Hubby left his job

[fifi_girl]

Hi Sisses!

I badly need your help/advice. My story goes like this:

My hubby recently left his Job (well-paying job, if i may say). Primary reason is that, he can no longer take the stress and pressure of the job, not to mention ugly management practice. So there, he resigned, at first, ayoko talaga, kase we have a 3-year old son who will soon start school. So parang ako, nawalan na ng choice but to let him leave his job, his exact words were "I need your support".

He wanted to start a small business back in his hometown, in which lakas lang ng loob ang sandata niya. Gusto niya bakery, so ayun, he bought bakery equipment and utensils. The thing is, yung puhunan niya ay utang, which makes me worry more. Feeling ko din nag-stop na sya mag-apply ng work. He went back to his hometown, while me and my son stay with my Family, since I am still working.

He also wanted me to resign at umuwi na sa hometown niya. Which i think is not a good idea kase hindi pa nga niya alam kung magiging hit yung business niya.

What i feel right now? I feel singled-out and alone, trapped. Para bang naiwan sakin yung responsibility na buhayin yung anak namin. Its a good thing coz my parents are willing to help me out, but i can see in their eyes the disappointment with my hubby's decision.

Its like i was forced to accept his decision kahit ayaw ko.

Any advice/words of encouragement will be highly appreciated.

TIA!

[kvandenhaak]

If I were you, I will tell him how I exactly feel. Heart to heart talk.

[Girltalker2]

TS, I'm sure nagkausap na kayo ng asawa mo. Ang hirap lang kasi - bakit lagi 'gusto nya' ang kailangan masunod without regard to your situation?

Initially, stressful ang job nya. Fine. But hindi ba nya naisip na mas stressful pag wala sya mapakain sa inyo? not only that, he also subjected you to the stress para 'shared' ang worries nya. Tsaka hindi ba sya obligado buhayin kayo?  I'm a breadwinner myself, annulled with 2 kids. I lost my job once kasi nagclose yung company, I found it more stressful not having a job kesa sa 70-80 hours work week ko. Yes that's an average of 14-16 hours/day for 5 days (kaya I'm also working on weekends to relieve the stressful weekdays). I thought of resigning kc sobra akong stressed, but when I look back recalling the time wala akong job, mas stressful kasi I have 2 kids plus my future to take care of.

Ok, andyan na iyan. Pag set up naman ng bakery. Hindi nyo din pinag isipan what biz will click? Basta nalang ba gusto nya? Which province is this? Do you see any career opportunities for you? Do you have good schools where your son can go to? If it is a progressive province naman na may future ka and your son, then perhaps you can consider moving, after you find work. At hindi puede resign lang sa work mo then nganga.

Isn't your husband worried at all? Baka may kamag anak sya or friend from the same business and his familiarity with the industry/ hometown market kaya malakas loob nya?

In summary, pamilyadong tao sya with obligations. Hindi sya single that can take any decisions anytime. All of his decisions should consider you and your son. He cannot have such surprise decisions kasi 'gusto lang nya' or 'nahihirapan sya sa current situation' or act like a spoiled brat. What if the bakery doesn't work out, he will again change his decision to what naman?

[j.adore]

This happened to a relative. The wife supported him and the kids stayed in exclusive schools up until now. They are doing good.
In businesses talaga naman lakas ng loob ay puhunan din.

Thing is, everybody will look down on your husband. You should not.

Unless he said it, it is not your responsibility to rear your family financially. On the one hand, you want financial security especially for your kid. On the other, your husband needs you.

It is indeed a tough decision but I guess your deciding factor depends on which is more important: financial security versus supporting your husband.

From what I know, number 1 is god. Number 2 is your husband. Number 3 children

Yes, I think you should take a leap of faith and let your husband lead. Why? Kasi madami repercussions sa relationship with the husband otherwise.

[sarsingkit]

What made you think that you are left alone to be responsible for the kid? Did he actually stopped supporting you guys and just left? What did you tell him when he said that he needed you for support?

The issue to me here is that he made a decision on his own without your input. But then andyan na yan. I'd have a discussion with him on what his real plans are. Your husband does not seem to be the irresponsible type. He left his job, but found another way to earn money. He didn't just quit and tumambay na lang. Jumping into a business is really a risk, siguro sana lang he gave you enough time to actually internalize and plan out the business. My husband and I are in the process of achieving something out of our comfort zone that impacts us financially. It was his idea but we made a pact to achieve it together pero yun nga we are giving ourselves 3-4 years before finally jumping in.

Think about your marriage. How well do you know your husband? Pray on it. Trust God.

[Girltalker2]

^^ mahirap mag trust if you cannot trust him.
I think your friend's case is different. If the Husband shows signs of success and confidence, plus with direction, sige follow ka. But with the background that TS gave, her husband appears to 'surrender' when stressed. And gusto lang nya ...
So that's why there are doubts on his abilities to manage the family.
As much as I want for TS to close her eyes and just follow, the fact that TS posted here, it is indeed worrying.

Another example almost same situation with TS pero feeling ko this thread is worse naman...
http://www.femalenetwork.com/girltalk/index.php/topic,285248.0.html


Another example is the movie Caregiver ni Sharon Cuneta.  It was mentioned in one of these threads so I tried watching.
Storyline: Husband wasn't as successful compared to Wife while they were in Manila. The husband then decided to go back to home province to manage family business instead. Uprooted the wife and son (asked wife to resign from Manila job). Then family business went bankrupt. So hubby decides to work abroad as a nurse. Wife and son stayed behind at the home province.  Wife then found a teaching job in a local public school. Then later, husband wanted wife to follow him abroad. So while working as a public school teacher, the wife takes part time caregiver classes to earn some credits para maka work abroad to join hubby. Despite pending promotion (head of English department in the public school), Wife dropped everything again (2nd time) to follow hubby abroad kasi daw ito yung gusto ni husband. So their child was left alone with the grandmother in the home province.
Wife then follows hubby abroad, stabilised her job as caregiver despite ups/downs she experienced in the new environment. But again, hubby cannot get the position he wanted as nurse head, got demotivated and just resigned. Hubby then decides to go back to home province and asked wife to also resign and go back home with him. Then dito na hindi ma-take ni Sharon (wife), after 3 decisions based on 'how he feel' or 'ayaw na nya', which had impacted wife's career/life and also their son; tsaka nag decide si Sharon that's enough. Ending ng story is Sharon stayed abroad to continue working there, while husband went back to home province. Naghiwalay sila. Then eventually Sharon also brought their son to be with her.

[quinone]

From what I know, number 1 is god. Number 2 is your husband. Number 3 children

Yes, I think you should take a leap of faith and let your husband lead. Why? Kasi madami repercussions sa relationship with the husband otherwise.

i completely agree with this. if you choose to support him, kailangan buo. invite your husband to pray with you for your families needs, hindi pwedeng ikaw lang. baka nandun sa point yung husband mo na gusto na lang niya ng simpleng buhay. Read Matthew 6:25-34 for inspiration. I hope everything works well for you.

[lilyscapes]

i agree with Girltalker2, it seems that TS' husband gave up because of stress. that's not a trait of being an achiever. it's okay to resign as long as you can manage to find a replacement job. siguro the husband doesn't want to go back to the same kind of stress so he just wants to stay in the province.

it's okay to put up a small business in the province but TS feels they have 'downgraded'. you can support your husband but try to make money on your own para secured. if you end up earning more than him, mapapaisip din yun.

[ece]

hi TS! for me, tama lahat ng sinabi ng mga sisters, pero kung may doubts ka at hindi ka pa makapag decide, talk to your husband.

mas maganda kung support mo siya, para maboost ang confidence nya. iba ang feeling ng husbands pag may supportive wife sila. pero at the same time, tell him about your worries. pwede siguro na while he is establishing his business, kayo ay mag stay muna sa parents mo to continue your job, once okay na ang business at sure na may future, pag usapan nyo ulit kung kaya na ba isupport ng business only ang family.

[glamorosa_09]

I understand that you`re worried big time. Syempre, stable na yung family nyo. And then just two major decisions -- resigining and starting a business -- have rocked your family to instability. So right now you`re facing the big unknown, where your family`s future look so uncertain. It could definitely make you scared.

How many months has he been planning for the resignation and putting up a business? Sayang, you weren`t able to influence him.

This almost happened to our family where my husband has been contemplating to sell our business (our bread and butter) and put up a new one. To me, that was sooooo irrational. But what can I do, I`m following a Biblical marriage, where the husband is the head of the family. So I just told him my worries and my fears. After my speech, I just prayed, “Lord, please, ikaw na pong bahala kung ano man mangyari.” I was scared, I lift up to God my fears. Buti na lang, sa awa ng Diyos, nakinig ang husband ko.

If he didn`t. Ipapasa Diyos ko pa rin. If he ever made a good decision, then good for our family. If not, then I will let the natural consequences of his decision teach him his hard lesson. Oo makikita nya kaming maghihirap at maiiconvenience, mahirap man, but we`re part of his lesson. There are some things that I couldn`t teach my husband, so I will let Nature be his teacher.

Kung magkamali sya, I will not tell, “I told you so,” or “bakit hindi ka kasi nakinig saken? Yan tingnan mo nangyari!” I`ll still be my husband`s support and counselor. Ganun na naman ang wife di ba, support and couselor of the husband.

But the path I just described is not easy. For me, at the time, there was no other way. Letting go and letting God lang, which I think is the hardest but the best way.

I posted this with the assumption that your husband is responsible who cares for you and your family.

Again, I understand your fears. Minsan hindi natin matarok why they are deciding that way. Parang irrational at di pinag-iisipan. But I hope maging successful ang business venture ng husband mo, nandyan na rin kasi yan, while your family is still financially okay during the process. And if not, hope you`re marriage will be able to surpass this.

Good luck and God bless!

[badw33d]

TS, i'll go with kvandenhaak. talk to him. He has a family to feed and that was a risky move. Pero nandyan na diba? so, encourage him to work on the business really hard, set a timeline, a goal, a target, if the business didnt meet the target in a particular date, try alternatives like getting a job. Also, he has to move fast and accurate. Somehow you are not left alone, he's working on his business and at this stage, support his goals. But support him to enhance the result, motivate him, somehow no matter what, you will have to encourage and make sure he has room for breathing. The last thing a man need is that struggling to make a living, and nagging from wife and family.

So when you talk about it, just calmly tell him that its going to work. Soon, when it reaches your timeline, and the business didn't make a hit or results are not as much as expected, calmly tell him that you both tried your best, and its time to explore options like going to work.

:-)

[ayi0119]

Nagresign na sya e at nakabili na ng gamit, so push nyo na yan. Hindi nya kailangan ng nega reactions for now.. kelangan nya ng tiwala.. ng motivation... ng inspiration... sayo manggagaling yan sis.

Support him, at pag-igihan nyo para sure ang success! Madami namang stories jan na after employment sumabak sa business at naging successful diba.. Malay mo, kayo na ang next big bakeshop in town! 


Plus, plus.. heart to heart talk nga.. need more planning sa big decisions. Good luck sa bagong business nyo. 

[cookiesncream]

i can very much relate to the situation...me & my hubby are working in the same company but because naging financially unstable yung company namin, he decided to transfer to other company at ako yung naiwan. Which turns out well naman for him. IT consultant kasi siya kaya nadedeploy siya sa iba't ibang company. That was 2014 nung nadeploy siya sa BGC, i can heard his sentiments na don sa last company kung san siya nadeploy. Sobrang pressured and hirap siya in terms of his bosses kasi sinisingle out daw siya. Then nagulat ako one day nung sinabi niya na nagresign daw siya. Bigla ako nagworry since mas malaki ang sweldo niya being a programmer compared sa kin na admin staff. I am not ready to face that situation, we have a toddler kasi kaya malaki talaga expenses namin. Ang explanation niya sa kin kesa daw atakihin siya sa sobrang pressured sa work at sa pakikisama sa mga bosses niya mas okay na daw yung naging decision niya. Ang hirap sa una kasi sa kin lahat ng gastos to think maliit lang sweldo ko compared sa knya. Saka di rin ako sanay sa ganon na set up na nahihirapan financially. Inintindi ko na lang siya at medyo matagal din bago ko natanggap ng buo sa sarili ko yung bagong situation namin. Ang lagi niya sinasabi sa kin kelangan lang niya ng tiwala at support galing sa kin.   

[stylus]

Kahit wala pa ako sa situation, super relate ako mga sis. We got married last month lang. Pero napag usapan namin na magreresign na sya at magbusiness na lang dahil sayang yung kita kung sa company nya lang napupunta na sana sa amin na lang. Magaling si hubby as in at all out support talaga ako sa kanya.

Just last week, naconfirm namin na preggy ako. Syempre may instances na di inaasahan baka kailangan ko din magresign kung di magiging okay ang pregnancy na wag naman sana. So ngayon, gabi gabi namin pinag uusapan kung anong plans namin. Mahirap naman pareho kami wala work eh hindi naman regular na every 15 days may makukuha kaming pera pag business lang ang inaasahan.

[Girltalker2]

I understand that you`re worried big time. Syempre, stable na yung family nyo. And then just two major decisions -- resigining and starting a business -- have rocked your family to instability.

I think it is a given naman na TS is supporting hubby. The only thing I'm not solved with is hubby wants TS to resign as well.  So bale, this is the third major decision after resigning and starting a business and moving locations. All decision ni hubby.

As mentioned by many, support lang kay hubby ang need. But I really think it is asking TS to resign that is worrying. Yes need nila magkasama, pero what if plan A doesn't push through? Yes need to support hubby, pero ano kakainin nila if di pa kumikita yung business?

But again, Baka may plan B si hubby that TS is not aware? Like he might want ts's help in the business din kaya nya need sya andun. Or if it doesn't work out, he has his parents business/income to support them as a family.

@ cookiesncream, I think iba situation mo with TS kasi your hubby allowed you to continue to work para may stable income. Case kasi ni TS mawawala yung stable income, both of them will be at risk, Pag pumalpak, baka mabaon sa utang. Bihira or never pa ata ako nakarinig na successful first business na naging successful na highly leveraged. Kaya nakakakaba talaga ang decisions ng hubby ni TS.

[TomHansen]

It's normal to feel that way dahil di siya nagconsult sayo, you're his wife hindi pwede support ka na lang because he asked you to. Stress, pressure, ugly management then he should've just looked for another company hindi yung magbu-business siya. Hindi madali ang magbusiness tapos ang naisip niya is bakery? sa province? Ok lang sana if passive income lang habol niya pero kung hands on siya tapos utang pa puhunan then ano mangyayari kapag nalugi? He asked you to support him then support him by not resigning from your work, for now your priority should be your child's education hindi yung gusto ni hub mo.. Sa ngayon give him time sa ginagawa niya, after a few months malalaman niya naman kung ok yung bakery or not..

[simang]

Medyo naka-relate ako sa situation mo TS, except I was the one who resigned. Now I'm working part time from home and honestly I feel talaga the difference sa income. But honestly, I am way happier now. Mas naasikaso ko si husband, I get to spend time with my parents, mas feel ko mas connected ako sa kanila. Kaya kahit mas hapit kami sa budget kasi si husband lang ang may full time work, I can never be unhappy with our set up.

Dahil nandyan na yan, and mukhang decided naman si husband mo not look for employment anymore at magpush through na lang sa business, give him your 100% support. But make him understand your worries too, kaya hindi rin pwedeng basta basta magresign ka din to help with his business venture full time. I'm sure kilala mo naman ng mabuti ang husband mo to fully trust him on this. Let your husband lead and never ever make him feel na mali ang naging decision nya, especially now that he's just starting out things. Mas malaki ang mage-gain nyo as a family eventually if you support him now and magsucceed sya in the future. Imagine mo how accomplished he would feel if everything turns out well. Or kung hindi man maging successful, at least he knows hindi mo sya iniwan.

[sparklingjewel]

Im a bit puzzled how TS' hubby had a well paying job pero nagresign lang and it seems na the world tipped over na, wala bang savings from working in the job to assure financial security at least for a while?

That said, I agree with the advice given here to talk it out with the hubby. A decision affecting you both or the family needs to be a mutual decision. And he needs to be responsible for what he brought to your family.

[aquacharly]

Water under the bridge.
Whether it was a solo/mutual decision-making; whether they talked about his/her/their fears/resentment.

Marriage is 1 part of The Journey that's Life.  Let's see.... The Destination (Where You Land), IMO is just as important as How you get there.  One  must have a clear idea of where one wants to land (goals) but must daily improve what's Good in one's self (character).  Plus, oh sh1t nga, one cannot control anyone else (guide, influence, lokohin even, puede),  except one's self.

Given that, what can Fifi feasibly do now?
1st, Support your husband.
How?  Encourage his entrepreneurial focus.  Help him improve the skills he requires for his bakery.  Observe well. Instead of feeding your fears. Be proactive.  Widen your perspective, research.  Then share your knowledge/observations with him.  What is The Winning Line in this business??  Be careful how you share -- do not be critical, be helpful in approach. At como  sya nakataya dyan physically & mentally --  the final decisions are his - respect that.

Do not resign.  Explain that you have a kid with growing requirements.  That it is prudent to have a steady funds source while he is building up his business.  Now, this is where it gets scary --  if you can both manage until that bakery is a steady business -- do not get funds from the business for personal use/living expenses -- that business has a better chance of becoming successful.  Financial Discipline tawag dyan.  Specially, he is starting off with a loan -- you must both be very disciplined.  It is big time support for him, if while the business is still in growing pains, he does not have to worry about your financial maintenance. Make it clear: only up to when the business is not yet stable. 

Do not entertain Self Pity nor  Resentment, nor project Defeat.  Now is as good a time as any, since you & your family are young, to level up.  Work on how you can advance yourself. Hard work, sure -- but Time is still on your side.  Plus, your parents are priceless help.  Imbes na you dwell on thoughts they look down on your hubby now --  better you occupy yourself with improving your skills/upgrading your education & getting everybody, including them, busy and focused on leveling up. 

Your husband, per your cuento, seems to be decisive; but he decides on his own.  Per se, that isn't bad, if his Risk Profile is not negatively skewed. What can you do?  The best strategy is to take good care of yourself.  Level up for yourself. 

Pray, always pray for Divine Guidance. 

[grrrlscout]

I'm not one to discourage dreams but, nag-iiba kasi usapan pag may anak. Andiyan na yan though, so be as supportive as you can be but be sensible and pragmatic. DON'T RESIGN. Hindi niyo alam ang kahihinatnan ng business plus it will take a while bago mag turn ng profit yung business niyo. You need money to keep you afloat. You're lucky you have supportive parents who are capable of helping you. Kung sakin mangyari yan, deads.

I'd like to point out however na kung iniwan niya yung trabaho because of stress, he just left a problem for another problem. Hindi cakewalk ang pagtatayo ng business. In fact, a few acquaintances who've been handling their businesses for years tell me mas stress-free pa ang employee life because ang problema mo lang is yung sweldo mo. Being in charge takes guts and perseverance and it is not for quitters. I hope your husband has what it takes.