Odd behavior of a 12 yr old

[ninsyninsyspider]

My cousin who is in grade 6 has been leaving the house without anyone's permission. So syempre panic ang mga tao sa bahay. Both parents are working in Singapore so it's just my lola, mom, her sisters, and I.

The first time na umalis siya sa bahay, she took a bus to Baguio but went back to Manila upon reaching Tarlac. Major panic lahat and hindi alam san siya hahanapin.

Second time, nag cut ng classes mag isa and tumakas sa guard and nahuli ng school admin sa mall. She's lucky na ppag marchin pa siya and she wasn't kicked out.

And third, umalis nalang ng bahay and went around daw the neighborhood.

She is spoiled by everyone lalo na now because natatakot na baka umalis ulit, pero look now ginagawa parin niya. Obviously, the approach to discipline the kid does not work. E wala din naman nakikinig sa akin dito sa bahay. So now, what's the best thing to do?

[j.adore]

Ano pinagdadaanan niyan to act like that? If it was in our angkan, super grounded na yan plus confiscated all resources like phone money etc.

[ninsyninsyspider]

If I did it when my father was around (my parents are separated), baka pinalayas ako for a time. Pero dito sa bahay namin, mas bumait pa sa kanya. Sige, first time ok lang kausapin muna. Pero second and third time, hindi parin ddisciplinahin??

My mom said not to mingle, hayaan daw sila. But for me, nasa poder kami ng lola ko so at least sila may say. Unless, wag din sila mang hassle pag nawawala kapatid nila.

Sabi nung 12 yr old, gusto daw niya ng adventure. But to repeat it over and over after siya kausapin ng mga tao sa bahay, I really think may tama to. Nagnanakaw pa ng money from her sisters.

[red_yesha]

Kulang sa disiplina at pagmamahal ang batang ito.

[pinklilac]

Sis kulang  siya sa atensyon  ng sariling  magulang.
Bakit hindi isama ng parents ang mga anak eh super lapit.lang naman ang SG. Sana maagapan ang behavior  nya before it's  too late.

[may12]

Sis, I think may emotional na pinagdadaanan tong bata na to.

I think kayo, as the grown ups, should dig deeper on why she's doing this. She may be an artist inside who's wanting to get out.
Puwede din yung personality niya talaga ay very adventurous and the everyday routine of life bores her. Or she's confused with her personality.

Nung nasa early teens din ako, I always had that strong feeling to get out at pumunta sa malayong lugar na walang nakakakilala sa akin. Buti nalang wala akong pera noon para pamasahe sa mga ganun kalayo. LOL.

But twice, lumayas ako. First, 1 night lang ako di umuwi. 2nd time, 3 days na talaga akong nawala. I was always depressed pero ni isang tao sa buhay ko noon walang nakakahalata. Pag tinatanong nila ako bat ako lumayas, wala akong nasasagot.

Akala ng mga kaibigan at family ko napakamasayahin kong tao. But inside I was screaming for help kasi ilang beses ko naisipan mag suicide.

The funny thing was, walang major reason kung bakit ako ganoon. I had the perfect family. Pero feeling ko sakal na sakal ako sa buhay ko at gusto ko makawala.

Well, shini-share ko to sis kasi gusto ko lang sabihin sayo, never dismiss it as pagpapapansin lang. Yes, maybe nagpapapansin nga siya. But that's the only way most kids (even grown ups) know how to cry for help.

She needs all your support right now. Di niyo siya kailangan i-spoil. But try to know her more. I really think you need to keep a close eye on her. Hindi para disiplinahin siya kundi para mabantayan siya.

[ninsyninsyspider]

Thanks, sisses for all your comments.

I think hindi siya masama ng mga parents kasi 5 sila magkakapatid, ok naman yung iba. Eto lang talaga, sa huli pa nagka problem. I don't know ano magiging issues sa residency, if meron. Or baka it's simply less hassle lang kaya iniwan dito.

Yun ang problem din dito sa mga tao, they settle with the kid's word na she just wants an adventure and didn't dig deep na on what made her say so. Hindi ko alam kung dahil graduate lang ako ng psychology kaya I don't buy that reason or wala lang talaga sila mapiga sa bata kaya naniwala nalang sila.

I was pushing for a psychologist to talk to her the first time this happened, not for anything but at least mabasa pati behavior niya, hindi lang yung sagot.

[momentum]

Someone needs to talk to her one on one, to try to dig deep. Baka she feels alone and unwanted since siya naiwan.. She feels no one cares even if she doesn't say naman that she has a problem. She is probably finding some meaning in her life or curious how is it out there. The problem with that curiosity is that it will take her places where she shouldnt be and with people she shouldnt be with. Hindi ba natatakot mga kapag anak mo TS kung saan siya natutulog at sino mga kasama Niya? Alam na ba ng parents niya mga ginagawa niyang ito?

I have a pamangkin, my brother's panganay. Ganyan na ganyan din siya nag simula.. Paalis alis sa bahay ng hindi nagpapaalam.. Nag nanakaw, ubod ng sinungaling kahit nahuli pa, ginagabi ng uwi.. Habang tumatagal mas lumalakas na loob niya para mas magtagal sa labas and do stupid things (stealing etc) and eventually mag overnight.. Yung overnights naging a few days.. Yung a few days naging 1 week.. Then 2 weeks and so on. Pupunta lang sa bahay para mag laba, kukuha ng pagkain then layas uli. Kahit anong pagsabihan, pagbubunganga, pagpalo, wala parin. Its as if she just needs to get out. Obviously she was not happy at home nor with her life. And she found happiness with whatever stuff she was doing out there, with the money she gets for selling the stuff she stole. This was happening while her mom was still ok, and patuloy parin kahit na-stroke at nabedridden mama niya and naging brain dead na halos. Her mom eventually passed away.

She had her first sexual experience at 11yo. Started drinking, smoking and whatever else around that time rin.  And now she is 7months pregnant at 16yo, it was really just a matter of time. We already could forsee this happening and I talked to her very seriously about this possibility and the hardships she will go through if it happened and the high possibility that the guy will disappear. {singit ko lang kasi naalala ko lang now: Her mom, nung kakahiwalay lang nila ng kuya ko, made pahula sa suking manghuhula niya that time, and the Ft said one of her kids ay mag aasawa ng maaga. Alam yun ni pamangkin}

Pero siyempre immature e, bata, at hindi nakinig..So eto na nga, ngyari na. At natural nagtago na ang nakabuntis sa kanya. She got pregnant 1 month after her mom passed away.

So be very very careful with your niece. Kelangan siya makausap and need to set rules on what she can and cannot do. Talk to her about what can happen to her out there. Gusto ba niya kamo marape? Mapag samantalahan? Malagay sa alanganin ng hindi siya conscious at pagtripan siya ng mga lalake? Tell her what happened to my niece. She didn't take her studies seriously,, puro barkada at kabalastugan mga ginawa, caused so much pain to her mom while she was alive.. I cannot totally blame her kasi mabigat pinag daanan nila nung naghiwalay na parents niya and her mom not taking care of them much. Pero hindi kami nagkulang para pagsabihan Siya. We even put her in DSWD for 3 months, coz of her pagnanakaw and bad behavior, hoping na magbago siya. It helped naman a bit.. Kahit papano. I made a thread about her here.

Now, she has to bare the burden of being a single mom at 16yo. And lahat kami apektado at damay ng dahil dito.

Good luck sis and sana maagapan ninyo yan asap before its too late.

[j.adore]

Then you need professional help. Yung process not just talking to the kid but will investigate everyone else around her

I think this is the immediate next step here.

[ninsyninsyspider]

Yup, I've been telling them. And apparently,the school is requiring her to seek help din from a professional.

Her mom is coming to Manila next week so hopefully, gumalaw sila. Ayaw makialam ng mommy ko kasi nandito naman daw the sisters, e wala din naman sila ginagawa.

Hopefully, di siya ulit umalis between today until her mom arrives.

My lola even padlocks our gates and the keys are with her. And then my cousin acts like there is nothing wrong sa ginagawa niya.

Scary, if you ask me.

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

Tingin ko way nya to ng pagrerebelde, tipong pag nawala kaya ako mag aalala sila or they just don't care at all?Yung paimportanteng drama siguro dahil nga kulang sya sa atensyon ng parents nya. Pwedi ding nagiisip isip lang sya at gusto lang ng "breather" pero sa edad nya its really not advisable, kelangan kausapin to ng masinsinan.

[ninsyninsyspider]

Made me realize that she really needs some professional help.

Kinausap na ng lahat on what might happen to her (from rape to ibenta siya and all), how everyone was worried when she left the first time, the things everyone did to look for her, how my mom and lola both have high blood and bawal ma-stress. Kinausap, if not pinakiusapan, din siya ng maayos na wag na uulitin. Muntik pa siya di maka graduate and ma-kickout sa school niya the second time. We also told her how we contacted her school and the baranggay when we were looking for her. Nahihiya pa nga daw siya sa mga nainvolve.

But still, inuulit ulit. Naisip ko, baka parang klepto na hindi mapigilan ang urge na gawin ang isang bagay. I just don't know how you call her situation.

I forgot to mention pa pala, she was proudly making kwento pa how she sneaked out the first time.

Nakakapagod na parang uuwi nalang siya na normal lang. Yesterday nung tumakas ulit, sinabihan ko yung isang kapatid na hayaan na. Anyway, hindi din namin alam san sisimulan maghanap. Sinagot ako na anong gagawin namin? Hintayin nalang e baka may mangyari. Pero pagod na pagod na kami. Parang I feel insulted pa for the elders na paulit ulit ginagawa.

[~ anna ~]

Why don't you guys bring in a psychologist, especially yung may specialty in adolescent psychology?  Dalhin niyo yung cousin mo for sessions na siya lang and the psychologist, then try group sessions din na nandun kayo.  Kasi based sa kwento mo e kinausap niyo na siya pero parang walang effect.  Seeking professional help might give you more answers as to why she's acting this way and how to deal with her behavior.

You all need to be firm with her din, establish clear rules and make it apparent to her na there will be consequences if she violates those rules.  You all need to be united and determined in enforcing the boundaries.  Kasi if kahit isa sa inyo e pinalalampas lang yung kalokohan niya, lalo lang matatatak sa ulo niya na okay lang yung ginagawa niya and she can always get away with it.

Kinausap niyo na yung cousin mo and explained to her some of the bad things that might happen to her if she continues to sneak out on her own (ex. ma-rape, ma-kidnap, sold off), but from her actions e parang hindi siya natatakot or natatakot enough about these.  Is it possible na baka your cousin has a different way of learning?  Yung iba kasi more on visual learners sila, yung iba naman they learn more through experience.  Baka ang dating kasi sa cousin mo e words lang yun, and hindi tumatatak sa kanya yung reality ng dangers na sinabi niyo.  It might help if she sees how real all those things are, like maybe take her to a center for missing and exploited children or make her watch a documentary about human trafficking.  Maybe if she sees it, or if she gets to talk to rescued children, maybe that'll make her realize na you guys are not making this up and that this isn't a remote possibility lang, na this actually happens to a lot of children.

Mahirap ito, delikado kasi na lumala pa yung behavior ng cousin mo the longer this goes on, kaya it's best to nip this in the bud.  I hope your cousin gets better and na sana matapos na rin yung problema niyo soon.

[yannuh]

kulang sa disiplina at atensyon yung bata. if hindi kaya imanage ng parents/relatives, try to seek help from a guidance counselor or psychologist.

[CityHunter]

Teens.  Both parents working abroad.  I opine she is looking or escaping from something.  While waiting for a professional I strongly suggest you take note what music she listens to, yun drawings niya, writings, etc.  Mga clues iyon what bugs her and makes her act this way.  Yun rin kasi ang hahanapin o itatanong ng professional.

Ang approach is indeed not spoil nor be strict.  Its more like a friend but a mentor as well.  Yun nga lang better let a professional handle this.

[ayi0119]

Tingin ko way nya to ng pagrerebelde, tipong pag nawala kaya ako mag aalala sila or they just don't care at all?Yung paimportanteng drama siguro dahil nga kulang sya sa atensyon ng parents nya. Pwedi ding nagiisip isip lang sya at gusto lang ng "breather" pero sa edad nya its really not advisable, kelangan kausapin to ng masinsinan.

ganto rin ang tingin ko. Ano pala sabi ng parents ng bata? Sila dapat kumausap at magdisiplina.

[hisana]

Ganito rin ako when I was around her age, haha, though di naman ako umabot sa tarlac. I don't know why I did it, feeling ko gusto ko lang talaga ng adventure. I think maybe I did want a break from my family from time to time. Plus medyo iba kasi ako sa kanila in terms of hilig and personality, so baka factor din yun. But I didn't do it out of sadness or desperation or anything. Nothing really as serious as that.

Pero dapat pagbawalan na sya ha or kailangan magpaalam lagi! Tell her that it only takes one kidnapper or rapist or sira ulo, just one incident, to turn her life upside down. Swerte lang ako nun at walang nangyari. So kung ano man adventure or ka-emohan or whatever it is she's trying to project or accomplish, it's just not worth the risk.

[argento]

my best advice is not to give that kid money.

tapos warn her pag umalis uli ng hindi nagpapaalam sabihan niyo huwag ng umuwi.