WAYS TO BOOST SELF ESTEEM

[avitot]

Hi gtalkers!

I'd like to ask for your suggestions and advise if you also felt the same at some stage in your life like I am now. I don't even know if the subject is appropriate for this pero please let me...

 I consider myself an introvert now to begin with, I have less friends I don't even know if I have someone to consider a bestfriend. back in high school and college, I was not like this. I have group of friends and  bestfriend but things have changed when we had a financial setback nung college ako. I felt like naleft out ako especially nung I had to stop going to school. Sobrang nahihiya ako sa mga friends ko and nagkaroon kami ng silent war ng bestfriend ko until hindi na kami nagkausap even when I reached out to her many times. Sobrang pinagchichismisan kami ng mga neighbors namin kasi baon2 sa utang and all. sobrang depression and humiliation  na yata inabot namin magkakapatid noon. I was 16-18y.o nung mga time na yon.

Fast forward to 2007 nakabangon family namin, nakabalik ako ng school and all pero nagiba na yung pakikitungo ko sa tao. I still felt so left out especially that nauna na grumaduate mga batchmates ko , I felt like everyone was watching all my kilos. I feel like everyone will take advantage of my kabaitan. In short, nahirapan ako magtiwala, nahirapan ako makitungo sa ibang tao, and pati self worth ko parang hindi ko na alam until I started isolating myself lage hanggang ngayon na tumanda na ako. I dont communicate with my high school friends as often kasi most of them nasa abroad na and may mga sariling pamilya na rin. Di rin sila nangungumusta so feeling ko baka ayaw nila makipagusap na sakin.

I go to work, I can mingle with my officemates but when they make aya to go out after work most of the time I dont go with them kasi feeling ko hindi ako makasabay sa kanila. I cant find a bestfriend kasi feeling ko no one understands at feeling ko nakakaawa ako para ikwento pa yun buhay ko sa iba.  I cant even stand a conversation feeling ko wala akong makwento that will entertain them. Nagaantay ako lage na kakausapin nila ako para makipagusap ako or lalapit lang ako if may kailangan ako.

I cant even open up to my hubby that I feel like this. He is the only person that I feel I can trust.

I feel so down. Pakiramdam ko lage akong pinagkukwentohan, minsan may nababasa lang akong mga parining sa fb nag aassume ako na baka ako kahit wala naman akong ginawa sa kanila. It feels bad that I do not have friends talaga. I dont know what's wrong with me mabait naman ako lol.

Minsan akala ng iba mataray ako or mapag mataas because hindi daw ako bumubisita lalo sa place ng in laws ko but in reality nahihiya ako kasi pag andon ako parang pakiramdam ko pinaguusapan ako ng tao sa paligid ko.

Naexperience niyo din  ba yon? Pls help me mga sis. Where should I start? I feel like nasa akin na yung problema but I do not know how and where to fix it.

 

Thanks!



 

[simang]

My only advice: FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT!

And yung feeling mo na lagi kang pinagkukwentuhan ng mga tao? FEELING MO LANG YUN. Sa dami ng nangyayari sa mundo, talagang ikaw ba ang pipiliin nilang pagchismisan? Sa dami ng problema nila, will they choose to spend a chunk of their time on you? I doubt. Wag ka masyado magisip. For all you know, wala silang pakialam sayo, sa kilos mo, sa nararamdaman mo. Sounds harsh but my point is, we all are just a speck, you just have to be your own kind.

[airish_2]

Hi! sis same tayo yun nga lang sa mga ka batch ko sa college yung wala akong sobrang ka -close acquaitance lang talaga, tama si sis simang fake it till you make it ganyan na ako ning nagtrabaho kahit totoong pinaguusapan ako keber na lang say hi and hello you need to survive this cruel world,  lagi ako nagsaesave ng positive quotes sa cellphone tapos binabasa ko early in the morning though it doesn't mean na magiging smooth at lahat.

[shinies]

Gawin mong bestfriend ang asawa mo tapos magpatingin ka din sa psychologist/pscyhiatrist (di ko alam pano malaman san dapat). Baka kasi may trauma ka na di naman kaya solusyonan ng GT lang. Wag mo isipin na pang baliw lang yun. Isipin mo pang emotional health!

[switblububbles]

Hi Sis...Parang I can relate...There are parts sa story mo na pareho tayo.

Sa office, feeling ko I DON'T belong. Wala rin akong maconsider na bestfriend maliban kay God.

Feeling ko rin may mali sakin kase madalas iniisip ko rin na may sinasabi na naman masama yung ibang tao about me.
Kailangan ko na rin ata magpacheck-up hahaha!

[avitot]

thanks po!

I am trying really hard but I just cant.

Feeling ko nga naka affect ng husto saken yung nangyare sa amin before.

sana I can find a clinic na hindi naman pangbaliw lol or a counselor

[akotobakit]

That is very wrong to think that psychiatrists and psychologists only cater to "baliw". Please stop that stigma. That is so offensive, walang nakakatawa sa pagkakaroon ng mental disorder.

Reading your post though, I think you have an Avoidant Personality Disorder. Confirm it with a professional. The reason why so few are educated about what these doctors really do is dahil sa mahal na professional fee nila sa Pilipinas. Kahit health cards do not cover their services.

Heck, may nakasabay akong mga lolang patients and their only problem is they don't feel confident enough in their ballroom dance class. Eh may pera sila to have consultations with a psychiatrist eh, why not.

[CityHunter]

Hi, avitot.

Tama si akotobakit.  Mahal maningil ang mga such doctors pero hindi dahil para lang sila sa mga baliw.  And sa usapang baliw ay 50 percent na nasa mental ay naroon dahil for special other reasons - kung open minded ka ito yun mga mula sa twilight zone.

Now, sa nakaraan mo marami rin dumanas niyan.  In some ay karma kasi.  Sa iba naman dahil pagsubok na dapat tahakin at malagpasan.  I opine its the latter you are finding it hard to be in.

Back when my father was alive ay sangkatutak ang mga so-called BFF.  Ito ay associates, relatives, etc.  When he died ay ang mga iyan nawala na parang bula.  Pati utang nila nakalimutan na rin nila.  We can even hear from our relatives na dahil wala na ang father ko ay wala na sila mapapala sa amin. 

And just like you we made effort and slowly rose from that.  Its not yet in the levels of how things were before but masabi ko na we are okay.  Ang maganda ay we found who we can ask for support.

You have your spouse yet takot ka to confide your inner turmoils.  True dahil hindi madali to do so but you have to make an effort else you will always wonder about it.  Sa friends ay make new ones.  Dahil your past can be of help - obviously you do need to feel out muna what can be shared.

At isa pa.  What is it that you can do to help you relax?  You worry about what people may be talking about to the point its giving you stress.  You may not say it but its there in the words and phrasing you used.  Have a hobby ika nga.  Shopping, sleeping, eating and doing illegal drugs are not hobbies ha.  Opt for singing, drawing, cooking or some sport lalo na those with discipline.  Not only can you be relaxed but you also get to express your feelings that solutions may be found.

Gamitin ko na iyong cooking as an example - although I am no good cook ha.  Sa cooking marami ka na failures diyan for sure before you succeed on a timpla na masasabing pasok sa panlasa ng marami.  Kung samahan mo pa ng design o presentation ay mas challenging.  Yet just like you ay by effort and adapting ay ma-overcome mo ang mga iyon.  Anong lesson here?  That all those failures and adapting the comments - constructive ones ha not those ewan remarks - ay you can create a dish that is award winning.

Now, how can you open up about your inner turmoil.  Walang direct agad na way - not unless you want to end up being avoided!  You need to find a common ground first.  Like do you like to eat california maki?  Tapos from there ay do you know how to make one as what I made was more like lumpia.  We ate it pa nga na as buo kasi if we cut it up to small pieces it ends up kalat kalat lang.  So tawa moments next but opening na iyon for more.  Pero huwag mo biglain na big ones.  Slowly feel out.  Its also a lesson ito sa iyo dahil hindi mo alam baka yun kausap mo may matindi rin na problems o fears that gusto niya i-share and find solutions to.  So follow up mo by asking ano ba ma-recommend niya na ways - still on the california maki palpak presentation.  This way ma-feel out mo ang level of concern, etc.

IF you are not into such long approach ay seek something that gives you focus and discipline.  Sa martial arts ay isang fine example.  Pwede rin sa ilang sports o even art.  This way yun energies mo pati fears are channeled into something different yet useful.  In time - and it will take time! - ay ma-overcome mo the inner turmoil mo.

Sa tanong na pinag-uusapan ka ng iba, dissatisfied ba sila sa iyo, they see you as not the example of success, etc. ay been there done that.  You can never please everyone and always there will be people with a weird set of standards.  Isipin mo na lang ako who advise politics, artista, professionals, etc.  Yet I am not as successful as them.  However, I do not see the worldly part as the measure of success but on a different scale.  These folks came to me for help and advise and they were happy about it.  I've seen the results and am pleased with it.  By my advise I got to help make some realize that going to war, assassination, etc. is not the proper thing to do.  That by focusing on family than fame mas long lasting yun happiness.  May iba syempre na matigas ang ulo so they experience hardships pa, etc.  Then they come back to me saying mas malala problem nila.  So huhugot ka deep within you to find the patience and will to talk with them without scolding them.  Wala pa diyan yun mga weirder things I deal with.

You were given those tests in life for a reason.  That may not seem so now but once you gain proper focus magagamit mo iyan to be the person you want to be.

So as you are digesting these ay ikagat mo ako sa shawarma.  Yes, pwede kahit yun may meat just make sure not all meat ha.

FYI.  If you want something to inspire you in a relaxing (and creative) way ay hanapin mo yun Food Wars! na anime o manga.  Its about failures but rising up each time to overcome those.

[quinone]

ako kasi i am an i-don't-really-care kind of person. lahat ng tao entitled magkaroon ng sariling opinion about me (or you) but at the end of the day does that really matter? ako rin tahimik (actually boring ako), i suggest just smile and listen, pwedeng maging comfortable kahit silent ka.

hindi rin ako nagform ng close friendships with my officemates before. share your feelings with your husband. like you, feeling ko siya lang ang nakakakilala sa akin.

sorry this may sound cheesy to you pero the only opinion that should matter to you is Gods. Ano kayang opinion niya about sayo?

meron akong quote dito sa baul na tingin ko parang bagay sayo kaya napa-reply ako:
"it is sort of a process of coming to self-knowledge, coming to know that you are made in the image and likeness of God, and that God dwells within you and that's where your self-worth comes from"
-Fr. Brendan Freeman, Abbot, Trappist

[avitot]

Thank you sa lahat po! I will make sure not to put it all to waste and will try my hardest to do what can help me surpass this stage.