Work or Family???

[gelitorres]

hi sis mgavsantos! if you have other means to provide for your family, then you can resign. but think it through first. you have to weigh your options because we are working for our families. Are you working abroad ba?

[beanpipe]

Hi sis mgavsantos, i totally feel for you. ganyang ganyan din ang naramdaman ko nung dumating si baby last year. sis, kung yung ang sinasabi ng heart mo, do it. I know that it's possible. Mahirap, oo, pero possible. 

Share ko lang sayo yung experience namin. Si husband kasi, OFW ang dad nya. Halos buong growing up years nya e nasa ibang bansa si papa. Ako naman e lumaki sa lola ko. wala din si parents. Kaya nung nagkaanak kami e nagdecide kami na gagawin namin lahat para andon kami sa mga special events sa buhay nya. We both work from home now. Medyo mahirap yung transition and may times na talagang tight ang budget pero naitatawid padin. Sobrang happy lang namin kasi andon kami to witness her 1st crawl, 1st word, 1st smile etc. It's priceless, sis.

I know na hindi ito for everyone. May mga parents naman na gusto magwork outside talaga. And I respect their choice. If that's what makes them happy e gow lang. I would suggest sis, na you think about it. Ask yourself kung ano ba ang gusto mo (in your heart of hearts) Then go for it. If you want it bad enough, you'll be able to find a way to make it happen. Goodluck!

[twinxz]

@fionaapple
very inspiring sis! mala-MMK ang datingan ng lifestory nyo ng mom mo.

[AnneMP]

 For me, I really want to be around my daughter.  I want my husband to do the same.  I think family always comes first for us.  Work is important too.  But always work for the family. If work compromises the need of our children, then let that kind of work go.  There's always some kind of livelihood that you don't need to sacrifice your presence in your homes. 

I've encountered many families who had parents living away from their children.  Wala ang guidance kaya yung iba is napapariwara.  Not all parents have children who mature enough to understand or take care of themselves.  I don't mean na we have to smother them when we're around.  Parents just need to see to it that they have all the things they need to cope with everyday struggles.

PS.  I'm really inspired by @fionnaapple's mom. There is so much love for the daughter as well as the daughter for her mom. 

[fionaapple]

^thank you twinxz and AnneMP.

[FayeP]

sis mgavsantos, ako din minsan gusto ko na magresign lalo na pag sinasabi ng anak ko na wag ako pumasok kasi gusto nya ako makasama...ako ang breadwinner samin, walang work si hubby, 2 anak at may bahay na currently binayaran sa pagibig..un panganay ko mag start na mag aral next year talaga...kaya nalulungkot din ako pag ganun sinasabi ng anak ko..kun madami lang pera eh why not, explain ko na lang sa kanya kung bakit ako kelangan pumasok...


sis fionaapple, sis di ko to kineri...un nanay mo, she's exactly the kind of mother that I want to be for my children....thank you sa pagshare mo samin nito...after reading this, na-feel ko na kakayanin ko din lahat para sa mga anak ko...

[fionaapple]

^ your mom is a model Mom. To think sa panahon na iyon, Hindi pa gaano accepted din ang single mothers. It was a struggle being the Mom and dad as it is, dagdagan mo pa ng challenging environment etc.

And yes TS, take this story as an inspiration. Seeing your kid/s grow up well can give you more courage and fighting spirit to face life's battles.

^Girltalker2, that is true. di pa talaga accepted during that time. My mom's family is so traditional and old fashioned. They even tried to have my aborted through different methods, both illegal medicine and hilot, but none of them worked. When my mom's pregnancy continued, they hid her in a convent-run home for unwed mothers until she gave birth. They were so ashamed of what happened to my mom. 

I was born as a healthy baby girl. My mother's parents tried to have me adopted but my mom did not let that happen. She fought for me against all odds. Later, my grandparents learned to love me and, as I have said, they even helped my mom send me to school when she did not yet have the means.

Happy that our story inspired all of you to be better parents and to strive harder for your children.

^slightly off-topic UPDATE: Last weekend, we have moved in to our new townhouse with my mom. she continues to work as a 58-year old lawyer and is now very excited to be a new lola to the little baby in my tummy.

[simang]

Aww fionaapple :') Major cryfest naman ang story nyo ng mom mo. Makes me want to work harder for my kid and make her as proud as you are of your mom

[NotSameMe]

Single mom ka di ba? san ka kukuha ng pera para sa araw araw na gastusin nyo ng anak mo?

[cybelekronos]

sis fionaapple, naiyak naman ako, super hanga ako sa mom mo at syempre sayo.

@TS, hiwalay ako sa hub ko ng ilang taon na, mali ko lang nag resigned ako, at pinasagot ko sa kanya lahat ng expenses namin mag ina, now nagsisisi ako. sobrang mali yung decision ko.

kung kaya mo naman mag work at may mag babantay sa baby mo, mag work ka lang sis. as long as di mo pinabayaan ang anak mo, wala ka maririnig na sumbat sa kanya.

[fionaapple]

sis mgavsantos, ako din minsan gusto ko na magresign lalo na pag sinasabi ng anak ko na wag ako pumasok kasi gusto nya ako makasama...ako ang breadwinner samin, walang work si hubby, 2 anak at may bahay na currently binayaran sa pagibig..un panganay ko mag start na mag aral next year talaga...kaya nalulungkot din ako pag ganun sinasabi ng anak ko..kun madami lang pera eh why not, explain ko na lang sa kanya kung bakit ako kelangan pumasok...


sis fionaapple, sis di ko to kineri...un nanay mo, she's exactly the kind of mother that I want to be for my children....thank you sa pagshare mo samin nito...after reading this, na-feel ko na kakayanin ko din lahat para sa mga anak ko...

^sis, kaya mo yan. para sa mga anak mo. hindi naman siguro palaging walang work husband mo. or kahit wala siyang work, siya na lang sa gawaing bahay at pag aalaga ng mga anak. tulong tulong lang.

Aww fionaapple :') Major cryfest naman ang story nyo ng mom mo. Makes me want to work harder for my kid and make her as proud as you are of your mom

sis fionaapple, naiyak naman ako, super hanga ako sa mom mo at syempre sayo.

@TS, hiwalay ako sa hub ko ng ilang taon na, mali ko lang nag resigned ako, at pinasagot ko sa kanya lahat ng expenses namin mag ina, now nagsisisi ako. sobrang mali yung decision ko.

kung kaya mo naman mag work at may mag babantay sa baby mo, mag work ka lang sis. as long as di mo pinabayaan ang anak mo, wala ka maririnig na sumbat sa kanya.

^salamat simang, FayeP at cybelekronos, shinare ko yung story para ma-inspire ang mga working mothers.

[ghye]

TS Work or family? That had been my dilemma before also.  I had been with my old company for more than 10 years and I was still single then.  That time our company was just 20 minutes away from home.  When I got married and had a child, the company transferred location, 40 minutes to 1 hour travel time from home.  It came to my mind that the additional travel time of 30 minutes in the morning and another 30 minutes in the afternoon should be for my child.  I felt I'm being robbed of the time for my baby.  I was contemplating on resigning then especially that my husband only comes home 2x a month.  Lagi na ngang wala ang ama, ako naman maaga umaalis, late na nakakauwi.  I felt sorry for my son.  But I know I need to work for my son.  My husband's income would just be enough for our day to day and how about our future if I resign.  We still are paying our loans.
A year after I got back to the office after my maternity leave, I decided to resign but before that I looked for a work which is near our home.  My salary maybe lesser, also the benefits but the time I have to spend with my son is very precious.  I need to save for my son's needs especially his education in the future. 

[FrankieJones]

According to me both career and family is important. I would suggest that you must continue with your job otherwise how could you manage all these expenses. In my case I was having issue with elder grandparents. They require 24/7 care facility and I was unable to fulfill so whenever I have to travel out of the city for work then kept them at assisted living in NJ during that period of time.

[cupcakejane]

I need to work so my family can live comfortably.  This is always what I have believed in.  I do not have the option not to work because my husband's family does not give enough for our needs, let alone our wants.

[kvandenhaak]

^But that's not really their responsibility.

[drinveilside]

pagamit mo nitong post na to.

I would like to know if i should consider going abroad pero i fear na baka lumayo ang feelings ng mga anak ko sakin like what happened to me and my father. I have 3 kids 13 11 and 4 youngest ko boy.

right now i work in BPO, i can only provide to them what we need and not what they want.

medyo nagiging issue na sya kasi minsan kinakapos kami specially pag nagkakasakit ang mga bata.

now question ko sana is magabroad na ba ako to address our financial needs si wife kasi is full time house wife ayaw nya mag work from home kahit na maghapon syang nasa computer ang gusto nya is either ako umalis or sya .

salamat po

[simang]

^maybe you can consider working abroad and eventually migrating there with the rest of your family?

[kirsten10]

like most of the working moms here, if we have the option, we'll choose family. however, we don't have much choice so we try to balance work and family. while there is really no perfect balance, sometimes one has to suffer, so sometimes it's work. sometimes family.
at the end of the day, you choose your battles. I'm not really a risk taker so I keep my job while I try hard every single day to spend quality time with my kids. if my job demands time and energy, then I prioritize it, then make up on other days with family. walang perfect balance, tiis lang!

[bratty]

^maybe you can consider working abroad and eventually migrating there with the rest of your family?

Ditto. Kaya mo yan bro.

[jelai424]

Sis fionaapple, commendable kayo, you and your mom. Relate ako sa story mo. I am an only child and my mom's a single mom also. She's a super nanay.

I also grew up with my lola,my Nanay is a structural engineer. She get to travel a lot because of work. Ang dami nyang lugar na napuntahan and it inspires me na ako din, someday, gusto ko mapadala sa ibang lugar. Career woman talaga sya. Growing up hindi naman lumayo ang loob ko sa kanya, but I think there was a time na mas malapit ako sa lola ko, dahil sya talaga ang hands-on. You know, children loves who is present. I did not fully understand then bakit nya kailangan umalis and all those stuff. But hindi naman ako nagalit o kung ano. But things really changed when my lola died. It also feels like losing one parent. Ang laking adjustment din kay Nanay, because I was a minor back then, pag umalis sya kanino ako iiwan. But she did all she can, to bring me with her. Dun ko sya sobrang na-appreciate. Usually, all her workmates will tell her, "Bakit mo pa isasama ang anak mo sa ibang lugar, idadamay mo lang sya sa lungkot mo dun" or "Huwag mo na sya isama, mai-interrupt lang ang pag-aaral nya", but she silenced them, and all our cost of living sinagot ng company nya. Nasama nya na ako twice in different places and I am happy, I don't think hindi magiging same ang outlook ko ngayon sa buhay if di nya ako sinama. She rose above her situation not because she wants to have the best of both worlds, it is because she has to. She needs to fill the role of being a mother and the same time being a father. And I deeply respect her for that. But I am not saying na perfect sya, she is not. In fact, we had a lot of disagreements. Itlog lang everday ang naluluto nya sakin dahil busy sya. Pero those minor things will not matter. Dahil I saw her all efforts to protect me, keep me safe, nurture me, discipline me, teach me all life lessons, provide for me all at the same time. On the defining moments like graduation, engagement etc, she was there. She was willing to drop anything for me, if she has to, time and time again, she showed that to me. And to be honest, I don't feel incomplete because her love was big enough and to be honest, sobra pa... I learned to extend it to others na salat sa love.

Maybe what I am trying to say is, I know it is stressful to have a tremendous responsibility of taking care a child. But, children like me, pag nag-mature sila, mauunawaan nila ang lahat and kung naging mabuti silang tao sa kalaunan, makikita nila ang sacrifices ng parents nila. Just keep the balance and let them know you love them. Also a lot of prayer, this is the most important thing. My mom prays for me always, and she tells me to pray as well, every single time she send me a text message. It s just simple, but those simple things matter.