Wife "ME" time-not allowed :(

[xtine]

I think there's two sides on every story just like what one of sisses commented. I don't think the husband will react like that kung walang pinang gagalingan. 

Sis, would you know why ganun magreact ang husband mo?  Is there any particular incident na nag trigger ng ganung reaction?

[stebsy]

Afraid of his own ghost??? Nag assume na ako. Sorry naman. Hehe. Kabisado niya na daw kasi yung mga trips na ganyan kaya gusto niya siya ang sasama at magiimbistiga siya kung may boylets doon.

[Dyewel]

Afraid of his own ghost??? Nag assume na ako. Sorry naman. Hehe. Kabisado niya na daw kasi yung mga trips na ganyan kaya gusto niya siya ang sasama at magiimbistiga siya kung may boylets doon.

AGREE... ganyan asawa ng friend ko, strict sa wife yon pala siya ang may tinatago.

[beyondmydailydose]

Finally nakareply na ako mga sis. Thanks. Inappreciate your opinion. That time when I was being accused na walang kwenta. I chose not to fight because I know who I am with regard to that matter and I know how I handle responsibilities for my children. Its a 3 night out of town thing- and I said it is tentative.

Momentarily, I accepted na di na ako matutuloy. I was just thinking sabi nya I can afford to go out without them. Naisip ko lang he went out of town with his officemates and he also had fun technically on his own. How weird:)

[beyondmydailydose]

What do you mean? As in wala paalam?

[khriseeee]

Did you tell him outright that you want some "me" time given that you take care of the household and kids on your own while he travels for business (with some pleasure)?

For me, his reaction is out of proportion, and from what I'm reading, from paranoia on his end. Could be due to what he does on his own trips. What sort of leisurely activities does he do on his business trips??

[beyondmydailydose]

I really do not have an idea why things should appear that way. He does business trips domestic and international to represent his company and perform plant visits. He's alone most of the times but also does trip with colleagues and clients.

You have a point, why think that way?
I am slo quite curious why he's over reacting.

Yesterday, he was mentioning that he might join his officemates again for like a team building and the like. It was easy for him to plan for his own. Actually for this summer, I don't have my summer getaway yet:(

[tomatostellar]

Afraid of his own ghost??? Nag assume na ako. Sorry naman. Hehe. Kabisado niya na daw kasi yung mga trips na ganyan kaya gusto niya siya ang sasama at magiimbistiga siya kung may boylets doon.

kung wala ang side ni mister, eto din suspetsa ko
unless nga may pinaghuhugutan sya

[beyondmydailydose]

I think there's two sides on every story just like what one of sisses commented. I don't think the husband will react like that kung walang pinang gagalingan. 

Sis, would you know why ganun magreact ang husband mo?  Is there any particular incident na nag trigger ng ganung reaction?

Hello sis. I have noticed a lot of times na marami syang inappropriate reactions. Some standards/rules as well na applicable lang sakin pero cannot be applied sa kanya:(

[beyondmydailydose]

kung wala ang side ni mister, eto din suspetsa ko
unless nga may pinaghuhugutan sya

Sis hindi ako mahilig lumabas. Coffee nga sila pa gusto ko kasama. Lahat ng labas ko prioritu sila kasama. Ngayon lang ito na parang gusto ko mag ME time naman. Inassume ko pwede kasi napakadami nya ding labas na wala ako

[tomatostellar]

Ano sapalagay mo sis ang reason nya why he reacted that way?

Kasi kung absolutely wala sya puede pag hugutan ng ganong galit, I would think na verbal abuse yun.
Then he would make you think na kasalanan mo. Sabi mo nga nag apologize ka pa.

Ano pala gusto mo ma-achieve sa pag open ng topic?

[glamorosa_09]

. I have noticed a lot of times na marami syang inappropriate reactions. Some standards/rules as well na applicable lang sakin pero cannot be applied sa kanya:(

does it feel like he always have the upperhand in your relationship? Yung tipong sya palagi ang nasusunod at laging in control.

And when it comes to power in marriage, does it seem like sya yung powerful at ikaw ang powerless?

[beyondmydailydose]

I want to know if I am experiencing a normal life situation. Because I am living with a controller-this is from my myopic point of view:(

[beyondmydailydose]

does it feel like he always have the upperhand in your relationship? Yung tipong sya palagi ang nasusunod at laging in control.

And when it comes to power in marriage, does it seem like sya yung powerful at ikaw ang powerless?

Yes i am definitely powerless.
Choice of clothes, hair style, thimgs I can buy, even to color or not to color my hair, these are all aspects he wants to have control

[glamorosa_09]

In my observation, your powerlessness showed when you apologized after his blown-out-of-proportion reaction and baseless accusation. There are some men who use anger to make their wives subservient to them. Another thing is, when you said that he has rules that are only applicable to you but not to him. I guess one example of this is when he can travel anytime he wants while you can't?

And then with your recent comment, even up to minor aesthetic details, eh he's still the one who has the final say.

It seems like you don't have freedom in your marriage, you have no voice and no will of your own. If I imagine it visually, para kang babaeng may tape ang bibig at nakagapos ang mga kamay. Powerless eh. May tama ba ang visual depiction ko? Kung meron, can you live like that for the rest of your life?

Reclaim your voice, reclaim your will, so that you can reclaim yourself. Baka you have lost the real you in the process of constantly bending yourself for your husband.

In a way, your story is somewhat similar to Kensi in another thread with a manipulative husband. She was able to stand up for herself at a time when she's no longer afraid to lose him. Kasi if you're afraid to lose him, you will always give in to him. I remember Kensi posting that she allowed her husband's treatment of her to define who she is.

The attitude should be like, "respect me, or else, leave." With men like your husband, ganun kadrastic ang move.

Normal ba marriage niyo? Walang respect. Controlling husband. Power is tilted to him. So parang hindi.

In the end, what I want to say is, you deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve to be heard. You have the right to decide and think for yourself. You have the right to have a world outside of your family life so long as you know your most important priority. You have the right to be yourself.

[beyondmydailydose]

Where can i see po kaya yung post ni ms kensi. Ty

[stebsy]

Yes i am definitely powerless.
Choice of clothes, hair style, thimgs I can buy, even to color or not to color my hair, these are all aspects he wants to have control

I feel sorry for you sis. Not living at your own will is not living at all. Ang theme song mo ay... Bilango sa rehas na gawa ng pagibig sayo....

Are you all good with this kind of relationship? Happy ka ba?

[khaleesiCersei]

Gosh sis naalala ko yung ex ko for 8 years, ganyang ganyan siya ka controlling. Wala akong privacy. Sobrang seloso. Sa 8 years na yun nawalan ako ng friends kasi bawal, pag ayaw niya dun sa friend ko ayaw niya kakausapin ko man lang. Pati sa guard bawal makipag usap, bawal din makipag close sa mga friends at cousins niya na lalaki. Pati damit ultimo underwear kelangan approved niya muna.

I lead a double life nung 8 years na yun haha, 2 din ang set of clothes ko, yung isa eh mga damit na binili niya for me at kelangan suot ko pag magkasama kami. Yung isa eh mga damit ko na hindi niya alam hehe. Kasi pag nakita niya mga yun sisirain niya.

Grabe ang mga pagtatago at antics na ginawa ko just to be able to spend time with my friends then at pag nalaman pa niya giyera patani.

I was verbally abused too, he did not hurt me physically pero grabe ang mga masasakit na salita natatangap ko. Hangang sa nag retaliate ako at ako yung nanakit physically just to shut him up. Lahat ng pede kong ibato sa mukha niya ibabato ko matahimik lang bibig niya.
So yun dumating sa point na may pagka violent na ang mga pag aaway namin.

Although sa 8 years na yun mahirap makita yung bad side kasi ramdam ko naman na mahal na mahal niya ako. He treated me like a princess, showered me with gifts. Sobrang sweet at lahat ng klase ng pag aasikaso ginawa niya sakin.

Anyways hindi din kami nagkatuluyan hehe. There were times na he tried winning me back pero tuwing naiisip ko kung gano ako sakal na sakal non, ayoko na balikan yun.

 So the next relationship na pinasukan ko i made sure na may respeto sa boundaries at trust. Ang hirap ng de numero ang kilos. Para kang 10 years old na may pangatlong magulang.

So yun sis na share ko lang hehe naka relate kasi ako sa sinabi mo.

Tama sila sana mahanap mo din yung voice mo. Alam ko ang feeling ng ganyan yung tipong kelangan mo na lang manahimik para lang walang away but deep down nanlalaban yung loob mo  lalo na pag alam mong wala ka naman ginagawang masama. Mahirap kimkimin yan, naiipon at sumasabog.

[lexi_girl]

^^amen, sis glamorosa!!!

Sis, i hope you find empowerment and confidence in yourself. My husband used to be controlling too, when we were bf-gf he was controlling na. Maybe because i let him and he saw a weakness in me na id rather go with his wishes than start an argument/fight with him. I was a housewife for a while caring for our baby, he doesn't give me allowance kaya what little money i had, i saved it. My world revolved around him and the baby back then, i was contented naman (it was my choice din) but i knew i was isolated from everyone else. Ang liit ng mundo ko nun halos wala akong social life. I started to feel empowered when  we started a new business, i'm the one who is managing it. The business flourished, i developed a whole new confidence in myself and and from that he saw me as an equal, that my decisions and choices matter. Kaya now whenever we fight, i give it to him.. if he raises his voice, i will raise mine too, if he gives me the cold shoulder, i will give mine too. Build your confidence, sis, learn how to fight back.. demand respect, don't be the martyr. It will be hard to earn his respect if you keep on being the doormat lalo na for those who are manipulative and controlling people. If you let this continue, you will begin to resent your husband. God knows i've resented mine.

[althea_ge]

sis sa response niya sobrang weird and obvious na may ginagawa siyang kagaguhan sa pag travel travel niya :

Bakit ba atat na atat ka bumyahe? Huwag moko gaguhin kasi kabisado ko ang pagbyahe byahe na yan.

My advise is observe mo siya, kung ako yan manghihinala na ko.