Adopting a child

[FOURever]

My mom opened up to me... actually asked me for permission kung pwede siya mag adopt ng bata. Ipapangalan na daw sa kanya yung bata pagkapanganak. I dont know if that is legal or what. But that's not the issue naman. I just didn't know what to say. Di ko alam nafeel ko when she said that. She's still young, my mom. 46yo. and kami naman 2 daughters niya nasa 20's na. I feel bad because I wanted to adopt din sana in the future. pero nitong eto na, natatakot ako. di ko alam kung saan. hindi ko alam kung dahil feel ko hindi pa ako/kami ready.

hindi ko rin alam kung anong gusto kong hingin from you sissies. advice? comforting words? maybe things to prepare? i don't know. I just want to write this down, for now.

[aquacharly]

If she fixes the birth certificate  to reflect herself as the mom -- that's it -- you have a sister, a co-heir. 

Try to find out why she wants to adopt.  Guide her accordingly.
Baka nalulungkot lang. Or taking care of someone defines her.  Well, you may steer her towards higher education as another mode of self-definition.

Adopting a child is a big thing.  It should not just fill  a need/yearning on the part of the adopting party.  There is a life there at stake. 

[miss resilient]

hi ts kumusta na. natuloy ba itong adoption plan na ito?

siguro lang di ka prepared kasi nga parang nakakapanibago na may bagong member ng family lalo at hindi kayo related by blood. pero sabi nga ni aquacharly hindi lang yung yearning ng nagadopt ang dapat isatisfy at iconsider,, kundi yung life at the stake.

sana makapagupdate ka sa amin kung ano na nangyari dito.

[FOURever]

Hello sissies. Salamat. Hindi pa kasi di pa nanganganak yung girl. So nalaman ko na parang kakapreggy lang niya nung time na nagpost ako. Napag isip isip ko ngayon, baka nagiging selfish lang ako. Natatakot na baka mawala atensyon samin ni mommy. Inisip ko baka bored si mommy lalo at malaki na kami. Di naman sya nagtrabaho evrr since kaya baka yung "essence" niya, feel niya mararamdaman niya ulit pag may inaalagaan siya ulit.

I told my bf about this. He told me na i should takk clearly to my mother about the cons and pros. Ang iniisip naman niya, more on the possibilities. Kasi di naman daw "dead" yung nanay, and in time kung magiging maganda buhay nung bata, baka kunin lang din kay mommy in the end. Si mommy din daw ang masasaktan ng sobra. Unlike kung ang iadopt ay bata sa mga ampunan talaga, malaki ang chance na hindi babawiin ang bata. Saka i have yet to see the mother. At kilalanin ang family. Some personalities are inherited daw. So my bf advised me na alamin muna talaga if the mother has a good background naman.

As of now, yun muna ang gusto kong gawin. Then from there, siguro makakapagdesisyon ako.

[PinKisH_23]

Hi sis.

I don't know if my story can help at all (this is going to be long).

About a year ago, hubby and I decided to adopt through DSWD, kaso it was taking an awfully long time, tapos nirefer pa kami sa local DSWD so back to zero ang process nitong May 2016. Asa stage na kami na gina guide ng DSWD representative when one day, my mom called me. She said kung gusto ko daw ba ng baby. My heart raised pero may konting doubt, syempre alam ko na ang mangyayari, hindi dadaan sa DSWD. Sabi ko tatanong ko muna sa asawa ko. Sabi naman nya, kung hindi ko daw aampunin, sya nalang daw ang kukuha sa bata. Mom's already 56 and a stroke survivor kaya talagang hindi nya maalagaan.

She narrated ang story ng baby. Baby's a product of two irresponsible parents, both married and according daw dun sa nag aalaga temporarily, eh nakakulong daw because of bigamy. Now, the husband of the baby's mom, pinapahanap daw si baby to be the evidence of the said affair. Kaya nakarating sya sa Pangasinan from Visayas. They had about 5 months to look for the baby but no one came to take her. So they were looking for adopters nalang daw. Awang awa ako kay baby, no vaccine, except dun sa binigay after her delivery, no birth certificate, ni hindi pinapainom ng maayos na gatas, minsan daw am or yung bigas (na parang kape).

After a short talk with the hubby, we were still reluctant, si mama naman kinausap ulit ako, I told her na hindi simple ang gagawin and baka mag no nalang ako sa chance. A day after, I talked to my in laws, niliwanagan nila ang isip namin. Once in a lifetime chance na dumating ito. So I called mom again and I said Yes, sige, pero sa kanya muna si baby while we prepare ourselves. About a day after, dumating si baby ng Manila. It was one of the happiest moment in my life. To finally have a baby of my own. Ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam. I thought tatanda nalang ako without experiencing this.

I know, hindi tama ang ginawa namin with the late registration and all, pero sobrang kawawa si baby if we don't do anything to help her. Now, hinahabol nalang namin ma complete ang vaccines nya, nabinyagan narin sya and she's already ours. I still have worries that someday, either she will look for her real parents or they will find her, kaya I'm working on making letters for her, kahit once a month, while baby pa sya, para paglaki nya, and pag sinabi na namin ang totoo, she will have a reference of what happened when she was little. For now, we're enjoying every moment with her. Her every smile and laughter and pag tinatawag nya akong Mama, she brings me to cloud 9.

Thanks for reading and I hope you I helped you in anyway.

[Girltalker2]

^ congratulations sis! I'm sure Mas looking forward ka ngayon sa mga occasions Christmas and Mother's Day

Truly they are a blessing! Read up on how parents share to the child in situations like these. Also talk to a counsellor how you can slowly let your child know how special she is. Alam ko you can start sharing to her na Hindi sya galing sa tummy mo but from your heart, which makes her/him more special.   Hanggang sa paglaki nya and they grow up fine.

[yannuh]

^^teary eyed ako at the same time super happy for you sis

[mysterioza_me]

Naluha ako sa post ni Pinkish_23.

My cousin went the same ordeal. Hirap ma-preggy asawa niya due to hyperthyroidism. They tried to adopt legally sa orphanage naman sana pero nawalan sila ng gana nung malaman na meron daw parent-child matching. Wala silang chance na pumili ng bata na ia-adopt, ang orphanage or dswd (ata) ang pipili ng bata na ia-adopt nila base daw sa characteristics/personality nilang mag-asawa. Dapat compatible ang bata at ang magiging adoptive parents. Ayaw ng cousin ko ng ganun process kasi they want a chance to choose kung sino aampunin nila. Mag-aampon na nga lang daw sila syempre pipili na sila ng gusto nila alagaan at palakihin. So to cut the story short their neighbor referred them to a kamag-anak na kapapanganak lang sa province and willing i-give up ang baby for adoption. The mother sent a pic of the newborn child and na-love at first sight sila sa baby. They immediately sent money to the child's parents and pina-shipped (parang online shopping lang) ang baby dito sa city. Sila na nagpa-register sa birthcertificate kaya sa papers name na nila mag-asawa ang lumalabas na parents ng bata. Ang cute-cute ng pamangkin and inaanak ko na ito. Ang puti and curly ang hair parang si goldilocks. Kitang-kita ang happiness na ibinigay ng batang ito sa pinsan ko. 3yrs old siya.

[FOURever]

Thank you for your inspiring words. Siguro medyo natatakot lang ako because some people say na we inherit personalities/behaviors/attitude from our parents and if i dont know the whole background, baka daw magsisi ako in the end and also, i am single in mid 20's. I want to adopt a child pero nung mom ko nag open up about it, parang nalungkot ako at natakot na baka hindi na kami ang "baby" niya -- which is a sign na hindi pa ako mature enough to be ready. But really, naiinspire ako sa mga kwento nyo

[swim_fatale]

Same story sa akin mga sis.

We had been married for 10 years na and wala naman kaming "reproductive problems" ni hubby but I wasn't getting pregnant. We were happy naman kahit walang anak, pero one day yung isang officemate ni hubby whose mom-in-law works as a midwife sa isang lying-in asked him daw if we wanted to adopt. Long story short, pagkapanganak ng 20 year old unmarried mother, sa amin na napunta si baby. She was only 4 hours old when we brought her home. The biological mom never met us and vice versa. Sa birth certificate nya kami ang parents. Kami lang ang sumagot ng bills sa lying-in.

Our beloved daughter is now almost 7 years old and she is the light of our life. <3

[FOURever]

^aww sis thank you for sharing this too. Hindi ba illegal kung ganyan process? Parang magiging ganyan yung amin.

[imprincessfiona]

Same story sa akin mga sis.

We had been married for 10 years na and wala naman kaming "reproductive problems" ni hubby but I wasn't getting pregnant. We were happy naman kahit walang anak, pero one day yung isang officemate ni hubby whose mom-in-law works as a midwife sa isang lying-in asked him daw if we wanted to adopt. Long story short, pagkapanganak ng 20 year old unmarried mother, sa amin na napunta si baby. She was only 4 hours old when we brought her home. The biological mom never met us and vice versa. Sa birth certificate nya kami ang parents. Kami lang ang sumagot ng bills sa lying-in.

Our beloved daughter is now almost 7 years old and she is the light of our life. <3

^sis wala bang naging problema sa birth cert ng baby? Naipasok mo ba na dependent sa BIR iyong anak mo? Saka anong sinasabi mo kapag may nagtatanong sa'yo?

[izabelle]

Nakakatuwa yung mga stories nyo. Napaka life changing talaga maging parent. At para sa akin ang pagiging magulang hindi yan nababase kung sayo nang galing ang bata or hindi. Nasa pagmamahal yan na ibibigay mo sa kanya hanggang pag tanda nya.

[mysterioza_me]

Sana maging mabuting mga bata sila at magsikap na magkaroon ng magandang buhay hindi para sa nagpalaki sa kanila kundi para sa mismong sarili nila. May ibang bata kasi kapag nalaman na adopted sila nagrerebelde kahit pinakitaan ng pagmamahal or lumalabas talaga yung ugali ng pinag-ugatang pamilya. Naalala ko yung classmate ko na adopted pati na din yung adopted child ng kapatid ng kinikilala kong lola, sinira mga buhay nila.

[fashtag]

Technically its illegal, what they are doing.  But a lot of people are doing this and this is probably the only way to cut the bureaucracy, tagal din mag adopt.

Pinkish23 the baby is so lucky to have you as a parent. 

[freiavida]

why not? maraming batang napapabayaan ngayon, so why not adopt if your mom wants to? 
Ang masasabi ko lang, sana kung matuloy pag adopt, that's it, kapatid niyo na siya. Family , hindi porke adopted at nagkaproblema pwede ibalik.

[jo1]

I'm so glad I found this thread -- the adoption stories shared here are touching, medyo naluha din ako

I also am in an adoption situation which I cannot discuss in detail right now -- no, i'm not an adoptive parent nor an adopted child... in the last couple of years of consulting lawyers, I've been given good advice and bad advice, and I've had to do plenty of personal research on local adoption... it's an ongoing journey for us but it's getting better

that said, allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment---

yes, "simulated birth" (where valid birth certificate indicates parents who are not the  child's biological parents) is illegal in the Philippines and is punishable under the revised penal code

yes, there will always be traits that the child will exhibit that you may not expect or be prepared for... it is best not to tie this back to her biological parents especially if you've never met... in my experience, it just creates emotional distance that, over time, could too easily build up to resentment...

yes, the risk of rebellious behavior on the part of the child upon learning the truth -- this risk is there no matter how much compassion, support, etc, adoptive parents demonstrate throughout the child's life up to that point... most advice I've been given point to making one's adopted status known as early as possible, say at age 7 or so... I've seen families with early revelations and families with late revelations and success seems to be case to case

I wish all of us success in our families -- however we came to grow them

[iwannabeasupermodel]

If she fixes the birth certificate  to reflect herself as the mom -- that's it -- you have a sister, a co-heir. 

Try to find out why she wants to adopt.  Guide her accordingly.
Baka nalulungkot lang. Or taking care of someone defines her.  Well, you may steer her towards higher education as another mode of self-definition.

Adopting a child is a big thing.  It should not just fill  a need/yearning on the part of the adopting party.  There is a life there at stake.

I think sis aquacharly's response  is still the most appropriate for ts's situation. Maybe your mom is just having some down moments, midlife crisis or what. A life is at stake and this is one of the biggest responsibilities one can ever take in life. It shouldn't be used to assuage a fleeting sense of loneliness or of being lost and you dont know where to go from that point on. Think about it really hard. If you adopt now, the kid will be with you for the rest of your lives and it will be unfair if you'll end up thinking na you shouldn't have done so when your temporary problem has already passed.