Question to working Moms here, need your POVs

[mimiku]

Hi, I recently got married and gave birth. I also stopped working because the first trimester was really very complicated and hard for me. My baby is already 7 months and like all new moms, I am very attached to her. However, as time goes by, I'm getting restless and bored. I was not accustomed of staying at home and doing nothing. I have worked for almost 10 years prior to getting pregnant, and I guess I could not contain the working girl inside me. I don't have any issues financially. My husband could very well support us but I feel I am stuck to where I am - getting so bobo na (excuse the term). I'd like to go back to the corporate world however, my situation is kind of complicated. I am currently based here in the province and I know I won't be able to find a job if I won't go back in Metro Manila. I'd like to tag along my daughter with me. I couldn't bear to leave her. I will have to find a yaya for her, since I am not sure if my mom or MIL would agree to come live with us (there also an issue here wherein I am not sure if they would allow us to live in Manila). Now the question is, for working moms out there -

1. How old is your child when you return to work?
2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)
3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?

Salamat po sa sasagot.

[reigne17]

Hi @mimiku

i am a working mom. 2 years old na daughter ko. unlike you hindi ako tumigil nung buntis ako kasi hindi naman ako maselan nung buntis ako. nag maternity leave ako ng mas maaga nga lang kasi i gave birth sa province.

1. How old is your child when you return to work? -my daughter was only a month old nung bumalik ako sa work. kasi maaga akong nagleave kaya one month lang bonding namin ni baby.


2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)- --at 5 months kinuha na namin si baby sa mother ko at dinala na namin dito sa Metro MAnila. May yaya din siya I must say very close kami ng daughter. ako kasi pag asa bahay na ako talaga lahat sa gawaing bahay. anyway stay out si yaya kaya sa gabi ako talaga nakatoka kay baby.

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?- asa sayo yan kung supportive naman si husband na dalhin si baby why not diba??

I believe kasi na minsan lang sila maging bata, at ang hirap ng hindi mo makikita mga developmental milestones niya. 5 months diko nakasama anak ko before ko siya nakuha, so ang daming nalagpasan na developmental milestones like pag dapa at sitting with support, kaya naman nung nakakuha kami ng yaya kinuha na namin si baby. at first risky siya kasi siyempre kailangan mong magtiwala sa yaya mo.

[caterpillar-girl]

I feel you sis. Iba talaga ang working mom. I've also been working for more than 10 years already and I cannot imagine stopping. Iba rin kasi the fulfillment I get from doing work that I actually like and work that challenges me.

1.  How old is your child when you return to work?
- my baby girl will be 2 1/2 months when I go back.

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)
- Baby palang naman baby ko so I guess I can say we're quite close, as I'm able to directly breastfeed her. As for her prefering the yaya, I guess this is one of the risks I will have to take. Like you, we have a yaya also and of course we can't help but wonder if our baby would prefer the yaya to us. Pero sa tingin ko iba pa rin naman ang nanay. Just make sure you spend quality time with her as much as possible. My plan is to Face Time with my baby when I'm away lol. Kahit baby palang sya and hindi pa nga sya talagang nakakakita.

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?
- I can't imagine being away from my daughter so if I were you I'd bring her along, as long as may mapagkakatiwalaan kang bantay, like mom or mom in law and hindi lang basta yaya. The first few months of a child's life are also critical to her growth and development, so I think if I were you I'd make sure I'm present during that stage.

[j.adore]

I am not a mom but I could share what my mother has taught me (her POV). Background is they weren't well off at the time they had me and my sibling.

- You have to make a choice.
She was also a corporate woman who knows she will get bored and mentally dull if she became a SAHM. BUT she could not bear the thought of not bringing up her own children so she gave up her career for us.

- When you do, fully accept the consequences.
On one hand, you get to be there every step of the way that your children takes. On the other, you give up your career.
OR
On one hand, you become successful and help provide for your children. On the other hand, your children might not grow up "well".

- As a mother, your life is full of sacrifices (be it great or small).
She chose to give up her career and rear us herself. Every now and then we get yayas but they are there solely to help her clean up but not to raise us.

- Your children come first. Your desires come after them.
Once she's done with the tasks for the day, that's when she goes reading books studying whatever piques her interest. This is her way to continue developing herself and her mind.
Then, when we were in high school, that's when she decided to return to the corporate world and build her career again. She even asked permission from us lol and was able to climb the corporate ladder.

Overall, she was saying it has to be all out because if you find a middle ground, you also compromise the "quality" (either the career or child rearing). Come to think of it, puro full time moms nga sa angkan namin..
But of course, iba iba naman yan. There are mothers who can make it work and it's all about time (and maybe energy) management.



Question, hindi option na magbusiness instead?
What does your husband say?

[belle_v2g]

^Good point there, j.adore.

Hi mimiku, let me share you my story.

I had my eldest at the age of 24. I used to work as a full time nurse in a private hospital in QC back then and knowing how much we earn in PH, literal na hindi makabuhay ng pamilya ang salary. Luckily, hubby earns almost quadruple of what I earn but you know what, it wasn't just enough. It is expensive to start a family considering all the expenses every month and I'm the type of person who doesn't want to rely with other people all the time. I wanna have my own money and savings. I had the chance to look after my son for like 2 months (the usual ML allowance you get if you had NSD in PH), after that, I had to leave him with my parents in province since hubby and I both work in Manila. Guess how many times we get to see our child? Twice a month. True enough, there are times when he likes the grandparents more over us, his parents. Di ako nagselos. We had to do it. We need to earn. It's for his future.

After 3 years, I had to leave for Australia to study. This was even worse coz this time, I won't be leaving just our son but my husband as well. Hubby had to stay in Manila to work and our son continued to stay with my parents. Thanks to technology coz we were able to communicate via Skype all the time. He didn't forget me. Alam nyang ako si Mommy nya. Thanks to my parents who reared him properly. To make the story short- after my studies and training, I found a job, visa got converted and both hubby and our son were able to follow me here. Now we reside here permanently, with decent jobs, excellent pay, able to sustain our needs, and support our families in PH.

'Temporary sacrifice for permanent gain.'

Now, for our next baby arriving this June, my parents naman are the ones coming over to assist us.

[kvandenhaak]

1. How old is your child when you return to work? 5 years old.

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.) Hindi naman sya clingy pero that can be an issue in your case
3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me? Depends on your resources. Me mag-aalaga ba kapag nasa work ka?

The early years of the child is probably the most critical. Because that when they develop in everything. I was concerned about the values my son will learn, the habits he'll get if he stays in the daycare the whole day. Not everyone will turn bad, of course. But if you can afford to stay home and give the care that she needs, why not? And then there's a lot of firsts that I will miss. It's just years that I can never take back being a mom.

[JAZRINA]

Hi mimiku.  Here's my answer to your question:

1. How old is your child when you return to work? - 2.5 months

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.) - in my case, i live with my parents so they are the one taking care of him during the day but once i'm home and during weekends, i'm the one taking care of him. He's turning 5 months now. Observation ko lang, once he saw me at night  umiiyak na sya kapag di ko pa sya kinuha agad sa mom ko. Same kapag weekend na kailangan ko mag-work from home and my mom will be the one to take care of him, he sleeps poorly or won't sleep at all until i get him. So i guess, kahit ang parents ko nag-aalaga sa kanya sa araw, he still knows that i'm his mom and I should be the one to take care of him during the night and on weekends. 

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me? - honestly sis, mahirap kumuha ng yaya na mapagkakatiwalaan. sobrang swerte ko that my parents are more than willing to look after my son. Kumuha lang ako ng additional helper so wala na talagang gagawin sa house ang parent ko. If sa yaya lang maiiwan ang baby mo when your at work, I think better na iwan mo muna sya sa parents mo.

IF i have a choice, I will stay at home and look after my son until his 5 years old. Then go back to work after that. Kaso, i don't have a choice. I need to work. So now. i'm looking for work that allows work from home kahit once a week lang or look for other work na mas maluwag ang time.

[wishbear88]

Not sure if this is the right thread to post in but question, to the working moms/parents, gaano niyo kaaga pinapatulog sa gabi ang babies ninyo? Pinapaantay niyo pa na makauwi kayo para may time kayo with thrm? We will be adjusting our daughter's schedule soon kasi because she will be starting school. Isip namin di na namin siya maabutan ng gising sa gabi if we come home from work because she has to sleep early na. Normal ba yun? She's 2.5 now and usual sleep niya is 1130pm na kasi she naps until 6pm sa hapon.

[RoadrunnerXCX]

^that's not a normal sleeping time for 2 1/2 y/o ..baby pa din yan even if she gets 8-10 hrs of sleep everyday. sana isunod mo talaga sa normal sleep time ng baby kasi sooner or later the baby will be of school age and normal sked for schooling  is early morning papasok sa school will arrive in the afternoon mag nap ng 1-2 hrs lang dapat mag dinner around 7pm sleeps at around 8pm/9pm.. the baby has to be trained as early as now. medyo scrifice ka talaga ng kaunti sa pagkikita nyo ni baby if you are working usually moms would make up with the kids during rest days or holidays. nag nap din ang kid ko pero i wake her up kasi male late sya ng tulog kapag hanggang 6pm hinayaan ko sya mag nap.

[wishbear88]

@RoadrunnerXCX, yun nga e.  Alam naming late na yung tulog niya at night but iniisip namin na gabi lang ang time na nakakasama namin siya kasi madalas tulog pa siya sa mornings when we leave for work.  Kaya now that we are checking out schools for her, medyo nalungkot kami sa fact na hindi na talaga namin siya makakabonding when we come home from the office because she has to sleep early na.  Kaya ako napaisip if normal ba sa working parents not to be able to bond with their children since kids need to sleep early and usually commute and all, late na nakakauwi ang mga magulang.

[Dyewel]

Nasa probinsya din ako, and most of my College friends believes that I am over qualified for my current job.  I choose to work here, dahil mas gusto ko ang surrounding dito VS city, mas mababa ang cost of living, etc.

1. How old is your child when you return to work? 
walking distance lang house namin, so 2mo after giving birth balik trabaho na. Nauwi ako during breaks to breastfeed whenever possible. Sa second child, mas mahirap kasi nabuntis ako while taking my masters degree 

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)
Pagdating ko sa bahay, hands-on ako sa mga bata. Wala halos ako ibang house chores kundi sa anak. Weekdays, ussualy pumupunta kami sa bukid, or picnic.  My children prefers to be with me basta nasa bahay ako.

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?
No. If you think you are ready, go ahead. Do what you think is best for you and your baby.  Kung mag-hihintay ka ng isang taon pero hindi ka masaya, mas mag-suffer kayong mag-ina. Children are sensitive to our feelings, kung hindi ka masaya mararamdaman niya yon.

[simang]

Not sure if this is the right thread to post in but question, to the working moms/parents, gaano niyo kaaga pinapatulog sa gabi ang babies ninyo? Pinapaantay niyo pa na makauwi kayo para may time kayo with thrm? We will be adjusting our daughter's schedule soon kasi because she will be starting school. Isip namin di na namin siya maabutan ng gising sa gabi if we come home from work because she has to sleep early na. Normal ba yun? She's 2.5 now and usual sleep niya is 1130pm na kasi she naps until 6pm sa hapon.

Hi sis medyo late nga ang 11:30. Anong oras ka ba dumadating sa bahay? Anong oras ka umaalis sa morning? Siguro mas acceptable lang if imove mo a little early yung bed time nya. Advisable kasi before 10pm dapat tulog na especially at that age. I'm sure naman alam mo na yung benefits of letting your kid go to bed early.

I'm guessing tulog pa sya pag umaalis ka sa morning, kasi nga, super late na nya matulog. Try moving your playtime/bonding time in the morning, example sabay kayong gigising and maglalaro sa bed. kahit 30 mins lang. Yung husband ko ganun ginagawa nya. He wakes up 30 mins earlier para maglaro sila ng daughter namin kasi pag umuuwi sya around 9-10pm tulog na si baby. So sa morning na lang sila naglalaro.

1. How old is your child when you return to work?
2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)
3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?

1. I also stopped working when i got pregnant, decided to go back to work this year, pero work from home na since di ko keri iwan daughter ko sa yaya. Living with my parents or inlaws is not an option since both of them are in the province and husband's work is in manila. So I decided na kahit wfh lang okay na din.

2. My daughter is extremely clingy to me (she's turning 10 months) kasi I breastfeed her exclusively and she doesn't drink expressed milk from the bottle. So talagang attached sya sa akin. I guess there's really a parent-child bond eh, na kahit hindi ikaw ang primary caregiver ng anak mo, as long as nakakasama ka nya meron at meron kayong special bond. Just make sure lang na you spend time with your kid as much as possible.

3. I decided to work kasi that was the advice of my doctor. I was diagnosed with PPD and I needed a total change of dynamics when it comes to motherhood. If may choice ako, I would probably delay working for another 1 or 2 years. But I really needed that distraction from being a mom so I decided to work na din. Iniisip ko nga, a lot of working moms would die to stay at home and take care of their child, habang yung mga SAHM naman eh iniisip kung paano kumita ng pera. I consider myself very lucky kasi hands on pa din ako kay baby and I'm earning at the same time.

How are you now TS?

[crookshanks]

@wishbear88. I understand how you feel, I wanted to spend as much time with my baby as I can. Yun nga lang need talaga mag-work. Nakakarating ako sa bahay ng past 10:30, and my baby sleeps at around 9 to 9:30. Di ko na siya pinapahintay sa kin kase I wanted her to have good sleeping habits, she's 2 yrs and 3 mos btw. What we do instead is to have bonding in the morning. Instead na sa dinner kame sabay sabay kumakain ng hubby and baby ko, breakfast kame nagsasama sama. Then sa umaga rin kame nagkakaroon ng playtime and bonding. Sacrifice lang namin talaga is nasanay kame na gumising ng maaga since maaga rin siya gumigising and para madami pa din kame magawa.

[The Lioness]

Let me share my story.

I had my first child when I was 18. And no, I was/am not with the father. I wanted to be her everything. unfortunately I had to finish school. so weekends lang ako umuuwi ng bahay. she's left with my parents and yaya. now after graduation, pumunta ako ng Manila to work. so I only get to see her twice the most in a year. And she's 13 years old now. it's one of my biggest frustrations. I failed her as a parent. if my choice lang ako, I would have never let her out of sight. I would've been the first person she sees in the morning and the last she sees before bed.

Now I have a 2 year old. and working at the same time. more than a month pa lang sya bumalik na ulit ako sa work. it's a lot of struggle juggling between work, baby and household chores. hindi mo naman din pwedeng I asa lahat sa yaya. my yaya is exclusively for my son alone. the rest of household work is mine. ayoko na din I bother ang parents ko sa pag aalaga or pag oversee ng anak ko. they're past that stage. and it's not their responsibility anymore. I only have 4 to 5 hours sleep in a day. that I know I signed up for when I decided I want to have a kid again, take care of him and be the momma he deserves.

super close sakin 2 year old ko. kapag natutulog, gusto nya "tabi mommy". he likes to sleep na nakadikit back nya sa tyan ko. but sometimes I feel like kulang pa din ang time ko sa kanya.

spend time with your kid as much as u can. so u don't suffer from lost opportunities you could be together. work if u have to. para kahit anong mangyari between you and your husband, you can be independent. he wont have thoughts na pinapakain ka nya ( I learned that from my mom). don't bother your parents with taking care of our children, they're getting old and already took care of you. get a yaya/helper instead. manage your time well.

[Dyewel]

gaano niyo kaaga pinapatulog sa gabi ang babies ninyo?

Yong 5 year old ko, 8:00pm ang bedtime, yong 1yo 7:00pm. Both, ginigising ko ng 6am for breakfast and bath bago ako pumasok sa work.

[gwyne21]

1. How old is your child when you return to work? - 2 months right after my ML

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? - super close siya sa akin at maka-Mommy pa siya. I make sure na ako primary caregiver niya once nasa bahay na ako from work and during weekends. Usually naka-day-off yaya niya pag weekends kaya kami talaga magkasama ni baby.

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me? - If I have a choice, I would prefer na 1 year old or older before I go back to work kaya lang I need to work (for career and financial reason).

[kiz_me1109]

1. How old is your child when you return to work?
- 7 years ago when I first had my 1st born. I didn't resign from my job because kailangan - for financial reasons. My son was just 2 months old when I went back to work.

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)
- My son is very close to me. He had a yaya until he was 4 years old because both of us wre working.

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?
- YES. There are a lot of developmental milestones na dapat makita mo during that stage.

Now, kung kaya lang talaga na si husband lang ang mag work, I will never have second thoughts of living my job and focus as a stay at home mom.  There are a lot of things na pwede mong gawin while at home.

There is always a way to develop yourself and mind. Read books, attend seminars that may interest you once in a while, have a small business na pwede mo gawin sa bahay,etc.

I hope i was able to help you.

[antithesisofbarbie]

Sobrang nakakatuwa mabasa yung replies ng ibang mommies
Nakakarelate din ako.

Since I am working overseas with my husband... naging mahirap saamin kung adjustments and mga challenges. Hindi naman ako nagstop magwork... Umuwi ako para manganak. Nakaleave ako for 6 months. Thank God mabait ang company ko kahit alam nila na peak ng career ko ang time na iyon.

1. How old is your child when you return to work?
She is 2 months old when I returned back to work. Pinakamasakit na moment saakin lang airport moment naming mag ina. Naiwan muna siya sa parents ko kasi aayusin pa namin kung papers niya plus yung bahay namin etc. After a month sinundo ko na siya with my mom and dad.

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)

Hmmm sobrang maiksi lang naman yun time na di kami magkasama plus 24/7 naman kami naka skype sa kanya nung hindi kami magkasama

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?
Kung saan ka mas makakaadjust... Pero for me habang bata pa siya mas okay na magkasama kayo. Kasi yung child formation and development 1 year to 3 years so mas nakikita mo lahat.

Naniniwala ako na when we became mothers mas stronger na tayo and wiser too.
Habang we have time pa with our kids sulitin natin.

[yonamarie]

Super nakakarelate ako dito.
I salute all MOMS like me!

Pero iba case ko. I am not married but I am still with the father of my son.
My son is turning 5years old. College palang  ako nung nabuntis at nanganak ako. And honestly, mahirap.

Nung nanganak ako, I had to go back to school by 2nd sem to graduate on the same 2013.
And then, after graduation and all. I had to review for PNLE. Pero I wanted to have a job. 

And so...

1. How old is your child when you return to work?
I had a part time job as early as he was 3-4mos. Part time lang yun. His father is working away from us (Bulacan Area) kaya I was with my parents. Ang hirap for me kasi I really had the fear of being away from him.

2. How is the attachment of your child to you? (I fear that is I leave her to a yaya she might not be that attached to me anymore. Baka dumating yung araw na mas mahal na niya yung yaya niya kaysa sa akin.)
YES YES YES! Kasama to sa fear ko. Kasi nung around 8-12mos si baby. Nagkaron ako ng regular work (8-5pm) office work. My parents are working also so we had to hire a yaya. Kaso, nagkasakit si baby before he turns 1year. Napabayaan na pawis, ayun nagkaron ng Pneumonia. And I hated myself that time So I resigned sa regular work ko to take care of him.

3. Do I need to wait until my baby is 1 year old before I bring her with me?
Very crucial talaga yung mga anak natin at a young age. Nakasurvive naman ako/kami with the help of my parents and financially sa work ng bf (dad ng baby ko).
Its a matter of choice talaga and a big sacrifice.

Ako nga until now, part time part time parin. kahit almost 5 na siya. But I guess soon, at dapat talaga meron na kong regular work.
I hope this helps. Goodluck on your journey