Pregnancy depression

[Banff]

Hello im 14 weeks pregnant and suffering from antenatal depression. I suddenly feel very sad for no reason. Ang bigat ng feeling. Sobrang lungkot at iiyak nalang ako. Then may anxiety attacks pa. This happens everyday. One min ok ako. Next umiiyak. Walang gana sa buhay. In not like this. Im a happy person tapos during my 14th week ayun! Is it just hormones? Will it ever go away? Para akong loka loka. Anyone who successfully overcame this?

[nicoletta]

^ Well, I have always been slightly negative (I always remind myself no one can be that happy all the time right?) so I am thinking what I felt during pregnancy was just normal.  Add to that the hormonal changes we have to go through, and the stress siguro of the what lies ahead and the physical changes din na suka suka pa or hilo.  I'm not saying it's completely normal because if you feel that something is not right, that you should go ask your OB baka you need counselling.

Biglaan ba pregnancy?

[coco_cola]

Sis Banff, I've had anxiety disorder years before I got pregnant. And I see myself having occasional mild relapses evey now and then, especially now that I am pregnant (first pregnancy). But their mostly irrational fears, medical related. I'm a bit hypochondriac too. Especially when I was bed rested. From being an active woman, it was really really hard. But I'm getting better now especially when my bed rest was lifted.

In your case, pwedeng hormonal din. But you have to dig deep and process your emotions on why you are feeling depressed and anxious. Like what are the reasons so you can address your feelings. Talk to your partner, family, or friends.

You can mention this to your OB naman.

[Banff]

Thanks mga sis for your input. My ob says its hormonal and it will pass. Im ok one min then irrational fear sets in and you cant shake the feeling. Yes it happened when bedrest ako, being injected with hormones and suka ng suka. Till now nauseous pa rin. I just pray. Hoping it would pass soon

[nicoletta]

^ How are you?  Some get postpartum depression naman due to stress that comes with having a newborn.  Hope you are able to cope with what's ahead.

[coco_cola]

^Actually, I'm afraid that I will have that too, considering my anxiety during my pregnancy. Hope I will be able to manage post partum.

I'm currently 35+4 weeks, what do I need to prepare for me to manage post partum effects. Makakatulong ba if I ask my mom to stay with us for say a week or so?

[MedChic]

How are mga sis?

Depression may be due to a lot of things. Hindi pa nga tayo pregnant may mga mood swings na eh. Ngayong napakainit ng panahon, lalong nakakadepress. Better compose yourself more kasi mas common ang post partum depression. Keep up a positive outlook. Kaya ninyo yan!

Sis coca_cola, if your mom is the type if mom na super supportive and kind of nasspoil ka, it will definitely a big help. Pero yung mga makukulit na mom, like who wants to be mom na din for baby.. Baka makadagdag stress. Pinakamakakatulong sa inyo, shempre.. Husband. Dalawa kayong pregnant.. Please remember. Or remind him. Hehe. Baka nakakalimutan din niya.

[coco_cola]

^Thanks sis.

My husband is the best. He's the only person that keeps my sanity intact. He makes me feel grounded at all times.

Yes spoiled ako with my mom. Back kasi ang pagka hypochondriac ko mag manifest ka baby so baka need ko ng motherly expertise. Hehe

[engr_neechee]

I felt that way when I was pregnant too. 

Kahit kasi married na kami noon for more than a year, hindi pa sana namin plano magbaby.  Ang daming tumatakbo noon sa isip ko.  How to pay for the mortgage, gastusin sa gamit ng bata, delivery.  Nasabay kasi sa construction noon ng bahay na ang fund eh through the kindness of my parents.  Dagdag pa na noong panahon na yan eh naiimpluwensiyahan ng mga atheist ang asawa ko, kaya wala akong masandalan na may masasabi sa aking matino. 

I even kept on counting back pano ako nabuntis kasi nga we were controlling through calendar method.  Bilang ako nang bilang pabalik and asking God, "Why?" Sabi ko pa noon, "God, ang hinihingi ko better paying job eh gastos tong binigay mo."

[Banff]

Hi mga sis!
Im now 31 weeks and the depression is still there. It is not a situational type of sadness coz i was happy naman with the pregnancy. All of a sudden lang on week 14 its as if someone turned off a switch in my brain. My symptoms are:

Unexplained sadness - no reason pero sobrang sad ko. I have a good life, great kids, great hubby, no problems BUT im sad! I cry out of sadness for no reason!!! When i see my kids i cry!! Parang lahat ng happiness manifests into sadness

Anxiety attacks

Insomia

Feeling numb emotionally - i just cant feel happy! Maski happy occasion i feel sad. Its so weird! When i see my kids its as if im looking at strangers kids. Wala akong emotions

No feelings for the unborn baby

Loss of interest in the things i used to like

I read baka clinical depression ( chemical / hormonal imbalance na ) na ito.

Went to a psychiatrist coz i cant take the unexplained sadness / despair ( mental torture ) anymore, she gave me anti depressants. But i didnt take them.
My ob ayaw din ako mag take ng anti depressants. He said its pregnancy related / hormonal and will go away on its own.

So now im suffering from these weird moods waiting for the baby to pop out and PRAYING / HOPING. That the old happy me will return. And NO post partum depression.
I can barely function and i feel guilty im failing my kids. They dont understand why i cry and why im so sad! ( kasi wala naman reason [textspeak!] cep for hormonal imbalance! )

I will understand pa if i have financial problems or matital problems but my life is good! Kaya i feel im goung crazy. And parang no one has experienced this while pregnant thats why walang nakakarelate.

People just say pray, think positive snap out of it. How can u snap out of something that doesnt have a cause?!
So frustrated lang. I want to feel normal again. And hoping to reach out who has experienced this.
Iba if the sadness is caused by a situation ( complicated pregnancy, stress, problems at work etc... ) tan kaya ma get over
Pero kung hormonal imbalance? Sakit na ba to? Or it will go away once the baby pops out?

[Banff]

Oh i forgot to add i almost strangled my 5yo son coz extreme rage. Any loud shouting noise sets me off. Hindi na normal yan diba? Was wondering who has been thru this?

Again my ob knows all these and hes confident it will go away without meds

[millecent]

Hugs sis...i know this feeling and it's the worst most horrible feeling emotion that you can't shake it off! I did not see any psych yet kasi lahat fully booked and di ba kasama sa hmo coverage.

[junetwentythree]

Just going to ^ this thread so that sisses who might know how to help Banff and millecent can help. I'm not a mother so I can't be of much help but I understand the severity of clinical depression and so I'm hoping someone can assist. 

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

ayoko sana iopen yung thread kasi baka bumalik nanaman sakin lahat kasi i was deeply depressed nung buntis ako. parang i still remember you nga sis engr_neechee,  pareho tayo preggy and depressed noon.

sis Banff and sis millecent, I feel you. I had really ugly thoughts that time. I was just wishing hindi mabuhay, or kinoconsider ko ipaampon, ibigay sa nanay ko, magsuicide, etc. etc. Just like you sis Banff everyone was supportive of my pregnancy pero even though I was aware of it, it did not help me at all.

Alam ng OB ko lahat ng nararamdaman/iniisip ko. Di naman niya ako nirefer sa psychologist/psychiatrist pero mahaba ang sessions ko sa OB, umaabot isang oras, pinapakwento lang niya ako ng pinapakwento ano nararamdaman ko.

I got into labor at 32weeks and pinipigilan pa sana panganganak ko but on my 2nd night at the hospital, di ako matigil sa kaiiyak, kaya pinatulog ako. The next day nanganak akong tulog, NSD hehe.

I thought din dederetso sa post partum pero baby was born premature, hindi na depression naramdaman ko kundi guilt, self-blame. I cried nonstop. Eh I was alone sa bahay kaya lagi ko tinatawagan asawa ko at nanay ko. When I visit baby sa NICU, ganun ulit todo iyak. What helped me deal with the sadness was breastfeeding/pumping even though I have no plans of doing so. Ewan ko ba, I just feel better after pumping/latching. I am not pressuring anyone to breastfeed, just sharing my experience.

[Banff]

thank you sis junetwentythree for bumping this thread.

Sis Millicent,  how do you cope? hirap noh? hirap na hirap na ako. Ang weird ng feeling na palagi kang malungkot for no reason! Im such a happy bubbly person kaya I cannot imagine what is happening to me!! im just praying na hindi ito tumuloy to post partum. Tiis lang. Sis I went to psychologists, and psychiatrists na. I finally stopped kasi pareho lang naman sinasabi nila.

Psychologist: its prenatal depression. You can choose to take meds ( anti depressants ) but from her experience, nawawala daw ito after birth. Again... TIIS. some lucky ones , it disappears before birth. but usually daw it disappears after birth pa.

Psychiatrist :  automatic they will prescribe you the anti depressants na. That's their job eh.

so its really up to you , depends on the severity of the depression if you need drugs or not

personally i dont want to take it coz maski paano may risk pa rin sa baby. so yes its torture. yes i cry. yes im suffering every single day. As you said its a feeling you cannot shake off. It helps to talk talk talk about it and i download articles of women who has successfully come out of this with NO post partum depression.
also i read placenta encapsulation helps prevent PND... Though here sa country natin medyo unheard off.
Im also seeing an alternative medicine doctor who will prescribe natural remedies to combat PND... mukang magaling naman cya. Now kasi limited ang medication kasi preggy eh

how many weeks ka na sis? how are you coping? what are your symptoms? super lungkot? what did your ob say?
mine talga says its hormonal and doesnt want to give me meds. He really is confident it will go away.


Sis ishopnowfeelguiltylater   thank you for sharing your experience. were you also super sad for no reason during pregnancy?   nawala lang after lumabas si baby?  how is your lil one na? big na cya?  so NO post partum depression for you pero its more of guilt na?   Did you feel love / bonded with baby after birth? So glad to hear that your a survivor.

sana more positive stories out there. its really dark in here.

thank you

[millecent]

Hi sis Banff - I am now 6 mos post partum. I experience this naman post partum.

I believe it gets better with time. True mahirap sya it robs you off of the happiness that a new mom should feel. Ako naman I cried only three times. First nung sinabi na we need to deliver my baby prematurely at 31 weeks. Second was when I saw him in NICU and third was the first night out of the hospital.
 
May mga times pa rin na feeling ko mawawala ako or my mind will snap pero iilan na lang yung ganung episode. Ayoko ko rin sana mag antidepressants. Kasi hindi naman ako literally sad may ugly worst feeling lang inside na indi ko ma explain and ma express and indi ko kayang iwasan o itigil.

I think what help me in a way is when I get back to work and my in laws help us with the baby.

I'm still open though to seeing a psychotheraphy. Gusto ko sana theraphy muna bago meds... I also read success stories sa baby center na OK naman sila sa meds and they are now back to their old self.

I believe I am now 80% back to my old self. Hugs sissies...

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

after I posted narealize ko baka instead of helping makadagdag pa ako sa feeling of depression ninyo. i honestly hope na hindi.

were you also super sad for no reason during pregnancy?  - YES! sobra daw, according to my husband. Kasi ngayon medyo di ko na masyado maalala.
 
nawala lang after lumabas si baby? - not immediately kasi baby had to stay sa NICU. Initially hindi masabi ng doc how many days/weeks siya sa NICU. Buti 11 days lang, akala ko kung ilang weeks kulang niya yun din stay niya sa NICU.

how is your lil one na? big na cya?  - she's a happy kid kahit dahil sa sobrang lungkot ko nung buntis ako feeling ko lalabas siyang pangit at kunot noo. before kami lumabas sa hospital i told her, let's promise each other na di na tayo babalik ulit sa hospital. so far, so good.

so NO post partum depression for you pero its more of guilt na? - I believe so, yes. Parang there were things I needed to do, I have to take care of myself and my baby. Mas nangibabaw na agad yung maternal instinct. 

Did you feel love / bonded with baby after birth? - YES! di ko hinahayaang umiyak at lagi kong kadikit. di pa kami nagkakahiwalay ng matagal. in a way kasi feeling ko I have to make up for those days we were not together dahil she got left behind in the hospital. The things I used to enjoy, di na ganun kasaya if I'm not with her. Malayo lang ako ng isang gabi sa kanya super namimiss ko siya. 

Looking back, natatawa na lang ako sa ugly thoughts ko nung buntis ako. The tears, the worries parang ang tagal na nun, yung feeling na ages ago pa nangyari yun. I know you will find it hard to believe now but you'll get past this.

Naalala ko nung nasa hospital ako na di matigil sa kaiiyak, yung nakaantabay dun na doctor, inuulit ulit niya sakin in a malumanay and concerned voice: "hang in there, hang in there..." hanggang ngayon pagnapapagod ako inaalala ko lang yun.

[Banff]

Mga sis first of all sobrang thank you for replying and sharing your personal stories. Ang laking tulong na may nakakarelate. Medyo dark na kasi thoughts ko and it doesnt help na ang feeling ko na ako lang nag iisa sa kalagayN na ito. Lahat kasi ng mga buntis na kasama ko sobrang happy sobrang excited at ako naman malungkot. Medyo naweweirdohan na din sa akin yun iba kasi baket hindi ako masaya. ( depression is a thief of joy talaga. I hate it ) .
 
Sis Millicent im glad to hear your getting better and better. Seems to me your on your way to recovery. Im sorry you had to go thru PPD. Psychotherapy and CBT i heard has good results for mild to moderate depression. ( if suicidal dapat meds ). If i may recommend, theres this good alternative doc. Si dr. Rex Gloria of Royal Preventive Clinic. He deals with hormonal issues. ( pregnancy is one huge ball of hormones ). People go to him for post partum prevention etc., anxiety attacks, menopause etc.. Safe and herbal mga perscribe nya. Super daming patients nya. He can recommend something to combat PPD. Im not allowed kasi to take anything coz preggy. Try mo cya.

Sis ishopnowfeelguiltylater
Your story gave me hope and encouragement to fight another day. Thank you so much for telling us about your ordeal. Grabe scary to have your child in Nicu. Nakakaworry [textspeak!]. So glad to know that shes very ok and is a happy lil girl. Sulit ang paghihirap mo. Its also amazing with the stress you went thru hindi tumuloy to PPD. And ang sarap pakinggan na pag labas ni baby nag bond agad kayo ( despite the stress ). Takot kasi ako pag labas ng baby ko , manhid pa rin ako
Thank you for patiently answering my questions too. Relief [textspeak!] to know na meron din pala na dumaan dito. May i ask tips on how you COPE?

Ano ginawa mo nung tinatamaan ka ng lungkot? Tiis lang?

Natakot ka ba sa mga feelings mo?

Did you ever feel na yun tipong lahat ng hilig mo, interest mo sa buhay biglang nawala? Parang walang gana sa lahat? Ano ang ginagawa mo during these times? ( ako kasi mahilig mag decorate, bake, play with my kids. Now wala akng emotions when i look at my kids kaya i feel so guilty also. Manhid. Walang gana )

Tinitiis ko nalang lahat until lumabas si baby. Sana nga bumalik "ako" kasi ayoko na maging malungkot for no reason.

Thank you again mga sis

[ishopnowfeelguiltylater]

Hi sis! To be honest, I was not actively trying to "cope" during those times. Parang ineembrace ko pa nga yung sadness, if there is such a thing. Like no one would understand, no one really cares what I'm going through. Basta, awang awa ako sa sarili ko. That maybe I was not born for this but felt sorry for myself dahil hindi legal ang abortion dito sa bansa.

Parang lumalala pa pag nakikita ko yung ibang preggy sa FB feed ko na pampered, taking photos ng progress ng pregnancy, blooming, seemingly prepared for this. Siguro if you feel this way too better avoid social media. Yung mga nakakatulong lang sakin yung fellow pregnant friends ko who are really honest about the experience--specially those who said na kahit anong supportive ng husband mo iba pa rin talaga ang hirap na dinadaanan ng isang babae. This sounds ugly to me now pero during those times, I only felt better pag yung mga kasabayan kong buntis nagkakaproblema. Parang dun ako natututong magcount ng blessings ko. But then sadness creeps up on me again and I have to do it all over again.

As a first time mom tingin ko never na mababalik yung dating ako. Wala na talaga akong interest sa mga dati kong kinahihiligan like reading, even watching a movie pilit na lang para lang masabing may husband-wife bonding pa kami. Hehe. I know dapat we go out once a week for a date pero we're so far looking at twice a year! But just like me, yung husband ko inaalala na lagi yung anak namin, so sa bahay na lang kami magspend ng alone time pagtulog si baby, or isama si baby sa lakad kahit nakakapagod. Dati talaga di ako mapakali sa bahay but now, more than happy ako to not have to go out of the house hehe.

Natakot ako sa feelings ko, pero mas nakakatakot yung pinaplano kong actions to solve my problems. Buti na lang may pumipigil pa rin sakin, yung konsensiya ko.

[Banff]

Sis gets na gets ko yun mga sinasabi mo. The sadness , the not wanting the baby , sobrang hindi ko rin maintindihan baket yan ang mga feelings ko. And yes fb doesnt help kasi hindi ako happy glowing preggy mom. Im just so gloomy. I never knew hormones could be so powerful.
Sis ganon din ako before, happy to be at home with my babies. Hindi na ako shoppaholic, stressed and busy BUT happy and content. Pero when this depression hit, pati gana ko sa mga bata nawala. Especially for this baby. Tapos d ko kaya wala hubby ko. Dapat palagi cya sa house. Ang weird diba?

Kaya im very grateful sa pag share mo na for you, once lumabas baby mo, umalis na din si unexplained sadness ( ofcourse having a newborn in nicu is really a cause for worry ).  And your back to normal. Ang biggest fear ko kasi hindi na ako magiging normal. But thanks for the hope.

During your dark pregnancy days, wala kang gana to do anything? Watch tv, get a massage, go out with friends? Parang.... Meh. Sad , anxiety attacks , ayaw sa baby ( kakaguilty ), ? Grabe to think tiniis mo lahat yon.