Wife "ME" time-not allowed :(

[beyondmydailydose]

To start with, I am a mom of two and a working mom as well. My husband travels a lot because of the nature of his work. He can actually bring us if we have funds. When he travels, I understand because it is part of work. In most cases, he can incorporate leisure in his business travels.

I am a career woman-I have a full time job and I have a business as well. When my husband is not around, I take full responsibility on my kids and everything is fine. I rarely go out with friends, in fact, I choose to go out or have getaways with my family.

Because it's summer. I had thoughts of joining my friends to have an out of town adventure. It's still tentative because I have to consult as well my husband on this matter.
I actually did, few days ago and I told my husband these things:

Me: Daddy hindi na ako sasama sa mga ibang outing-even company outing namin. Yung getaway lang sana na request ko is (I mentioned the dates)- sa Cebu. Visit ko yung friends ko and baka sumama din si Mary Grace. Isa sa close friends ko.

Him: official ba yan? Bakit ang tagal? Magpaalam ka muna sa anak mo. ..Kasi di ba umiiyak siya pag umaalis ka. teka, ano kaya kung gumawa din ako ng business trip ko then imeet kita dun?

Me; Ahh sige..

Him: Ano ba kasi gagawin mo dun. Bakit ang tagal?

Me; Outing daddy , swimming, OSLOB 

Conversation Interrupted***

The next day- driving to work and having convo:

Me: Dad, sama ko na lang yung eldest natin tutal magagawan ko naman ng paraan yung sa funds

Him: Talagang siya yung isasamo ano?

Me: Yes, di ba sabi mo you will fix your itenerary?

Him: (NOW SHOUTING AT ME and IS VERY MAD) Hindi ko alam sayo! Ang kapal ng mukha mo para lumabas ng hindi kasama ang pamilya mo. Anong klaseng ina ka? Hindi naman official yan e. Kung official yan maiintindihan ko pero hindi e!
Bakit ba atat na atat ka bumyahe? Huwag moko gaguhin kasi kabisado ko ang pagbyahe byahe na yan.

Me: About to burst but controlling myself. Merong outing ang asawa ko for 3 days out of town malayo. It's okay with me. Naisip ko na mag eenjoy din naman siya na hindi kami kasama pero nauunawaan ko dahil time nya din yun sa sarili nya. And I said, sinabi ko tentative yun and kung ayaw niya pwede naman na huwag nya ako sigawan at pagsabihan ng masasakit na salita.

Him: Kung itutuloy mo yan ang kapal na talga ng mukha mo...

Me; Kept silent and even apologized.


Please let me know your thoughts lovelies...


Mga sis hindi po ako makareply sa thread. Can you help me, newbie here..


Update 1:  Lovelies thanks for your response, dito muna po ako sasahot
Kasi i am not allowed pa. The trip is 3
Nights lang all in all.
May pinag iiwanan kami sa mga anak namin, my mother and hey have a yaya as well.
Thanks sa inyo:) Alam nyo it's hard to communicate with him, in most cases, he stonewalls:(

[hushush]

^sis may i know how long (how many days) is your planned vacay in cebu bago kami magcomment about your husband's reaction about it..kasi di ko ata nabasa eh..

[xtine]

Ang harsh naman sis.  I think you need to ask your husband what  might be the issue if you join the outing., then find solution for each issues.  You need to understand where he is coming from para naman you can compromise. 

[ficklemind]

what a reaction from your hubby sis! ganyan ba siya usually magsalita sayo? 'Kapal ng mukha talaga' agad agad 'Anong klaseng ina' na agad?  I mean pwede  naman niyan mapagusapan ng maayos, sabihin niya sayo na ayaw niya then eto mga reasons,  Hinde yung 'gaguhin' agad ang banat niya.
Naiintindihan kita sis sa 'Me Time' mo, kelangan din talaga yan. Swerte nga ng hubby mo kasi his job requires to travel a lot so hinde siya full time with your kids, Eh ikaw nagttrabaho ka na nga tapos nagaalaga ka pa ng mga bata.
Btw sis, how old are your kids? may mapagiiwanan ka ba sa kanila like your parents? Kung may magaalaga naman sa kanila, why not diba?

 I admire you sis at hinde ka pumatol at nagapologize ka pa!

[Shadow Angel]

Huh bakit parang ang OA ng reaction ng hubby mo sis. Ang off kasi ng sagot nya. Ang harsh ng words para lang sa paalam about trips. Anong ibig nya sabihin sa alam na alam na nya trips na ganyan. Takot sya mag gateway ka without him? Bakit? May trust issue ba kayo before or sya ba may ginawa iba during his trips?

[quinone]

in my opinion, start small. night out with ladies muna then uwi ng maaga. nabigla siya overnight na, out of town pa. 

[plumpolka]

bat ganon? parang ang negative agad ng reaction nya. di ba maganda nga sa mag-asawa na you still have private lives outside marriage? tsaka yung alam nya yung mga 'byahe-byahe' na yan, bakit nya lalagyan ng meaning yung outing na ganyan, is it because ginagawa nya din yan pag buma-byahe sya (takot sa sariling multo) o baka naman nagka-trust issues sya sayo? he's even playing the guilt card. na wala kang kwentang ina if sumama ka sa outing na yan.

[yannuh]

Sorry sis ang oa ng reaction ng hubby mo. Parang defensive din when he said alam ko nangyayari sa mga outing na ganyan. Parang me something sa kanya. Nakakaloka!

[chicafabulosa]

What the???!!!! Sorry but your husband is over reacting. Bakit ganun sya magsalita sayo? Para namang walang respeto sayo sya sis. Sorry to be blunt ha, but baka sya ang may ginagawa na milagro.  Sa line nya sinabi sayo na "kabisado ko yang byahe byahe na yan".. Mapapaisip ka eh. Kung wala syang ginagawa na milagro bakit sya makakapag isip sayo ng ganun.. Akin lang yun sis ha pero try to think about it too. May double meaning yung sinabi nya sayo. Kung ako ang nasa position mo, mag iisip ako agad, red flag yun agad

[shinies]

Yun din ang mga tanong ko
- gaano katagal yung vacation
- bakit ganyan si mister umasal at magsalita
-

May trust issue ba kayo before or sya ba may ginawa iba during his trips?

- ETO:

baka sya ang may ginagawa na milagro.  Sa line nya sinabi sayo na "kabisado ko yang byahe byahe na yan".. Mapapaisip ka eh. Kung wala syang ginagawa na milagro bakit sya makakapag isip sayo ng ganun.. Akin lang yun sis ha pero try to think about it too. May double meaning yung sinabi nya sayo. Kung ako ang nasa position mo, mag iisip ako agad, red flag yun agad

Baka nga ito yun

start small. night out with ladies muna then uwi ng maaga. nabigla siya overnight na, out of town pa. 

?

O kaya si mister yata yung tipo na lalaking gusto kasali sa pagdedesisyon? Kasi nung una ok pa eh nagbabalak pa siya magayos ng schedule para makasama.
Pero nung sinabi "sama ko na lang yung eldest natin" nasidestep siya kaya ayun sumabog?

[ficklemind]

^ oo nga sis, nung una ok pa siya mukhang sasama pa  ,  tapos sa next conversation nagiba timpla nung parang 'si eldest na lang isasama' , sumabog na    questioned na pagiging ina ni TS at  kakapalan ng mukha. Masyadong harsh!

actually nalilito ako kung 'isasama mo' or 'isasamo' (kasi yung isasamo parang ginagawang pang bargain si eldest)

Agree ako sa inyo mga sis, may something sa "Bakit ba atat na atat ka bumyahe? Huwag moko gaguhin kasi kabisado ko ang pagbyahe byahe na yan."
Gawain ata 

[wandergirl1980]

Hi TS! I will give your husband the benefit of the doubt kung nagalit man siya. First, hindi ko alam kung ilang days ba yung trip mo. Second, di ko alam kung ilang taon yung iba pang kids mo na iiwan mo.

BUT, unacceptable yung way of expressing his emotions, i.e. sabihan kang makapal ang mukha at anung klaseng ina ka, at palabasin na you're not trustworthy.

Question lang sis. Kelan ba ang trip mo? Ilang araw ba? Saka bakit yung eldest ang isasama mo instead of yung mas nakababata na maaring mas kelangan ka?

[glamorosa_09]

Reading the situation, for me, tip of the iceberg lang yung me-time issue. IF their communication has a pattern of disrespect, contempt, insult from the husband, I think that is where the bigger problem lies. But then, probably, TS is used to this kind of communication already. Maybe she has learned to adapt to it. Nag-apologize sya after nyang makatanggap ng maaanghang na salita. Nagpaalam lang sya ng maayos, wala pang desisyon talaga. Is this their typical dynamics?

Anybody who is in a typical, good marriage will notice na kakaiba ang communication nila.

Suggestion to the presenting problem of me-time issue? Wala eh. Kasi parang pinuputol lang yung tip ng damo.

But maybe I`m just reading too much out of the situation.

[kvandenhaak]

There's always two sides of the story. I am curious kung ano yung ke hubby. Medyo off masyado ang reaction for something that seems not of a big deal.

[khaleesiCersei]

Hi Ts para makapag reply ka sa thread kelangan mo muna mag post sa ibang threads or i suggest i-edit edit mo na lang yung original post mo para makapag post ka ng updates sa situation mo. About your husband's reaction kung ako yun sis sisigawan ng ganyan at sasabihan ng masakit na salita bababaan ko ng phone at hindi ko kakausapin. sa totoo lang hindi ko maintindihan bakit kelangan ng permiso ng asawa para makalabas or magawa yung gusto mong gawin bilang isang individual. I mean, partners kayo di ba? Husband and wife. Hindi nyo magulang ang isat isa para magpaalamanan at pigilan ang mga mababaw na kaligayahan ng isa't isa. Imo kasi it is but right to let your partner know of your plans na yung mga paglabas with friends or me time na mga ganyan. You let him know kasi out of respect and syempre para alam niya kung saan ka pupunta at anong gagawin mo at para hindi siya mag worry di ba?. Samin kasi ni hubby ganyan kami, we let each other know if we plan to meet friends etc but never kami nag ask ng permission from each other kasi we find it too petty and unecessary na gawin pang issue yung mga ganong bagay. The only time na kinokontra namin ang isat isa is pag nagkataon na may previous plans na kami tapos remind namin isat isa na ops hindi pede kasi may usapan na tayo na ganito gagawin natin on that day, mga ganon lang.
And please sis sana don't let him talk down on you like that. Let him know how hurtful that is and how disrepectful. Napaka walang ka kwenta kwentang bagay para pagsalitaan ka ng makapal ang mukha na parang may masama kang gagawin. Ituloy mo yang getaway mo, pabayaan mo siya. Pareho kayong parents, hindi lang ikaw kaya wala siyang k na ibato sa yo lahat ng responsibility to look after your kids at lalong wala siyang k to make you feel guilty of having your well deserved me time. Bagong milenyo na nineteen kopong kopong pa rin siya mag isip hehe.

[kaythrielle]

Mukhang may ibang issue si mister at naging trigger lang yan.

[yn061515]

Scary naman si husband.
Sa  halip na calm nya ipaliwanag kung bakit ayaw nya, meron agad "kapal ng mukha" at "anong klase kang ina". Sabi nga nila, hamakin mo ng lahat wag lang ang pagiging ina ng isang babae.

I fully understand where this hurt of yours is coming from.
Ako, early on alam ng asawa 'ko na hindi nya ako pwedeng pagsalitaan ng ganyan dahil ina ako ng anak nya and if he doesn't respect me, he knows he'll be put to his rightful place.

You were just asking for some me time at may mag-aalaga naman sa mga bata na mapagkakatiwalaan. You even offered to bring one of the kids. He should have considered that. He should have noticed that.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ang set up nyo mag-asawa. I mean, kung sya ba lagi nasusunod, or kung super takot ka sa kanya, or kung pantay lang kayo, or kung anuman ang history nyo. But I do know na no one can judge you like that na wala kang kwentang ina. That's way beyond foul.

Kapag minsan na nasa gitna kami ng argument ni husband and I start to feel the gigil on my stomach and buong katawan, I choose to look or go away muna tapos later on babalikan ko sya pag medyo kalmado nako. Bihira na nasasabihan ako ni husband ng something bad like "ang tamad mo naman" kasi alam nya magtitrigger yun ng away pero when he accidentally does, kalma muna ako. Otherwise yung nginig ng tyan ko at panting ng tenga ko sa galit... you see where I'm going with this?

Back to your dilemma, just talk with him and tell him to stay calm and never ever say things like that to you again. You have all the right. Mag-asawa kayo. Respect and freedom (with boundaries) should always be there.  You are not asking for a million dollars, you are jut asking for some me time. Everyone, especially a working mom raising 2 kids deserves that!

[happie]

Interesting... I'm surprised with his reaction.  Makes me wonder if he has hugot or if he is hiding something. 

[Pinklet]

hello sis... sad to hear your story.. bakit ganun sya magreact, anong alam nya sa pabyahe byahe... siguro may ginagawa sya sa pabyahe byahe nya.. you should wonder too. 

But anyways... hindi ko ata matake yung sabihan ako na makapal ang mukha ko.. buti na lang si hubby ko, pinayagan nya ako magbohol kasama ang friends ko..ok lang naman sa kanya.. we always chat at happy naman sya na nakalabas ako with my bffs. lagi lang nya ako check kung nasan na..

sana mapaliwanag mo ng ayos sa hubby mo.. or at least magsalita sya ng mahinahon.. ako talaga lagi ko ginigiit na maayos ako makipagusap.. hindi ako nakikipaggigilan... lagi ako mahinahon.. kaya ang gusto ko din mahinahon ang sagot sakin.

[lonely_dad]

buti nga kayo nagpapaalam sa husband ninyo
yung magaling kong asawa malalaman ko na lang paalis na the next day