat kibot gusto nya buntot ako sa kanya ultimo pagbili ng mga tools o kung anuman.

Baka paranoid lang po ako. Pero salamat po malaking bagay ang input mo.

[glamorosa_09]

There's a fine line between paranoia and instinct. Paranoid, eh nanggagaling lang sa loob mo yung takot na pinoproject mo sa labas. Instinct is, you're seeing signs sa labas and your gut is telling you something is different, at nagkakaroon ng takot sa loob.

Suggestion ko be clear about him on boundaries with female friends and workmate friendships.

At tsaka observe. Minsan pwede tayo magbulagbulagan dahil natatakot tayo. Pero kasi ikaw lang naman ang nakakaalam nyan.

Anyway, after knowing how it makes you feel, there's no reason for him na madulas o magkamali. Kung sakali mang may mangyari, hindi na yun "hindi sinasadyang pagkakamali," alam nya na eh, dapat iniwasan na.

To be honest, risky din naman yung physical closeness. Mahirap kasi dahil kailangan sa work eh. Pero kung priority niyo naman ay relationship at may iba pang job opportunities, why not... pero kung wala talaga, open mindedness na lang on your part, and keeping an emotional distance on his. You need to deliberately protect and be mindful of your relationship.

[Maldita_Princess_Bebe]

Grabe po. Baka sobrang apetado ako kaya tagos lahat yung sinabi mo. Galing mo. Salamat sobra.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Tagal under maintenance ng GT Sis TS, how are you? I hope everything's well since nawala na yung initial post mo. Hugs! 

Lahat na nasabi ni Sis glamorosa_09, and I agree proper communication is key. Be very vigilant nalang, wag pa din isasantabi ang woman's instinct, bihira yan pumalya at alam mo yan, kapag tayong babae kinutuban at nakahalata ng kakaiba, madalas totoo. Pero wag naman din daanin sa nag, sigaw, sumbat at away right away. Good luck! 

[Maldita_Princess_Bebe]

I modified it para it wont trigger me anymore. We talked already.
I didnt buy his explanation yet. But for him.
Since he is just 1 month at work, new environment, new employees, lahat bago.
So he is making his own way to build camaraderie at work. Nakikisama pa lang sya.
To know more about the people in his new work, doing his best to make people appreciate his work because at this point his direction is not as clear. The pressure is there because the top management put too much trust on him.

Na he didnt tell me anything because he is sure that i will make a fuss and will just lead to arguments and doubts and suspecting his moves when infact to him he just go to work and do his work.

i told him to keep distance, be professional and dont do anything na will destroy us and he agreed.

[doinks527]

hi sis, i dont know if I was on the right thread, anyway LDR kasi kami ng husband ko, may mga times na nagkaka galit kami, kahit na magkalayo kami, minsan di ko ineexpect na bigla nalang cyang magagalit, kahit sa mga petty things lang. I always missed him kasi since nung kinasal kami, 6 months palang kami magkasama nag abroad na cya, wala parin kaming anak, we're 13 years married na, pag nag chachat kasi kami at nagalit cya mas mdalas cya yung pumuputol ng communications, nag sa Silent Treatment cya, minsan tumatagal ng 1 to 2 weeks, nakaka paranoid, kasi ang layo na nya tapos nakakayanan nya pang ok lang na hindi nya ko kausapin, at kung kausapin naman nya ko, may time na mainit parin yung ulo nya sakin, kaya ang lungkot lang din kasi, bakit kaya nyang gawin na ok lang na walang communication, kung hindi ko pa ibababa ang pride ko, hindi kami mag uusap, nakaka durog lang ng heart laging ganito, kailangan ko rin ba iparamdam din sa kanya na sobrang sakit rin na i ignore ka? ano po ba pwede nyo ma i suggest mga sis..thank you and God bless!

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Good to hear that, maayos naman pala napagusapan nyo. Kung sumablay pa sya nyan eh gusto nya na talaga magloko. Ease your mind Sis. 

[shinies]

Mabuti naman at ok na kayo.
Yung relasyon niyo sis, wala naman kayong unresolved issues na iba? Mga red flag kasi ng mister mo (at mga excuse niya) parang gaya nung ibang lalaki na may problema sa bahay/misis tapos sa labas/iba naghahanap ng "solusyon".

[Maldita_Princess_Bebe]

I?m back.

We?re settled but not totally OK. At times inaatake ako ng kung ano anong kaisipan.

Maybe because hindi ko pa tanggap sa sarili ko na may ginawa syang masasaktan ako.

Ang dami ng tumulong saken to help me realize and convince and balance and all.
Minsan maiintindihan ko luluwag ang loob ko. Minsan closed minded talaga ako
gaya ngayong panahon na ito kaya nagtatype ako ngayon.

I didn?t buy his allibies. But for those people around us, my bestfriend, our common friends and cousin were all convinced with his explanation na they know my partner so well at paranoid lang ako kase nga first kumbaga na nagawa.

Yung pagsakay sa kotse, its pure work for him and to other people pagoodshot kase bago lang sa work e.
He didnt tell me kase alam nyang war yun iniwasan nya.
He said sorry and wont do it again.

Sabi nya kung kinakailangan daw nya magresign para gumaan pakiramdam ko gagawin nya.
The next day he didnt go to work kase he wanted to settle. Actually he was absent for 2 days and didnt leave until OK na ako. He texted that girl and informed na hindi sya makapasok because he need to assist wife. (me)

I had nervous breakdown for couple of days kase i was crying nga four days straight.

Nung sinabi nya na magreresign sya hinayaan ko lang sya dun sa office room namin and didnt talk to him until morning. 5am pinuntahan nya ako sa room namin. He didnt want to resign daw. Para daw naman inamin nya na may ginawa sya. E wala naman kase talaga syang ginawa.

He planned to invite the girl and his bf with other supervisors for dinner daw sa bahay namin para makilala ko mga kasama nya. Yung ibang foreigners na office mates nya naman napakilala na saken recently.

Had nervous breakdown maybe because i was crying for four days straight.
Small thing lang pero my reaction napakabigdeal kaya
Nagvisit ng psychiatrist and ayun nadiagnose ako na GAD and PTSD.
And now under medication and hindi pa rin ako OK na OK.
my partner naman nagwowork pa rin.
well i dont want him to stop din naman kase we have child, and obligations
and pangit din sa record kung magreresign sya.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Nalungkot ako sa nabasa ko, hugs and kisses Sis, I'll say a little prayer for you. Kapit lang ha? 

[Maldita_Princess_Bebe]

Thank you so much sis. I really appreciate it. I really wanted to talk to someone kase it helps na mabawasan yung nararamdaman ko.

Last Friday, kami lang ng baby ko sa bahay she?s 3 yo. I took the medicine it was 9am.
Hindi ko alam na ganun katindi tama nung gamot. Ganun din nung na CS ako 3 years ago. Groggy.
Walang lakas ang katawan. Di ako makabangon. Iyak ng iyak ang baby ko kase she?s hungry na nga. But I could not get up. Hindi ko kaya. Natutumba ako. Umiiyak na lang din ako.
Until nakatulog sya nakatulog din ako paggising nya ginigising nya din ako although gising ako pero hindi ko maigalaw ang katawan ko. I crawled slowly to get my phone and call 911 I cant even talk clearly all I want them to do is to prepare milk for my baby.
I sent email to hubby unfortunately he?s out of the office. (fieldwork) He left his phone with me kaya I could not call him. I also asked my brother to come over, pero malayo din panggagalingan nya. I am so helpless. We were both crying na lang ng baby ko. I asked her na lagyan nya ng water ng yung bottle nya and kunin nya yung jar nung milk nya, unfortunately empty na pala at dahil nga sa effect nung gamot hindi kami nakapaggrocery.
Thats was from 9am to 5pm. Hubby arrived at 5pm I shouted at him kase i was so helpless na feeling ko mamamatay na ako. His reaction naman nagalit din sya because he was so stress na rin dahil nga sa nangyayari saken. 2 weeks na rin syang hindi nakakatulog and i can see it through his eyes talagang malungkot na malungkot na rin sya. He said hindi na nya alam halos ginagawa nya sa opisina para syang robot kumikilos mag isa at yung utak nya andito sa bahay iniisip kung ok lang ba kaming mag ina.

I dont want any relatives to get involve feeling ko mas lalong gugulo kung may makikisawsaw kaya
sabi ko kakayanin ko na lang.

[khaleesiCersei]

Kelangan mo siguro ng kasama sa bahay sis, delikado yang ganyan. Sana makakuha ka ng yaya or someone na mapapagkatiwalaan mo with your baby at makakasama mo din para may mag aasikaso sa inyong 2.

You have to prioritize getting better first sis before anything else kaya you will need all the help that you can get. Goodluck sis! Wish you all the best.

[Chiechie26]

Hi! I need advise din po, last year ngkaroon ng affair yung husband ko sa isang operator nila sa company,sobrang sakit for me kasi more than 1 year pa lang kming married non,feeling ko may may fault din ako kasi naging sobrang busy ako sa work that time at medyo nawalan ng oras sa kanya,after ko malaman,after 2 months natigil na rin at totally wala na silang communication,pero ako hindi ko mapigilang maging paranoid minsan na bka may iba na nmang girl,kaya kapag may unusual siyang ginagawa,pingdududahan ko agad.Ayoko lang ng feeling na ganito na praning,1 year na yung ng-lapse after that incident pero ako hindi pa rin nakakamoved on.please advise nman po.thanks

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Oh my, so sorry to hear that, hinde ka na pwede magisa Sis. Kailangan mo ng Kasambahay or a relative/friend na magstay sainyo hanggat di ka pa totally ok. PM tayo Sis.

[glamorosa_09]

Had nervous breakdown maybe because i was crying for four days straight.
Small thing lang pero my reaction napakabigdeal kaya

Sis ang nagtrigger ng nervous breakdown mo ay yung friendship ng partner mo sa officemate nya? Nagkaron ka na rin ng nervous breakdown before?

You mentioned PTSD, I'm just curious on what traumatic event you were exposed to which led you to experience PTSD symptoms. Recent trauma lang ba o previous trauma. That said, I believe you will also benefit from psychotherapy so you will not just depend on meds alone. With psychotherapy, you will gain understanding from your past, you will be taught coping strategies, and receive other therapeutic techniques.

With regards to your partner, posible naman talaga walang nangyari, but then it is also possible that there was fondness. So before pa iyon lumala, eh nasabi mo na naman ang concern mo, at na-adjust nya na yung pakikitungo nya with her. But anyway, dahil nga you're predisposed to debilitating anxiety, eh baka mahirapan ka magcope sa working relationship ng partner mo, despite him making adjustment.

So maganda i-weigh niyo. Kaya mo ba talaga mag-cope given your traits/characteristics/history sa working relationship ng partner mo? If he should continue with his job, dagdagan mo resources mo. With meds, add psychotherapy. Syempre ano, todong effort para lang makapag-cope ka sa work ng husband mo. Pero kung makatulong naman ito  to your overall well-being, why not.

You can also ask if this job is really worth your mental health, your relationship, and your parenting. Baka naman kasi without this threat you were doing fine. Ngayon, ang hirap i-control ng sarili mo. Tingnan niyo rin, baka naman din makaya mo eventually. Pero pag-aralan mo rin sarili mo hanggang saan ang kaya mo.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

I agree, ang kaso kailangan nila din isipin at ianalyze na kapag umalis or magresign man sya sa company na yan, maski san lumipat at maski san magtrabahong company or bansa, meron at merong babaeng makikilala at makakatrabaho. So ang threat ba at trigger eh dahil lang sa specific na tao lang na'to, or sa situation mismo, or yung possible root cause na dahil nga parang ayaw sya pakasalan, or/and sa mismong disorder nya na diagnosed na?

[glamorosa_09]

^you raised good points sis...

But I guess, this is a combination of different factors:
(1) nature of work relationship and friendship with opposite sex. Meron din akong kilala na sobrang bothered with the husband's office mate. They are married and the woman didn't report presence of mental illness. Kahit dito, may mga nag-raise na rin ng issues like this.
(2) quality of the relationship. Kung di pa married, eh nakaka-insecure talaga if you're someone who wanted to be married.
(3) her disorder. Her disorder will color the interpretation of outside events. Neutral events may mean more/be distorted to someone with a disorder.
(4) others...

(1) and (2) alone ay nakaka-insecure na for someone na walang disorder. One will exert effort to cope and understand the situation. Dagdagan mo ng disorder... ayun na.. tulad na ng responses ni TS. Parang upuan na bago at walang sira, lagyan mo ng mabigat na gamit kaya pa. Pero pag upuan na may sira na, lagyan mo ng same weight, babagsak na.

But you have a point, lagi at laging magkakaroon ng female workmates.

So her present resources, she needs to add to it. Another analogy is a person with an alcohol problem na nagwowork sa liquor store. Double or triple the coping effort not to succumb. Difference lang from TS' situation, madaling makahanap ng other work na walang liquor, pero mahirap maghanap ng work na walang babae o maassure na hindi constant na silang dalawa lang palagi ang magkasama.

I know someone (not close) whose father is a pilot (syempre ang mga magagandang flight attendants). Kaya ang kwento nya, her mother daw is always praying the rosary. Again, the proximity can be a cause of anxiety already. Disorder can make anxiety debilitating.

Some mental illness, unlike physical illness, are not curable. They are treatable to alleviate the symptoms, pero it can always poke its ugly head anytime lalo na pag na trigger.