Hubby left his job

[madam cruella]

TS, if your husband is the type who will let you speak and listen, then talk to him and tell him your concerns, but support him.  Most entrepreneurs have a certain personality that sometimes they don't listen and just decide. Yun nga, lakasan ng loob, and sugod lang wala nang feasibility feasibility study.  Yes, we learn that from school, dapat may business plan etc, but you know, sometimes when the idea and passion comes, hindi na kailangan pang mag feasibility study eh.  I learned that from my partner, who has numerous businesses now.   As the other half, you just have to understand and support.  Good luck and blessings to you and your family. 

[fifi_girl]

Thanks for all your advices. It has really enlightened me regarding our present situation.

First, im trying to give him my support, kaya lang parang ang hirap para sa aking na ibigay, probably because hindi ko pa din fully accepted na ito na yung situation namin ngayon. Tama yung isang sis natin dito, i felt "downgraded".

Second, i will let him pursue his business, but then in case it fails, i will let the consequences teach him a hard lesson. Kase hindi lang naman siya ang mahihirapan, pati na din ako at anak namin.

Lastly, i will not be quitting my job, lalo na at nasa akin yung responsibility para buhayin ang anak namin.

Im really worried kase sa nakikita ko ngayon parang wala na talaga siya balak mag-work. I tried talking to him about this, pero sarado ang utak niya. May attitude kase yun na kung ano ang gusto niya, gagawin niya.

I pray everyday na sana magka-trabaho na siya, yun nga lang, tumigil na yata mag-apply. Sana magkaroon sya ng divine intervention.

[glamorosa_09]

^Minsan kasi sa mga lalake, the more you point out the irrationality of their decisions, the more you ask the purpose of their new endeavors, and the more you resist their plans, the more they get stubborn.

Sometimes all you can do is compromise. For example, a husband is new to stock market and he wanted to invest 50k to try. You can say, pwede bang 25k muna. Something like that. If you`ll think about it, good naman intention nila. And as a wife, you don`t want to thwart their pursuit of growth din. Kasi it`s our anxieties and worries that keep us from supporting them, which is understandable.

So yeah, reasonable naman yung plan mo to hold on to your job. It`s like compromise din. Like, “you continue with the business, but I will still continue working. And if it becomes successful, maybe that`s the time I could go full time in business.”

[hisana]

If I may ask, bakit bakery yung gusto nya itayo? Passion nya ba ito? Does he know other people who have bakeries? Knowledge of the ins and outs?

My mom kasi dati nagtayo din sya ng bakery sa province, at my dad's hometown. Magaling sya mag-bake and she's always been business-minded, so isa dun sa mga pinapa-rent nya na apartments, ginawa nyang bakery. Hindi pa nga nagbubukas yung bakery eh madami nang nagtatanong, because that place had no bakery. Maraming excited, LOL. So yes, you'd be surprised, may potential naman magkaroon ng decent income from that eventually, as long as maganda ang products and management (also kung wala kang masyado competition sa lugar haha) and a lot of luck...but you already know these things, I'm sure. And of course it depends nga din pala on what you think is malaking income.

Iniisip ko lang din kung magugustuhan nyo ba tumira dun sa kung nasaan yung bakery for the long term.

[Girltalker2]

TS, not easy naman talaga situation nyo. But be thankful na at least you have work so walang problem ang pang gastos. Hubby mo naman trying din naman to be a breadwinner.

Be conscious nalang on your approach kay hubby, para make sure he still feels your support. Being supportive kasi is subjective. Puedeng supportive ka Pero baka ma-misinterpret kasi
- you don't want to resign (valid naman reason mo)
- you don't want to move sa province kasi your work is not there
- you feel worried with all the changes that has been happening
- pano if he asks you to fund the operating cost of the bakery muna since you have a job? Sasagarin mo ba savings nyo?

As has been said here, be supportive but practical narin at the same time. Communication is key, kaya gandahan mo nalang ang approach sa kanya each time you discuss these matters.

[glamorosa_09]

We had a fight weeks ago about sa gastos sa bata. Ayaw ko daw ipagkatiwala sa kanya yung responsibility sa pag-aaral ng anak namin. Hindi ko lang din masabi sa kanya na, paano niya gagawin yun eh wala naman syang work...

He wants to man up, let him. Allow him to realize his own limitations kung sakaling hindi nga nya kaya. After all, andyan ka naman to help just in case kulangin. Don't let your worries stop you from letting your husband take responsibility.

Let go, and let grow.

To add: I commend you for having the self-control not to blurt out your lack of trust in his ability. Masakit kaya yun sa kanila. Pero yun nga, baka he can read your mistrust din.

[Mommychinita18]

Ang hirap ng situation mo sis lalo na may anak kayo na mag aaral na. Ang hirap lang kasi nagresign na siya agad sa work na walang kasiguraduhan na may sasalo sa kanya. For me kasi kung magreresign ka sa work, dapat may kapalit na work agad o kaya stable na business o pagkakakitaan. Naiintindihan ko na stressful ang work, I believe lahat naman tayo naisstress sa kanya kanya natin work diba? siguro mas nakabuti yun nagtake siya ng vacation leave muna at isupport mo siya na kaya niya pa to work hindi para sa kanya, kundi para sa family niya, para sa inyo.

Pero nangyari na nga, nag resign na siya. Best thing to do siguro ay wag ka mag resign pero help mo pa din siya at iencourage para sa business niyo. Maganda ang business pag mapapalago ito kesa sa magiging employee kayo habang buhay.

[glamorosa_09]

I really really hate him for quitting his job and doing this to us. But then, at the end of the day, he's still my husband, and i have no choice but to support him. haaayyyyy

Given your situation, yes, you can't help but be frustrated and disappointed with him. Pero kahit hirap ka na, you're still willing to support him.

I wanted to ask sana what happened before he had a strong resolve to resign and put up a business. Kasi for sure, it didn't happen overnight, it was a process.

The time when he was stressed and burned out with his job, was he opening up to you about his struggles? Did he feel listened to and did he feel your encouragement and sympathy towards him? Kasi di ba, having someone to share your problems with could lighten the burden. Probably kung hindi nya narating yung trigger point na na-burn out  and drained na sya, siguro he won't make a rush decision. Or ugali nya ang maging impulsive at agad-agad?

And like what I've said, add the fact na his plans are being questioned and doubted, kaya rin naging stubborn sya.

That's how I can see his side naman.

Sabi nga nila, women can powerfully influence men. Look at eve and adam, LOL! Or probably your husband never listens to you? Or both of you don't listen to each other? Ang listening naman kasi two-way yan eh. Bakit ako makikinig sayo, hindi ka naman nakikinig saken?

[kittehdoll]

Selfish ng husband mo to risk everything tapos ikaw ang sasalo. Yikes!
Focus on your work nalang to earn money for your son and just hope for the best.

[Girltalker2]

He's not asking me to fund his operating expenses naman. Kase may budget naman na siya for that.

Good thing there is this rational side of him.
Nabasa mo ba yung kabilang thread almost similar situation kayo but the other thread's hubby was an ofw and wanted to use wife's savings to support his business. Wala na nga sya maibigay for the family (since he opted to stay put in pinas), need pa nya ng funds from the wife to support his venture, otherwise wife not supportive daw.

We had a fight weeks ago about sa gastos sa bata. Ayaw ko daw ipagkatiwala sa kanya yung responsibility sa pag-aaral ng anak namin. Hindi ko lang din masabi sa kanya na, paano niya gagawin yun eh wala naman syang work...

Hayaan mo sya. May savings naman sya di ba? This is another good thing, he has a sense of responsibility kahit nag resign sya. So let him be. Malay mo Mas malaki savings nya kesa sa alam mo, Malay mo rin Baka he has his parents and relatives as backer kaya nya naisip sa province mag business.

So just ask him for monthly expenses, assume he has everything covered and don't forget to thank him for all his efforts. I'm sure somehow he is pressured din. So suportahan mo nalang.

What you need to do though, para Mas di ka mag worry or Mas makatulog ka ng mahimbing, is to have your own savings na di nya alam. You can set some savings for rainy days, in case matagalan bago mag stabilise yung business. Not sure if this is a good move for couples, but if I were you, Ito Gagawin ko. For the good of the family din naman. Kung Mas mapaaga mag stable yung business, you can use the funds to surprise him, travel, etc.

[j.adore]

I also feel bad for feeling this way. That's why i am praying for God's help for me to accept yung mga naging decision niya...

God helps those who help themselves. Due to fear of the unknown (future) and derailment from the lifestyle that you want, di mo talaga matanggap at this point yung decision ng husband mo. Nasa height of emotions ka pa din, I don't think you will choose to accept. Maybe in time..

I actually avoid discussing these things sa kanya, mag-aaway lang kame, kase sarado ang utak niya.

I'll be blunt. Another vantage point is sarado din ang utak mo, very negative, and resistant. You don't see (or want to see) the possibility your husband will succeed and you even wish for the business to fail para at the end, you're proven right all along..

You mentioned before, ok ang previous job ng husband mo so doesn't that mean he is a capable person to succeed?

We had a fight weeks ago about sa gastos sa bata. Ayaw ko daw ipagkatiwala sa kanya yung responsibility sa pag-aaral ng anak namin. Hindi ko lang din masabi sa kanya na, paano niya gagawin yun eh wala naman syang work...

Based on Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood,
"Your husband's God-given role is to lead you and provide for you. Allow him to do it."
"Never wound his sensitive pride."

I guess this is why nag-aaway kayo about this.. Hindi mo man sabihin sa kanya yan, he can read between the lines or base it on your actions.

Im really really thankful na may GT, because i can share my feelings openly. It also helps din that i get advices from people who do not know as personally

Yes, this is a good call kasi hindi dapat naiinvolve ang ibang relatives/friends unless sobrang grabe sa lala na.
I hope you don't take it the wrong way but the "con" approach of the things I'm saying is just trying to view another vantage point.

I really really hate him for quitting his job and doing this to us. But then, at the end of the day, he's still my husband, and i have no choice but to support him. haaayyyyy

 
Look to his good side.. I don't think naman sinadya niya yan to bring your family down. Pwedeng trade off eh baka mamatay siya sa stress being employed kaya pinili niya etong choice to go against your wishes and take a risk.

Based on The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, career success does not necessarily mean life success if you're driving yourself to the grave. I know most people think arte lang ang stress pero it could really kill (ilan na kilala ko na ganito).



Super agree on all points raised by sis glamorosa_09.

[fifi_girl]

UPDATE:

My hubby's business is already in operation. However, it is not really doing well. Meaning, "Balik-puhunan" lang. According to him, maswerte na daw [textspeak!] may kita sya na 500 per week. So imagine the stress he is under. Mas madalas na din kami mag-away ngayon, probably because of stress, pagod and his disappointment.

Then last week happened. He's leaving us.

His reason is wala daw akong ginagawa, when he is no longer happy with our present situation. We are living apart kase nga he chose to stay in his hometown for his business. While me and my son are staying with my parents since i am still working. He wanted us to come home with him to his hometown. I can't. I have a son to take care of and send to school. Ilang beses ko man isipin, hindi ko maisip kung paano kami mabubuhay sa 500 pesos per week. My work is approximately 2.5-3 hours away form his hometown. I tried talking to him, pero sabi nya, wala na daw kami pag uusapan.

Little by little, tinatanggap ko na yung nangyari. Hindi ko na din talaga alam kung anong gagawin ko. All i know is that i need to get up and go in with my life... For my son.

Sorry for the long post. Ang bigat bigat na lang kase talaga dalhin...

[janachen]

*speechless* ako sis.. Siguro nafrufrustrate siya sa nangyari sa kanya pero tama ang desisyon mo na hindi ka nga sumama sa kanya.

500 pesos/ week, di talaga kayo mabubuhay. Kung gusto nya, bumalik sya dyan at maghanap ng trabaho ulit.

[SARAHnghae]

i'm sorry to hear about what happened sis fifi_girl.
baka kaya gusto niya kayo pumunta don kasi kelangan niya ng support system. probably nami-miss niya kayo ng anak mo. binibisita niyo ba siya dun kahit weekends lang?

pero i understand you, kung ako nasa sitwasyon mo, hindi rin siguro ako papayag.
paano kayo mabubuhay dun? ano magiging source of income niyo to support everyday needs if you're going to quit your job and live there with him?
obviously hindi pa ganun ka-stable ang business niya to sustain those needs.
pwede kung may mahahanap kang work dun sa hometown nila na matatapatan yung income mo dito.

i hope magkaayos pa kayo sis. pag-usapan niyo. try to understand each other.
tanungin mo kung anong plano niya kung sakaling umuwi kayo sa hometown niya. paano niyo or niya ihahandle ang finances.
work as a team and be each other's support system. malalampasan niyo rin yan

[swtgrl_bee]

Sis fifi_girl  Pakatatag ka sis and pray, pray, pray for His guidance.

[izabelle]

When you have a child to feed and to send to school, mas mahirap talaga. Iba ang pressure kumpara sa kung kayo lang mag asawa ang involve.

Nakaasa ang mga anak natin sa atin kung papaano sila mabubuhay kaya at some point, parents should be practical.

There's nothing wrong sa pag bubusiness at pag reresign dahil super stress pero pwede naman sumugal ng kahit papano may back up plans. Siguro mas ok sana kung may malaking amount of savings (literally big amount that can support the family and the business) na kung hindi magwork out ang business, at least may fall back or may plan B, plan C, D, E hanggang Z pa.

if it was only you and him, ok lang kung walang ibang plano pero may bata na involved dito.

Sometimes, it is not about if you trust your husband on his plans or not, e hello papaano ang anak nyo diba? asa nalang tayo sa kung magwowork ang business? what if hindi?

ang sa akin lang talaga dapat palaging may back up plans. Importante yun. Hindi kailangan irisk lahat.


I think though sa case nyo, masinsinan usapan ang kailangan. I think naman your husband is willing to listen and just frustrated kasi hindi pa nagboboom ang business nya.

Try to talk to him, heart to heart talk. And perhaps you can meet halfway. He must realize na hindi lang ito tungkol sa business nya or sa gusto nya, pero tungkol din ito sa marriage nyo and lalo na sa anak nya.

[fifi_girl]

*speechless* ako sis.. Siguro nafrufrustrate siya sa nangyari sa kanya pero tama ang desisyon mo na hindi ka nga sumama sa kanya.

500 pesos/ week, di talaga kayo mabubuhay. Kung gusto nya, bumalik sya dyan at maghanap ng trabaho ulit.

Yes sis, frustrated na talaga siya.... I think he is already looking for a job, but still keeps the business running. I keep on replaying everything on my mind, iniisip ko kung saan ako nagkamali. I admit meron din akong naging fault along the way.

i'm sorry to hear about what happened sis fifi_girl.
baka kaya gusto niyo kayo pumunta don kasi kelangan niya ng support system. probably nami-miss niya kayo ng anak mo. binibisita niyo ba siya dun kahit weekends lang?

pero i understand you, kung ako nasa sitwasyon mo, hindi rin siguro ako papayag.
paano kayo mabubuhay dun? ano magiging source of income niyo to support everyday needs if you're going to quit your job and live there with him?
obviously hindi pa ganun ka-stable ang business niya to sustain those needs.
pwede kung may mahahanap kang work dun sa hometown nila na matatapatan yung income mo dito.

i hope magkaayos pa kayo sis. pag-usapan niyo. try to understand each other.
tanungin mo kung anong plano niya kung sakaling umuwi kayo sa hometown niya. paano niyo or niya ihahandle ang finances.
work as a team and be each other's support system. malalampasan niyo rin yan

He visits us every weekend. Except last week nung nagkagulo na kami. I actually thought of moving there while keeping my job. Pero sa travel time pa lang, hindi ko kakayanin yun... Imagine, i will need to travel approximately 6 hrs per day, aside from the 8-hour shift i must render. Work opportunities in his place, meron naman i think. But it will not be as big as what im getting now. Baka nga wala pa sa kalahati ng current sweldo ko.

My hubby actually has a superiority complex. Which makes it more difficult for me to make him understand my decision. Na at this point, hindi siya ang nasusunod.

Nakaasa ang mga anak natin sa atin kung papaano sila mabubuhay kaya at some point, parents should be practical.

if it was only you and him, ok lang kung walang ibang plano pero may bata na involved dito.

Try to talk to him, heart to heart talk. And perhaps you can meet halfway. He must realize na hindi lang ito tungkol sa business nya or sa gusto nya, pero tungkol din ito sa marriage nyo and lalo na sa anak nya.

Exactly what i was thinking. Naka depende sa ating mga parents kung paano haharap sa buhay ang mga anak natin. I also noticed that my son is frequently moody this past few days. So as much as possible, i try to avoid negative feelings, kase nararamdaman niya.

[latte]

I understand na mahirap at mabigat talaga sa kalooban ang sitwasyon mo sis Pero Alam mo wag mong masyadong isipin. Hayaan mo lang. The more we resist the situation kasi the more na nagiging complicated. Just do whatever you think is right for you and for your kid. Magbabago din ng desisyon yang asawa mo. Mare realize Nya din na Hindi akma yun iniisip Nya sa sitwasyon nyo. Basta mahal Nya kayo ng anak mo lalambot yan at babalik din dyan sa Kung nasaan kayo.

[Shadow Angel]

From the start pa lang ng decision nya nag solo na sya I mean kapag mag asawa ang wife hindi lang naman taga support yan sana pareho kayo agree that time kaso un na nga sumige pa rin sya. He is being a selfish na hindi nya sina alang alang man lang muna anak nyo for sure inisip nya kaso ano na sa isip nya that time para irisk ang ganyan situation for your kid. Kaso eto na nga nandyan na yan. Nagfailed pero ganun nyo na lang ba tatapusin ang relasyon nyo because of failed decision mag half way meet kayo first to consider is yun kid nyo. Siguro pede ka naman pumunta sa kanya the for the meantime sa parents muna un bata habang inaayos nyo buhay nyo sa province ni hubby. Feeling siguro ni hubby mo naiwan sya sa ere after na ganyan ang outcome ng decision nya. Siguro dun nya maiisip na you support him kung pupuntahan mo sya and tulungan sya sa problema nya.

[janachen]

Sis nung nagwowork pa si hubby, yung parents mo at kayo sama sama?

Kaya ko natanong kasi baka gusto nyang magsolo na kayo.