Being civil with the dad of your kid/kids

[amethyst028]

Hi mga sis.

Question to single moms, or separated moms. What is your relationship with the dad of your child/ children?

I let my son reconnect with his dad recently coz he is going to be a teenager soon, i don?t know what boys goes through and no one better to help him with than his own dad. We?ve been separated for 7years. My son requested that we be civil or have interaction so he won?t feel we hate each other.

We texted quite a bit and agreed to be civil. I made it clear to him to only text when it is something important about our son.

I?d like to know how others do it. Are you civil with the father? Are you friends? How long did it took for you to be okay about the whole thing?

[kvandenhaak]

We're civil, not exactly friends. I don't talk to him unless it's something about our 13-year old boy. We have been separated since 2011 and I have been emotionally divorced with him long before moving out. My son, if he has a choice, don't want to be with his dad though especially now that his dad is busy taking care of his disabled girlfriend. But I let him see his dad when the dad has the time to see him. So, hindi masyadong struggle sa akin ang situation. In your case, sundin mo na lang ang request ng anak mo to be civil with his dad. It's for everyone's benefit din naman.

[amethyst028]

^Does your ex give financial help to your son?

Ang kinakainis ko in the past is whenever i let my son reconnect with him, then he starts texting me lagi humihirit na we get back together. Of course ayoko na. Kahit may gf na siya that time and live-in sila humihirit pa rin sakin kaya block ko talaga. Wala siya respeto sa gf niya.

Now mukhang hindi na siya hihirit kasi alam naman niyang wala na talaga.

[kvandenhaak]

^He does thru private Christian school tuition ng anak ko. Ganon, walang respeto sa live-in GF nya? If I were you sasabihin ko I will tell his GF next time magpilit pa sya.

[amethyst028]

^he said he will give me money monthly although small amount lang and weekly allowance for the kid. Dati he doesn?t give at all.

Yes even his new gf he is saying he will not marry her. He will just be single forever. So ako naman sabi ko ok bahala ka sa buhay mo. I don?t care what he does about is personal life basta maging mabuting father lang siya and don?t let his son down.

How are you as co-parents? Does your son stay overnight with his dad? How about holidays like christmas and new year?

[kvandenhaak]

We have documented agreement signed by a judge regarding visitation and custody. He sleeps overnight every other weekends sa dad nya. But recently, hindi na rin nagagawa ng daddy nya ang duty nya as a parent dahil nga dun sa kinakasama nya. Nagrereklamo na rin kasi ang anak ko that he's not really spending time with his dad, he's just tagging along with whatever stuff his dad needs to do for his GF. So, I talked to his Minister in church and his family. I told them to let him know not to drag my son with his personal business because it's not his responsibility. Wala syang magawa kasi wala syang kakampi! So, tuwing Sunday na lang sila nagkikita. That is if naisipan nyang i-pick up ang anak ko.

[Girltalker2]

Question to single moms, or separated moms. What is your relationship with the dad of your child/ children?

Nada 🙂

And I prefer it that way. Kasi he has been missing in action din naman and just appearing whenever he pleases. So the kids weren't really close to him. Dati nung umpisa, I allow him to visit them, go biking sila. But later on na pansin ko mahilig sya mambitin. Yung magsasabi dadating sa birthday pero di naman. Tapos he doesn't provide any support din. So nung nag MIA sya for quite some time, at biglang nag emerge ulit, sabi ko di na bale, huwag nalang. Kasi mas mahirap emotionally for the kids.
As for father figure naman, they have their uncles, grandfather, teachers and sports mentors naman. Kung ganun din Lang ang father figure, huwag nalang.

But don't get me wrong, di ko nilayo mga anak ko kasi sa start I contemplated din how the setup would be. Sya ang nawala kasi busy daw sya. And the kids never as in never asked me when they will see their father. So dedma.

TS, and weird ng ex mo. If I'm your current bf, I would definitely not be comfortable getting into the picture lalo pa may attempt pa pala sa father to get back together.

[amethyst028]

^yun nga ang ayaw ko yung mang indian siya. Dati kasi he works abroad so malayo siya they cannot bond physically then ayaw din magbigay financially. But now he is back in the phils for good i let my son reconnect dahil kahit ayaw man magbigay at least yung presence na lang niya para sa bata.

But he said he will give financially and try to see my son weekly. He texts my son everyday, so far once pa sila nagkita. I?m still observing kung tama ba decision ko na mag reconnect sila.

Regarding my bf i told him about it but he thinks baka nag a-assume lang ako na gusto pa ako ng ex ko. Haha! So far supportive naman siya from time to time he is asking for update about my son and his dad.

Maybe you?re ex is like that coz he is not in a good place in his life. Kids know who is always there for them. Like me, i?ll let my son experience it and if his dad screw up then my son gets to see what kind of person his dad really is. He gets to decide if he still wants him in his life.

[chiqmom]

yes, we're civil and friends. but no, we're not getting back.

one thing i learned is that there's maturity with age talaga pala. ngayon na realize namin na though we fought really bad before but compared to other's marriages or relationships, ours was okay naman pala. i get to talk to him and be honest with him about everything, and ganun din siya. but for us to get back together is malabo na. alam mo yun, i think our friendship is better than becoming a couple. we both agreed on this. hehe

[aliyah13]

Hello mga sis. pls help. sna makatulong kayo at makapag advice ng tamang gagawin ko.

Anak ko 15 years old na, simula nung 2 years (2004) siya eh umalis ang tatay niya at nag BARKO then never n nagparamdam sa amin kahit man lang mag msg sa facebook lalo na at mdami nman kaming common friends. Hinayaan ko siya at tinuloy ko ang buhay ko kaya naging busy ako mag aral ulit at nag abroad.

Ngayong may isip na [textspeak!] anak ko eh marunong nang maghanap ng tatay niya kaya gumawa ako ng paraan imsg ko [textspeak!] kumpare nmin at kausapin pra iparating sa tatay ng anak ko na ilapit na ang loob niya sa bata. Ok nangyari na pero minsan lang at hindi n naulit, lalo na at tinakot ko siyang sasampahan ko siya ng kaso. Mas lalo akong iniwasan nung EX ko at pati bata na din, imbes na lalo siyang bumawi sa bata.

Sa March 2018 ang bakasyon ko sa Pinas at plano ko na magsampa ng kaso sa knya lalo na at umiiwas siya sa amin mag ina.

Tama b ang gagawin ko? Pls Advise. Thanks

[amethyst028]

^what are you after why do you want to sue him? Ang alam ko pwede mo siya demand ng child support that?s why you?ll go to court. Pero kasi ang kagustuhan niya maging present sa life ng son mo has to be on his own will. Kusa kasi dapat yan.

Sad to hear that pero may mga tao kasi na wala talagang kwenta and do you really want that kind of guy to be a part of your sons?s life? Wala ba siya ibang pwede na father figure?

My son reconnected with his dad pero mas gusto pa rin niya yung brother ko. My son said idol niya tito niya. Kasi yun yung nasa tabi niya parati, sinusundo siya sa school pag hindi ako pwede, pag may kailangan siya na hindi ko magawa he asks his tito. Yung dad niya nakakasama niya once a week and it really doesn?t change anything. Same lang naman buhay ng anak ko, minsan nga ayaw niya message dad niya nag spam daw sunod sunod kasi mag message pag na umpisahan so umiiwas siya.

Pwede mo naman kasuhan yung dad, you have every right to do so and he deserves it. But if you think na sa gagawin mo it will bring him closer to your son i don?t think so. Mas lalo siya iiwas.

[Girltalker2]

^^ anong naisip mo para gusto mo mapalapit anak mo sa tatay nya?

If I were you, di ako mag initiate. Kasi sabi nga ni sis amethyst dapat kusa ginagawa Yun. Kung ayaw nya, e do huwag.

In fact, dapat tingnan mo rin Kung gaano ka unreliable Yung tatay and just try to protect your son. Now nangyari Na iyan, Mas worried ako for your Son.

Una una, wala ka sa Tabi nya (my understanding from your story is you're working abroad).
Secondly, pinilit mo magkita sila, then Na wala ulit yung tatay. How would your Son feel. At his tender age, baka Ma insecure lang yun.

Make sure you make your Son feel Super loved. Di nya kelangan tatay nya to be complete.

Yung tatay ba nya may Ibang asawa? Most likely siguro Meron kaya ka nya iniwasan from the beginning.

[mysterioza_me]

Question to single moms, or separated moms.

What is your relationship with the dad of your child/ children?
Hindi na kami nag-uusap. We had a bad breakup. No closure nga e kaya I closed it nalang LOL. Hindi na rin naman siya nagpaparamdam so yun na yun.

Are you civil with the father?
I can be civil with him pero mukhang siya di niya kaya.

Are you friends?
No we are not.

How long did it took for you to be okay about the whole thing?
I don?t exactly remember but it was when my child caught me crying and then he told me that his dad doesn?t deserved our love. And its ok for him to find another man who can love us both. Higit isang litro ata iniyak ko nung marinig ko yan sa anak ko. 7yrs old lang siya niyan my goodness.

Kung may financial support ba?
Wala. Nada. Zero. Kinalimutan niya ng may anak siya. Yung siraulong nanay niya kasi ang turo sa anak niya hahanapin din daw ang ama niya paglaki lol. Kaya hayaan na. Nanay mismo ng ex ko ang nagsabi niyan sa akin. Oh well, im sorry but my son doesn?t want to do anything with them.