I never expected that I'll see you again after a long time. You were once a man I thought to be one of the worst person I knew. Unfriended you on Facebook just because I used to think that you just used me for your own pleasure and benefits. That hurts, just because of the fact that I used to love you way back when. Until one day you came back, added me on Facebook and by then we started talking to each other again. Same usual routine we used to have before but this time we talked about things in a more mature manner. But I have forgotten the pain and hatred you've caused me, just like I had an amnesia that I can't even remember why I unfriended you. Until one day I woke up, and my memories came back that saddened me a lot.
We started talking a lot of things, I thought you were singled out and on my surprise you're still the same person flirting with someone else even when you are still committed and yes to the same person. You've been in a long term relationship and can't even figured out why you are so unsatisfied with her that you keep looking for someone that can make you happy. And yes, I'm still on an amnesia that since I can't remember anything and already grown up positively - I let you in, again.
Life goes on as they say, and you must learn to go with the flow.
Then that was December, we created a group chat with our old friends that we haven't seen for a very long time. Planned a get together but it ended up that it was just the two of us left who will meet up. January 2016, that was the first time we have seen each other again after a very long time. No, I don't feel anything at all but the usual good friends feelings that missed each other. That night we talked a lot of things, I even asked you about you and your girlfriend and you answered me with an unclear thoughts. We talked about the places we've been between the years that we don't have any communications. And while you're sharing your thoughts and stories, I could see in your eyes the loneliness in your heart. I don't know anything about you on that day except the fact that I knew your name, your course and who makes your world go round - just because ever since you did not say a thing aside from your sweet lies.
After that night, we continued talking through chat or SMS. And yes, you're still the same flirt I used to know before but I am not giving a lot of meaning from your words maybe you just missed a lot from me and you just wanted to get updated. It could be that maybe because you treated me as your good friend way back the old days - which I did not considered. And then we keep seeing each other constantly and exchanging sweet lies and from that moment on I'm still puzzled on why we're no longer friends in FB. You keep inviting me to watch movies, dine out or just hang out somewhere - no, I'm not giving any sense to this but you call it as a date. I knew you were still with your girlfriend but I keep going out with you. I don't know why I cannot resist it, or maybe just because you cannot say no to a nice guy like you are.
Months have passed, yes we had the same affair again. And I'm guilty that I let that happened - I felt sorry. I used to know you better this time. You let me in this time that I knew your new friends, you keep talking about personal issues and even your topsy-turvy with your girlfriend you told me - you even asked me for advices and asked my opinions before you decide. The friendship became deeper that I used to think that we're actually best-friends but with benefits. You have invited me to move in on a single roof together with our common friend to start a new life as you said. We're planning good things that will help us build ourselves but my amnesia was gone one day and thought that you're again using me for your own advantage. That sucks, yes that hurts that even when I wanted to get something from you I can't since you keep saying things that made me realize that you cannot commit with a person like I am. A person who already has the responsibilities on two children.
We moved in, but before we lived together I have already fallen for you but I kept resisting just because I knew my place. I knew that even though you and your girlfriend have broken up, I still don't have a place in your heart. But hey, you keep giving me butterflies on my stomach with all the little things you did for me. That from those few months we've been together, I used to know you deeper and seen your inner soul. You're not bad at all, you're just trying to secure yourself from being loved just because you grew up with no parents beside you. I know, you grew up all alone and I get it. And so here I am, fulfilling what was missing in your life. That I even do the girlfriend duties that I should not be doing. Yes that's crazy, that's stupid but what can I do even you're not my ideal person I have already loved you. And day after day, my love for you keep going strong that I couldn't longer resist. I felt sorry to you and myself. Those little things you did were actually special for me since I haven't had the chance to feel and experienced that even from my past relationships.
You're not my ideal person, but what you did were actually the things that made me love you even more. I want you to be happy, I want you to find that one person who will see you as the most wonderful person because you really are. And even it's not with me, I'll be happy seeing you live a happy life with that special person. Yes, of course, I'll envy her but I cannot force you to love me back just because I wanted to. That's selfish of me to ask you to commit yourself with me even you don't want to.
But I did not regret of letting you in again in my life and that I loved you despite of the situation. Instead, I am glad that I have met you and knew you even better. I am happy that once in our journey our path crossed that even when we're not able to live our lives forever as I dream of, I wanted to say thank you for helping me learn the things I needed to learn before I could meet the person who is meant for me. Yes, sometimes I wish that it could be us who'd spend a lifetime together but it just wouldn't. That even I kept praying for that, if we're not meant to be we won't be. When the time comes that we have to separate ways, I hope you'll be happy and that you are loved by the person you chose to be with forever.
- Anonymous
