he started cheating after their highschool batch reunion

[zanabee]

my husband and his batchmates had their reunion, then i have noticed that he is always active on facebook and even bought a new cellphone. he became cold to me and hot tempered. i know something is not ok.
since i have an access to his account without him knowing it, i was able to view their coversation. then, i found out that they were highschool sweethearts, reminiscing their past.
kinausap ko siya nung march at nag promise na hindi na niya i cha chat si girl. hindi na niya dinala yung cp niya, iniwan na lang sa bahay. akala ko ok na. pinatawad ko siya.
nag chat si girl at akala niya ako si hubby, found out na constant pa rin silang nagkikita. i blocked her in my hubby's fb. deleted his number in. his cp. confronted him, he said sorry and i thought everything went back to normal. i think he became sweeter. but i still have this intuition na something is still going on....may inadd na new friend si hubby, pag nasa work siya, nasa bahay ang cp niya. akala ko ok na kasi ako na may hawak ng cp niya. nag pm si new fb girl ng lyrics ng isang song. midnight yun, himbing na himbing sa tulog ang asawa ko. i have this feeling may mali. i opened his car at inispect ko lahat ang part na pwedi niyang pagtaguan. to my surprise, may nakita akong maliit na cp at nabasa ko lahat ng conversation nila, they never stopped!!! yung mga lyrics na sent ni new fb friend, yung yung fave na kinakanta ni hubby for her.
last night we had a big fight because of that. pinag mumura niya ko at sinuntok. parang nasaniban ng demonyo!
10 years na kaming kasal at may  three year old son.
still in the process of thinking na iiwan ko na ba siya o ipaglalaban pa.
sobrang sakit na. mas mahapdi pa sa mga bugbog na nakuha ko sa kanya!

 

[pinklilac]

Hi TS very  common yan sa mga reunions.
Mga ex lovers  nagkakabalikan  despite  being married.  Ilan na nakita kong ganyan.
I hope  maayos nyo  pa or maagapan mo  kung ano man meron si hubby mo at girl

[yannuh]

^^sis sorry for being harsh pero ayoko na sa hubby mo sis. kung ako ikaw, makikipaghiwalay na ko. ulit-ulit yung pagsisinungaling na ginawa nya sayo at ang masakit pa, never sila natigil ng communication ni girl. di ko lang siguro masikmura na may mga ganyang lalaki. hai sobrang sad ako for you. kasi sis if ever man maayos nyo yan, mawawalan na talaga ko ng trust sa kanya. so mapaparanoid lang din ako everytime wala sya sa tabi ko.

[selyado]

kahit na ano advice namin sa iyo, it will still be your call.  depende sa iyo yan kung gaano ka ka martir.  at gaano haba ng pasensya mo.  i know how that feels.  trust me, been there.  hindi ako makahiwalay kasi wala akong pupuntahan.  wala ako trabaho.  matanda na ako, malabo na ako makahanap ng trabaho.  akala ko yung mga matatanda kong anak okay na sa kanila makipag hiwalay ako.  pero my 26 yo son told me na sobrang affected daw sya sa mga nangyari.  akala ko yung 17 yo daughter ko lang iisipin ko.  my husband is 56 yo. ewan ko ba kung bakit walang tigil sa pagsisinungaling.  babae, pera pati kwento tungkol sa mga kapatid nya ayaw i-share sa akin.  and yung last issue na nangyari sa amin nasaktan na nya ako. 

ikaw, kaya mo ba to live every day na puno ng paghihinala sa asawa mo?  ano gagawin mo, check mo lahat ng gadgets nya to see if he is not doing any kalokohan?  nakakapagod yun, nakaka drain ng energy sa totoo lang.  kung gusto mo pa sya bigyan ng chance, sige go ahead.  pero make sure he goes to a counsellor.  hindi pwedeng ganun ganun na lang mangyari, sorry tapos back to normal na? ibang usapan na yung sinaktan ka nya physically.  baka sa susunod patayin ka na nyan.

[j.adore]

I'm sorry but physical abuse is the last straw. Iwan mo na yan. You deserve better.

Your son cannot grow up in such an environment. May psychological impact yan and who knows, baka pati anak niyo mabugbog sa inis ng husband mo para lang ituloy kalandian niya. 

[zanabee]

thank you sa mga advice niyo sis, magulo pa ang pag-iisip ko upto now. hindi ko alam kung bibigyan ko pa siya ng another chance o hihiwalay na. walang nakakaalam nito sa family ko. nahihiya ako or pride din siguro at ayaw mapag usapan. gusto ko na sabihin sa mga parents ko pero parang ayaw din kasi  masasaktan sila, ayaw ko sila idamay.
naaawa din ako sa anak namin, adopted son namin siya actually because both of us are not capable to have our own child after years of battling infertility. i love him so much kasi iniwan na siya ng mga real parents niya, hindi pa namin siya mabigyan ng happy family.

[kim28]

Ikaw naman makakapagdecide sis. Separated ako sa husband ko now pero ok naman ako btw i am pregnant.  Mas ok na wala akong asawa kaysa araw araw akog nasasaktan because of his cheating. 

I tried my best na maayos as in pero paulit ulit lang. Nakakapagod din pala at mapupuno ka din.  If you think ginawa mo na lahat then mag decide ka para sa makakabuti sa inyong dalawa ng anak mo.

[SARAHnghae]

im sorry sa pinagdadaanan mo sis. Be strong! you dont deserve that kind of treatment. and yeah, have your tried talking or even confronting the girl?
I think you should inform yours and his family na rin. sinaktan ka na nya physically. you need help,support and advice from them.

[malditch0089]

at sis TS, sobrang parehas na parehas tayo. Ang pinagkaiba lang is bf ko pa lang sya at ang pinag-aawayan namin ay ang dati naming officemate. While reading your post, naaalala ko lang ang lahat. 

[yhen88]

sis kung ako sayo, mas maganda siguro kung aalis muna ko, punta muna ko sa parents ko. Ibang usapan na kasi sis, nasaktan na ko eh, hindi lang emotional pati physical . Mahirap sis, pero kaylangan mong kayanin yan.

Isipin mo muna sarili mo sis at anak niyo. Lumayo ka muna. Baka marealize nya lahat pag nawala kayo.

[aiden]

Agree with the sisses here.

Emotional + physical abuse. I say, leave.

Ano bang mas mahalaga sa iyo, self-presevation (emotional, physical, spiritual etc well-being) or preserving a relationship where you are broken?

Wala sa iyo ang bola to heal your relationship. Si hubby ang gumawa ng gulo, siya ang umayos.

Stay strong!

[Girltalker2]

thank you sa mga advice niyo sis, magulo pa ang pag-iisip ko upto now. hindi ko alam kung bibigyan ko pa siya ng another chance o hihiwalay na.

I think sa mga ginawa nya, is he still asking for a second chance?
Sinaktan ka na nya physically, where is the remorse in that? To think ilang beses na sya nagl lie sayo, sya pa may gana manakit?

Can you file a police report?  I think you need to, just in case the abuse gets worse.

Tsaka what is there to think about? Alam ko, mahirap tanggapin kasi minsan ang mga ganyang pangyayari, but u have to accept reality. What he did to you is unforgivable.
If you stay with him, sure ka you will never be happy ever. If you leave, yes you will be sad, but only for a short time because you're still recovering from the pain. Eventually, it will go away. Soon, your heart and mind will forget him and you will live a new life. Mas may hope ka pa kamo makahanap ng mas okay at maayos na partner kesa sa demonyo mong asawa.

walang nakakaalam nito sa family ko. nahihiya ako or pride din siguro at ayaw mapag usapan. gusto ko na sabihin sa mga parents ko pero parang ayaw din kasi  masasaktan sila, ayaw ko sila idamay.
naaawa din ako sa anak namin, adopted son namin siya actually because both of us are not capable to have our own child after years of battling infertility. i love him so much kasi iniwan na siya ng mga real parents niya, hindi pa namin siya mabigyan ng happy family.

You don't have to let your parents know the gory details if you want to spare them the disappointment. All you need to do is be strong. Have a feasible plan of staying away from your evil Husband, then execute your plan.

As for your Son, hindi ba Mas kawawa sya if matrauma sya seeing you binubugbog, niloloko atbp? Mas magiging masaya sya seeing you happy.

[junetwentythree]

Just wanna link you to this other thread started by another sis who was experiencing abuse from her husband:
http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,293651.0.html

There was no 3rd party, but she boldly left her hubby, while preggy to boot!

Take courage for your son. Leave this toxic marriage.

[glamorosa_09]

Sis TS,

May ibang mga lalaki kasi, once maconfront na sila sa kalokohan nila, humihinto na talaga, lalo na kung may evidences ka. Ito yung mga cases na one-time cheating. And I believe, ito yung mga pinaglalaban.

But as for your husband, it's clear, gusto nya kayong sabay. He doesn't want to choose one. Your confrontation with him didn't work. What's worse, minura ka pa at binugbog. Okay lang ba sayo na sabay kayo? By the looks of it, you can't make him choose. If ever you choose to stay, and since the decision will be yours, accept that there will be the two of you. Kaya mo bang tanggapin yun? Maghihintay ka na lang na magsawa na sila sa isa't isa? What if it won't happen?

Ganyan talaga sya - nagmumura at nambubugbog? kung part ng marriage nyo yan, eh hindi lang pala infidelity and problem ng asawa mo.

Well for sure it's hard to decide for now. You were married for 10 years, you must love him very much, otherwise you wouldn't be so shattered as you are right now. And then there's your sympathy pa for him, na he was left by his parents. These will really cloud your judgment and will make you confused. But please don't blame yourself na you can't provide a happy family for him. It's not your fault. You don't deseve to be treated like a doormat.

If you're not yet on your turning point, wherein you're already compelled to leave come what may, I suggest you start loving and empowering yourself. Take one step at a time.

I understand sobrang hapdi ng unfaithfulness ng husband mo. Yung unang  discovery mo pa lang, masakit na yun. Nasundan pa ng one lie, one deception after another. But if you can, focus your energy on yourself and your child. Strengthen yourself emotionally, and even financially. So when the time comes, you can make a right decision for yourself and your kid.

God bless and always pray for His guidance, wisdom, and strength.

[whimsical.unicorn]

I'm sorry but physical abuse is the last straw.

^Agree! For me, the moment that he laid a hand on you, wala ng dapat pag uusapan pa. But then, it's still your call.

It's not that easy to let go but for the sake of you especially the welfare of your son, sana makapag decide ka. Pray for guidance, sis.

[FOURever]

I am sorry for what you're going through. Tama isang sis, kausapin mo yung girl. Kung ayaw tumigil at nagalit din asawa mo, make a decision na. Kesa mapahaba pa ang pagdusa mo physically

[zanabee]

mga sis kinausap ko na si girl, hiwalay siya sa asawa niya with kids na pinapaalaga sa nanay niya.
pinagsabihan ko na rin siya ng masasakit na salita, no effect lahat sis. nagsumbong pa siya sa asawa ko, ako pa yung pinagbantaan niya na tigilan ko yung girl na yun.
nature na niya ang pagiging malandi.
my husband is still here with us. ayaw umalis, pinapalayas ko. hindi daw siya aalis at hindi kami maghihiwalay.
i really hate him! he never admitted na mali siya.

[glamorosa_09]

^nakakaimbyerna ang matatapang na kabit. Kaya lang, it's not a good move to talk to the mistress, especially is she knows that the man is already married. It happens, and it's to be expected, na magsusumbong si babae, and then sayo magagalit si lalake. This is counterproductive.

Looks like you're willing to leave the marriage, but the problem is, he's holding on to you, and he's not admitting his own mistake.

I wonder why you can't reach out to your family, may sakit ba parents mo? Aren't they strong enough to take this blow? Or di kaya ng pride mo to bow down? Sometimes kailangan natin ng tulong.

[j.adore]

Not a good move to talk to the mistress kasi alam naman niya mali ginagawa niya. The fact that she had to make a new FB account para lang malandi husband mo, no hope in talking to her.
Saka helloooooo, makapal talaga mukha ng mga kabit

I guess you're still at that point of trying to save your marriage for a number of reasons.
Pero sis, your husband does not respect you at all. Add mo pa yung constant monitoring of his activities and harassing his mistress, mababa talaga tingin niya sayo.
Saka please lang, sana you don't take lightly the instance that he hurt you physically. Maybe it's denial but please do think of your self-worth. Binugbog ka, ok lang ba talaga yun?! If he admits mali siya and say sorry, ganun na lang yun?!

So thick-faced siya to insist on staying.. You really need help from your family to get him out. Is it really worth to save face and keep this from them? Who knows what other pain he can inflict on you?

Wake up sis.. Your love (ikaw na lang kasi ang nagmamahal) will not protect you.

[Evolet027]

You have all the evidences, or kumuha ka pa ng mas matindi na evidence. Idemanda mo yang babae. Ewan ko kung san pulutin ang kati nyan.