I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My dad was a womanizer. I for one have witnessed some of his "deeds" with other women. Whereas my mom is a miserable woman who loathes my dad. She stayed in their marriage daw dahil gusto niya yung tatay namin magpa-aral sa amin. The result was, they often bicker or fight in front of us, and my mom lashes out on us, her children. She has been through tough times as well during during her younger days. Yung tipong puro away sa pamilya, verbal abuse, etc. So laging sumbat niya sa amin is siya daw ang dahilan kung bakit nakapagtapos kami lahat and maganda mga buhay namin. Kung di daw dahil sa pagtitiis niya sa tatay namin, wala daw lahat yun. All throughout my childhood, she would remind us how "lucky" we are.
This is our childhood and current situation:
-2 of us "abused" by our maternal grandfather. (too vile to enter the details here). Me, for about 7 years total. My other sister, not sure how long. Because we used to live near our ancestral home.
-puro mura sa bahay. Almost everyday, nakakatanggap ako ng mura. And pag pinalo, hindi lang 5 minutes ng latigo. Around 15-20 minutes that I'm often left with scars and wounds.
-my mom always reminds my younger sister na "pinapa-abort" daw siya dati, pero "nainis" daw siya doon sa doctor dahil hindi naman pala abortifacient yung pinainom sa kanya. So kapag nakukulitan siya sa sister ko when we were kids, she would often say that. And sasabihin pa niya, dapat hindi na lang daw siya binuhay. Up to now, pinapaalala pa rin niya sa sister ko, lalo na pag nagkakasagutan sila.
-she tells me the same. That I'm soo ugly, and that ako lang pangit sa amin. Na anak lang ako, kaya niya ako sirain or itakwil. Wala daw ako kwentang anak. HANGGANG NGAYON, ito sinasabi sa akin. This is because I married against their advise. I was 28 when I married, on the peak of my financial success. And by the way, after I got married, even up to now, I still support them financially, even if they have money. I've given them millions, bought them cars, whatever they asked me and yet they call me walang kwenta and walang malasakit. To think they were mocking me, insulting me and saying hurtful words before I became successful. And never once did they ask if I needed help or whatever. I did it all on my own after I graduated. On my wedding day they ignored my husband's family and were even making side comments to other guests. And ang pinaka- the best, my mom kept lecturing me and telling me how negligent and ungrateful I was on the day itself.
-you will never win when you argue with her, even when she's OBVIOUSLY on the wrong side. My sister had a mild stroke when she gave birth and was asking for some consideration from her post-partum and she responds "Huwag ka mag-inarte. Isa pa lang inanak mo, ako tatlo. Alam ko lahat yan kaya tumigil ka"
-the WORSE. I was crying when I confided to her the abuse that HER FATHER/my grandfather has done to me for years, she looked like she could care less (I told her about 5 years ago). She even told my husband "Nangyari din sa akin yan. Normal lang na nangyayari yan. Di ko nga alam kung anong iniiyak niyan!"
I've had enough. Although I live very far from them, I've considered cutting ties with my parents. Sadly, I may be rich financially but family-wise, I'm like, penniless. I don't think my mom ever loved me nor my siblings.
By the way, my mom mentioned to my siblings that she's been planning to leave my dad. Matagal na daw niyang gustong iwan kung di lang daw dahil sa pag-aaral namin. Sabi pa "Yan ang ganti ko sa kanya sa lahat ng ginawa niya. At para kayo na ang bahala sa kanya. Kayo naman dapat ang magdusa."
I seldom answer back, seldom argue with them. Tinanggap ko lahat all the hurtful and demeaning words from them. Lahat ng sumbat, etc etc.
Although I've sought counseling, I also want to read your opinions. When is it time to cut ties with family members? What reasons are valid to do so?
Thanks.
