BF says it's ok for me to have sex w/ others before we meet

[dulcette]

Just need to get this off my chest!

So, after a few months of being away from each other, my BF and I are finally living together in his home country to get married, eventually.

On the way there, I will be making several stop overs sa iba't ibang countries, last hurrah ba kasi di na ko makakapag travel alone that much, he knows I am really into solo travel.

I know he loves me, mabait siya, career/family oriented and matalino. The other day we had some heat between us kasi I got a little turned off when I found out he has had more sexual partners than what I assumed. Di naman karamihan, pero, still more than I expected. I know it's silly for me na magselos pa sa past niya. Maybe I just got a little insecure, na possibly may mas minahal pa siya before me. Na may mas maganda and mas sexy, whathaveyou. He assured me it was all in the past and not relevant anymore. Still, I can't get it out of my head since the guys I've dated before, ako ang first, the other one naman manwhore so I didn't care naka-ilan na. 

Then the conversation continued about my travel plans, then he told me to enjoy my trips then if I wanted to f*** foreigners go lang kasi it's the last chance I'm gonna get. With smiley face pa.

I know he's half joking so I clarified with him. Sabi niya it won't be considered cheating since we're not together pa naman. Na I better do it before kesa naman after namin magkasama. Sabi niya he wouldn't like it, but it's my choice, wag ko nalang daw ipaalam sa kanya. I felt like I was being given away! He told me that was not the case, love niya lang daw ako and he wants me to live my life as I want. Of course I had to ask him, would you want me to let you do the same? Sabi naman niya experienced na siya enough to know that he won't want to have sex with anyone else and he's waiting for me, and that he understands that I wouldn't want him messing around, we have opposite terms and he respects that: I can have sex with others, he cannot. He's honest and I trust that he won't cheat on me. He also noted that I cannot do any of that anymore once we're together. He ended the conversation telling me how much he loves me and how much he cares about my happiness, my being whole, etc. I ended the conversation by turning off my phone for two days. I just didn't want to talk to him after that.

Now I know communication is key, and it's really been bugging me for the past few days. Having sex with others while in a commited relationship is against my morals, however na-curious tuloy ako nung sinuggest niya sakin! Now I want to try both men AND women! Grrr! How do I get some kind of closure to this feeling? Do I do it? Don't I do it? Should I tell him that I don't want to do it? Will I regret it? Pros/Cons?

[dismembered]

Confuse ako sa pinagdadaanan mo. So ang tanong... gusto mo bang gawin or not? Lahat ng bagay na gagawin mo may consequences. If it's too good to be true, then wag mo na lang sakyan.

Baka din tinetest ka lang din nya. Pero nakaka duda naman. Kahit anong anggulo, hinding hindi ko ma-imagine ang sarili ko bilang isang lalake na hahayaan ang babaeng mahal ko, na magkaroon ng intimate deed sa ibang tao. Lalo na sa mga panahon na alam kong exclusive kami sa isa't isa. Kung ikaw nga nahihirapan kang maka move on sa past nya... naiisip mo ang mga pangyayari dati... I don't know. Pero sorry, something doesn't feel right sa sitwasyon nyo. Baka may pinaghuhugutan sya? Or iba lang ang principle at culture nila kaya morally acceptable naman yan.

In the end, ikaw ang need mag decide nyan. Buhay mo yan at ikaw ang mag take ng consequences kahit ano man ang mangyari. 

[ohcmon]

Quick question - foreigner ba si bf?

Kasi if yes, that may be why mas liberal siya mag-isip. We all know naman how open the Western culture is to that kind of thing. Nashock ka lang siguro kasi sa values nating mga Pinoy, no-no talaga 'yung sinasabi niya.

[dell]

just my opinion for the threadstarter's current predicament...

panindigan mo lang prinsipyo mo, DON"T try the thing he isinuated---bakit ba parang di mo alam kung san ka tatayo?

totoo masarap ang sex pag ginagawa mo with someone you are romantically in love with---mukhang na confuse ka ata.

yung context ng "romantically in love" eh di naman pwede magkaroon ng expiry date---basta't naramadaman natin palagi namang wala tayong pakiaalam kung ano kahihinatnan

sa tingin ko nga eh weird way na paglalambing lang yang nasambit ng partner mo

[dismembered]

totoo masarap ang sex pag ginagawa mo with someone you are romantically in love with---mukhang na confuse ka ata.

Correction. kahit hindi romantically in love with. Admit it or not, isa yan sa mga reason kung bakit madaming namroroblema sa mundo.

[khaleesiCersei]

If you wanna do it then go sis, at the end of the day its your life and your body. But if you dont want to do it then you dont have to

[aquacharly]

IMO, Passive-Aggressive yang BF mo -- based on your cuento.
He will verbally push you but if you do it!:  Ayos kang bata ka.

Whatever your BF says you can/cannot do --  you decide for yourself. It is only you who knows what you are capable of doing;  what makes you happy; and what will deprive you peaceful sleep.  Do not doubt yourself.  Be true to yourself. 

[kvandenhaak]

I don't understand why there's such a conversation though. Something is wrong in the story. Is he being sarcastic?  If I were in your shoes, I will be a bit offended.

[dulcette]

Mismo sirs. Foreigner si BF.  Latino-European. I was offended, pero naisip ko din baka ganun din talaga culture nila. Nalito pa ako kasi I know yung past relationships niya, nag end kasi nagcheat yung mga girlalu. I was thinking, ano ba to, cuckolding fetish?? Or maybe super mature na siya mag-isip and lax lang talaga rules niya in life. Lapit na trip ko pa-abroad. hanggang ngayon di ko pa siya kinakausap.

[Girltalker2]

Now I know communication is key, and it's really been bugging me for the past few days. Having sex with others while in a commited relationship is against my morals, however na-curious tuloy ako nung sinuggest niya sakin! Now I want to try both men AND women! Grrr! How do I get some kind of closure to this feeling? Do I do it? Don't I do it? Should I tell him that I don't want to do it? Will I regret it? Pros/Cons?

Matanong ko lang sis, how old are you? Just asking because aren't these the typical questions a teenager would ask about sex? And not of an adult who is about to have a life partner.

Do you really know your partner well? Or do you really know yourself? Sa bagay, di ka pa naman ikakasal, so do what makes you happy. Just be mindful that all actions have consequences. If you get involved with I the wrong crowd, if you can sleep peacefully at night without feeling bad about yourself, if magka STD ka, getting pregnant, all these, make sure you can live with if ever they happen.

You're asking if you will regret NOT exploring. But I ask you, if you pursue all these exploring, won't you regret it as well?

Or maybe Mali intindi ko? You will regret telling BF that you don't want to do it? Medyo confusing kasi last 2-3 statements mo. You said you want to try both men and women, but you also will tell bf you don't want to do it? So what will you regret?
- not having many more partners than BF before kayo mag live in?
- pursuing your potential sexcapades at malaman ni bf?
- telling BF you dont want to do it but it is actually lying to him that you might regret?
- telling BF you don't want to do it kasi ayaw mo talaga and you might regret telling him as it can emphasise your difference in morals/culture?

[dulcette]

^ not entirely true, madami akong kilala na after their 30's pa narealize na attracted sila sa opposite sex. I'm in my late 20's.

I'm not saying I can potentially be a lesbian, what I'm saying is, ako I'm scared na one day I'll regret not trying at least once in my life. Or that I'll regret one day not having done it with more people. Change can happen at any age I know, my questions are confusing, because I myself am confused!

Anyway I got to talk to him na, and yun nga, it was a lapse in culture. Pinilit ko siya talaga sabihin sakin na it's not okay to do that, for my own peace of mind! Mas matimbang na di ako makakatulog sa gabi kung may ganung sikreto akong tinatago.

[mooncake and leaves]

All I can say is, if you're still not sure you're done having fun or exploring, if you don't know yourself yet--you have no business being in a serious relationship.

[dismembered]

If kay partner ok lang ang mga ganung deeds, and sayo hindi ok, hindi kaya someday, maging potential cause of problem yan sa inyo? If ganun na lang kadali sa culture nila magpalit ng partner or sumubok ng ibang partner, hindi kaya ganun din kadali mangiwan ng asawa? I'm not judging anyone... pero baka need mong pagisipan pa ng madaming beses ito. Everything that we do, lahat may consequences. It's just a matter of being able to stand for your choices. If nakikita mong potentially problematic ang isang bagay, why go into it? Pero as long as tingin mo worth it, eh sige go lang! Wish you all the best sis!

[dulcette]

Lol thanks. Made up my mind, I won't do it. Hindi ko kaya sikmurahin. I told him it's just not the way we Filipinos are. It might just be his ego talking when he told me the first time, sabi niya.

Bottom line: always make your relationship rules clear haha

[argento]

^ i think gusto mo talaga.

kung ayaw sa una pa lang you wont be confused.

[killbill]

I once dated a guy na sinabihan ako ng "you can do whatever you want, wag mo lang ipapaalam sakin" kasi we're not exclusive pa. I asked my close guy friend anong gusto nya palabasin. Sabi ni guy friend, he's doing the same thing sakin. True enough, i stalked his IG may isang girl follower dun na naka lagay yung tumblr nya sa info, panay emote sa tumblr with hastag initials ni guy 🙄🙄🙄

[dismembered]

^ May katotohanan yan!

[j.adore]

Baka you need to "enjoy" life more if a conversation like that makes you confused about your morals...

He's experienced a lot already while you have not. I think this was also the intention of your BF that's why he said that.

And please please please resolve the other issues like like jealousy, insecurity, etc. before getting married!

[kvandenhaak]

I once dated a guy na sinabihan ako ng "you can do whatever you want, wag mo lang ipapaalam sakin" kasi we're not exclusive pa. I asked my close guy friend anong gusto nya palabasin. Sabi ni guy friend, he's doing the same thing sakin. True enough, i stalked his IG may isang girl follower dun na naka lagay yung tumblr nya sa info, panay emote sa tumblr with hastag initials ni guy 🙄🙄🙄

Mismo! I don't think there's any person will say that regardless of how liberal he/she is. It's an misconception din na dahil foreigner wala ng morals. I've been with three and none of them are like that.

[dulcette]

^ highly doubt it i know a cheater when I see one. anyway issue has been resolved as a case of cultural misconcepcion. Now how do I delete this post?