Need Help for my 14yo Son

[proudmama]

I don't know how to start or kun tama ba na ipost ko to dito. I hope you won't take it against me or my son. I just wanted to vent out on how im feeling sa nangyayari samin.

I have two kids son is  14 yo and my daughterI  is 8 yo.  Dati naisip ko dahil lang sa puberty stage kya siguro nagclash kami ng eldest ko. Husband is working abroad and I am working home based. He is studying sa science high dito samin and during his elementary days he was a consistent honor student. I admit growing up medyo strict ako especially sa studies nya lalo 6 years bago uli ako nagkababy.  But i rarely spank but I do nag. Naisip ko baka nga sa kakanag ko kaya naging ganyan.

Last year tolerable pa un pagiging "matigas ang ulo". When we have fights after that magsosorry yan sakin. Pero this year I saw the big change in him.  He doesn't want to be seen in public with me and his sister.  Prang kinakahiya kami kaya kahit gusto ko magbonding with him mas prefer nya sa house lang.  Then I notice nagiging palasagot which natural [textspeak!] [textspeak!] na di ko palampasin na di sabihan. I even let my husband chat and talk with him regarding his behavior.

Since high school na din siya i let him study on his own. sabi ko kun ano grades mo ginawa mo yan. di na siya kasama sa top 10 and he's in the 3rd section. Samin magasawa ok n nga still maganda pa din curriculum sa science high. but of course nakakapanghinayang considering may potential siya.

So lagi kami nagaaway because of the things he does na kahit sino [textspeak!] siguro magulang papansinin din at di magsasawalang kibo.  I wont enumerate lahat ng iyon sa dami ng conflicts namin. But lately may mga sinabi siya na sobrang ngpasama sa loob ko. out of his anger sinabi nya na sana mamatay na daw ako.  Ako dw may kasalanan sa pagiging ganon nya. Ok na dw lahat ako lang dw ang di nagpapasaya sa buhay niya. These words nilihim ko muna sa asawa ko . Baka atakehin sa galit pag nalaman I'd rather na dito na lang sabihin paguwi nya pra dalawa kami magsasabi. I just can't believe that he wanted me dead. Ang sakit sakit at gabi gabi ko iniiyak. I thought nun una out of galit lang siguro nasabi nya. Pero when we had another fight sinabi nya na naman. He even said gusto nya ako suntukin. Coming from the mouth of my own child .  I forgive him before kahit hindi nga naghihingi ng sorry still Nanay ako I would still do the things that I normally do for him. Itong latest fight namin I asked my mom to stay with us. Sabi ko Ill let him know how painful un ginawa nya sakin. So Im giving him a cold shoulder. Pero mas masakit pala pag kaya ka tiiisin ng anak mo. He will go to school magpapaalam lang sa nanay ko pero not to me.
Maybe it is really me who created a son like him. I dont what to do. Di rin [textspeak!] nagkukulang mother ko sa advices sa knya.  I just hope dumating isang araw na marealize nya how important I am to his life. Inisip ko  n nga lang ako susuko babatiin ko na siya. Di ko na din alam approach na gagawin sa knya.

[pjiyeon]

"sabi ko kun ano grades mo ginawa mo yan."
"But i rarely spank but I do nag. Naisip ko baka nga sa kakanag ko kaya naging ganyan. "

sis my mga kids na ayaw ng napagsasabihan lagi. the more na napagsasabihan mas lalong nagrerebelde. and instead of blaming him sa grades nya I think you should recommend ways para maimprove nya yung study habits niya. Tell him the advantages of being an honor student but don't pressure him too much. Gusto din ng mga kids na my reward pag nagiging honor sila or anything small kung san sila nag improve. My mga kids kasi na ginagawang motivation pag napagsasabihan meron ding nadidiscourage.
Your husband is an OFW baka mas comfortable ang son mo if his dad will talk to him regarding his behavior. I think sis since you're the parent, you should initiate na mag apologize sa son mo regardless kung sino ang may mali. Talk to him regarding what you feel pero wag yung pagalet.  Be patient.


"He doesn't want to be seen in public with me and his sister.  Prang kinakahiya kami kaya kahit gusto ko magbonding with him mas prefer nya sa house lang.  "

ganyan din mga brothers ko nung nagbinata na sila. I think this is normal kasi pareho kayong girl ng daughter mo and the father is an OFW katulad sa family namin. Try mo makipag close sa eldest son.

Magpray ka sis na sana magkasundo na kayo ng eldest mo. Godbless to you and your family.

[Girltalker2]

I think iyan attitude na iyan eh nakukuha nya sa friends.

If they cannot depend on you or sa dad, tendency they will find some comfort with his friends.

I think early on you have to be firm with him. Ako di ko kaya mag cold shoulder, sooner or later makakalimutan ko na di ko pala dapat kausapin hehe

But once I've had it, pag sinabi nya sana mamatay nako, sampal ang aabutin nya sakin. Di lang iyon, will confiscate his phone/all gadgets or give him minimum baon (food) and never cash. Kung need nya ng pera, sya humingi at lumapit sakin. Ang tapang nya to do those things and yet he is still dependent on you for his clothes, food shelter. Tingnan lang natin who will do what.

Nagging - I think better not to nag. Hayaan mo muna mag mellow down ka, then mag usap kayo ng maayos.

One of the arguments namin ng boy ko na anak is keeping his room tidy.  Sabi nya wala raw ako paki and let him manage. I say NO, this is my house and he should follow by my rules. Umayos naman, minsan Palya but di kasing grabe as before. Once he lied, confiscate ko celfone. I give him warnings as well, magmamatigas sya? I will do other things that I know will make his life a lot harder. i know some of these punishments are not ideal kasi dapat Ma recognise nila Mali nila. Pero feeling ko teenage boys are harder to handle Than girls, especially if wala yung dad.

Bottom line, show him who is the boss (Ikaw). But at the same time you have to find the time to constantly talk to him without nagging.

[rasee16]

I think hindi nakakatulong ang nagging. Negative kasi ang effect nito sa mga bata. Never akong na-nag ng parents ko. They would spank me when i was younger but they would explain bakit nila ginawa yun.

Tinanong ko bf ko about this kasi 2 boys and 1 girl silang magkakapatid. Hindi rin daw sila ni-nag. Basta kakausapin lang ng maayos.

Kasi kung ako rin yun, malayo na nga loob ko sayo, raratratan mo pako ng kung ano ano.. Nakakainis yun diba. Ano ba tong mga issues na to? I mean ano ba yung mga pinagaawayan nyo bago pumunta dun sa sinabi nyang sana mamatay ka na?

[cybelekronos]

hi sis. mother din ako, my son is 19yo na.
highschool alam ko ang pinaka stressful years, mas kailangan nila ng unawa, support at higit sa lahat yan age ng anak mo na need nya ng kausap, hindi as mom but parang bestfriend.
yan din years na nagta try sila mag rebelde, simple things muna tapos pag nakahanap ng butas mas i deep na nila. kapag naka lusot gagawa ulit ng kaka rebelde nila.

alam mo ba ang reasons bakit nasabi ng anak mo yun gusto ka na nya mamatay, malaki na ang galit nya sayo kapag un na ang binitawan nya salita. pinahiya mo ba sya? may ginawa ka ba na pwede i bully sa kanya sa school o sa barkada nya? nawala kasi ang respeto ng anak mo. ang mga bata kasi, kapag hinayaan mo simula pa lang sumasagot na, masasanay sila sagutin ka.

hindi mo naman need i nag o pagalitan ang anak mo kasi 14 na sya. mas maganda kausapin mo lang sya, kinamusta mo ba sya everyday pag uuwi galing school?, natanong mo ba sya if may prob sya sa school?, may nililigawan na ba?, na compliment mo ba sya sa mga bagay na nagawa nyang tama? nasa age na kasi yan nag hahanap ng identity nya, security, guidance at attention.
sis, heto ang time na need mo lagi sya kausapin, mahabol mo pa yan, matatama pa kung anong mali.. mag usap kayo, usap sis, hindi mo sya pagagalitan, di mo sya sasabihan ng masakit. higit sa lahat wag mo sisigawan. baka papasok pa lang ng bahay pinagagalitan mo na or sinisita mo na?
feeling ko dahil pinararamdam mo sa kanya disappointed ka sa kanya sa school, binabalik din nya sayo. kung ano yun pain nya now, pinararamdaman din nya sayo. gumaganti ba para maintindihan mo sya.
kelan mo ba huling sinabi na mahal mo sya, na andyan ka lang para sa kanya, if may problem sya pwede ka kausapin?

same tayo sis, gradeschool laging nasa top, d nawawala sa honor list, kelan graduating ng elem saka nagluko, hinayaan lang din namin, sinabi na lang namin ni hub sa kanya ok lang yan, pag dating ng college saka ka bumawi, enjoy mo lang. d namin sya kinumpara sa iba, hinayaan namin sya ma realize nya anong mali. binigyan ko sya freedom din mag decision para sa sarili nya, if need nya guidance andito lang ako, sabi ko lang sa kanya, tandaan nya lang.. "you reap what you sow".

iba na mga bata ngayon, kaya di na need pagalitan o saktan, kausapin mo lang direct, pranka, honest, open, mas madali un para sa kanila.

[proudmama]

hi everyone ,

thank you for all your advises.  yes tama better to have a heart to heart talk with him. tomorrow mag fit siya  for his dance ball ill take that opportunity to date him and talk to him. 

siguro i just posted yesterday kasi i wanted to vent out. medyo msakit kasi sa dibdib.

again thank you everyone

[Girltalker2]

^ it won't be easy especially you're in public. It has to come out naturally. So I suggest you take that regular time to spend with him, like every Sunday mass, every Friday night pizza take out, Saturday movie night or something. unti untiin mo. Huwag bigla, otherwise Baka magtalo na naman kayo at ma disappoint ka pag di positive ang reaction makuha mo from him.

[AnneMP]

Mga sis, share ko lang link which may be very appropriate for this topic

We all have children and we want them to grow up to be good people and sometimes our ways are not as good as we think they are. 

Maybe we can learn before it's too late.
http://ph.theasianparent.com/things-chinese-kids-want-to-tell-their-tiger-mom/