initiating the marriage talk

[amethyst028]

hi mga sis, need advice regarding marriage talk.

This is my situation, bf is 47yrs. old and i'm 38. we've only been together for 5months, everything is great, we are growing more in love as time goes by. we have disagreements pero mababaw lang and naayos agad. siguro mga 3x lang yun in the span of 5months. we are both very mature and independent.

my question is since "mature na nga", when is it the right time to talk about marriage? we both have a kid na, boy pareho. he said let's have one more but i think joke lang kasi mahilig yun mag joke. i've bonded well with his son but he hasn't met my son yet. i just want to hear opinions regarding having a serious conversation about marriage since we are both old already. kahit not now pero when and should i be the one to open it up or wait for him.

if i was younger i wouldn't worry about it so much but i'm not anymore, i'm a little worried about having another kid too. any input or advice would be very much appreciated. thank you in advance girls.  



 

[shinies]

Nasa maturity yan at kung handa naman kayo sa lahat ng aspeto eh di go lang!

Depende din kasi pano kayo magusap ng mga seryosong bagay.
May mga derecho may mga fishing hehe. Kung ano yung effective sa inyo.

[naizlabonita]

Hi sis, I think if you are really mature enough eh hinde naman magiging issue siguru kung ask mo yung plans nya for long term of course kasama na yung marriage dun. He is 47 na pala so I guess pagod na yan sa mga pa tweetums hehe mas seryoso na. I set mo lang na maganda yung mood nyo pareho kapag tatanungin mo na siya ng plans nya or nyo. Good luck sis!

[kvandenhaak]

Five months is really early to talk about marriage regardless of your age. But I would ask something like, "So, how do you see our relationship going. How do you see us in the future?" Kung ako, I will just enjoy whatever we have for now. But it's your call.

[super bratinella]

I agree with sis kvandenhaak just enjoy the relationship, iba na rin ang marriage mas ok kung mas kilala nyo isa't isa.. don't pressure him with the commitment because guys do not like to be pressured, huwag mo muna isipin yang marriage like a baby your relationship should crawl-stand-walk-run.. process muna.

[glamorosa_09]

Sis, unang una, pareho ba kayo ng end goal for entering into this relationship? Pareho ba kayo marriage ang gustong hantungan? Kasi there are people na they just want someone to be intimate with.

It seems like sayo, yun ang end goal mo. Pero sa kanya pwedeng (1) marriage ang end goal nya, or (2) wait-and-see sya tipong kung makita eh di good, kung hindi ayos lang, but kung wala pa enjoy lang muna sya, or (3) gusto lang nya to have someone to be intimate with without marriage/live-in in mind.

If both of you are on (1) and (2), since matured na yung age niyo, I would take it that you are gauging each other as potential lifetime partners. But since matured na nga yung age niyo at may biological time limit (you want to have a kid pa), you can't wait forever. You also need to know if he feels the same way too or if he's just stringing you along if he realized na hindi pa ikaw.

So I suggest put a time limit kung hanggang kelan ka mag-eenjoy the moment. Kung 21 y/o ka, pwede ka pag maghintay hanggang 10 years. But with your goal in mind, hindi ito pwede. Now it's up to you kung kelan ka mag-dederecho or mag-bibigay ng hints about marriage or future plans. Pwedeng after a year or two. Pero maganda kasi, by that time, nararamdaman mo na rin sana na "ikaw na" without guessing.

Meron nga akong kilala (not personally though) late 30's na rin, bago pa lang magstart ng dating dinerecho na ni babae si lalaki, saying something like, "if you're not doing this to be married eventually, then I don't want to waste my time." In the end, nagkatuluyan naman sila. What's important was they were both on the same page from the beginning.

On the other hand, how can you be sure that he's the one for you after just 5 months of dating? Did he meet your criteria na ba of a lifetime partner (e.g., respectful, kind, financially stable). Being matured, mas mahigpit nga ang criteria compared sa younger and inexperienced ones. You don't need to answer here.

In the end, I think you need to strike some balance. Hindi nagmamadali pero hindi rin magpapatagal.

[amethyst028]

hi thanks for all those who replied.

last night we had a serious conversation. he said he wants to have another kid soon coz he doesn't want to be too old to take care of a baby. i told him as for me i need to be married first this time because i don't want to make the same mistake. but i don't want to be married just because of my body clock. i want to do it for the right reasons.

he said he is taking it slow with me coz he doesn't want to mess it up. he is doing his best to make sure it works out daw. and you girls are right we are still in the getting to know you stage. the stakes are higher when you are older coz you're more practical and rushing into anything especially marriage is never a good idea.

[naizlabonita]

hi thanks for all those who replied.

last night we had a serious conversation. he said he wants to have another kid soon coz he doesn't want to be too old to take care of a baby. i told him as for me i need to be married first this time because i don't want to make the same mistake. but i don't want to be married just because of my body clock. i want to do it for the right reasons.

he said he is taking it slow with me coz he doesn't want to mess it up. he is doing his best to make sure it works out daw. and you girls are right we are still in the getting to know you stage. the stakes are higher when you are older coz you're more practical and rushing into anything especially marriage is never a good idea.

Wow good for you sis at least you now have peace of mind and you know where both of you are going!

[glamorosa_09]

I'm wondering. He said he wants to have another kid soon. Then you replied, you want to be married first. He answered, he is taking it slowly with you. Parang the "soon" and "slowly" didn't match up.  So is it like he's a bit in a hurry to have a baby but taking his time in your relationship? Na-confuse lang ako.

[kaythrielle]

Ako din naguluhan sa sinabi ng guy. Parang base dun, gusto ka nya anakan pero kasal pag-iisipan muna? Ano kaya yun!? Huwag kang pumayag sis! Lol sencia na got carried away.
Seriously, be firm on your stand. Marriage first before baby. Huwag kang papadala sa mga sweet talk.

"He is taking it slow...doesn't want to mess it up...doing his best to make sure it works..." Having a baby is not taking it slow. It's a major responsibility na for only a five month relationship.

Medyo confusing lang.

[kvandenhaak]

Maybe it he meant that he wanted to make sure both of them are ready in all aspects before having the baby. Let's face it, that's a life changing decision. Unfortunately, biological clock is the girl's main concern.

[amethyst028]

haha hindi naman sa gusto niya magka baby kame ng walang kasal. he just mentioned that he wanted another kid soon but it's not like he is asking me to give him one right away.

we are taking it slow kasi we both have marriage as our end goal. so we are both very careful and making sure na if ever we do it kame talaga yung right for each other. it's better like that coz if it happens we both know ito na talaga yung para sa amin. and we can always not continue kung somewhere along the way we realize hindi pala.

financially we are both ok he is a vp of a multinational company and i own a business. we both earn 6 figures income a month, he has a condo i have a house, we both have a car. nag iingat lang kame pareho kasi mahirap basta sugod ng sugod then palpak pala in the end.

[Girltalker2]

I'm wondering. He said he wants to have another kid soon. Then you replied, you want to be married first. He answered, he is taking it slowly with you. Parang the "soon" and "slowly" didn't match up.  So is it like he's a bit in a hurry to have a baby but taking his time in your relationship? Na-confuse lang ako.

If he wants to have a kid, he should be thinking if he should find a partner na early 30s so he can take his time.
But if he wants you, he can or cannot have another kid, ok lang. instead can adopt your kid din.

Blended marriages are never simple coz you have kids to consider. Perhaps if things are really getting there, baka time na mag bonding and mga bata with both of you and see how it goes.

[amethyst028]

^hi sis. i plan to talk to him about marriage and having another baby by end of this year since my bday is january and i'll be 39 na. just so we both know where we're at and where we're going with this. he always says "when we get married....." during our conversations. pero too early pa rin kasi talaga.

i'll introduce my son to him in a few months. my son has never met any guy friend or boyfriend kaya medyo big deal pag may pinakilala ako sa kanya. as for blended family, we'll make up the rules as we go along. he asks about my son from time to time. he wants to meet him ako lang yung may ayaw for now.