He said, "I fell out of love."

[emptieme]

hi mga sis!

I am facing a very big emotional problem right now.

Ive been married for just 4years.

I admit, Ive been an abusive wife. Napakabait ng asawa ko.. May mga vices sya na ayaw ko like inom and sugal nasasaway ko naman minsan.

The problem is whenever I am angry, sobra kong magalit na namumura ko sya and minsan nassktan ko. Nasasabihan ko sya ng mga masasakit na salita.

Then, this past few days, I felt na nagbago sya.. Ibang iba sa lalaking nakilala ko at minahal ko..

Then one night he asked me if I am still happy. Sabi ko, oo, eh ikaw? He then started crying and said that he fell out of love. Matagal na dw nyang pinipilit ibalik ang spark pero wala na daw syang mramdaman. Pero importante dw ako sknya.

I feel na gusto nya maghiwalay n kmi pero di nya msbi. Gusto nya saken manggaling..

Mahal na mahal ko ang asawa ko at pinagsisisihan ko lahat ng nagawa kong mali. I should have love him more and respect him.

Now, Im stuck. Di ko alam kung ano gagawin ko knowing na hindi n nya ko mahal..

Any advice?? Maraming salamat sa mga magiging payo nyo sa akin..

[FOURever]

Do you want sis to go on a marriage counsel or something? Retreat for few days. That way, makakapagspend kayo ng time together and can talk about stuff.

[j.adore]

Work on the marriage.

Others have fallen out of love and were able to bring it back. There's still hope since you still love him and he still wants you in his life.

Tiyempo ka na pareho kayo open, calm at willing makinig tapos pagusapan niyo LAHAT ng gusto at ayaw niyo sa isa't isa. After that, find solutions and compromise for all of the issues. Gawin niyo yung napagusapan at imonitor niyo (parang grades ganon) weekly, bi-weekly, monthly depende sa progress niyo.

Wag muna maghiwalay if you haven't tried EVERYTHING.

[kvandenhaak]

The fact that he said you are important to him means he still cares about you. Go to marriage counselling. Do everything you can to save the marriage. Wag muna mag-isip ng hiwalayan.

[glamorosa_09]

I don't know about that "falling in love" thing. They say that true love begins the moment you fell out of love, because that's when you deliberately choose to love your partner despite his or her unlovable traits/moods/ways. It's been always said that true love isn't a noun, but a verb; not a feeling, but a series of actions.

As wives and moms, we don't always have that 'loving feeling' towards our spouses and kids, minsan pa nga naiinis at nagagalit pa tayo sa kanila. Yet, there's still the commitment to love and care for them despite their flaws. And even us, we're not always lovable.

As for your case, what he probably means is "ayaw ko na ng paulit-ulit na ganito?" Because look at your partnership, one is a self-confessed verbally and physically abusive partner and the other one is manginginom and sugarol. But to your credit, you have that self-awareness and humility to acknowledge your erring ways.  I also couldn't blame you for feeling frustrated with your husband because of his vices. Argh! Eto pa syang gustong bumitaw.

Hindi lang kasi communication and conflict resolution ang problem ninyo, I guess the main problem is your husband's vices. How frequent does he drink and gamble? May addiction na ba sya dyan?

Marriage counseling, I guess, magandang pang-entrada. But if the roots of your marital problem are his substance abuse and gambling addiction (kung sakali), then what he ultimately needs is professional help with his addictions. Unless, you can just accept it and woo him to stay in the marriage.

For you naman, I guess, anger management? Hindi rin kasi healthy the way you express your anger. Though I don't believe you are really an abusive person as you put it, kasi you're capable of self-reflection, and syempre napo-provoke ka rin given your situation.

[BDJ]

Ano na nangyari ngayon? Nakapag usap na ba kayo?

[xhien]

same thing happened to me..  what i did i let him go.. yun lang yung pinaka the best na magiging decisyon mo sa buhay mo..mahirap ipilit kapag wala na yung love..mas masasaktan ka.. may 3rd party kaya niya nasabi yun and left me hanging.. But life must go on..cheer up 

[bwiset12]

same thing happened to me..  what i did i let him go.. yun lang yung pinaka the best na magiging decisyon mo sa buhay mo..mahirap ipilit kapag wala na yung love..mas masasaktan ka.. may 3rd party kaya niya nasabi yun and left me hanging.. But life must go on..cheer up 

grabe sis, nangyari sakin to 4 yrs ago  . although naging okay naman kami ulit, hanggang ngayon naalala ko pa din kung pano nya sinabi yung salitang yun. Umeecho sya sa utak ko. Partida thru skype pa yun. I still remember my feelings back then . Yun ata yung sinasabi nilang para kang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa. I hate that feeling  .

[xhien]

sis bwiset12 yup sis para talagang pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa ang feeling as in.. yung feeling na hindi mo alam kung pano ka, bakit biglang naging ganun na lang lahat after lahat ng pinagsamahan nniyo for how many years.. Kami kasi sis naghiwalay na kami for 5 months nung 2014 eh then nagbalikan then this january lang he called it quits again..may another girl involve kasi ulit kasama niya dun sa dubai.. what i did is let him go..kasi ginawa ko na talaga lahat eh.. May pinakamasakit pa pala sis yung sabihin niya sayo na gusto niya yung babae...Pero thats life.. kung yun gusto niya eh di dun siya..

[carrotsteeks]

Hi, Sisses. I'm a silent reader dito. I don't know if nasa topic pero my husband said hindi na daw niya alam kung mahal pa ba niya ako o hindi na. I'm so broken right now..

[TomHansen]

^ anong mga reasons niya bakit siya na fell out of love? at bakit niya raw sinabi sa iyo, para ba maghiwalay na kayo or gusto niyang may magbago sa iyo para bumalik yung pagmamahal niya?

[carrotsteeks]

^ hindi nya diretso sinabi. he said he's not sure anymore kung mahal pa ba nya ako o hindi na. pero i feel hindi na. i think he's just staying for the sake of our daughter.

we had an argument 3 weeks ago. hindi kami masyadong naguusap after. then nung nagusap kami, bigla na lang niyang sinabi na he's emotionally drained. sobrang nagulat ako kasi i thought everything is ok sa amin. masaya kami. tapos parang sumabog siya. i don't know what to feel.

pakiramdam ko madami akong pagkukulang, hindi ako mabuting asawa, at pakiramdam ko isa akong malaking failure.. i don't know what to do anymore.. siguro kung wala ang daughter ko, matagal na kong sumuko.

[TomHansen]

^ Madalas kasi akala natin ok tayo sa relationship yun pala yung isa nagtitimpi lang, not showing emotions, akala mo masaya tapos biglang sasabog na lang after a heated argument.

Huwag mo na munang isipin na hindi ka niya mahal - hindi naman basta basta nawawala yun at wala naman siyang sinabi directly sayo. Say sorry kung tingin mo nagkamali ka di lang sa previous pinag-awayan niyo kung hindi sa mga dati pa at sa kung ano man ang tingin niyang pagkukulang mo. He's emotionally drained kaya ang pinakamagandang gawin is to be with him emotionally by talking to him, ask mo kung anong mga iniisip niya baka kasi hindi pala dahil sayo, sa work, business or health anxieties ang problema niya. Kailangan malaman mo muna yung pinakasource ng issues niya pwede naman kasing hindi talaga sa marriage niyo ang problema.

Normal lang na sisihin mo sarili mo, na may kulang sa iyo pero at the end of the day hindi rin siya makakatulong kung palagi mong gagawin. Bigyan mo lang ang sarili mo ng time to reflect tapos after nun focus na sa solutions and how to improve your relationship kahit little by little lang.

[carrotsteeks]

^Thank you for this.. I really need someone to talk to. Kaya napamessage ako dito. Yung best friend ko lang nasabihan ko kasi.

I apologized na to him ilang beses na din. ang problem kasi weekends lang kami magkasama kasi malayo workplace niya. Sobrang sorry ako sa lahat sinabi ko sa kanya how sorry I am. Kinakausap naman niya ako pero I feel the coldness tuwing naguusap kami. I don't know pero all of a sudden biglang nagbago.

Parang kayang kaya niya akong tiisin. Sabi niya this has been happening for years na, pero hindi ko alam kasi wala naman siyang sinasabi. I thought masaya kami, hindi pala. Tapos biglang sumabog na lang siya ng ganun. I think he's just staying because of our kid.

[fifi_girl]

I experienced this, but i am at the receiving end of the abuse. Nakakapagod talaga, lalo na kung wala kang nakikita na pagbabago sa partner mo. Worse is lumala pa sya towards the end of our relationship. I was physically, emotionally and financially drained at that time. In the end, he even cheated on me and i was left devastated and confused.

I suggest you both take time for yourselves. Maybe you both need space. You can work on your marriage pero i think you both need help to resolve your issues. Kase kung kayong dalawa lang, you will end up arguing and fighting.

[carrotsteeks]

^Thank you, Sis. Napakastrong mo. I admire strong women, na hindi sumusuko kahit durog na durog na.

Hindi ko maiwasan na sisihin sarili ko. Bakit hindi ko agad napansin na may something, sana naagapan. I feel like a big failure. Nung times na down na down siya financially, emotionally andun ako lagi. Ako lang ang kakampi niya. Feeling ko lahat ng pinagdaanan namin noon at pinagsamahan, natabunan na ng sama ng loob niya sa akin..

[fifi_girl]

^You're welcome, sis!

What made things worse sa situation namin before is that he has a "victim mentality". Like everything that had gone wrong sa buhay niya, he found a way to twist the story and make it look like my fault. He was THAT abusive towards me. I never had the chance to defend myself, because every time i try, he keeps on shutting me out. So ayun, isa din yun sa reason kaya hindi na talaga kami nagka ayos. And for me, i don't think i will ever put myself in that position again. We had a child, by the way. But after we broke up, parang kinalimutan na din niya yun bata. He never made an effort to reach out to my kid. I toughened up and took full responsibility for my child, i promised to myself that i will never ask for anything from him.

It wasn't an easy road for me. I went thru therapy after we broke up, and it really did me good. Looking back, i can say that i am okay now. Forgiveness nalang ang kulang, which i know someday mabibigay ko din sa kanya. You cannot blame yourself for not knowing that something is wrong, you cannot take responsibility for something you are not aware of. He needs to learn how to look past your mistakes, kase kung yun lang ang makikita niya palagi, things will never work out.

Take it from me, i was there too. He never forgave me sa lahat daw ng naging "kasalanan" ko, and i admit may kasalanan din ako, pero hindi naman pwedeng akuin ko lahat yun. Kahit anung magandang gawin ko, bumabalik pa din siya dun sa naging "kasalanan" ko.

[carrotsteeks]

^Wow, Sis grabe pinagdaanan mo. Hanga ako sa katapangan at strength mo. I'm happy na ok ka na, praying na maibigay mo na yung forgiveness sa kanya in God's perfect time.

Hubby ko naman hindi ako sinasaktan physically. Pero there was a time na nambabae siya, I forgave him at tinanggap ko siya. I don't know kung t**** ba ako para tanggapin siya uli or what. Pero bakit ngayon, parang hindi niya magawang ibalik yung dating siya? Masakit din naman yung pinagdaanan ko pero pinili ko siyang tanggapin ag maging buo ako uli.

Feeling ko tuloy napakalaki ng mali ko. I don't know. I just want to know kung ayaw na niya, sana sabihin na lang niya sa akin. Or kung may iba, sana malaman ko so I'll know my next move.

Hindi ko na talaga alam ano ang iisipin ko. I feel devastated. Gabi gabi ko na lang pinagdadasal kay Lord na sana hipuin Niya ang heart at isip ni hubby. Sana mangibabaw yung pinagsamahan namin ng mahabang panahon, lahat ng panahon na yon ako ang kasama at kakampi niya..

[hushush]

^ hi sis. lagi ba kayo magkasama ng husband mo? baka naman need nyo lang ng break from each other..like mag- me time kayo pareho. Bakasyon sa probinsya. or pede ka mag-retreat.. para makapagmuni-muni at maappreciate lahat ng blessings, like you dont need to be apart from each other especially nowadays na may pandemic. Asawa ko nga mag2yrs nang hindi makauwi dahil sa pandemic.. i envy those couples na laging magkasama sa hirap at ginhawa.. may mga times na nagkakasakit sakit na kami pareho dahil sa pag-aalala pero nakakasurvive naman. Minsan iniiyak na lang namin.. it made us stronger to face challenges.. lalo na ako, naging weak talaga ako mentally, suffered from covid anxiety and cardiac anxiety (fear of dying from heart attack) ..both of us may anxiety since ECQ last year. Nagkasakit sakit talaga. Naging suki na ng doktor haha.. buti na lang hindi ako naoospital. Thanks God! 🙏  I was able to overcome my anxiety recently with the help of my true friends. Then I talked to some people with worse situation than us. Like walang work, or mas malala ang sakit then ayun bigla na lang nagbago ang outlook ko... ay sensya na haba hehe. I just want to share my thoughts. 😊

[TomHansen]

@carrotsteeks, minsan rin kasi yun na lang ang ginawa ng taong gustong kumalas e - ang palabasin or iparamdam na ikaw ang may kasalanan ka para hindi na nila kailangang magexplain kung ano ba talagang reason bakit sila nagkakaganyan. Since nabanggit mong nagcheat na siya sa iyo dati I hope iready mo na lang sarili mo for the worst.

Sana bawasan mo yung pagblame sa sarili mo, hindi naman pwedeng ikaw lang ang nagkamali or ikaw ang may mabigat na kasalanan. Minsan kahit maging perfect ka pang asawa at ibigay mo lahat ng gusto nasa character pa rin ng asawa mo nakasalalay kung magiging loyal siya o hindi.

Alagaan mo sarili mo physically at mentally, i-ready mo rin sarili mo financially just in case...