Hubby left his job

[izabelle]

I think there's a big difference between couple na nagsimula sa scratch or sa mahirap and then guminhawa ang buhay

versus

couple na you already have a comfortable life then you risk something big (without back up plans) then you'll be back to mahirap na buhay.

Mas malaki ang risk ng latter.


That's why we cannot compare our lives to the lives of others, kasi iba iba ang situation, iba iba din ang opportunity na nangyari.


500 per week can DEFINITELY FEED a family, IMO.. The question is, What kind of life do you want to give to your family? What standards of life do you have ba?

For me and IMHO, ang mabuting asawa ay dapat mabuting parent din.

Kung ang anak ko ay tag gutom na at hindi ko mapag aral sa magandang school, utang na loob, hindi na bale na hindi ako maging "supportive" wife. Hindi patas na anak ko mag suffer because of an impulsive decision and no back up plans.

It is the parents' responsibility na bigyan ng magandang buhay ang anak, kaya kung mag ririsk lang din naman ako, sisiguraduhin ko, hindi maapektuhan ang anak ko.

My husband and I support each other 100% but not at the expense of our daughter. We know that our daughter's welfare is our number 1 priority. Kung kami lang, kahit tumunganga kami sa bahay, keri lang. Pero may anak kami na nakaasa sa amin.

and that is my real point here, you have to be a responsible parent din and think of your child bago ka gumawa ng big decisions na alam mong pwede sya maapektuhan. Hindi lang ito tungkol sa pagkastress mo sa work, etc or sa gusto mo,  meron bata na nakaasa sayo.

[janachen]

Kung ang anak ko ay tag gutom na at hindi ko mapag aral sa magandang school, utang na loob, hindi na bale na hindi ako maging "supportive" wife. Hindi patas na anak ko mag suffer because of an impulsive decision and no back up plans.

@izabelle agreed. Ako kahit stress na stress sa work, ayokong mag give up kasi may bata. Bago magdecide, pagplanuhan muna at isipin din yung maaapektuhan. :-)

[glamorosa_09]

Hindi lang ito tungkol sa pagkastress mo sa work, etc or sa gusto mo,  meron bata na nakaasa sayo.

Sis izabelle, you sound like a caring mom, and your marriage seems strong base from your post. May I ask, what would you do if you find yourself in TS' previous position - your husband is hinting that he is burned out and stressed with his work? And because of his stress and his desire to seek an immediate solution, he started thinking of some irrational decisions. Are you going to deal first with the stress or with the irrational decision? Comfort your husband first or tell him his decisions are irrational? Soothe his feelings first or hurt his ego? Kasi for me, when you do the former, it will help dissipate the latter. And if you do the latter first, ganito ang mangyayari.

Like what I've mentioned, the way I see it is that, it's happening again. The husband is stressed with the business start-up. Now he's coming up with another irrational decision. But most of us would attack how irrational he is, how irresponsible a parent, rather than acknowledge the stress. Is it impossible for someone to make a wrong decision when one is highly stressed, especially without a strong emotional support? Kung ganito nga ulit, baka mauwi na nga sa hiwalayan. Stress ba ang sisira sa inyo?

We are all concern about the child. No one is suggesting for TS to resign, as I remember. And I guess, the main concern here is the marriage, and whatever happens to the marriage will surely impact the child. And no amount of high quality education can heal the psychological wound inflicted on the child.

TS, I would suggest that you acknowledge his stress, his hard work. You don't need to resign, but maybe call each other every single day. Are you even conversing everyday? That way he will feel you're there for him. Tell him that you can see his effort for trying hard for the family. For all you know, he's propably losing his confidence with himself now because of what's happening. And maybe you're the only one whom he can count on for emotional support right now.

Now if you are showing all the emotional support in the world, telling him all the sympathy and soothing, encouraging words, and yet he still wants to be the one who is always right and must be followed, then maybe, it's him who has the problem.

[ayi0119]

Para sakin ngayon mas kailangan ng support ng magaswa, pareho ng stressed e, hinbdi sagot yun hiwalayan. Pwede naman yun setup na nagwo-work pa din si TS, pero sumusuporta pa din sa business ni mister.

To TS, natry mo na ba tumulong sa bakery? Like magresearch ka kung anong tinapay ang pwedeng idagdag sa menu, pwedeng malunggay pandesal (eto kasi patok samin), or baka kulang sa advertisement, maglagay ng tarpaulin, magpost sa facebook, or magdagdag ng ibang items like palaman, pansit canton para maging one stop shop sya for meryenda at agahan. Kung hindi pa din magwork, hanap pa din ng iba pang paraan, hanggang sa makahanap kayo ng ok. Pero kung ang hahanapin e yung fault ng isa't isa, edi wala talaga mangyayari.

Para sakin kasi wala ako nakikitang mali sa intensyon ni mister. Nagta-trabaho pa rin naman sya, hindi naman batugan, babaero, or abusive. Hindi lang sya magaling maghandle ng stress, so dapat support na lang.

[Girltalker2]

Hindi lang sya magaling maghandle ng stress, so dapat support na lang.

Sorry TS, Pero feeling ko talaga stubborn sya. Di na nga nya kaya mag handle ng stress, naisip pa nya mag business. Kung Na-s-stress sya sa work, 100x stressful mag business kasi sayo lahat ang trabaho at walang kasiguraduhan ang profit. Ayan nanga nangyari. Pero sana matuto nanga sya at higit sa lahat, sana makahanap na sya ng work as soon as possible para ma stabilise ulit family nyo - financially at relasyon nyo mag asawa.

[Shadow Angel]

Hindi ako makapag quote phone lang gamit ko. Pero para sa akin porke hindi abusive, tamad or babaero acceptable na lahat decision ni mister bilang padre de familia. So dahil hindi sya ganyan magtiis na lang kahit na damay ang anak. Hindi ako papayag na tanggapin lang lahat na porke hindi sya babaero or abusive ok na un ibang negative sides lalo na kung ang anak ko ang apektado.

^ tama ka sis ang negosyo ay hindj para sa mga taong madaling mastress. O ngaun 10x stress pa siguro nafefeel nun mister ni TS damay pa family nya.

[Girltalker2]

^ di ba sis?
Kung sabi ni sis glamorosa na need ni TS isort out iyan kay hubby nya, nakupo... Kung nung time na may work pa si hubby ni TS, stress na to the max, ayaw pakinggan si TS, anong support ang need gawin ni TS at that time Kung Hindi naman nag sh share si hubby nya at bibiglain nalang sya na resign na.

So now dejavu, iyan ulit. If dati di na na involve si TS, how can TS support him? How can TS make herself heard or at least express support, lalo na now Mas matinding stress pa ang pinagdaananan ni hubby?

[Shadow Angel]

^kaya sa mag asawa effective communication is important. Hindi un decided na bago pa sabihin sayo. Ang wife ay hindi lamang tauhan sa tahanan tayo ay katuwang sa buhay ni Mister means dapat may say din tayo sa decision ni mister, meet the half way.

[Msfi]

Agree ako na ang business ay hindi para sa taong madaling ma-stress.  Lalangoy ka sa stress at some point lalo na kung bago.  For a new business, it is doing good if it can support its own operation kaya di ka talaga makakaasa sa income nun at this point. Pointless na din na sabihin kung ano ang mga dapat ginawa at pinag-usapan nila kasi eto  na yung situation nila. So anong dapat nilang gawin?

I learned it here sa GT na ang solution mo lang na magagawa sa problem mo ay yung ikaw ang may control.

 I feel the need of TS to stay on her job, mahirap kasi kung may batang involve. 

But the husband also needs support.  If he is a one man show lalong mahihirapan yun na I-manage ang business nya lalo na kung ito yung first.  Kahit kasi may mga tao sya, bayaran lang ang mga yun.  Magtatrabaho ayon sa bayad.  You cannot expect them na magmalasakit sa business. 

Nadalaw na ba  ni TS yung bakery? Sa ngayon kasi if di kayang mag full time ng support kay husband why not do it every weekend.  Sobrang hirap at sakripisyo mapabalik balik pero at least she'll be able to help and show support.  Look into his finances, yan kasi kayang gawin kahit wala sa store.  Take all the supporting documents weekly and you can do that at home pagkagaling sa office. Then update every time pupuntahan pag weekend. Pero  the best support kasi is to be there and hear him out sa pagod  at hirap ni husband. 

[ayi0119]

Hindi ako makapag quote phone lang gamit ko. Pero para sa akin porke hindi abusive, tamad or babaero acceptable na lahat decision ni mister bilang padre de familia. So dahil hindi sya ganyan magtiis na lang kahit na damay ang anak. Hindi ako papayag na tanggapin lang lahat na porke hindi sya babaero or abusive ok na un ibang negative sides lalo na kung ang anak ko ang apektado.

Wala naman kasing perfect e. Sa tingin ko kasi nagfail lang yun husband nya pero doesn't mean na failure na sya, na failure na yun marriage.

[glamorosa_09]

Reading the posts here, I'm seeing two sides where some replies are coming from.

One side are stating opinions about the husband -- how weak he is in facing stress and how stubborn he is for pushing his plans. And I'm not negating it kasi nakita naman yun sa posts ni TS, but to his credit, he is hard working and has this desire to support the family. But as opinions that they are, I don't know how TS will use the insights to improve her situation with her husband. And I don't know the point that they are trying to make, hiwalayan na lang ba ang husband nya?

Now the other side naman were stating suggestions,  giving possible ways for TS to bridge their distance without the need to resign. The suggestions given were doable and practical in her present situation -- converse with the spouse about his business grievances, show interest to the business by visiting or volunteering to do the easier business aspects, kasi baka feel ni husband wapakels si wife sa endeavors nya. All this in the hope to also save their marriage. Yung business success, eh risk pa rin yan, keh maganda o panget marriage niyo. Like what sis ayi said, wala kasing perfect eh. So ano, ibalik na lang sa nanay nya kasi nga may kahinaan?

Kaya binanggit na di naman abusive at babaero si husband ay dahil yun yung mga instances wherein it's time to let it go, to give up the marriage. Unlike with TS' problem, hindi sya dapat i let go dahil hindi naman abusive ang nature ng marriage nila. Yun po yung point, at hindi para maging sunud sunuran si TS. Naintidihan po ba?

Sis Msfi mentioned the word control. For me naman, it's all about focusing on your circle of control. We can go on and on about what should the husband be and do, but is he the one posting and reading here? If we're gonna do that, and TS will do that, then we're all focusing on our circle ofconcerns -- situation werein we have no control.

For sure kung sya nag-post dito, eh those pro-active sisses iba ang suggestions. Tipong, bro makinig ka sa wife mo, bro baka takot wife mo. Ganun ba. Kaya ang mga suggestions na binibigay dito ay yung tipong directed to the TS, suggestions that are within TS' circle of control given her present situation. Ngayon, kung di gets ng iba ang mga suggestions ng ibang sisses dito kay TS, eh wala na yun sa circle of control ko... hehe...

[Linda54]

Your husband needs your support. Don't discourage him and always be with him. 

[Myealexis21]

I am in a somewhat similar situation Sis.  Hubby left his job and ang masaklap kailangan niya umuwi sa Pinas kaya LDR ulet kami ngayon.

I hated the situation at first, but I learned to accept it. 

Just be there to support him, kahit na minsan hindi mo na maintindihan mga desisyon niya.  What I do, if I wanted to say something to him, pray muna ako para kapag kinausap ko na sya hindi panget ang dating sa kanya.  And it always works. Minsan I don't need to bring the subject up coz he will be the one to talk about it first (Galing talaga ni Lord!) and surprisingly mas maganda ang communication namin now. And also add ko lang, when you show your support to him, be sincere about it (mararamdaman nya yan if pakitang tao ka lang or talagang sincere) this makes a lot of difference, and matutulungan mo sya in lowering his stress level, coz aminin man natin o hindi, na-stress din yang mga asawa natin kapag they know we do not agree with how they are dealing with things... and eto kasabay nyan is they will feel respected.  Take note man needs respect more than love, sa ating girls love naman ang mas kelangan natin.

There are times na gusto ko na umayaw, pero naiisip ko what if the tables turned and I am where he is right now?  Saka I look at the brighter side, I have a good paying job and hindi ganun ka stress sa work.  I know that whatever I am in right now will not be forever, and I am certain that God will see me and my hubby through this trial. 

If you want to talk.. PM me.  I know mahirap, trust me I know... but lahat may solusyon, lahat ng problema may katapusan, so hold on Sis.  There is always HOPE

[Mommychinita18]

Tingin ko sinuportahan naman ni TS si hubby niya, yun nga lang kailangan i-accept na hindi talaga patok yun business niya kahit anong gawin. Lalo na bread ang tignan, nasisira. HIndi naman yan tulad ng ibang business na service or gamit na pwede i-stock ang tinda.

Be practical lang sana. Ibaba ang ego ng hubby. Kasi ako, as a mom, hindi talaga keri ang 500 per week lalo may anak pa. And honestly, kahit gano kamahal ang isat isa kapag nahirapan na ng bongga ang isa, magkakasagutan at away talaga. Dahil sa stressed, pagod, worries..etc. Hindi robot si TS para pigilan ang emotion niya. Dapat gisingin sa katotohanan ang asawa niya.

[fifi_girl]

UPDATE - more than 1 year after

Same situation, same arguments.

Its been more than a year since i started this thread, and the situation is still the same. He closed the Bakery he opened before, took a short break then re-opened again. But this time, its a printing/copier/sari-sari store. His sister said he is looking for a job.

He is still blaming me for what happened to us. Me not agreeing to move in with him. I have tried to explain my side to him over and over again. He kept on telling me how unsuitable i am as a wife to him. That i did not give him whats due to him... that i did not make him my priority.. that i chose my family over him.

Pagod na pagod na ko as in. Sometimes i feel that  i am no longer physically tired, but mentally and emotionally tired. I get enough sleep but i am still tired.

Paulit ulit sinasabi nya na hahanap sya ng tao na makakasama nya. Someone he will marry and dream with again.

[TomHansen]

^ oh at nakuha ka pang sisihin ni hubby mo, pero di naman nakakapagtaka since based sa kwento mo ganun na talaga ang ugali niya. Kung sinunod mo ang gusto niya at mga payo sa iyo dito na magresign at pumunta ka sa province e di pareho kayong naghahanap ng work ngayon and sigurado wala na ring savings na natira. Tama lang ang decision mo sis kasi kahit anong support ang ibigay mo sa kanya if walang bibili ng tinapay malulugi talaga ang negosyo.

Wag kang maniwala sa mga sinabi niya because alam mo naman na ang desisyon mo ay para sa anak niyo. Wag mong hayaan na sirahin niya ang pag-iisip mo at sisihin ang sarili mo kaya nagkaganyan ang marriage niyo at business niya. Be glad na may work ka at naitataguyod mo ang anak mo ngayon yun ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat.

Kaya mo yan sis, normal lang mapagod mentally at physically dahil sa bigat ng pinagdadaanan mo but you know naman na worse pa dapat ang  pagod mo kung sinunod mo ang gusto ni hub mo. Treat yourself paminsan minsan sis, magmall kayo ng anak mo twice a month, magbakasyon kayo somewhere na malapit lang. The more you think about what your husband said the more kang mai-stressed.

Kung yun ang gusto niyang gawin then hayaan mo siya, wag na wag kang magmamakaawa utang na loob..

[fifi_girl]

Wag kang maniwala sa mga sinabi niya because alam mo naman na ang desisyon mo ay para sa anak niyo. Wag mong hayaan na sirahin niya ang pag-iisip mo at sisihin ang sarili mo kaya nagkaganyan ang marriage niyo at business niya. Be glad na may work ka at naitataguyod mo ang anak mo ngayon yun ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat.

I came to the point na tinatanong ko [textspeak!] sarili ko kung tama nga ba naging decision ko. But whenever i look back and see things now, alam ko na tama din naging decision ko. Its just him who can't face the reality na hindi talaga uubra [textspeak!] gusto nya. Up to now, minsan nagpapalitan pa din kami ng text messages, same situation... same arguments. Ayun, sinisisi pa din ako sa naging decision ko.

[kvandenhaak]

He just wants someone to blame, pero alam nya siguro that he made a bad decision.

[mysterioza_me]

Paulit ulit sinasabi nya na hahanap sya ng tao na makakasama nya. Someone he will marry and dream with again.

Susko ayaw tumanggap ng defeat ni kuya. Sarap sabihan ng ?Sige ugok humanap ka ng iba. Sino man siya sana matagalan niya ang controlling attitude mo. Good riddance!?

[Girltalker2]

He kept on telling me how unsuitable i am as a wife to him. That i did not give him whats due to him... that i did not make him my priority.. that i chose my family over him.

Kapal din ng mukha ano?
Pag sakin nya iyan sinabi ang isasagot ko sa kanya (of course after making up my mind na ayoko na sa marriage), dati pako Nagt timpi kasi ayoko sya na demoralize. Pero since sinabi nya iyan, I will just tell him the truth once and for all.... if he thinks I'm an unsuitable wife, well, he is worst as far as being a husband and father. Putting the family at risk, selfish, and only thinks of himself and not his wife and even his kid. Napaka inutil.

Paulit ulit sinasabi nya na hahanap sya ng tao na makakasama nya. Someone he will marry and dream with again.

Eh di mabuti. Since parang nasisiraan narin sya ng bait, tingnan natin if may matinong babae maka tagal sa kanya, maliban nalang if the girl didn't have any income to begin with.

And isasagot ko sa kanya, buti nga kamo at marami pa naman guys dyan ba a lot more responsible and rational  in raising a family

Kakainis sya +^#{]^ 😡