Not so wholesome bachelor/stag party

[j.adore]

Would it matter if you found out your husband had sex with one (or more) of the paid women in his stag party? Be it months or years after your marriage?

Let's say di naman nabuntis pero hindi din sobrang lasing meaning choice talaga to do it?

I'm shocked to hear "normal yun" at dahil lang sa "bro code" kaya hindi daw nalalaman ng mga misis. Kadalasan din eh nagparticipate yung mga friends so di lang siya para sa groom-to-be.

Will it be an issue for you or "it's in the past"?

[ri-anne]

I think the issue would be the fact na nagawa nya yun before ikasal....and even more alarming is the fact na okay lang yun sa friends nya...it just shows anong klase mga tao nakapaligid sa kanya - people who doesn't value or understand the sacredness of marriage. Remember, birds of the same feather flock together.

Kaya nga i think it's important for couples (married or not yet) to have friends or be surrounded by those who are also couples who share the same views & beliefs regarding relationships, marriages,etc.para naiiwasan mga ganyang sitwasyon. Ex. A good husband should stay away from a bad influence single babaero lasenggo gambler friend. Self-explanatory.

Anyway, back to the scenario, if it was me, yes issue sya but honestly what can we do tapos na eh...you can leave him esp kung wala namang kids pa.... and really, what's the assurance that it won't happen again?

but if he want to prove himself then he'd better not be friends with those guys anymore.
All his extra hours better be with the family, bawal na guys night out or something. Lol. Seriously.

[pinklilac]

Para sa akin malaking  issue  yan dahil wala siyang  self control so.posibleng mangyari ulit maybe sooner or later.
Pwedeng  bigyan ng isa pang pagkakataon para patunayan na "nagkamali" lang  BUT if may infidelity ulit  na mangyari  thats  the time na iiwanan ko si husband ..

[Girltalker2]

They were like pigs pala sa stag party. Nakakahiya maging asawa ang ganyan. No, definitely not acceptable.

Pov ko dito, kahit pa walang nangyari, a bunch of men enjoying to see girls stripping naked - this alone to me is bothering. Una una, it shows how they disrespect women (kasama ka na doon). All the more na sleeping around with them? Baka may makuha pang sakit iyan, kadiri sumiping.

Idk what to do if I'm in that situation. But looking at it as an outsider, ayoko at Hindi acceptable iyan.

[yannuh]

hindi acceptable sken 'to. nandidiri ako habang iniisip ko at unforgivable ata for me. nagkaroon na ko ng trust issues before with him so if maulit pa, ako na yung may mali dun. whether sobrang lasing nya or aware sya sa mga nangyayari, hindi dapat tinotolerate ang mga ganitong bagay. mas lalakas pa ang loob nila ulitin ang ganito if pagbibigyan.

[ikaela]

Eh, no big deal. For me, my husband, or any of my closest friends really. But these are people who are smart enough to know that there are rules, number one of which is to never, ever go without a condom when it comes to strippers. I mean, who wants a wholesome bachelor/bachelorette party, anyway? Where's the fun in that?

Going to strip clubs is fun! It's exploring and indulging your sexual side, which is all a natural part of being human. There's no degrading or disrespecting -- if there is any, it usually comes from the judge-y people. Just don't go to the cheap, seedy ones. Now those are just sad, and you end up feeling bad for those working there.

[khaleesiCersei]

No that's crossing the line na para sakin. I'm usually cool with anything pero if it involves sex, ay dun na ako nawawalan ng respect at gana. Baka gantihan ko pa siya and wala na kong pakelam kung maghiwalay kami.

[grrrlscout]

Hmm, sakin, ok lang ang not-so-wholesome na stag party. Ineencourage ko pa nga siya para naman ma-experience niya, hindi pa kasi daw siya nakakapasok sa strip clubs haha. I don't believe na mali yung mag appreciate ng magagandang bodies and I do it too. Pero ang kondisyon ko eh hanggang hawak lang siya sa chest ng girl dahil ayaw ko ng may exchange of bodily fluids dahil baka mahawa pa kami ng sakit.

If malaman ko na ganun ang ginawa niya and he kept it from me for so long, malaking away yun. At matagal niyang bubunuan yung respect at trust na mawawala sakin. At quota na siya sa pagkakamali. Next time na may mabalitaan man lang ako na nagpaacute siya sa iba, wala na, alis na ko.

[sarsingkit]

Yung exchange nila of bodily fluids ang mas maiisip ko before ko magawang magalit. Lol. I have been to gay bars, mostly on bachelorette parties din pero hindi sumagi sa isip ko makipagsex sa mga boys dun. Hawak? Yes, customary na yung sa mga private bachelorette parties, but sex, no. Hehe.

How long was this? I'd say think back and try to analyze yung dynamics ng marriage nyo after that occurred. Nagbago ba sya? Mukha bang uulitin nya? If my husband did that to me 5 years ago, I'd be pissed for a bit but I certainly won't throw a fit. I'm saying this because, wala naman nagbago sa pagsasama namin in the past years so from that I understand that it was momentary. Saka sa asawa ko, basta magalit ako ng isang beses, hindi na nya inuulit bec ganon ako magalit, isang beses lang. =)

[izabelle]

It will be an ISSUE for me not because nakipag sex but because ngayon ko lang nalaman? kasi kung "wala lang" sa isang tao ang ganyan bagay then he should have been honest enough. Ayokong ayoko kasi ng may hindi sinasabi sa akin. Feeling ko kapag  ganon e guilty na alam nyang mali ginawa nya.

But then hindi ko naman hihiwalayan because of that, kasi nangyari naman before the marriage. Ibang usapan kapag kasal na tsaka gumawa ng ganon.

[j.adore]

Ah just to clarify, these instances were from friends/officemates who have had such parties and yes, they used condoms. My husband opted out of this before our wedding.

ri-anne, what if mga kapatid naman yung mga yun? I also read in some threads here na may mga wives hirap idetach yung husband sa bad influences lalo kung matagal nang mga kabarkada yung friends.

pinklilac, it is iffy to hear na "one last hurrah" yun kasi kung prior marriage eh kaya gawin, what more during?

Girltalker2, kaya may statement na "men are like pigs" but I've read a study saying men are like this because they do not have intimacies growing up (blame the society expecting them to be manly daw).
Well what if after naman eh good provider, faithful husband, great father etc. pero watches porn or looks at women every now and then? Not addict level iba na kasi yun eh. And maybe attends stag parties pa din to look only? Dapat di na lang nagasawa?

Definitely for women this is not ok kasi nakakabastos but damn bat sa mga lalaki ok lang.

yannuh, so you'll leave your husband? What if may kids? Yun usually staying factor.

ikaela, you're unique It's ok since it's a party and these are paid women? Not ok lang if with women in the circles like office mates etc.?

khaleesiCersei, not sex so touching is ok?

grrrlscout, same question, touching lang? Like pwede your husband will touch the girl and vice versa?

sarsingkit, hehe diri factor ano
This isn't me but I feel for the wives kasi usually hindi ok ang ganito.

izabelle, how long after the deed is acceptable for you?



I know some female bride-to-be na todo post in FB (quotes etc.) na pinagbabawalan nila fiances to have stag parties. So in a way, alam din na nangyayari nga ang mga ganito?

Nobody tells the now-wives kung ano nangyari. If it did and you know about it, dapat ba sabihin sa kanila? I saw another thread here on a similar note tapos karamihan ng feedback eh wag makialam at hayaan in due time malalaman din. "Walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag".

[Girltalker2]

Well what if after naman eh good provider, faithful husband, great father etc. pero watches porn or looks at women every now and then? Not addict level iba na kasi yun eh. And maybe attends stag parties pa din to look only? Dapat di na lang

Attend stag parties... For his friend dapat di ba, not to look at women?

Iba kasi yung parang gustong gusto mag watch. It is still degrading. Hindi ba?

You have a wife naman if you wanna see? Hindi ba? Or if you're a guy, mas feel mo bastusin ibang babae? Idk...

ikaela, you're unique It's ok since it's a party and these are paid women? Not ok lang if with women in the circles like office mates etc.?

Ya, quite different. So okay lang makipagsex kahit kanino ang Husband or ang wife kasi they are just enjoying their sexuality?

And since it is a casual sex thing, and it doesn't mean anything naman, so if hubby and wife goes to a very classy strip bar, ok lang mag check in si hubby with the stripper while the wife watches them do the deed?

Sorry just asking how it works as this is totally new to me.

khaleesiCersei, not sex so touching is ok?

grrrlscout, same question, touching lang? Like pwede your husband will touch the girl and vice versa?

So... It is like touching a dog? Ganun?

Parang ang pervert naman ng dating.

So if he touches an officemate or your sister (if they're willing), okay lang din?

sarsingkit, hehe diri factor ano
This isn't me but I feel for the wives kasi usually hindi ok ang ganito.

Yun nga, how can you make love with someone na alam mo sumisiping sa iba? Nakaka turn on ba yun?

[grrrlscout]

j adore, Yes, ok lang sakin ang touching sa chest only. Kasi walang exchange of bodily fluids dun. Haha! Ayaw ko na ng kissing at hawak down there. Baka may malipat pa sa kanya at nag fri-freak out talaga ako sa possibility nun. Hindi ko pa naconsider if okay sakin na hawakan siya. Baka hindi. Kasi sa fiance ko may tiwala ako at alam kong marunong siya magcontrol sa sarili niya, but I can't say the same for the girl. Then again, kahit ano naman gawin niya, if my partner chooses to be truthful to our agreement, wala naman mangyayari.

Girltalker2. It's not perverted for me. Sexual curiosity is natural. You probably have to know siguro the kind of person you're with. I've been with my partner for almost 11 years, and I know na hindi siya pervert. And if i-take up man niya yung sinabi ko na hawak lang sa chest (and if he does, I know he feels comfortable enough to tell me about it), I know him enough to be aware na it's because he just wants to experience it at hanggang dun na lang yun. Sa part ng girl, sa akin kasi it's a job like any other. It's separate from who she really is. Just like being a professional wrestler doesn't make you a violent person, being a hired escort doesn't make you a nympho or like a dog. Officemates and sisters are of course a different matter. Hindi na job yun ng girls at kaloka naman magvolunteer sila ng mga boobs nila for my fiance's pleasure.

[sarsingkit]

Sa part ng girl, sa akin kasi it's a job like any other. It's separate from who she really is. Just like being a professional wrestler doesn't make you a violent person, being a hired escort doesn't make you a nympho or like a dog.

Agree. There are people who just wants to make a living. Ang ironic how women fight for feminism pero they can not accept that there are women who actually want to sell themselves. Hey, pornstars get awards too just like the Oscars. Haha.

Nobody tells the now-wives kung ano nangyari. If it did and you know about it, dapat ba sabihin sa kanila? I saw another thread here on a similar note tapos karamihan ng feedback eh wag makialam at hayaan in due time malalaman din. "Walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag".

Personally, I'd stay out of it. It is not my story to tell. I've been good friends na with the wives of hubby's friends, and kahit close ako sa kanila parang hindi ko pa rin kayang sabihin if ever may alam ako.

[khaleesiCersei]

Touching a hired prostitute at a stag party is ok for me,hangang touch lang, Pero i agree with our other sis here, ayoko din ng may exchange of bodily fluids. Nadiddiri din ako. So i would let touching of the boobs and other parts pass except the vajayjay eiw na yun.. So my rules are no touching down there, no kissing and definitely no sex.  Kasi ako, if i had a not so wholesome hen party, i would want to have a little fun too, like if gwapo at physically fit yung hired guy i would want to touch his biceps and abs Lol! And maybe sit on his lap pa for a while hehe. Pero hangang don lang so i would expect na my husband din, dapat alam niya din ang limit niya.

[yannuh]

^parang mahirap na iallow sina hubby na ganun, parang mas matetempt sila kasi may mga pwede at hindi sila pwedeng gawin e.

J.adore, yes siguro i will leave my husband even if we already have kids. Sa simula pa lang ng relationship alam nya kung ano ang stand ko sa mga ganyang bagay. And besides, hindi ko na din alam kung paano pa ko makikitungo sa kanya after neto. Baka araw araw ko lang ipamuka sa kanya yung nangyari and never na kami magkasundo. So kahit magkasama kami sa bahay at puru pagtatalo lang, parang wala na din. Might as well maghiwalay na lang.

[caterpillar-girl]

Would it matter if I found out that my husband slept with a stripper before our wedding? Of course! What kind of man sleeps with another woman, whether stripper or not, before his wedding? Definitely not the kind of man I thought he was. It's deceit, plain and simple.

I would probably ask for some time apart from each other to reevaluate myself and our marriage. I honestly don't know what I would do so I wouldn't say I would automatically ask for a separation but I also don't know if I can forgive it. Or at least get past it.

Now does it matter if my husband goes to stag parties in strip clubs? Nope. Not at all. He can look but he can't touch. He can manage that I think. He's not some horny hormonal teenager who can't control himself.

[Girltalker2]

Personally, I'd stay out of it. It is not my story to tell. I've been good friends na with the wives of hubby's friends, and kahit close ako sa kanila parang hindi ko pa rin kayang sabihin if ever may alam ako.

If it was your hubby, do you prefer his friends' wives would also keep it from you?

Hey, pornstars get awards too just like the Oscars. Haha.

Good point, so my next question naman is how different are porn stars from strippers?

Now does it matter if my husband goes to stag parties in strip clubs? Nope. Not at all. He can look but he can't touch. He can manage that I think. He's not some horny hormonal teenager who can't control himself.

It really boils down to him. Dapat alam nya what would hurt/not hurt your marriage. otherwise, Hindi pa sya handa mag asawa but he went into it anyway.

He's not some horny hormonal teenager who can't control himself.

Spot on.

One of the conclusions I therefore see :
hubbues shouldn't be there for us to control. He should really have a discerning heart with the same morals and values as you. Whatever that is. Para in the end, lagi kayo magkasundo.

[ikaela]

^Perfect conclusion, Girtalker2. Having the same values, understanding/trusting each other, knowing each other's needs -- those are the things needed for something like this to work. Also add in having an open, healthy, and respectful view of sex. Hindi pwede manyaks or even pa-relihiyoso types, because those tend to be even more repressed and perverted. Sila pa minsan yung grabe dumisrespeto -- hindi lang nagsisimba, mababa na agad tingin nila; lalo na kung adult entertainers.

[sarsingkit]

^^I can not really say a preference here but personally I would not mind if my friends won't tell me. Most of us are already married and we all know how hard the situation must be to know something like that. Kung nanyari na, this is a situation that I have to deal with my husband only and not anyone outside of my marriage.

I guess pornstars used to be strippers before getting to the porn industry. I belive porn makes more money kasi diba dun ka sisikat. It's just like any other job.