Burned out wife

[blushberry]

Have you ever felt the need to just leave everything behind and start all over again but you can't because you have kids and getting out of marriage is not as easy as 1-2-3?  I just wish I chose a better man, someone responsible and someone who will really lead our family as oppose to someone who just tags along and goes with the flow.

If I can turn back time I would not be married to the man I am with now.  He is a good person, but he is not a good husband.  I feel so alone and I feel that I have to do so much if I want a good life for myself and my kids.

Help....

[Girltalker2]

Sabi nila marriage is a commitment, kelangan forever... Hindi Kanin na iluluwa if you discover sobra init.

But what if...
The love became no love, then became indifference, then becomes hate... Tolerance... Then suffering?

Ang take ko dyan, Pag di mo na kaya, for your well being at your children's well being, you have to decide what's best.

It is not really that complicated. We all had and have choices. It is just a matter of living with our choice for the rest of our lives.

TS, I'm sure you've talked to your hubby na. Why not go to counseling? Have you tried all avenues? You have to... Para malaman mo what to do next.

[redberry12]

Yes, I felt that a few years ago and I just had all of my "sana". Marriage is not a bed of roses and may kanya kanyang mga sufferings and problems and lambingans. Maybe that is what it makes it bittersweet. Sometimes whenever we pass through a certain problem mas masarap mahalin ang asawa ko. Ang iniisip ko na lang. God brought me here.. HE brought me to my husband's life to become a better person. Pray hard sis.. This is just a test. God Bless you

Have you ever felt the need to just leave everything behind and start all over again but you can't because you have kids and getting out of marriage is not as easy as 1-2-3?  I just wish I chose a better man, someone responsible and someone who will really lead our family as oppose to someone who just tags along and goes with the flow.

If I can turn back time I would not be married to the man I am with now.  He is a good person, but he is not a good husband.  I feel so alone and I feel that I have to do so much if I want a good life for myself and my kids.

Help....

[SnowBall]

To tell you honestly... Yes. Many times.

Burned out as a wife and as a mother. Sometimes talaga naiiyak ako. Lalo na sa hard times.

Yun bang naiisip ko na sana single na lanv ako ulit.

But you know what, after crying and thinking of nega things.. i always pray to God. Then nag unwind ako, lumalabas akong mag isa.

After praying and detaching myself for awhile, narerealize ko palagi na I cannot live without my husband and my kids. That I wouldn't trade them for anything..na I wouldn't be happy without them.

So i suggest sis, take time for yourself, you need a break, you deserve it.

[redberry12]

Oo sis.. There was a time pa nga when my OB.. (who is super friendly nkakapag-usap kami ng ganito).. She's still single siguro kaya she asked me.. if God will give me a chance to choose again.. Single or Married. What would it be.. I told her.. maybe kahit sino kapag nakuuha na nila yung gusto nila and it did not go as how they dreamed of it.. aayaw. Siguro Single sabi ko.. Then sympre nakakakunsyensya. Pero it was so simple back then.. scary lang kung iisipin mo na tatanda ka mag-isa. Pero ibang klase talaga kais ang Married Life eh. Kaya ngapologize ako kay God.. and just prayed na bigyan na lang nya ako ng maraming Patience , Guidance and maraming maraming Loving heart for my husband and son. Ganon din sympre sa asawa ko kasi for sure mas matindi ang bigat ng problems sa husbands dahil sila ang HEad of the Family.

To tell you honestly... Yes. Many times.

Burned out as a wife and as a mother. Sometimes talaga naiiyak ako. Lalo na sa hard times.

Yun bang naiisip ko na sana single na lanv ako ulit.

But you know what, after crying and thinking of nega things.. i always pray to God. Then nag unwind ako, lumalabas akong mag isa.

After praying and detaching myself for awhile, narerealize ko palagi na I cannot live without my husband and my kids. That I wouldn't trade them for anything..na I wouldn't be happy without them.

So i suggest sis, take time for yourself, you need a break, you deserve it.

[lovemeagain30]

Normal naman mapagod eh. sa marriage, sa mga anak. lalo na nga kung everyday ay halos you maximize 100% of yourself. plus pa, kung working mom ka pa. kahit nga stay at home, kapagod din. wala kang kawala sa responsabilidad.


Pero, pero, pag napapagod ang kailangan lang eh magpahinga. hindi naman necessary ay tumigil sa pag gawa. kung sa pag aasawa yan, minsan (o madalas) nakakapagod din pakisamahan ang asawa. naku! ramdam ko din yan. Pero, pero, remind mo nalang din sarili mo bakit mo pinakasalan ang taong eto. Kung mas matimbang ang saya kesa sa lungkot, malalampasan mo din yan hirap na yan. Me time ang sagot diyan.

[smoothie]

No yaya, office work and another job. I'm feeling this. hehe! But it's the office work that I want to give up.

[yannuh]

yup agree ako sa mga sis. if mapagod e need lang magpahinga. magshopping o magpunta kung saan. kahit mag-isa ka lang. tapos pagkabalik mo dun mo marerealize na hindi mo pala sila kayang iwan

[shinies]

Ganito naman talaga ang buhay at walang perpektong partner. Maganda yung isang thread dito tungkol sa marriage lessons baka makatulong pag nakakaramdam ng ganito..

Siguro balikan mo na lang mga ito:
- Bakit mo siya pinakasalan?
- Bakit kayo nag-anak?

[mikelly]

I read all the inputs here and they're all true.  Like me, nakakalimutan ko na ang "me time".  I was thinking that this is just a waste of time or someone is waiting for me for parang feeling ko wala pa din.  But maybe yes, sometimes the time you've been spending with them can lead you to burn-out, na nawawalan ka na ng privacy for yourself, too much giving na hindi mo sila mahindian.  But i need to reserve for myself. 

I tried to recall the reason why I married my husband and why I gave up my office job for my daughter.  Yes, it's true. It's all because of my love for them and I realized how much they mean to me.  I also tried to figure out weighing things up and it's more of happiness and love. 

Sana nga soon I could learn to renew and balance myself.

[forumera]

ang on fleek ng thread na to, I feel you mga sis

kaso sakin, pag mag me time ako, pag uwi ko nakabusangot mukha ng mister ko so yung realization ko na, "woo, energy and love restored" biglang boom, peste, ganyang mukha babalandra sayo. buset.

[jaja27]

Feeling ko lahat naman tayo eh napapagod especially pag mommy+wife pa ang peg mu. Well in my case, physically yes nabuburn out din ako. Lalo na when I gave birth to my 1st daughter without yaya, and my husband is working abroad at that time. Naexperience ko talaga na parang hirap na hirap na kong huminga kc sa sobrang daming gagawin na mga household chores iadd mu pa ang hirap ng long distance relationship namin. Then my mother in law told me na dapat you find time for your self kc ang tendency nyan sasabog ka. So from then on pag nabuburn out ako, I would ask her to look after my daughter then lalabas ako magisa. Shopping then kain sa labas then after a while mafefeel mu narefresh kana. Now I have 2 daughter already and a working mom, and pag nabuburn out ako minsan sa pagod sa work, sa inis ke hubby and sa kakulitan ng 2 kids ko (all at the same time). Umaalis ako magisa just to unwind then after that back to reality. Sabi nga nila go lang ng go, pahinga lang need natin after that Ok na ulit.

[Girltalker2]

I have always thought kung maayos pagsasama nyo ng asawa mo, you wouldn't feel this. Is it true?

Kasi technically speaking, kung household chores ang cause, di ba makapag antay, hire a helper or hubby can help? Pag alaga ng bata, puede naman siguro share kayo mag asawa ng responsibilities especially if you're working.

Kung tamad ang asawa at feeling Hari all the time, possible ito.

[jaja27]

I have always thought kung maayos pagsasama nyo ng asawa mo, you wouldn't feel this. Is it true?

Kasi technically speaking, kung household chores ang cause, di ba makapag antay, hire a helper or hubby can help? Pag alaga ng bata, puede naman siguro share kayo mag asawa ng responsibilities especially if you're working.

Kung tamad ang asawa at feeling Hari all the time, possible ito.

actually tama ka sis, depende din talaga sa pagsasama nyo magasawa. Pero minsan din talaga me mga times na darating ka sa point na mapapagod ka. Like samin magasawa, si hubby ang mas domesticated kesa sakin. Mas mahilig magluto, maglinis even pagsasalang ng laundry mas alam nya kesa sakin then ako tutok sa mga kids, from pagaayos ng gamit gang sa pagtututor, pagpapakain, paglilinis sa kanila ako nakatoka dun. Dito kc kmi sa abroad work ng hubby ko so dinadala lang nmin sa morning un mga kids sa baby sitter and need nmin sundo pagtapos work. So ang set up namin paguwi from work, siya magluluto then ako magchecheck sa mga kids. Pero minsan darating pa din un pag parehas kayong pagod from work then me mga problems na darating na parang mentally and physically madedrain ka talaga. But as I said hinga ka lang, alis ka sandali then pagbalik mu back to normal na ulit. And madalas pag parehas kami burned out ni hubby, kmi 2 punta kaming bar para magunwind pag naka2 beer na sya and nakarelax na kmi pareho uwi na ulit then Go na ulit.

[Periwinkle25]

Sis TS, so sa tingin mo, ano kayang mas malaking factor ng pagkaburn-out mo? Is it your kids or your husband? Kasi kung yung kids, maganda yung mga payo ng mga sis natin na mag me-time ka. Kung kay husband naman na sabi mo nga eh good person pero sunud-sunuran, in what instances? Sa mga decisions mo ba siya ganun or sa family niya? puwede ka bang mag-cite ng situations para mas magkaroon tayo ng basis? Kasi kung good person naman siya, baka puwede mo namang i-open sa kanya yung mga worries mo.

[Girltalker2]

^ minsan Mas ok narin Yung sunod nang sunod na asawa kesa sa asawa na sariling Pag iinom or pambababae ang inaatupag:))

[BDJ]

Matanong ko lang, how come hindi mo nakita ang sign na ito before marriage?

[blushberry]

I have always thought kung maayos pagsasama nyo ng asawa mo, you wouldn't feel this. Is it true?

Kasi technically speaking, kung household chores ang cause, di ba makapag antay, hire a helper or hubby can help? Pag alaga ng bata, puede naman siguro share kayo mag asawa ng responsibilities especially if you're working.

Kung tamad ang asawa at feeling Hari all the time, possible ito.

This has nothing to do with lack of financial resources or distribution of household chores.  I need at least 3 household staffs but I only have 2 at the moment, as I'm sure most of you experience because it's hard to find good help these days. 

It's just draining sometimes when I see that there are things that could have been prevented, had he been more focus at work so that I don't have to take over.  I'm really tired.  Siguro I had this crazy notion that I would have a more comfortable life sans the hard work once I get married.

Lately though, I got in touch with some people from college and somehow I feel like my problems are not larger than life as I have previously imagined.  Pero pagod nalang talaga siguro ako, hindi enough sakin one day to rest and nahihiya din ako sa yaya ko kahit pa I pay her more than the normal rate for yaya, napapagod din siya I'm sure.

[simang]

I have always thought kung maayos pagsasama nyo ng asawa mo, you wouldn't feel this. Is it true?

Kasi technically speaking, kung household chores ang cause, di ba makapag antay, hire a helper or hubby can help? Pag alaga ng bata, puede naman siguro share kayo mag asawa ng responsibilities especially if you're working.

Kung tamad ang asawa at feeling Hari all the time, possible ito.

This is true for us. We're first time parents, 10 weeks old pa lang si baby. I stay at home while husband works. Wala kaming yaya/house help. Ang daming kelangan gawin sa bahay, plus the stress of having a newborn. Physically I feel tired but I can't help but just be thankful that I have a partner. Literal na partner sa lahat. Kahit na ang daming chores na ako ang gumagawa I never feel na mag isa ako na kelangan gumawa. And among all the chores of course babysitting is my priority. Hayaan ko muna yung laundry or yung kitchen or yung banyo. And my husband understands kung umuwi sya sa maduming bahay, as long as masaya and well rested kami ni baby.

One thing that I learned also, is not be afraid to ask for help. Hindi naman talaga pwedeng ikaw lahat ang gagawa, ikaw lahat ang mag iisip. You'll be surprised how much help people are willing to offer only if you ask.

More than anything, I think you have to start with your mindset talaga. There are a lot of things to be grateful for, and sabi mo nga TS, your worries are not as huge as they seem.

[Evolet027]

I am also feeling this. I want to go back to year 2007.