Should I let go or hold on?

[shesgullible]

Hi sisses! I've been a lurker here in gt for quite some time now. Nagsign up ako two years ago I think, wanting to ask you gters some advice. But ngayon lang ako nagpost kasi akala ko matatapos din.                                                              My husband has a mistress since 2012, if my guess is right. Ilang beses ko na syang kinonfront. Marami ng iyakan, aminan, away ang nangyari, muntik na paghihiwalay pero until now kami pa din, and it breaks my heart pero like us, ganun din sila. You'll ask siguro kung bakit ang tagal na, pero ganito pa din. My husband has been very good to me and to our kids. Everytime na maghihiwalay na kami, lagi kaming nagkakaayos. Bumabawi sya palagi, as in parang walang iba. And then after ilang months, may makikita na naman akong proof sa celfon nya na tuloy pa din sila. Ang sakit mga sisses.  I want to confront that b**** and slap her hard on the face. I don't know kung ano ba dapat gawin.

[shinies]

Eto pwede makatulong http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php?topic=234382.0

Depende kasi yan ano yung desisyon para sa iyo at para sa pamilya mo
- hold on at tiisin yang mistress niya?
- let go para makakamit ng kapayapaan?

Ang pagbawi niya kasi, alam niya bibigay ka at hindi ka talaga aalis. Pero hindi na yan magbabago si mister..

[naizlabonita]

Hi TS,

I do not know pero mukang mahirap nga yan.  Yung change kasi nagmumula talaga kay mister. Mukang ang ginagawa nya lang is undoing, bumabawi sa mali nyang nagawa then pag nahuli na naman babawi uli papakita na naman na good boy siya. Parang nangyayare eh is he can always get away with what he did. And the cycle goes on, pedeng same girl or ibang girl naman.

Dapat siguru mas maging firm ka..ipakita mong hindi mo na kayang itolerate yang ginagawa nya.
Kasi lalo yan syempre feel yan ng mga anak nyo yung tension yung galit.
Then ikaw din stressful yan on your end. Nakaka cancer kaya ang stress. hehe

Kung nangako naman si mister na titigilan na talaga nya and talagang remorseful siya well, you can hold on pero kung ganyang paulit ulit.. you have to make a choice. Agree ako sa options below ni sis shinies.

[Girltalker2]

TS, mukhang lalampasan mo ang pagtitiis ko ah. I waited for 10 years. Then I saw the light, packed my bags and left. Never returned. Never regretted.

                                                  Everytime na maghihiwalay na kami, lagi kaming nagkakaayos. Bumabawi sya palagi, as in parang walang iba. And then after ilang months, may makikita na naman akong proof sa celfon nya na tuloy pa din sila. Ang sakit mga sisses.

Same here. Pero sakin, Hindi kami naghihiwalay. More of desedido nako na ayaw ko na, then parang babait na naman sya as if nothing happened. And the cycle goes on.

I want to confront that b**** and slap her hard on the face.

Usually normal intuition is sa kabit tayo nagagalit. But in reality it is your husband who created this mess. Sya dapat ang sampalin mo.

[kvandenhaak]

Let go! You will not regret it.

[Girltalker2]

^ come to think of it, wala pa ata akong narinig who let go and regretted it. Wala pa talaga. Kahit dito sa GT.

[khaleesiCersei]

Iba iba kasi ang level ng patitiis ng tao. May mga asawa na payag sa pambabae ng mister nila basta sila ang legal wife at sa kanila umuuwi. Or pride siguro, feeling nila talo sila pag bumitaw sila. Meron namang mas nananaig ang respeto sa sarili kaya umaalis na lang. Nasa syo yan sis kung ano at hanggang saan ang kaya mong sikmurain. May anak na ba sila? Baka meron na hindi mo lang alam.

Pero mukhang hindi ka na din makatiis.. siguro let go na. Mas mahalaga ang peace of mind sis kesa magtiis sa ganyang sitwasyon. Dun sa babae, if you think confronting her will make you feel better, go. But do not expect na titigil siya. She won't. Hanggat pinapaasa siya ng asawa mo kagaya ng pagpapaasa niya sa yo, hindi sya bibitaw.

[shesgullible]

Thank you mga sis sa replies nyo. Sa isip ko naman mga sis, alam ko na tama na, bitaw na. Pero kapag andyan na sya, defenses ko ang nalelet go ko. We married young and have been together for more than 13 years. And almost all those years, am just a stay-at-home wife. My life revolves around him. Kaya ang hirap. Natatakot ako kung ano mangyayari pag wala na kami. Parang di ko kaya sisses. Sobrang sakit. Di ko kasi naisip na pwede pala nyang magawa yun, magmahal ng dalawa at the same time? Ouch, ang sakit talaga.

[Shadow Angel]

Sabi mo he's been good to you para sa akin nawawala ang pagiging good once na nagcheat. Sa totoo lang masakit man words ko pero ginagago ka lang nya kasi paulit ulit. Ikaw naman pa martir effect. Alam ko madaling sabihin pero kung noon pa lang nag first cheat sya nagiisip ka na paano maging independent para if magloko sya ulit may plan b ka. Let go mo na ganyan tao..

[kittypaw]

Give him ultimatum. Umalis ka w/ your kids, he has to see what it's like to lose his family, yan ang malaking fear ng mga dads.

[Girltalker2]

Ts, Ilan kids nyo? Age?
You're a stay at home mom, where do you get your income?
Have you stashed some savings para maka start ka ulit?
May business/work/career ka ba?

If you're not ready to let go, have a plan. If you need time, then take it. Took me 10 years. Pero I'm glad within that 10 years, habang urong sulong ang emotions ko, I focused on my kids and on my career. Minsan tempted nako mag resign at nahirapan ako humanap ng yaya nung baby palang 1st born ko, but God had been good, Hindi nyako hinayaan.

So I saved and saved, continued saving. Sabi ko baka magbago pa sya. If magbago sya, eh di may savings kami. We can travel together and enjoy our retirement. But if di sya nagbago, I can walk out. Which I did, let go and filed an annulment.

The peace of mind is priceless. Walang katumbas.

[glamorosa_09]

Baka defenses mo ang kailangan mong palakasin. Paano ka ba nya suyuin at lambingin?

Financially naman, kung hindi mo pa kaya, baka you can start taking some baby steps. Maybe you can think of a field (employment or business) kung saan pwede ka kumita.

Regarding revolving your world around him, well, that's the problem. Ano ba sya, araw ba sya na pag nawala eh didilim ang mundo mo?

Meron din naman talagang dalawang families. Pero I guess one should make a decision, if one can accept it or not. If you know to yourself that you can never accept this set up, then take some steps. Di ka pwede umasa na mag-gi-give way sayo yung isa. It's not gonna happen. Asawa mo dapat gumawa ng desisyon dyan. Pero nakagawa na rin nga sya ng desisyon --dalawa kayo. And he's pouring his energy to work the two relationships out.

[shesgullible]

Ts, Ilan kids nyo? Age?
You're a stay at home mom, where do you get your income?
Have you stashed some savings para maka start ka ulit?
May business/work/career ka ba?

Sis, ages 12 and 5. Lahat ng sahod nya nakukuha ko, manghihingi lang sya ng allowance nya. Eto madalas pa nyang sinasabi, na wala daw pera para mambabae. Eh we both know that in his kind of work madali silang makapagliquidate ng pera, lahat pa free.
Same company nga pala sila, but in different branches.

[shesgullible]

Sis glamorosa, para kasi kami nung nagstart pa lang na palagi pa ding magkatext, magkatawagan, video calls even.  I love you pa din palagi. Mga ganun. Well, mukhang ganun din naman sila.

Kaya everytime na sasabihin kong maghiwalay na kami, he would say na ang bilis ko daw bumitaw. Why is it so easy for me daw. Ako daw ang pinili nya at wala na daw sila nun. Uuwi sya na parang walang nangyari. And then may makikita na naman ako or malalaman, ganun ulit. Parang kanta, repeat chorus until fade.

[plumpolka]

there wont be a #2 if #1 is already enough... and he cant let go of #2 pwedeng dahil mahal talaga nya to and he wont let go of you dahil alam nyang nasayo ang mga anak nya and he doesnt want to leave his kids. so pag isipan mong mabuti, he loves you for you or he loves you because of your kids? kasi im sure, mahal nya kids nya ng pantay pantay, but it can never be "pantay" pagdating sa 2 women. meron syang mas mahal dyan and im sorry but i think yung kabit yun kasi he's staying kahit wala syang anak dun. pero dont lose hope, kailangan lang mawala sa eksena yung kabit and it will happen kung papipiliin mo sya kung kabit o pamilya nya. then dapat, maging firm ka sa magiging desisyon nya.

[glamorosa_09]

@shesgullible

Kaya everytime na sasabihin kong maghiwalay na kami, he would say na ang bilis ko daw bumitaw. Why is it so easy for me daw.

what do you feel about that, sa tuwing sasabihin nya yan?

Sa 13 years na magkasama kayo, ilang beses na kayong may hiwalay-balik instances?

[Girltalker2]

Lahat ng sahod nya nakukuha ko, manghihingi lang sya ng allowance nya. Eto madalas pa nyang sinasabi, na wala daw pera para mambabae. Eh we both know that in his kind of work madali silang makapagliquidate ng pera, lahat pa free.
Same company nga pala sila, but in different branches.

Good you get all his pay.
Sana naman may naitatabi ka na sayo lang. if wala, start ka na magtabi ng di nya alam.
Regarding his allowance naman, if Kaya mo bawasan, or ipambili ng mas mahalaga na bagay, gawin mo.

Same company sila ng kabit? Call center? So it has been the same girl for 5 years? Wala nang ibang gf?
You sure wala silang anak?
Are they living in together? Or araw araw naman nauwi ang asawa mo sayo?

I know these questions hurt a lot. Just wanna know how serious their relationship at ano ba balak nila sa buhay.

Kaya everytime na sasabihin kong maghiwalay na kami, he would say na ang bilis ko daw bumitaw. Why is it so easy for me daw.

Yes it is that easy. Kung gaano kadali nya ikaw lokohin, dapat ganun din kadali mo sya iwan. The fact na he has a mistress, ibig lang sabihin eh wala syang respect sa pagsasama nyo.

Ako daw ang pinili nya at wala na daw sila nun. Uuwi sya na parang walang nangyari. And then may makikita na naman ako or malalaman, ganun ulit. Parang kanta, repeat chorus until fade.

Hirap sa situation nyo kasi sya lang ang kumikita. And since you get to keep his salary, I see the reason why you are staying.
Pero ang Sakit nyan if lagi ka umasa na magbabago sya pero hindi. Ang sakit din tuwing may malalaman ka na namang bago. Parang kang namamatayan ng Paul it ulit.
For now, if you can't leave, keep as much savings for yourself. Or I-insure mo hubby mo na irrevocable na kayo ng mga anak mo ang beneficiaries.

And try to detach yourself from him if you can para di ka na masaktan at di ka narin umasa. Prepare yourself nalang when you're ready. Then another way to forget about him is to find a career or punuin mo scheds mo. Focus on your kids. Study another course or mag business ka. Para di mo na sya naiisip at magiging independent ka rin.

[Girltalker2]

Kaya everytime na sasabihin kong maghiwalay na kami, he would say na ang bilis ko daw bumitaw. Why is it so easy for me daw.

Yes it is that easy. Kung gaano kadali nya ikaw lokohin, dapat ganun din kadali mo sya iwan. The fact na he has a mistress, ibig lang sabihin eh wala syang respect sa pagsasama nyo.

Ako daw ang pinili nya at wala na daw sila nun. Uuwi sya na parang walang nangyari. And then may makikita na naman ako or malalaman, ganun ulit. Parang kanta, repeat chorus until fade.

Hirap sa situation nyo kasi sya lang ang kumikita. And since you get to keep his salary, I see the reason why you are staying.
Pero ang Sakit nyan if lagi ka umasa na magbabago sya pero hindi. Ang sakit din tuwing may malalaman ka na namang bago. Parang kang namamatayan ng Paul it ulit.
For now, if you can't leave, keep as much savings for yourself. Or I-insure mo hubby mo na irrevocable na kayo ng mga anak mo ang beneficiaries.

And try to detach yourself from him if you can para di ka na masaktan at di ka narin umasa. Prepare yourself nalang when you're ready. Then another way to forget about him is to find a career or punuin mo scheds mo. Focus on your kids. Study another course or mag business ka. Para di mo na sya naiisip at magiging independent ka rin.

[shesgullible]

Plumpolka, narealize ko na din yun. Kasi nga di sana sila magtatagal kung hindi. Sinasabi nya din na matagal na daw na ako ang pinili nya. Alam nya daw ang gusto nya and its his family daw.

[simang]

^naniniwaka ka dyan? Na ikaw ang pinili? Kahit ano pang sabihin nya if hindi naman nagrereflect sa ginagawa nya, paniniwalaan mo pa rin ba?

May anak ka bang babae, sis? Imagine your daughter being in this situation, anong advice ang ibibigay mo sa kanya?