Burned out wife

[kvandenhaak]

^Or maybe the relatives are making her inferior because she is stay home mom. And I can understand that sentiment kasi dati akong stay at home mom. And usually mga Pinoy ang tataasan ka ng kilay pag nalaman nilang I was just staying home. Eh pakialam ba nila? Yung isa kong friend na pressured to make money kasi sabi ng relatives ng asawa eh dapat daw eh me nai-contribute din sa government. Kaloka! As if naman being a SAHM mom is like a walk in the park.

Now, kapag both of the couple are working,  I think dapat, hati sa household chores. It just makes sense. And I agree na dapat hindi naman ma-compromise ang sex life. Importante ang intimacy in a relationship.

[fashtag]

^ He did not mention anything about relatives.  It was all about him and the wife.  How he supported her in her efforts to start a career as a barista, but that he feels she shouldn't be spending too much time at work, hindi naman mataas salary. Kaya I asked....

About sharing responsibilities?  Of course, better yet, since both are working, get a house maid so you can have more time for each other.

[kvandenhaak]

^I know but it's another possibility. It boils down to self esteem, in my opinion. Pag SAHM, para kasing walang tangible na contribution. Tapos baka ramdam mo pa na your effort is not appreciated.  A former co-worker once said na kapag nag-asawa daw sya gusto pa rin nya magtrabaho para meron naman syang sariling kita. You know, those things. Some people just need some kind of validation. But what really needs to be done is to have a heart to heart talk. It's the best first step. Tell each other what you really feel and go from there. Meet halfway.

[super bratinella]

When a burned out wife got appreicated then it washes all the stress away!

[Lhiz]

We're exactly on the same boat. Unhappy and discontented because as a mom, I really wanted a good father for my son. Yes mabait si hubby pero bad influence talaga siya sa son namin. I came to a point na nagsisi din ako and realized na kapag mag-aasawa ka, kailangan din talaga piliin mo iyong lalaki na responsible and committed. Hindi iyong tipong mapi-feel mo na parang lagi kang naiiwan sa ere. Na parang single parent ka. Ang sakit pa naman sa dibdib iyong kids mo na iyong naapektuhan.

[fashtag]

^^ I know what you mean.  But si boytoy, i feel na siya din yung may issue with the wife.  Even now that she is working, he has issues with time and contribution (household chores and finances) pa din.  And that since they are both working, siguro naman afford na nila to have additional helper.

It's really tiring naman talaga to be a woman/ wife.  There are so many responsibilities that will burn us down.  I'm lucky to have a supportive husband, and that we are not really burdened financially.  I can only imagine how others might feel pag hindi sila appreciated ng husband nila.

[mysterioza_me]

Pansin ko lang kahit may work both or sahm si wife may issue pa din. I mean pagparehas may work nagiging issue ang housechores syempre parehas pagod na kaya pag-uwi gusto rest na lang. PagSahm si wife madalas feeling ni hubby (and sometimes pati relatives ni hubby) nagpapalaki lang ng vajayjay si misis sa bahay kasi walang nako-contribute sa finances sa bahay. Pag si wife mas malaki earnings compared kay hubby, issue pa din (natatapakan ego ni mister). Pag si wife mababa ang posisyon sa work at maliit naco-contribute sa finances sa bahay, may issue pa din. Yung totoo saan po ba ninyo gusto ilagay ang wife ninyo?!

[fashtag]

Different strokes for different folks.  Generally speaking the wives are expected to do most of the household chores even though actively working so what I do is I hire Kbs to care for my household.  Since we are both earning, there is no excuse not to have budget for extra help.  Problem lang its so hard to get good help these days and kahit sa agencies nagkakaubusan.

Minsan lang hindi maiwasan ang burn out due high expectations and ambition.  Bigger house, top schools, luxury travels... All these cost money

[Girltalker2]

Pansin ko lang kahit may work both or sahm si wife may issue pa din. I mean pagparehas may work nagiging issue ang housechores syempre parehas pagod na kaya pag-uwi gusto rest na lang. PagSahm si wife madalas feeling ni hubby (and sometimes pati relatives ni hubby) nagpapalaki lang ng vajayjay si misis sa bahay kasi walang nako-contribute sa finances sa bahay. Pag si wife mas malaki earnings compared kay hubby, issue pa din (natatapakan ego ni mister). Pag si wife mababa ang posisyon sa work at maliit naco-contribute sa finances sa bahay, may issue pa din. Yung totoo saan po ba ninyo gusto ilagay ang wife ninyo?!

That's why it is important to choose husbands wisely. Piliin Yung mature at marunong sa bahay. Yung naiintindihan ang Hirap mag maintain ng household. Hindi Yun lumaking spoiled ng nanay sa luto, laba, plantsa, worse pati pag ligpit at linis. Tapos gusto lang mag asawa para sa free sex at may mag alaga sa kanya.

As early as now, kung may mga anak na kayo na lalaki, you should raise them up na di Marunong sa bahay. Minsan kasi reklamo tayo nang reklamo eh tayo Rin naman nag pa-participate sa ganyang set up. Kaya sa pinas naging culture na Yung tamad sa bahay Yung Husband, swerte nalang if he is earning. If not, big mistake into getting involved with someone like that.

Ito Ang Isa sa mga factors why I think Pinoy guys lose points over foreigners eh kasi sa ibang Bansa, mostly wala silang maid. Kaya marunong sila sa bahay at Alam nila ang Hirap sa pag gawa ng chores. Of course dami pa Gaya ng habitual flirting/pambababae but I won't talk about this na kasi OT na.

[yourboyToy]

Sa mga working moms dito...

Ilang hours ang contact time (waking hours, syempre) niyo on a daily or weekly basis with your child/children?

[Shadow Angel]

^^Girltalker tama ka dyan. Mas marami pa nga alam na gawain bahay si hubby kesa sa akin. Ewan ko lang sa ibang husband na may foreigner si hubby hindi kailangan utusan sa gawain bahay kahit sya ang may work sya masarap kapag ang asawa mo tinutulungan ka sa gawain bahay.

[mysterioza_me]

^^^Agree iba din kasi mag-tend ang Pinay nanay sa son. Kaya daming lalake na walang backbone ngayon.

^^di ko naintindihan yung contact time/waking hours sa kids

^my sis married a korean guy who came from a traditional korean family nagagalit byenan niya pagnahuli sila na tinutulungan ni BIL sister ko sa household chores 😂😂😂. She was so stressed nung una lalo na nung nagka-baby sila and sa kanya lahat ang household chores but later on she learned to embrace the culture of her husband. Basta lalabas siya at mamasyal kasama ng limited Pinay friends niya plus their kids atleast once a week ok na siya.

[simang]

That's why it is important to choose husbands wisely. Piliin Yung mature at marunong sa bahay. Yung naiintindihan ang Hirap mag maintain ng household. Hindi Yun lumaking spoiled ng nanay sa luto, laba, plantsa, worse pati pag ligpit at linis. Tapos gusto lang mag asawa para sa free sex at may mag alaga sa kanya.

Sobrang agree ako dito. Bibihira talaga ang guys na marunong (at willing) to do household chores. Everyday I thank my husband for helping me with chores at home even without being asked.

When a burned out wife got appreicated then it washes all the stress away!

And this one too. A little appreciation goes a looooong way. Yung simpleng thank you can really lift someone's spirit up.

[kaythrielle]

^yup that is true. If the wife/mom knows all her efforts and sacrifices are very well-appreciated, parang okay lang lahat.

Unless physically exhausted eh ibang usapan yun. Kailangan ng rest, me-time at break from all of it muna. Para makapag-recharge.

[yannuh]

Sobrang agree ako dito. Bibihira talaga ang guys na marunong (at willing) to do household chores. Everyday I thank my husband for helping me with chores at home even without being asked.

agree din ako sayo sis. swerte natin na willing talaga sina hubby gumawa ng mga gawaing bahay. di sya marunong sa simula pero natutunan yun at nasa determination ng tao kung willing ba sya talaga tulungan ang asawa nya

[glamorosa_09]

My husband didn`t know any chores too when we got married. Grew up with a helper and yaya. Hindi nga makahawak ng mga mumo ng kanin na pinaghugasan. But then he learned and helped me sa chores. Hindi nga lang perfect ang pagkakalinis or pagkakagawa, but I don`t make a fuss, as long as he`s making an effort to help.

[citygirl18]

Been feeling this for a couple of months already. Several times, naisip ko na mas mabuti pa yata maging single parent na lang since pakiramdam ko ako lang din naman gumagawa ng lahat. I feel so  tired, taken for granted, unappreciated. I feel like I have a better chance of being happy if I leave now. Iniisip ko na lang parati how happy my son is everytime he gets to spend a lot of time with his dad na bihira na din mangyari kasi either pagod siya sa work, masama pakiramdam or nakainom. Yun pakiramdam ko ngayon nauubos na ko. And natatakot ako na baka dumating yun time na wala na ko maramdaman. At this point, even yun mga simpleng bagay na hindi naman issue sakin for the past 8 years napapansin ko na like yun hindi niya pagiging gentleman (doesn't open doors, carry my stuff without asking him to, assist elders, etc.), the way he doesn't say thank you when he asks someone for directions, even yun pagiging mabagal niya kumilos. I know it sounds really mababaw but I guess I'm at that point na iniisip ko kung worth it pa ba kaya napapansin ko lahat. Dagdag pa the fact that I'm not contented with our sex life.

Me time doesn't work. It doesn't help din na we got married because I got pregnant. I keep on praying for guidance, for patience, for understanding and for a more loving and forgiving heart.

Pano mo ba malalaman if it's just a phase or if it's really time to let go?

[patriciaheart]

I need help with this too, anybody here who had experienced a trial separation?

[simang]

Pano mo ba malalaman if it's just a phase or if it's really time to let go?

Sis, alam ba ng husband mo how you feel? Based ba kayo sa Pinas? Have you tried professional counselling? Do you really think na hopeless na ang case nyo? Was it always like that?

[citygirl18]

I need help with this too, anybody here who had experienced a trial separation?

I did. Though it's not really a trial separation since it was just my decision. In a way, it helped because during the time apart, I started to realize the things I appreciate about my partner. When we got back together after a year, everything was great. It was like we were back in the honeymoon stage of our relationship. But after several months, some of the old issues started to resurface. I guess we weren't able to get to the root of it that's why.

Sis, alam ba ng husband mo how you feel? Based ba kayo sa Pinas? Have you tried professional counselling? Do you really think na hopeless na ang case nyo? Was it always like that?

Yes sis, we're based sa Pinas. We haven't tried professional counselling. Wala din ako kilala na nakatry na din dito nun so I've never really considered that option. I think he knows (except for the sex part  ) kasi nasabi ko na naman sa kanya yun during our arguments in the past. Kaya siguro ganito yun pakiramdam ko kasi paulit ulit na lang yun mga issues namen. After namen pagusapan, magiging okay. Then after some time, mauulit na naman. I really want to make our marriage work but I can't help but feel tired or hopeless sometimes.