Abusive husband

[arkimommy]

Matanong ko lang TS. Why would your husband think na hindi sa kanya ang baby na dinadala mo ngayon? May instance ba na may nalaman sya na maybe you're dating another guy or may nabasa sya na messages.. Kase baka may basis din si husband mo kung bakit ganun ganun na lang ang pagdududa nya sayo and if kanya talaga ang baby nyo. I hope you're well.

I work in a field surrounded by men kaya ever since ganito na talaga husband ko – paranoid, mapag-duda, daig pa nga babae minsan. He always tells me that he just loves him so much kaya siya ganun. At first, okay lang. But habang tumatagal lumalala na. Pinatigil niya din ako sa work before to be a full-time mom and wife, kakabalik ko lang last year.

I'm not dating other guys and I'm not saying this para lang magmukha siyang masama pero swear to God, wala akong ibang lalaki. I text my guy workmmates pero work-related lang kasi alam ko magagalit at magagalit siya. Kahit nga sa get together namin ng girl friends ko sinasama ko husband ko para hindi na niya ako pag-isipan ng masama. Problem ko din kasi sa kanya, madikit lang ako sa ibang lalaki, iisipin niya boyfriend ko na agad. Nakakapagod din talaga siya.

^Kaya mo yan sis. Stay strong. Will pray for you.

^ Thank you so much sis crzysxycl!

[Purple_Power]

Too bad he has problem talaga. Baka nga siya gawain niya yun kaya ganyan siya maghinala sayo eh! Mukhang he is that possessive. Hindi joke yung sinasabi niya na hindi niya anak yang dinadala mo, clear naman na nirereject niya eh! Requesting for DNA is actually a total insult for a woman already.

[glamorosa_09]

ever since ganito na talaga husband ko – paranoid, mapag-duda, daig pa nga babae minsan.

Part lang yan ng package ng pagiging abusive nya --extreme jealousy.

After 18 years of being abused, second baby mo lang pala ang makakapagpaalis sayo. Your unborn baby is giving you the courage and strong resolve to finally leave your husband, which you should have done years ago. But at least something happened --your baby -- and it will turn your life around for the better.

Good thing nakabalik ka na sa work mo. I'm sure God will provide for you and your baby in this next journey of your life.

[arkimommy]

Thank you so much sis Purple_Power and glamorosa_09!

I'm still here at home. Last night, sabi sakin ng daughter ko she's leaving for London to study and sasama daw sa kanya yung dad niya. Actually I'm happy na lalayo na sakin si hubby but my daughter. Iniisip ko nalang I need to make a little sacrifice for her baby sister. After I give birth pwede siguro kami makasunod dun for my daughter pero ayaw ni hubby na kasama yung baby.

Before my husband asked me na magpa-DNA to check if the baby is really his. Ang sabi ko sa kanya siya yung gumastos. But now, parang gusto ko na ipa-DNA si baby to prove him wrong. Naguguluhan ako.

[hypergalactix13]

sis, how was your relationship with your husband for the past 18 years?
i just couldn't imagine you endured that kind of attitude that long. yun eh, kung talagang ganyan ang ugali nya ever since.
moreover, hindi ko gets 'yung doubt nya eh.
may I ask kung meron din siyang extra curricular activities aside from work? may vices ba sya?

[arkimommy]

^ Sis, our relationship for the past 18 years was really okay. Madalas naman madali siyang kausap but most of the time, hindi. Sobrang moody lang but I managed to keep up. He's very sweet as in he never forgets my birthday and our anniversary (but this year it was different), lagi siyang may surprises. Gusto niya lagi akong kasama sa mga activities niya at work kaya lagi akong sinasabihan ng iba na trophy wife. Kung hindi siya super sweet, super sungit naman. There's really no in between. Matinding patience and understanding lang talaga kailangan.

About his vices, he's a chainsmoker and he drinks a lot. Tried stopping him before pero ayaw magpa-pigil. Never din namin napag-awayan na may ibang babae siya kasi he never made me feel na may iba siya. When I got pregnant, sobrang nag-iba siya.

[Pinklet]

Maybe lang sis... he has some condition na hindi nya nasabi sayo and maybe na after your first baby, baka nabanggit ng doctor na impossible na sya magkaanak, kaya sobrang nagdududa sya kung kanya ba talaga ang baby.. pero para sa ikakatahimik mo at ng hubby mo, i would suggest na magpaDNA ka and isaksak mo sa baga nya ang results. 

[stylus]

^sis arkimommy! Soon to be arkimommy din ako hmmm. Siguro kasi diba after your 1st baby sabi mo di ka na nagwork para maging full time mom and wife. TTC kayo for almost 18 years. Meaning you tried na sundan na talaga si daughter. Pero last year bumalik ka sa work. Its possible na nung nagwork ka na ulit, wala na ang focus mo sa pag TTC. So wala ng pressure, kaya nakabuo na kayo ni hubby. At the same time, si hubby mo naman kaya naghinala, bakit kung kelan ka nagwork ulit at naka meet ng ibang tao, saka ka nabuntis ulit.

The only way to prove him nga is thru DNA. Pero sa part mo naman, hindi kasi excuse na naghihinala sya sa baby para di ka tratuhin nang maayos. Di ba pwedeng after na lang ng dna na maprove nya na di kanya saka sya magalit sayo at sa baby? Ang unfair kasi. Kung maprove mo na anak nya yan, so okay na? Bati bati na? Kakalimutan na lang yung mga ginagawa nya sayo ngayon? Ang unfair lang talaga.

[Purple_Power]

Kung ako lang ha! derechahan na talaga ito. Kung magpapa DNA ka make sure isabay mo na hiwalayan siya at sayong sayo na si baby, as in wala na siyang karapatan kasi noon pa lang brutal na niyang nirereject yung bata eh! Insulto talaga ito sa pagkababae yung paghihinala niya. Make a video record with voice of course on how he rejects the baby lalo na yung sinasabi niya na hindi akin yan. At least you have reference and keep that. Evidence ito na he is refusing his own child. Hindi ko gagawin yan para lang sa ikatatahimik ng asawa, i mean ganun na bang kababa ang tingin sa asawa para magrequest at magsalita ng ganyan? Kahit anong condition or situation niyo that is no excuse. Kung ikaw mismo alam mo behaviour mo then hindi ka dapat pumayag sa DNA regardless kung sino sa inyo ang gagastos.

[stylus]

^lalo na sis kung kamukang kamuka ni hubby ang baby noh? Parang pinag biyak na bunga. Sarap ilayo ang baby!! Maparamdam man lang sa kanya na masakit itanggi ng sariling pamilya.

[arkimommy]

Thank you so much for the replies sisses!

Sis Pinklet, I think wala naman siyang condition na ganyan kasi regular yung check-up namin before because we're TTC. But I don't know. I'm confident na match talaga sila ng baby ko kaya if ever magpa-DNA ako, isasaksak ko talaga sa baga niya yung results.

Sis stylus, congrats on your baby fellow arkimom! He's really paranoid nga sa mga kasama ko sa work, minsan hindi ko talaga alam kung anong takbo ng isip ni hubby.

Yun nga din iniisip ko sis, if mapakita ko na anak niya na 'to, bati na kami? Ganun ganun nalang? Pero kahit anong result ayoko na din talaga. Nakakapagod na siya. Sana lang talaga kamukhang kamukha siya ni baby para naman kilabutan siya sa lahat ng mga pinagsasabi niya sakin.

Purple_Power, I'm pretty sure gusto ko na talaga siyang hiwalayan, I'm emotionally drained because of him. Iniisip ko lang kapag na-prove ko na sa kanya nga tong baby eh hindi na kami pakawalan. Sobrang unpredictable ng asawa ko and I'm thinking wag nalang ipa-DNA since I'm confident na siya naman yung tatay.

[cosmochick]

If  were you, I'd consult a lawyer and make a legal contract which will state, ipa DNA ko , and all expenses will be shouldered by me. If proven na anak nya ang bata, refund nya lahat ng nagastos ko, ilipat nya sa akin lahat ng laman ng bank account nya and properties, ipapakulong ko sya sa kaso ng Violence against women and sya ang gagastos sa annulment and wag na sya papakita sa akin at sa bata magpakailanman. I will consider him dead.

Sorry sis, but what your husband is doing to you is unforgivable in my opinion.

I remember, my ex husband, super seloso din, bawal ako mag sleeveless dahil titingnan ako ng other guys, bawal ang outline ng bra kita sa suot kong blouse kasi titingnan ako ng guys, pag tiningnan ako ng other guys ,I'm malandi na. Kaloka diba, kasalanan ko ba kung maganda ako?? LOL If you think, Im kidding, well no, nasampal na ako ng ilang beses JUST because tiningnan ako ng other guys. Thank God, annulled na kami and I'm in a better place now.

[victim]

Matanong ko lang TS. Why would your husband think na hindi sa kanya ang baby na dinadala mo ngayon? May instance ba na may nalaman sya na maybe you're dating another guy or may nabasa sya na messages.. Kase baka may basis din si husband mo kung bakit ganun ganun na lang ang pagdududa nya sayo and if kanya talaga ang baby nyo. I hope you're well.

i have the same question sis but i read that you already answered this one.

another question actually is why is it that your mother, despite all these abuses, has kept mum about this issue. is she supposed to take your side as witness to all these act of abuse?

I think you need to have space. if he wants you to leave and you think he is serious about it, then leave. you said you have a job so it is possible that you can live independently. bring your mother with you to look after your baby.

if you said that you have been honest and loyal to your spouse, then good. the truth will come out in time especially if the baby is there and that baby looks like your hubby in the end.  if you still love your hubby and you are still willing to save your family, then have the DNA test, for peace of mind.

i cannot give you any other advice because i would also like to hear the version of story of your husband.

god bless.

[gab54]

Mahirap magsalita or give advice, bec at the end of the day, si sis arkimommy parin mag dedecide. Pero honestly, most abusive men, they dont change. My sis was married to a man similar to ur hubby. Ilan taon nagtiis sister ko, ilan beses nag attempt to leave her hubby. in the end she never had the courage. She was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 39. Kahit may sakit, never bumait si hubby. In the end, she died at the age of 42. For me, she wasted her life. Sometimes I wonder if she would still be alive if she didnt marry an a$%hole

[Purple_Power]

^Ano naging reaction ng BIL mo nung namatay sister mo? Hindi man lang siya natauhan ba? I agree it is waste of life kaya this is already a wake up call. Ayoko rin naman magpush ng advises pero kung hindi na nakakatulong huwag magtiis kasi to be honest parang kang nagsusuicide araw araw. I could actually relate a little bit in terms of abusive pero hindi kay hubby but to in law. Nakasama rin sa kalusugan ko and to my pregnancy yung pagiging abusada ng in law. Kung hindi ako nagsumbong kay hubby baka may sakit na ako ngayon. At lalong kung nagtiis ako lumala pa ang sakit ko. Year lang ako nagtagal sa bahay ni hubby dahil hindi ko maatim yung fact na I am with abusive person tapos depress pa. My point is better to leave hangga't may pagkakataon pa. Marami rin naman mga naging separated pero successful.

I will share an example sa Tito ko na tingin ko naging abusive talaga to his family. Iniwan siya ng asawa niya tapos yung mga pinsan ko nasa Nanay rin. Guess what? They are all successful yet lahat sila nakakapagtravel together in other countries together with their children ang hubbies. I could imagine if nagtiis sila sa Tito ko baka naligaw pa sila ng mga landas, baka iba rin ang naging pagkatao nila. While itong Tito ko? naging miserable buhay niya. In other terms meron talagang balik sa kanila mga ganyan.

[crzysxycl]

^^Aaw, that is so sad sis. Indeed, maraming nakukuhang sakit because of stress.

[arkimommy]

Hello everyone!!! It's been awhile since my last post. I appreciate all your replies!! In the span of more or less 2 weeks, so much happened but I can really say that I am at my happiest right now. Finally moved out of our house, stayed in London for awhile to accompany my daughter, and now I'm back to work! Just when I thought na hindi ko kaya makipag-hiwalay, here I am living on my own, waiting nalang to give birth. Hindi na rin ako nagpa-DNA, if he doesn't want my kid, then okay. Hindi ko siya pipilitin. Basta ako, my conscience is clear

Next agenda will be annulment and yung sa conjugal properties namin. Kahit wala na akong hatred towards him, I have no more plans na talaga na makipag-balikan but I still always include him in my prayers. I'm just exactly where I want to be. Thank you so much again sissies!!

[hotbabe925]

Happy for you   
Stay strong, things will only get better now that you have let yourself free.

[j.adore]

That's nice to hear sis Keep on healing!

[crzysxycl]

Happy for you sis arkimommy! Take care!