Ladies, what is your definition of cheating?

[jtansanco]

Sex? - Of course!
How about chatting online with a girl?
How about meeting an old friend (female) for lunch/dinner?
Taking pictures and posting on social media?

What is your definition of cheating?

[j.adore]

There's the good ol definition and then there's emotional cheating (google articles as those can better explain this).

On chatting online, questions would be, who is the girl? What do you guys talk about? What's your purpose in chatting?

On meeting an old friend, what kind of friendship do you have? What's your history together? Like was there a point there was something between the two of you?

On taking photos and posting, same question is what's your history with the woman or women?

Given the scenario that your girlfriend's best friend has a thing for her, it's normal for you to feel that way. Though, how do you know he likes her?
Same questions din what's their history and what have they been through?

Hehe I raised more questions because the answers can define what's in line and what's not.

[purple.strawberry]

Iba-iba naman yata yan per relationship.

Ang baseline ko:

If you don't want your partner to know what you're doing, that's cheating.

Kasehodang chat lang yan.


Re: your gf and the bestfriend, it's understandable na you feel bothered. Mahirap lang mag-assume if may meaning yung post or pinapatamaan ka ba. Baka ganun lang talaga sila? Talk na lang siguro to your girl ng maclarify.

[purple.strawberry]

^Nope. Ibang case yung my boyfriend has a female bestfriend sa may boyfriend has a female bestfriend who likes him. If ako I will ask my boyfriend to keep his distance.

[mimiku]

I am a little possessive so my definition of cheating can be downright extreme. As long as I can sense something like (for example) my husband getting close or cozy with someone I can feel myself raging with fire. Hahaha. So taking a selfie with matching the super close vibes is a big no for me. Chatting online with a girl not for anything related to business, of course and obviously, off limits for me. By the way, in my opinion, your gf just gave off a natural reaction to you chatting other women. I would, as well feel bad if I would know my husband is doing this. We started also as LDR, so chat, among other ways, is our mode of communication. It would be unsettling if I find out he's also chatting with other women.

Anyway, I guess it all boils down into respecting the limitations of what you can no longer do with the opposite sex. You got into a relationship - exclusive mutual agreement between you too - meaning there are no longer some things you can't showcase. And the fact that you guys are on an LDR-type of relationship, amplifies this more (because you only rely on the little ways you get to see or "bond" together). Spending time with somebody without the knowledge of your partner and emotionally feeling attraction is somehow cheating emotionally. Though it would be quite hard to pinpoint this, as anybody could reason out "oh were just friends." That's why people in a relationship always feel insecure whenever they see their loved one spending time with another human being. There is always that feeling "why is he/she is investing time" to someone like her/him.  Moreover, I would feel bad as well if I see my husband's selfie with a friend just like the one posted by your bestfriend's gf. A picture could paint a thousand words, (let alone a caption) and in your case it painted so many dimensions of what should and should not. No, you did not overreact. The friend should have never post something so "intimate" on her Facebook. And if I were your gf, I would have asked my friend not to post or just have it removed. It doesn't feel right and certainly it would not make my partner feel secure.

[j.adore]

Not ok in this case lalo with full knowledge na may gusto yung so called friend.. I say it as such because one party has an ulterior motive.

Since you're just starting your relationship, both of you will have to define what's OK and what's not in terms of relationships with others. It really varies per person.

For me, it's not OK to leave a person hanging through friendship. Not OK to have these displays of affection if I just see him as a friend.
Whenever I'm in a relationship, I make sure I do not have special relationships with members of the opposite sex except for who I'm with.
I do have close guy friends pero di kami ganyan lol.

Now for my partner, if it's normal for him to chat and there was never any emotional context (as in friendship or learning lang). It's ok. If he keeps our problems to ourselves, that's ok (ranting your SO to another is not OK and besides, they can't solve problems they're not involved in).

I'm not comfortable with the BF meeting up someone else, alone. It won't help the struggles of an LDR relationship.

When you're both calm and ready, talk about what would make you both at ease. But at the end of the day, the one you love should be the priority over everyone else.

[Girltalker2]

For me naman, feeling ko may distance talaga dapat especially friendships with the opposite gender.

The thing that will haunt me for tonight is the caption in their picture: "We don't need gifts to be happy. We have each other."

WTF?!!?

This is out right lantaran pambabastos sayo at sa relasyon nyo ni gf, unless the guy is clueless na may BF si girl.

And TS, I don't think you should tell/do anything to the guy. Being in a relationship, it is your GF's responsibility to 'defend' your relationship.

Sorry Pero for me this is way out of line. LDR pa man din kayo and this is what you see? If say pinakilala mo Si GF sa family mo then your family /friends members see that, di ba nakakahiya? What will other people think? Your GF sumasama kung Kani-kaninong lalaki? Or maybe it is a culture thing. Pero para sakin, it is not right. Though GF may not be cheating naman talaga, Kaya lang, bigyan ka man lang nya ng mukha iharap sa ibang Tao.

An almost similar thing happened to me Pero di ko naman best friend yung guy. There's this guy kasi I dated (Guy B) but then nothing came out from our friendship coz nawawala wala sya minsan. Then I met my BF at naging kami. Tapos bigla bigla nalang Si Guy B magpaparamdam. Initially I would answer the call or text back saying I'm ok. I have a BF now. But he doesn't seem to get it but still invited me out. I said no hanggang pati email he would send just to catch my attention.

Kaso si BF is not happy. Ang point nya, bakit walang respect itong guy sa relationship natin. Ilang beses din Kami nag LQ coz he feels di naman hahabol yung guy if I don't lead him on. I said I'm not doing anything to lead him on, ni Hindi ngako nagpapakita, not anymore answering his calls na.

By the way, guy B is also in the same industry as I am and I was looking for work that time din. So syempre di ko naman inaaway din. Pero I realised BF is not comfortable with a guy lurking behind the scene. So ako mismo straight sinabi ko sa guy, don't ever bother me. Kasi I have a BF now and we are happy together. After that, may 2x pa tumawag but I totally blocked him off na.

Lesson? I don't want to lose my BF for some guy (good Friend/colleague). If he has enough respect for me and my BF, sya dapat mag keep ng distance nya. Kung ayaw nya, then ako mismo Gagawa ng Paraan to keep distance. Especially bago pa Kami sa relationship and we need to establish that trust between the 2 of us. Anything my BF feels uncomfortable with, he tells me and I feel I need to do something about it. And ganun din ako. It doesn't mean not being friends with anyone, it just means respecting your partners feelings and your relationship with him/her.

[Girltalker2]

^ I would say long time friends since high school. Most of the time in groups. But if ako lang kasama, it will only be in situations like makikisabay ako pauwi. tapos we have to eat first on our way home (note have to, Hindi Yung nag h-hangout with 1 guy Friend and chill chill). And my BF knows also. No reaction naman from BF and fine with him.
I guess as the BF, nararamdaman mo din yung kutob?

One time I went out with my former colleague and hubby since they visited me here (not in pinas). Sinama ni colleague her lawyer Friend (a guy) who is also based here, para 1 labas nalang. The guy added me in Facebook and started chatting with me. Generally topics is just about which church we attend, which market we go to, where to eat dinner etc. But never naman any invites na labas Kami etc.  After a day or two, I just felt something is off. My BF thinks this guy might be interested. Of course I think otherwise, di naman siguro, Ang assuming ko naman or feelingera. But nevertheless, I just stopped messaging.

Minsan naman a former colleague (HR), we go out na Kami lang for coffee or lunch around office area just to catch up. Note our previous company closed so we are in the lookout for job vacancies. Tapos HR director pa namin Ito so ok lang to catch up. He would also say that he is in the area so ok lang to meet. Not dinner naman. But one time he invited me to watch a movie. Then felt it weird, umiwas nako mismo. No need pa my BF to tell me anything.

So there. Different situations, nasa satin how we want to protect our relationship and give importance sa feelings ng partner natin.

[junetwentythree]

I agree with sis Girltalker2. I'm really not a big believer in close friendships with the opposite sex that won't lead to a relationship. It's just difficult to keep it platonic. One side will always want more. And it could lead to complications later on. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of guy friends, I've always been "one of the boys" that's why. But they're more like my pals, my "bros" and definitely nowhere near the best friend level. That title I reserve for my boyfriend.

Quick question for TS tho, have you met this girl yet? Or did you guys meet online?

[Girltalker2]

 TS, linawin mo kaya muna status nyo. Wala Kang K mag expect if di pa kayo official. Sakin Ito dapat stages pagdaanan nyo, opinion lang naman:

1. Dating
2. Exclusively dating
3. Officially gf/BF

Mukhang nasa stage 2 palang kayo? Both stage 1 and 2 for me, wala syang dapat iprove Sayo. In fact, both of you should just be enjoying your time together getting to know each other. Not these kinds of issues pa.

[Girltalker2]

^ TS, if you don't want to be clingy, then don't. Admittedly, mahirap situation mo because you're still getting to know each other and this takes time.

What is more dangerous in what you're doing is you want to commit na agad, have you met her several times na ba? Or puro chats lang? Kasi I have this impression you still don't know her that well, and therefore it is not recommended to commit immediately. You really have to invest time to establish the connection between the two of you.

Tapos LDR? Are you for that? You cannot just want to commit to a girl who you think you like or you think likes you. It is more than that to establish a true and lasting relationship. IMHO lang.

[mimiku]

Just my two cents - Maybe she is not as invested as you are in your relationship. I went through LDR myself (in fact until now) we started the chat marathon and all. I worked in the most stressful environment, and when I say stressful, I usually go home at 2 in the wee hours in the morning. The thing is, I find time to call and chat with him even when my eyes are drooping with exhaustion. He on the other hand, also did everything for us to stay connected. So I guess you really need to probably evaluate the status quo whether your relationship is going to sour-thern hemisphere (you know what I mean)... Or maybe you should level up your panliligaw pa more in order for her to make her notice your sincerity and consequently have her invest her time with you. Try sending her flowers. Flowers solve problems all the time.

[Girltalker2]

Must be exciting for you as you said ngfsb ka. And I'm sure you know yourself best, but you really really have to get to know her more. Flowers is one way but Hindi naman kasi lahat ng girls Pareho. You have to know her talaga so you can up her interest sayo.

But kahit gaano ka busy ang tao, if the girl is interested,and she knows you are also, there is nothing can keep her away (as the song goes).

All the best TS! Go!

[mooncake and leaves]

On the original question & based on what you've shared-- no, i don't think either one of you cheated. But you've both done things that raise red flags and since your relationship has barely started, freaking out is normal.

To be frank with you, I think you're banking on a relationship that's really difficult to sustain. LDRs are hard enough for established relationships and yours don't even have legs yet. Tapos crisis agad. I get the excitement from meeting and connecting with someone who made you feel a certain way. That's hard to let go of. But the good news is, you will feel that way about someone else again. Lintek, many people feel that way about different people at the same time 😂 so don't worry about chemistry and all that jazz. It's not reserved for just one person.

What you need to do is if analyze if you have compatible values and if you are really ready to commit. Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't mind stringing along a long-time friend? Are you ok with someone who seems to blow hot and cold (one minute she jokes about being your future wife, the next you complain not hearing from her enough)? Are you ready to cut ties with your female friends? Because I'm willing to bet that in most of these friendships, at least one party wants more. And if she's really the "one" (which is too much pressure at this point by the way), i guarantee you that you won't be thinking that it (whatever you guys are) is better than nothing and you will feel somewhat secure in the pace of your relationship.

[cupcakencheese]

Seeing him na may kasamang iba na lumabas ng motel, ang sakit but hindi naman pwedeng lumapit at i confront yun girl.

[baliwsayo]

Cheating for me is when you're already in love with another person despite may commitment ka na. Kahit hindi pa kayo nagsesex, cheating na yun for me. Mas maige pa na nakipag-sex lang yun guy sa iba pero wala siyang feelings dun kesa in love na siya sa iba. Well, that's just me of course.

AND tanggap ko na din na with the advent of technology, mga landian online hindi ko na sineseryoso.. I just take it as a form of an outlet. Basta hanggang doon lang dapat.

[kvandenhaak]

It boils down really to intention and you know yourself if you are doing it or not. There's really no gray area. So, if you think that you feel that what you are doing is cheating then it probably is.

[triciaaamaldita]

Personally, I believe it's cheating once may nadevelop na na feelings yung partner mo sa iba. Sila man o hindi, emotional cheating pa rin yun. I'm okay with the chat, texts, and communication sa ibang girls kasi I know may guys na talagang alam nila yung limit nila. (same with girls) pero the moment na may feelings na and may tinatago/dinidelete na na msgs, boom. u cheater 

[redhead69]

Having feelings with the other person.
Deleting messages/call logs
Going out with another girl without telling me.( Except family related -pero important pa rin yung maguupdate)
Going out with their ex
Having sex with another girl


When you start doing something and you're scared na your partner will get mad kasi you're doing something wrong,just dont do it na lang. It's better na wala na lang kayo if you plan to cheat.

[mami che]

whatever you hide, its already cheating...
hiding is accompanied by lying. they always go together parang kambal lang ang peg