Undecided at 30

[shy008]

I'm not really sure what to do with my life. I'm 30, single and never really had any serious/official relationship with someone. I became my family's breadwinner when my eldest sibling got married. At this point of my life, when most of my friends my age - even those younger than me, seem to head to the direction they wanted..then here I am trying to figure out what to do in my life. I resigned from my job and opted to do freelance so I can avoid the questions from the people around me. I've been working for several years, and yet I haven't saved anything for myself. I can't tell my family that I want to move out , as they're still dependent on me. Not that I don't want to support them anymore, it's just that, I think I've forgotten about myself and I'm running out of time now. I feel that I've missed a lot. Not that I regret supporting my family, I even embraced the responsibility for a long time now. I know that what I feel now isn't really directed to finances or anything with it, it's because I realized I'm not happy but I don't want to hurt my family as well. I don't want to grow alone, I want to experience the world, break free and die happy but now I'm beginning to question what happiness really is. Is it you being happy about you or should it be you making the people you loved happy?

[handlewithcare]

^I feel you sis. Buti ka pa nga mejo mas bata ng konti. Ako mid-30s na pero still don't know what to do with my life. I'm stuck with a job that I don't like. Hindi naman ako makapag-resign kc breadwinner din ako. Like you, I wanna be free. I want to be able to do the things that I like. I think that's what happiness is all about.. doing things not because it's your responsibility but because you enjoy doing it.
 
God bless sa atin!😊

[mynameisjuaiy]

Hi sis! I am on my 30's too, never entered in a relationship. Many times I fell in love but not reciprocated. Yung mga tao sa paligid ko passively pressuring me na I should be married. I am unemployed. Like you, minsan feeling ko hindi ako masaya. Pero alam mo, nanjan na kasi yan. Yung predicament mo na hindi ka free because of your responsibility...alam mo para sa akin isang kasiyahan ang pagtulong sa mga magulang. Hanggat nanjan sila itreasure mo yun. Bawat pag gising mo sa umaga at nakita mo buhay sila, ipagpasalamat mo sa Dios yun. Kahit nadedeprive tayo minsan di tayo makapagtravel o kung ano man, ok lang. Isama mo sila sa mga travel plans mo...sama mo sila pag kakain sa labas. Ganun..anyway, yung mga friends natin our age may iba na priority kaya di na rin sila makakasama sa mga galaan..

[annd]

same here mga sis. ako naman 29 na. ako naman, hindi breadwinner. ive been working for almost 7 years nadin, ang sakin lang, wala ako ipon at may konting asa pa sa parents ko kasi naman, gusto nila palagi na umuwi ako ng weekend e ang layo samin, kaya binibigyan pa nila ako ng allowance papunta pabalik sa province namin kasi sinabi . ako naman, pinipressure na magkaroon ng boyfriend, sa totoo lang, parang nasa point na ako na ayaw ko naman na magboyfriend, kasi baka maloko at iwanan ako. parang ok lang sakin na mag-isa at gusto ko na lang mag-ipon at magtravel. kaya lang, madalas naman ang pressure sakin ng nanay ko na maghanap ng boyfriend. ang problema, parang yung mama ko ang gusto magboyfriend kasi may criteria din siya at ayaw pa ata sa foreigner. e ang gusto ko sana foreigner ang boyfriend. ang dami kasing drama kapag pinoy. yun lang, gusto ko lang din mahanap yung purpose ko sa buhay. kasi right now, ang routinary ng buhay ko. trabaho monday to friday, tulog naman ng sabado, at pasyal kasama family sa sunday. parang gusto ko magmission. like yung mga outreach program, or magstay sa isang sanctuary. mga ganun. hehe

[And1moon]

Is it you being happy about you or should it be you making the people you loved happy?

It depends kase kung saan ka truly masaya. If you are happy making your loved ones happy for the next 40 years, then by all means dun ka But if you start resenting them and yourself, then hindi na healthy yan.

But it isn't about choosing one over the other - but rather, prioritizing what you want plus bonggang balancing act and willpower:

1. Prioritizing - kung ano ba talaga ang mahalaga sa yo, then set goals para maachieve mo yun. For example, sabi mo wala ka pang ipon so set a savings goal, like in a month makapagtabi ka ng Php 2k so in a year you'll have 24k -- which you can use para makapag-adventure ka, and/or seed money mo to eventually move out. Also set a goal (and how to achieve them) for the next 5 years, e.g. in 2 years dapat you will move out na, or nakapunta ka na ng Cebu, or in 3 years you would have started your own business na. Whatever you prioritise, really.

2. Balancing act - comes in when kelangan mo na ibalance yung needs mo and the needs of your family - because both are not always aligned. And it's not always about material things, but what's good for you and them, e.g. you living your own life and breaking the cycle of dependency.

3. Willpower - is sticking to your goals over n number of years and not giving up just because of some setback.

And you are definitely NOT running out of time - if you think it's too late na para magkaron ng asawa at anak at 30, then you can adopt naman kung 40+ ka na. Getting married and having kids won't be the answer to your woes. Get out, have mini adventures, join Tinder, join Random Road Trips so you can meet new friends AND get on adventures, etc. Good luck

[Girltalker2]

Sometimes di kaya pagod lang and negative thoughts ang kumakain satin kaya feeling natin di tayo masaya?

Minsan di naman kailangan umalis ka sa house, minsan kelangan mo lang ng 'me' time by doing something you like - hobby, or matulog ka hanggang sa gusto mo ng isang weekend/weekday, join different groups/activities to explore your passion. Kung di mo gusto, next. Hanggang along the way, yung journey mo, it is there you find friends and different experiences.

List down what you wanna do and aim for them. Experiment on things like doing it for the first time - try mo mag gym, cook, bike or whatever

[missreese]

i'm on my 30s and in a long term relationship, gustong gusto ko na magkapamilya pero parang di matupad tupad (naiiyak ako.. haha)... di kami makapagplan kasi sa side ni bf, his mom is sick (terminally ill), di siya makapagwork dahil siya ang pinatatao sa bahay, ginawang all-around katulong ng kapatid niyang panganay na nagwowork.

[MargaretSmith]

I was in love with a guy few years back. Everything was good at start but then everything started to go upside down and now we are separated and broken and I have lost faith in love but still there is a hope which will never die.