How do you deal with your partner's parents?

[Ocarina1]

Hello all! 

quick info: fiance and I have been close friends before dating and we already shared our woes to each other so we?re familiar with each other's family background.

While my issues change and often gets solved, his doesnt so we end up talking about the same thing over and over again - his parents. They always argue due to petty things and escalate to cursing, with the mother always blaming the father for their family situation (not enough money, not living a comfortable life, how the father's savings got depleted and how she ended up working for the family, etc.). Fiance is already in his 30s and working, financially stable. But all the emotional burden gets dumped on him, and he's now in a crisis because after we get married, he has to move overseas with me so we can start a family. He worries that once he leaves there's nobody who would referee between the two. I told my parents about this and they proposed that fiance move his parents to our empty house in Visayas so they can at least live a comfortable life and we have relatives there who can watch over them and help them with daily needs; we have a car there too. France and his father are so open to the idea but the mother is not. Currently, they live in a house they share with the mother's brothers who are always threatening them to leave the house (I have absolutely no freaking idea how the mother can bear the verbal abuses he gets from the brothers). I told fiance to tell his mother to just sell her part of the property so they can leave rather than go through the emotional torture.
The mother is in her mid-60s, has scoliosis and vertigo and dislikes the idea of using a wheelchair for convenience.
The father is in his late 70s and able, but showing signs of sickness already.
Mahal ko sya pero ayoko papiliin sya between me and his parents kasi unfair to him. If I have to break off the engagement so fiance won'tt have to choose between me and his parents, he'll hate me for the rest of his life. Di nya daw kakayanin huhu.
If I choose to stay, how long do I have to wait so we can be together? Ayokong dalhin yung issue ng parents nya sa pagsasama namin.

I don't know what to do. Para kasing yung hadlang samin parents' situation nya kahit di naman against sakin yung parents nya.  tinatawa ko na lang minsan hahahays.

[three8one]

sa amin ng inlaws ko, casual lang. pag nagkikita kami I do the nakaugaliang magmamano then konting usap lang. ganun din naman sila sa akin kamustahan lang then madalas na nila kausap yung wife ko. pag nag bakasyon namin kami sa  inlaws ko, I make sure hindi ako mukhang senyorito sa bahay nila. at ganun din yun asawa ko, binibigyan ako ng task na pwede ko gawin para hindi isipin ng inlaws ko na wala akong pakialam sa bahay nila. atsaka dahil nakabukod kami sa mga parents namin wala kaming kailangan pakisamahan na magulang araw araw. at yun ang sa tingin ko malaki ang naitulong sa amin.

[Ocarina1]

^bro three8one, di ko pa naman sila nakakasama ng matagal. pero LDR kami kaya laging usap sa skype lang, kaso most of the time naririnig ko sa back ground nag aaway parents nya. pag nag aaway nase-stress sya, pag stressed sya naaawa naman ako pero wala naman syang magawa kasi solong anak eh, pag iniwan nya inaalala nya sinong magiging referee pag nag away sila LOL.
bubukod din naman kami sa parents ko pag dating nya dito and ayaw nyang makasama ko sa isang bahay yung parents namin. kaso mahirap mag decision lang talaga para sa akin kung iniisip ko inaalala nya yung parents nya.

[three8one]

siguro kung makausap mo try mo hulihin kiliti ni mother in law. pag nag uusap kayo make her feel comfortable na kausap ka, konting bola bola ika nga. para kahit papano maramdaman naman ni mil mo na may pwede sya maging kakampi since sabi mo lagi nagtatalo yung magasawa. pag nangyari yun, siguro easy na lang sa fianc?/husband mo I discuss yung paglipat nila sa maiiwan nyong bahay. sa ngayon medjo lito ang isip ng fianc? mo kaya ito yung time na kahit wala ka sabihin, kahit wala ka gawin as long as alam nya na nanjan ka sa tabi nya at full support sa kanya malaking malaking tulong yun sa kanya.. palagay ko gumagawa naman ng paraan din yang fianc? mo eh, just wait and be patient lang.

on the other hand, siguro makakatulong kung bigyan nyo na ng apo inlaws mo. hehe!

[Ocarina1]

^ thanks bro.

sinusuportahan ko naman, tinuturuan ko pa nga kung paano biruin yung mother nya pag nagagalit na naman. sa household kasi namin yung parents ko chill talaga, na pag inis si mother nature ko bibiruin lang ni father bear okay na sila. naging honest naman sakin si fiance na may inggit sya sa family ko dahil nakakatuwa yung environment namin sa bahay, pero kinocomfort ko sya and sinasabi ko na one day magiging belong na sya sa amin.

yun din sabi ni fiance baka pag nagka apo na bumait bait na!

ahaha salamat bro, nakaka gaan. God bless to you and your wife!

[simang]

Once your fiance decided to marry you, then ikaw na ang immediate family nya. Ikaw (and your future kids) na ang priority nya above everything. So should you decide na he needs to move abroad with you, then that's a step you both have to agree on. Pero hindi naman ibig sabihin noon eh he has to stop being his parents' child. Anak pa din sya and he may have responsibilities for them still, but sabi ko nga, you should be his priority now.

Sa experience ko, I guess super lucky ko na mabait ang inlaws ko, and I feel like yung dynamics ng family ni husband is almost same sa dynamics na kinalakihan ko sa pamilya ko. Kaya halos walang adjustment.

If your concern is baka magkasakitan yung inlaws mo when your husband moves out, just hope na sana hindi mangyari yun, hehe. You can check on them regularly, kumustahin nyo, and make sure na may makakapag vent out pa rin sila, haha, para di naman totally cold turkey right away. Also, malay mo pag wala na si husband mo sa poder nila, baka wala na silang choice but to tolerate each other. It's either hindi na sila magaway, or totally hindi na sila magusap. Which is better pa din kesa magmurahan sila diba? Hehe. I'm sure you can figure something out. Calling off the wedding is not a good option naman talaga, kasi if you do, hindi din naman masosolve ang issues nila diba.

[Ocarina1]

^ thanks sis simang.
marami talagang offer yung parents ko na tulong kay fiance, kahit pag tingin tingin sa parents nya if ever matuloy nga yung pag lipat nila sa bakanteng bahay namin, kaso di talaga maconvince yung mother nya.

gusto na rin naman nya talaga umalis kasi nung nag bakasyon sya dito ng ilang days na enjoy nya yung time nya dito, wala daw stress. hehe.

we'll talk about it and kakausapin din talaga ulit namin yung mother nya.