avoiding your mother

[amethyst028]

need advice regarding my mom. i know there's an " i hate my mom thread" but i thought i'd make a separate one for my situation.

my mom is not the sweet and caring type. she would always find fault in everything. even the smallest thing pagagalitan niya kame. pag may ginawa kameng maganda she will never praise us. kahit nung bata pa kame. nakikita niya lang yung mga mistakes namin pero never yung mga magandang ginawa namin. pag nagiging sweet ako sa kanya naiinis siya tinutulak niya ko palayo. pag nag re-regalo kame pinapagalitan niya kame kasi sinasayang daw namin ang pera. pag may gusto kame gawin para sa sarili namin kino-kontra niya. kesyo mali yun, kesyo hindi namin kaya yan, kesyo masama yun. she was never supportive of us. we have to go behind her back all the time kasi ko-kontrahin niya lang.

now i'm a mom too. of course lahat ng ayaw ko sa mom ko hindi ko ginagawa sa anak ko. but my mom and i would often clash. lagi niya ko pinapagalitan. i always go to our house to visit her and spend time with her kasi matanda na siya. my dad died a few years ago so mom ko na lang mag isa but my siblings still live with her. pag andun ko sermon dito sermon doon ang inaabot ko. kahit sa mga bagay na mga kapatid ko ang may kasalanan ako pa rin pagagalitan niya. sometimes i couldn't take it anymore and would answer back. but most of the time tinitiis ko lang makasama ko lang siya. but she makes it so hard for me to be around her.

lahat ng sabihin niya ginagawa ko. lahat ng ayaw niya sinusunod ko. but it's never enough. i'm never good enough. we have a very different parenting style, and she hates me for that. gusto niya gayahin ko style niya. maging ako siya. pero ayoko.

being around her is very toxic for me and my son. lagi na lang siyang negative and always in a bad mood. i would understand kung minsan minsan lang pero yung araw araw e, parang sobra naman. kahit ganon siya i would visit her everyday. still hoping na sana ma feel ko na mahal niya ako. maramdaman ko na tanggap niya ko bilang ako at hindi yung pinipilit niya maging kagaya niya.

ngayon pagod nako. it's too much for me. pero iniisip ko masama ba kong anak?? i want to stay away from her for a while. hindi na muna ako magpapakita sa kanya. mali ba ko mga sis? normal ba ang ganyang mother?

[krabby_patty]

I think there's nothing wrong with cutting destructive and negative people from your life. All they do is weigh you down and prevent you from ever being truly happy. They always find fault in things, even if we know people/life/situations will never be perfect.

Your mom may have narcissistic personality disorder. Read somewhere that narcissists get worse as they get older because ageing needs GRACE and COURAGE - both qualities of which they do not have. There are a lot of online resources about it Try to read up on it to better understand their behavior. Hope this helps!

[junetwentythree]

^^ Do you really need to take this from your mother though? Do you really not have a voice? I feel like this is such an unnecessary Filipino trait. To just have them abuse you like that because they're your parents. No, it's not okay. Perhaps it's time you said something and that you stood your ground. For you and your son.

[kvandenhaak]

I would just stay away from her then, period!

[hisana]

Maybe you could lessen your visits to maybe once a week (or even less) para hindi masyado toxic for you and your son. That way, hindi ka laging bad vibes and it won't feel as though you're abandoning her. It won't really fix things between you and your mom, but it's a compromise for now.

[Purple_Power]

ngayon pagod nako. it's too much for me. pero iniisip ko masama ba kong anak?? i want to stay away from her for a while. hindi na muna ako magpapakita sa kanya.

Your decision is RIGHT to stay away from her muna talaga at huwag magpakita sa kanya ng matagal. Dahil in the end ikaw pa rin ang hahanapin niyan. Believe me mangyayari yan. While staying away from your mom mag move on ka muna, mag relax and reflect. Huwag masyadong mag-isip about your mom basta free yourself from negative things.

mali ba ko mga sis?

Ikaw ang makakasagot niyan. Kung sa palagay mong wala ka namang ginawang mali then panindigan mo yun

normal ba ang ganyang mother?

General ang masasabi ko rito, nangyayari talaga na meron talagang NEGATIVE na tao for some reason pero understood naman na never itong nakakabuti. Kung negative ang tingin niya sa buhay niya then damay lahat yan. Magiging negative na rin lahat ng resulta sa kahit anong decision niya at mahihirapan na siyang maging positive lalo na sa mga bagay na gusto niyang maging tama. Based on your post seems that she used to live with negative vibes kung kaya nadala na niya ito, it can be as well she is devastated and a depress person kaya puro siya negative. More so aside from not so good environment maybe as well may mga kasalanan siyang tinatago na pinagsisisihan niya na ngayon and she is not humble enough to accept her own mistakes and be sorry for it.

The advantage in your case is you are independent. If she is hating your style hayaan mo na siya kasi hindi mo naman siya kailangang sundin na. Ikaw mismo nakakaalam kung ano ang parenting style na hindi dapat para sa bata. You don't need others consultation, in other terms huwag kang magpapadikta sa ibang tao kahit Nanay mo. Focus on your strategy in parenting. Huwag ka nang mag explain sa iba.

[argento]

dalhin nyo sa home for the aged.

[Purple_Power]

^Makes sense para makasama nila yung ibang same situation. Feeling ko matatauhan sila kapag nangyari yan.

[stylus]

Sis amethyst028, siguro mas habaan mo na lang pasensya mo. Ikaw mas nakakaunawa kaya ikaw na lang umintindi. May mga mom talaga na ganyan.

I'm an only child. Nung kasama ko pa mom ko. Ganyan din sya. Parang lahat ng gawin ko mali. Konting bagay, galit. Dati naiinis din ako. Sumasagot. Pero when she had cervical cancer 4 yrs ago.. i resigned from work and chose to take care of her. She passed away at 57 yrs old. At ngayon ang pinakasobrang namimiss ko yung mga sigaw nya sakin nung malakas pa sya.

Nakakainis talaga ang mga mommies minsan. Pero ngayon na wala na mom ko, naiinis ako sa sarili ko pag naiisip ko yung mga times na iniwasan ko sya. Yung nagpapasama sya sakin pero nagdadahilan ako na di ako pwede. Ganun. Habang may chance ka na makasama mom mo, sulitin mo. Nanay mo yan. Kaya sigurado ako mahal ka nyan.

[keejac21]

I sympathize with your situation sis. Realistically speaking, who would want to hang around negative people di ba? There's nothing wrong with your feelings, tao lang tayo. I agree with one of our sisses who said na maybe you should lessen your visits. Kahit wag na araw-araw. But when the need arises na kelangan naman ang presence mo, be there 100 percent. Stay tough.