Burned out wife

[Xoxolol]

^^ Oo, masyado siyang controlling sa finances namin. Parang siya lang may karapatan sa pera. Pati yung sweldo ko pinapakealaman niya. Marami kaming unresolved issues.

Hindi ko alam paano ko siya kakausapin about doon. Kahit nga mommy ko, sabi niya bakit asawa ko nakakabili ng gamit na mahal ako daw nagtitipid sa sarili ko.

[mysterioza_me]

^Paano mo natagalan yan? May work ka naman pero bawal ka gumastos and siya lang pwede.

[blushberry]

^^ Ano set up into before you got married?

[juanamey]

Pwede po ba i-up ulit tong thread na to.. kase  ganitong ganito pakiramdam ko ngayon.. down na down ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano ulit maaayos.. kung maibabalik ko lang sa una 😢

[blushberry]

^ Burned out in what way?

[fashtag]

Feeling nya di ako napapagod kasi nakaupo lang naman ako sa office.nagrereklamo sya na inaasikaso nya un computer shop tapos pati sa bahay mag aasikaso pa sya.parang ayaw nya ko patulugin after work. Mali ba na mabwisit ako sa kanya?clingy ba ako?

Immature siya if that is how he thinks.  You might need counseling. Usually with drinking comes other vices.

[kirsten10]

Burned out wife. Me! Me!
I'm the sole breadwinner for the family. I have 2 special needs children. My husband has history of cheating, with married officemate (s) for at least 5-7 years, I don't know exactly.
I became the breadwinner because of circumstance or my choice maybe. I wanted to separate from my husband recently because of his affairs and he never want to leave the company he had worked for many years. He came into his sense and resigned and stayed at home. Trying to build his business.
For the longest time I earn more than him although we are in the same field. Took a toll on his ego maybe.
Mon to Fri, with 24 hours, half of the time spent at home, half in the office. Weekends, I take care of kids, no helper during weekends. 48 hours mommy duties. On the side, I wake up very early on weekends to update my online shop, yes, I also have it. Hapit much si mommy. Libangan ko na din.
How I wanted to so much to take care of my kids every day, but I cannot afford to stay at home. We need to pay bills, therapy, plus I also help my parents and my husband's parents. Imagine how many dependents I have.
My husband wanted to work abroad, but with his history of cheating, I told him if he wants to go work abroad, we can just live our own lives. It just wouldn't work.
I'm trying to be patient that he still cannot contribute to our finances (been like this even when he was still working), but maybe someday he'll make it.
I tell my kids I'm sorry I can't be with them every day, even if I want to because mom has to work so we can afford therapy and so that I can build them passive income before I die. Of course they dont understand this, my daughter would just smile at me, and she gets my heart all the time.
Almost every day I feel exhausted, especially when theres a lot at work, and when kids get sick, and when hormones kick in, very depressing. I just pray a lot, every day. Sometimes when my day is at its worst, I just tell myself to survive the day. And I would sleep with my kids in the evening, pray again that well have better day tomorrow, and we will wait for the weekends again, to be exhausted to start work week again. I also keep a journal to keep me sane, and to keep records of my heartaches from my husband. I am aware he has been short changing me, and it is only a matter of time. Burned out big time.

[yourboyToy]

have some fun, kirsten10

[rarity]

YOu do take a lot of load sis,

Some say if something needs to heal you should play. Any sort of fun is good. And Im sure your kids will benefit from it a lot most sickness are also due to stress even for kids if we continue to neglect them they will harbor a loneliness that may grow as they get older and these hurt will eventually come out when they are older in other ways and in other relationships although it seems hard nga in your position since a lot of people are counting on you. Make use of the little time you have with them na lang to have fun.   

[blushberry]

Oh my, I started this blog pala   Luckily I don't feel the same way anymore.

[freshpicks]

There was a time in my life that I was all burned out - as a wife and as a mom. Don't get me wrong, i LOVE being a mom and I LOVE being a wife. It's just that there's so much going on and nakakapagod na. Early during our marriage naman, we had really bad fights. We didn't have a kid yet back then. pero may mga dramang layasan and all. Even during our trips out of the country, we would fight. Nakakapagod.

I can't say it's a phase... but what I can say is that it is something that WE can all overcome. Whether it's sticking it out with our husband, taking a break from all the stress, having "me time", finding a wife/mommy support group, getting a coach, having a drinking session with your friend, etc.  All it takes is the first step to WANT to get out of this situation of being "burned out" then from there you'll be able to discover ways that would work for you.

When our relationship was on the rocks (not yet married) I watched "Fireproof". It's a very nice and moving movie. I also bought the book "The 30 Day Love Dare" which you'll hear about in the movie too. Other moms also swear by the book "The Power of a Praying Wife"

[happysoull18]

When I feel burned out, I request for a few hours of "me" time. If I don't, I'll just be in a bad mood and my panganay will feel it.  Minsan I invite some friends to meet for coffee or dinner.

It is also important to ask help from others when possible. Share the load. We are not superwoman.

I have a friend who got mildly depressed daw because she was partly working but also taking care of their 3 kids. she is ok now but it was hard for her during that time. Recently ko Lang nalaman eto.

[kaythrielle]

Napanood ko din yan Fireproof. Okay yan. Pati yung War Room.

Kailangan talaga ng time to unwind para hindi ma-Burn out. Make the time to relax. Sabi nga, we can?t give something that we don?t have.
We as moms should love and take care of ourselves so we can give love and care for our children, our family esp the hubby.

Mas prone sa burn out ang wife with one or more babies and/or toddlers. They?re (young children) really a handful and can take up all of the mom?s time and attention. Tapos pati hubby makikigulo pa diba ;P
Lalo na kung sahm. Or working mom without yaya. Goodluck. Been there so i know the feeling.
A very supportive husband will be a great help during these times.

But time flies fast and before you know it those young babies and kids will grow up and then you?ll have a lot of time na for yourself. So enjoy, have fun with your young family and just hang in there.
Keep up the good work mga mommies! 😊

[drinveilside]

i wonder why my wife still gets burnt out...

I never smoke nor drink

not trying to be a hero here i want to understand whats lacking from me

been the provider for 13 years

been literally providing food from morning to night time because my wife doesnt kick

the one who does the laundry

the one who takes care of trash

the one who waits for her to be okay for the "it" time.

she doesnt work but she still complains a lot about being burnt out.

luckyhusbands i never went home and there is breakfast waiting for me.... never in 13 years.

and i maybe to a point that i might be the one to give up.

[rics]

feeling the same...
I never had me time. The only ME time that I consider is during the two hours or so when my husband is out playing badminton on Tuesday or Saturday nights. Ewan ko ba pero ang sarap ng feeling if its just me and my kid in the house. I feel more relaxed since nabawan ang iintindihin and aasikasuhin ko.  Sometimes, if he goes out to buy something and he would ask me to come, I would intentionally tell him I would rather stay home, sabi ko pa na ok lang kung medyo magtagal sya sa labas para ma-solo ko naman ang bahay.

he would ask me to come with him to his cousins house para makapag kwentuhan naman with other people but I opted to stay home since sinasama nya lang naman ako para may mag-asikaso sa anak naming while he is playing billiards/basketball/kwentuhan with his cousin. Nagpa iwan ako since ang sarap mag isa sa bahay and it was very peaceful. A few years back there were times when he would go on a business trips for a couple of days, and to be honest, hindi ko siya na miss.

I have a very stressful job, after work when I come home, I go straight to cooking dinner without even changing my clothes. I commute to work for 1.5hrs, hubby picks me up at night. But if not, my commute home is about 2hrs, to come home with no dinner ready.

There are times when hubby gets time off from work, pero he spends that time for himself. I have to remind him to do some household chores na hindi pa rin nagagawa. Ako pa rin ang gagawa in the end.

He tells me huwag na ako magluto kung napapagod ako and I become very moody after. Pero ano kakainin namin, ano baon ko ang the kid, hindi naman siya marunong magluto? We can't be eating fast food all the time, besides magastos.

[mrs.jack sparrow]

I dont know where to post but honestly i am burnt out myself. My marriage is an endless struggle between my husband's irrational and masochistic ways and my (i would like to believe so) studied and carefully weighted judgment.
Just today I informed i will get each child an investment setup for their future needs like college fund etc. You know what he said? "we dont need another liability. The kids will have their own destiny"
Since when TF is saving up for your own children a liability? He'd rather let the money sit in the bank being useless than have an open mind for these things. Just because he only had 5 years of education, he thinks that education isn't important. I really really am disgusted and tired.

[mrs.jack sparrow]

My husband is also a hypochondriac or maybe has Manchausen's. Saan ka nakakita ng:
1. Nagpa angioplasty but not a single blockage was found.
2. Constantly in the ER with NO FINDINGS. Literally walang sinasaksak pinaiinom binibigay sa kanya pag uwi nya because WALA NAMAN SYANG SAKIT.
3. Nagpapaconfine ng ilang days but literally no medication or any apparatus nakakabit sa kanya?! Pinilit lang magpaadmit at matulog sa hospital. Asian Hospital.
4. Twice when his own kid is hospitalized and once when his own kid is in the ER, NAGCHECKIN DIN SYA SA ER OF THE SAME HOSPITAL! Without anything na madiagnose sa kanya ha. FOR WHAT?! Because the attention is fully on his own kid kaya dapat magsakit sakitan sya para dapat sa kanya.
5. When I AM SICK I GOTTA KEEP IT TO MYSELF AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE HE WILL DEFINITELY GET "SICKER AND ALMOST IN HIS DEATHBED" Pag napansin nyang maysakit ako, umiinom ng gamot, inaasikaso ng maid etc.
And so on and so forth.
I really, really hate my husband.

[glamorosa_09]

^Hi sis, can't imagine the stress you're going through. Perhaps the misunderstanding regarding your child's educational plan isn't the only issue where you don't meet eye to eye.

And then he has these symptoms pa... Which sounds more like Munchausen, he is feigning the patient role rather than fearing that he has illness (hypochondriasis/illness anxiety). The hospital pala just give in ano, they just accept clients without any illness at all. Of course they're familiar with those cases, but seems like they aren't giving interventions appropriate to your husband's real issue. Anyway, mukhang mahirap din naman yata i-refer sa psychistrist/psychologist if the patient refuses or don't see it as a mental problem. But as far as I know, in St. Luke's they do include psychological services. Kaya other clients (doubtful at first) who have physical manifestations but without medical diagnoses discover the root of the problem.

[mrs.jack sparrow]

He has a psychiatrist he hasnt seen in years but he sends the drivers or his assistant to buy prescription from his psych para makabili pa din sya ng gamot. Probably 4 yrs na syang hindi nakakausap ng doctor pero patuloy pa din si doc pagreseta sa kanya. In short drug dependent na din my husband. Im so close to giving up

[glamorosa_09]

Oh I see..  He's aware na pala... Won't comment na about depending on drugs without availing psychotherapy simultaneously. Needs commitment din kasi.

Anyway, you can try din naman to have your own counseling... Additional to your coping resources. Marital conflicts alone can be draining, dagdagan pa ng psych issues. It could be exhausting. Buti may lakas ka pa.