@myjourney88 and CH, parang pareho situation ko with myjourney. I've shared din somewhere in this thread about my work dilemma.
I've always believed before, if you're not happy na with your work, just look for another one. Easier said than done, especially at 40+.
Minsan iniisip ko nalang na these things are temporary. And eventually in time, everything will fall into place.
With my current work, minsan nakakawala ng confidence kasi the boss (not all) treat you badly. But people know he is generally mean. Pag nag one on one feedback session naman kami, he would say positive things naman. So in this aspect, minsan napapaisip ako. Maybe something wrong with how I view his words, actions etc?
Second, lagi nya pinapaboran yung isang mas bata na staff. eh Yung mas bata na staff nauna sakin sa company. But when I joined, I took over what she and the boss is doing. 2 heads sila, ako Isa Lang at baguhan pa. Pa petiks petiks lang sila. And I shoulder everything, kasi sabi ng boss I need to do to learn etc etc. Fine. But there are some instances (madalas) na I work like hell 70 hours then makikita mo nag s surf lang yung boss mo. Nakakainis di ba? Tapos if may tanong yung mas bata na staff, the boss would take lengths in explaining. Pag ako, since senior daw ako, I figure it out daw. To think ang dami ko need gawin and on top of that need to ask around or take the longer route to learn on my own, which adds on to my hours. Bullies? It took me some time to realize. Minsan iniisip ko, now lang... Then babait ulit boss ko. Then ganun ulit. Cycle... Pero knowing how forgiving I am, at wala naman akong choice kasi I need the job, sige lang.
So I thought to myself, maybe I have to learn how to understand my boss the way this younger staff does. Maybe kulang ako sumipsip or something. It's been a year, pareho pa din. I just keep on trying kasi wala din naman akong pupuntahan or lilipatan.
What compounds my problem is this younger staff. Call her Z. Nung lumipat Si Z ng department (recently Lang), parang nabunutan ako ng tinik kasi my boss often compares me to her how great she is blah blah blah. Eh natural, protégée nya, he explains to her everything. Tapos pagdating sakin, walang time boss ko or ipa explain /turnover ng boss ko kay Z Yung trabaho. Worse, walang documentation. Bara Bara lang Pag turnover ni Z at wala daw sya time, never helpful at laging sasabihin sayo, basta tingnan mo lang ang code sa Kabila but she will never tell you why, the logic etc. I would just figure it out later on my own. Now that Z moved to another role, I heard nag c complain yung ka department nya na lahat na good projects daw kay Z binibigay at feel nya na etsa puera ibang tao in their group. Same thing as I felt when I worked with her. So I just realised today, maybe it's not me. Maybe it's her. But at the same time, something in me to develop din - how to strengthen my alliance to my boss (whoever he/she will be).
Sir CH, I remember some things youve said, to look at the situation and analyse it. Of course I barely had the time to do this kasi nga lagi subsob ako sa deadlines. But lately nga napaisip ako. Wala din naman akong mapapala by gossiping, whining and complaining, mag simangot etc in the past, I've always kept my cool but you see it on my face talaga my mood. But because of these discussions (a few pages back), I try to bring more positive things muna. @myjourney, not sure if it helps you, but for me, I just rise up again and again. I go home down, then I pray at night and mornings. Try to keep a positive attitude as much as I could. I also started talking to people and giving them my attention instead of facing the computer while talking to them haha (Super busy nga kasi as in walang time to eat lunch or even retouch makeup or even going to the toilet itself!) but I realize having a positive aura makes life a lot easier for me. Ignore the negativities (mahirap gawin), sometimes andyan na for the day but I try to start my day fresh and renewed again each time. This is how I do it for now. Habang naghahanap pa ng ibang work.
Sorry napahaba. Just need to air this out. Kaya nga at some point, I was looking for a jade eh, coz I really felt the heaviness and burden on this job.