Need advice on waiting or letting go

[missbrocolli]

Hi everyone,

I just want to pour out my feelings here, I've sunk so deep, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know anymore what's right or wrong, and what's keeping me put up a fight for these  feelings.

I met someone last year, we instantly clicked because we have so many things in common like our hobbies, food habits and we often travel with our group.

About three months in our friendship, I learned na he has found himself a GF, I cried kasi he didn't tell me that part, he said he doesn't want me to get hurt. He also said na ayaw nya ako mawala so I choose to stay in the shadows with him, all the while na he's going out with his GF. I did this because I still want him and I don't want to lose him too. We both agreed sa ganun setup kasi we both don't wanna lose each other, we've had so many things in common at sobrang click kami.

Our travels still continue, he asks me out pa rin, we go out together, have dinner and movies. During those times I feel na mas priority nya ako, mas gusto nya ako kausap at kasama kaysa sa GF nya. (like may monthsarry sila, he choose to be with me, birthday nya ako ang kasama nya, he gave me christmas gifts (gf nya wala syang gift) at nung valentines day din, we had dinner together---i never asked for it) At one point I asked him why ka pa nagGF if ganto lang gagawin mo, he said peer pressure lang daw and he doesn't see him marrying her--dun sa sinabi nyang yun, I saw a glimmer of hope na if I stayed, he will choose me.. he will pick me instead.

Fast forward, April 2017 stuff happened and they broke up eventually (not because of me, the girl doesn't know me) so eto yung panahon na i thought hinahantay ko... yung he will pick me kasi he's free na... Yun pala hindi, I told myself sige I'll continue what we have started, medyo different setup kasi we got intimate na. Dun na rin lalo nagstart maging deep ang feelings ko for him.

One time I put up a brave face and casually asked him if he loves me, his answer was: "Honestly, I can't afford to love anyone right now" My world collapsed at that line, I felt nagsayang ako ng oras sa wala... his follow up line was "..but I'm happy with you, well be okay as long as we're both happy, di'ba?" I didn't know what to say back then.. I wanted to hate him but I can't kasi I still have feelings for him na hindi mawala-wala..

Should I let go? Each time magpaparamdam ako ng pagod at dismaya, he will woo me back saying na ayaw nya ako mawala and kailangan nya ako. (Not because of sex, we don't do it so often) Dun sa mga sinabi nyang yun, ako kumakapit... Kung di naman nya ako gusto, hahayaan nya lang ako mawala di'ba? Nung nagbreak sila ng dati nyang GF, hindi nya yun hinabol unlike ng paghahabol nya sa akin pag ako ang gusto makawala.

Everyday feels like a struggle of putting up myself to him to prove my worth, he reciprocates my actions by always being there, always talking, always going  out but I still wanted more.. I wanted him to be mine, I wanted to be his... Yung maging commited sya sa akin, at yung sense of ownership andun... is that too much to ask?

Some days I cry because I feel so helpless, hindi ko alam saan ako lulugar sa min dalawa, I don't want to lose him and he doesn't want to lose me either. I even blurted out the L word a few times and he responds with a kiss emoji. Sa kakaisip ko nagiging clingy ako at inaaway ko sya at my own fault. Nagiging selosa na rin, lahat binibigyan ko ng meaning.. I tell him this and he says I'm just overthinking... I know it's wrong but that's what I've been feeling lately...

Should I give him more time to think? Sobrang nakakapagod na itong feelings ko.... hindi ko na alam if maghihintay ba ako or itutuloy ko at bigyan sya ng chance... Mahal ko ba talaga sya... I really don't know what to do anymore...

[kvandenhaak]

Hanggang "I can't afford to love anyone right now" lang binasa ko.

GIRL, MOVE ON! He's a dufus! He's just using you. I don't see a bright future in the horizon basing on what you said. The fact is you are not happy with your situation and he's not committing so why prolong it?

[glamorosa_09]

Sis, para ka ng drug addict. You cling to momentary highs at the expense of your emotional well-being. You know that a man who couldn't commit (play with women's hearts) is bad for your emotional health, yet you're still holding on, because you're addicted to him. This isn't love, this is just an addiction. Sober up.

If you try and let go of him, you will experience withdrawal symptoms (e.g., you'll miss him, find his absence unbearable). Those are normal responses, but you shouldn't give in.


You may be overthinking, but who won't be given your situation - a man showering you with attention yet couldn't commit to you. You are unsure of your place in his heart. Since he isn't doing it out of love and commitment, he's probably getting something from you. If he's a narcissist, maybe it's your adoration, and if not, maybe it's the emotional and physical intimacy without commitment.

He doesn't love you, he couldn't commit himself to you. You don't love him, sounds like you're addicted to him.

[mysterioza_me]

he will woo me back saying na ayaw nya ako mawala and kailangan nya ako. (Not because of sex, we don't do it so often)

Sus akala mo lang hindi sex ang reason pero yan talaga ang reason bakit andyan pa siya. He can have free sex without commitment so bakit need pa ng karelasyon?! You don't do it so often but you are readily available when he needs a bed warmer so bakit pa kukuha ng gf?! Kailangan mo pa bang mag-antay na makapag-isip siya! Ineng ang matris mo nageexpire baka nagsasayang ka ng oras diyan kaya ibaling mo na sa iba ang pansin mo.

[khaleesiCersei]

Haba sis hehe pero naiintindihan kita, may mga tangengots episode talaga tayo minsan sa buhay. Pero sis, bottomline lang naman dyan eh he's just not that into you. Selfish siya, yun lang yun. Baka nga ego booster ka lang niya kaya patuloy ka niyang  pinapaasa. Syempre Pogi points sa kanya yun knowing na may babaeng patay na patay sa kanya.
At para rin hindi siya mabakante habang hinahanap pa niya yung the one for him.

Tsaka dun sa gf niya, how sure are you na wala siyang gifts for the gf on special occassions? Or na mas gusto ka niya kasama kahit monthsarry nila, malay mo ba kung yung girl ang may ibang lakad on that day kaya hindi sila nakalabas or nauna na nilang icelebrate yung mga special occassions nila kaya libre na siya ilabas ka. At malay mo ba na yung mga gifts na binibigay sa yo eh rejects lang nung gf. Hindi type ni gf kaya kesa masayang eh sayo na lang ibinigay.

Wag masyado nagpapaniwala sa mga lalaki sis, karamihan sa kanila, napakagaling mambola At mag imbento ng storya. So goodluck sis, kaya mo yan. Tigilan mo na ang tangengot episode na to ng buhay mo. You deserve better.

[mysterioza_me]

^yan pala nalimutan ko sabihin, wag nagpapaniwala sa sinasabi ng guy. Syempre di magkkwento yun ng special moments nila ng isang girl baka ayawan mo siya. Ang saya kaya ng may sideline chick.

[shinies]

Sorry sis pero di ko na tinapos basahin..

Let go!

[plumpolka]

been there one that sis. almost same tayo ng pinagdaanan, although mas complicated yung sakin. my advise is to LET GO. tell him you'll move on and you wont be his side chick. iwanan mo na! mag-focus ka sa sarili mo. paganda ka pa lalo. and most of all pray.

ganyan ginawa ko sa bf ko ngayon. I let him go, and i really did. he also woo me back at sinabi din nya na d nya daw kaya mawala ako, so i gave him my terms. although naging magulo yung relationship namin, ngayon ok naman na and i have the upperhand kasi alam ko na hindi ako ang naghabol sa kanya at sya ang may ayaw na mawala ako sa buhay nya.

If you let go, you'l get to know yourself more. more time to be happy kesa magisip ng what ifs. kung habulin ka, ikaw ang may alas, ilatag mo ang mga rules mo. kung ayaw nya, then dont. kumbaga, void contract. dont stoop down sa mga fwb lang. and believe me, not everything he says to you about his gf ay totoo. he will tell you things that will make you think na you're actually above his gf but your not kasi hindi parin ikaw ang gf at hindi ka parin nililigawan kahit nagbreak na sila. na special treatment ka, anong alam mo sa treatment nya sa gf nya? hindi mo naman nakita, binase mo lang sa kwento nya. dont believe na walang gift si gf, d sila nagdate ng vday unless andun ka para ma-witness mo. kasi at the end of the day, totoo mang may gift sya o wala nung xmas na yun, she was still the gf and you are his what? i've heard so many lies to only trust what i see and what i think is the most logical. my point is this guy will tell you things you want to hear. lalo na na mas angat ka sa gf nya and all. and that is only for him to be able to keep you. not as gf, but as something else.

[luckysiete]

I agree with all the sissies here. Let go and move on. Never settle with a man whose selfish and coward. You are only wasting your time. Para ka niyang ginawang libangan. Anong trip niya? I think this man experienced a lot of rejection, kaya ganyan set up nyo para just incase iwanan mo siya or hindi magwork hindi masyado masakit  kasi walang kayo.

[Girltalker2]

TS, sabi mo you don't want to lose him. You don't have him to begin with so what is there to lose?

Tsaka you have to see na 'having him' is just fwb that's all, nothing more, nothing less.

Most men are like this. That is why, we ladies should be wise and careful in loving the right person. DON'T allow yourself to fall for someone who is not committed to you. Otherwise, heto ang ending mo. Luhain, worse, struggling to break loose pa. And the worse of all, if Hindi ka mag let go, nasayang lang oras mo at beauty mo. Malosyang ka lang dyan coz kapag di ka pa umalis, pagsasawaan ka lang nya, and you won't be able to find the right guy kasi ikaw mismo itinatali mo sarili mo sa kanya kahit na di naman sya nagpapatali.

[Hannyagirl]

USER ALERT!! LET HIM GO sis. Binobola ka lang nya. The fact na pinaniwala ka nya na you are better or mas mahalaga ka kesa sa gf nya is bull. Kasi if thats the cAse e di sana ikaw na lang ginawa nyang gf di ba. Tsaka may chance na sana kayo nung nAg break sila pero wala pa din di ba. Sa tingin ko meantime girl ka lang nya. Sorry to say this pero baka di ikaw yung gf material for him? So theres no point in hoping na mAgiging kayo. better find someone who will see your worth kahit pa masakit para sayo sa umpisa.

[amethyst028]

@TS i heard this so many times and this has been my mantra with guys. Men go hard for who they want. They'll try to lock it in para walang maka singit. If a guy wants to be with you he will make it happen. He will be aggressive about it. So if he is not doing those things it means he doesn't want you. He wants something but clearly it's not a relationship with you.

And believe me you want a guy who will go hard to get you. And even when he already has you he will fight to keep you. This is probably the best feeling. No guessing game. He makes it clear he wants you and he proves it to you everyday.

[cupcakejane]

Ang haba.... but he is obviously just using you sorry.  Are you sure wala siyang nililigawan iba?  If a person cannot commit, he is just not into you.

[Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore]

Ang as%h*le lang ni Kyahhhh. 

LET GO, MOVE ON!