Am I being judgmental?

[tigerlili]

I have this cousin who I set up with another cousin of my friend.  My cousin is very pretty, a Christian and never had a boyfriend.  All along I thought that I have set her up with a real nice Christian guy.  But I heard from one of the girlfriend of his barkada that he used to have a "FB" prior dating my cousin.  Now I am in a dilemma.  They seem to have been hitting it off.  But I do feel a little uneasy about the having an "FB" part.  I am scared he might just hurt my cousin.  Should I tell my cousin?  If I tell her I know she will avoid him na.  How do I know if his intentions are pure?

[TomHansen]

I think it's your responsibility to let your cousin know, she's closer to you, she's family. A bit unfair to the guy but hey it's his fault, he shouldn't be blabbing about his fb in the first place. In the end it will still be your cousin's decision, you're just giving her a very important info about the guy bahala na siya sa gagawin niya. Tell her sis..

[three8one]

TS, ano ba yung FB? noob lang...

one thing you should learn also, hindi porke tinatawag mong Christian ang isang tao akala mo okay na ito. like what tomhansen said its your responsibility kasi ikaw ang nag setup sa pinsan mo, hindi mo naman siguro gugustuhin na mapahamak ang pinsan mo o mas lalo na masisi ka sa huli ng pinsan mo kung sakaling hindi maging maganda ang kahihinatnan ng pag setup mo.

gawin mo ang dapat mo gawin and let your cousin decides kung ano ang makakabuti sa kanya.

[tigerlili]

Hi sorry di pala FB yun shortcut fubu pala di ko rin alam I have to research pa so I can explain to my cousin. hindi rin kase pwede i-spell out e baka ma ban. Anyway, talked with my cousin na.  Hindi nga siya makapaniwala because the guy is super gentleman sa kanya.  Well its too soon too tell din kung wolf in sheep's clothing lang si guy.  So I just told her its up to her if she still wants to go out with him.  The thing is I don't know what to make of guys who had fubu or is having this kind of relationship.  Call me old-fashioned pero ano ba yan?  Can someone enlighten me?  Ang hirap kase kung seryoso siya sa cousin ko then I mean should past be past na or should we still review and base his character on his past?  Hindi na ata masyado nagtetext cousin ko with him.  Puwede na bang i-judge na di ok yun guy base on him having this kind of relationship prior meeting my cousin.  Medyo ka paranoid din kung may sinasabay siya sa cousin ko na fubu. I even talked with my friend wala raw siya alam regarding doon at nasurprise rin siya.

[simang]

You can only judge the guy based on how he treats your cousin. I'd personally give him the benefit of the doubt. I know a lot of guys who had shady past pero eventually became the ideal partners.

[macaroonz]

agree with simang as per guys who had shady past pero eventually became the ideal partners..  pero you did your part TS. i'm very protective when it comes to my cousin na girls. kaya pag may ayaw ako sa guy na may gusto sa kanila. i talk to them na maging mapagmatyag and search search search. pero yung sakto lang ha. anyway, we dont have any right to stop them if they really wanted to be with the person kahit pa playboy. ^^ malay mo kasi siya si Mr. Right nila, you're taking away the time and happiness sa kanila kung sakaling naniwala sa judgment mo yung cousin mo. Just give her heads up to be careful. ^^ btw, as per fubu.  walang feelings na attachment.  yun na yun. one way or another, its dilikado. may masasaktan.   

[three8one]

Fubu - parang, katuwang sa pagpaparaos sa tawag ng laman...

haha! baka may maka misinterpret na naman sakin dito, ano nga ba ang ingles sa paraos? baka kung ingles ang nakasulat mas maluwag sa loob tanggapin ang kahulugan?...

anyway, palagay ko ang best na maaadvice mo pa sa pinsan mo eh paghintayin nya yung guy. hayaan nyang suyuin sya ng suyuin, gaano katagal? 6 months? 1 year? 2 years? im sure naman si pinsan eh worth na hintayin tama? para sakin kung hindi makakapaghintay si guy at mabilis bibitaw ibig sabihin lang nun hindi rin siya makakatagal sa pang matagalang relasyon.

sabi nga ang mapagkakatiwalaan sa maliit na bagay ay mapagkakatiwalaan din sa mas malaki.


 

[kutitapkiss]

You can only judge the guy based on how he treats your cousin. I'd personally give him the benefit of the doubt. I know a lot of guys who had shady past pero eventually became the ideal partners.

agree 100%. but yeah, tell your cousin about it. kasi if im in your situation, mejo mappraning din ako na baka the guy will incite my cousin towards the same set up (lalo na kung bata pa yang cousin mo). so yeah i will tell her. and keep a close eye. but don't judge the guy right away. observe muna. having a fubu is consensual naman, don't look at him as a "bad person" because of it. learning that one had a fubu is better than knowing he once cheated or abused a girl, imo.

[tigerlili]

Yup. Told my cousin na.whatever she makes of it is up to her na.  I think she was really disappointed so she may be losing interest in him na based on that.  Well its up to him to step up and prove himself to her na he is serious in pursuing a healthy meaningful relationship with my cousin if given the chance. 

Thanks everyone!

[anapatootiee]

Hi, I just read this post and I'm just wondering kung ano na nangyari sa cousin mo?

[tigerlili]

well si guy di naman nag step-up. so shes now dating someone from her church circle.

[anapatootiee]

Ohh sana maging masaya yung cousin mo and feel ko mas maganda kung ka-church nya yung dine-date nya para at least magiging good influence sila sa isa't isa.

[miss red]

FB -- FUBU as in Fu** Buddy.  Tama si three8one sa kanyang explanation.  FB -- pwede ring "Friend(s) with Benefits" para mas tame, though parang ganun din yun.

I think you should tell your cousin in an objective and concerned way.  Hindi naman sa paninira pero dapat malaman niya.  Di mo kasalanan dahil di mo pa naman alam na ganun pala dati yung guy, pero naging daan ka para magkakilala sila kaya tama lang na i-inform mo siya. Nasa kaniya na ang pagpapasya, pero ang mahalaga nagawa mo na ang part mo.  Saka kung balang araw magkaproblema sila at malaman ng pinsan mo na may alam ka pala pero di mo sinabi, baka sisihin ka pa niya.  At kahit di niya malamang may alam ka, deep within magi-guilty ka sa sarili mo.

Good luck.  Sana swertehin at maging masaya ang pinsan mo sa kaniyang lovelife.  Matagpuan niya sana yung magmamahal nang tapat at di siya lolokohin. 

[dinosaur]

Glad to know na maaga pa lang ay nasabi mo na sa cousin mo at nalaman niyo na agad na hindi naman pala nag step-up yung lalake. Its disappointing pero I hope na di nasaktan gaano ang pinsan mo. I wish that guys would think more about the future bago mag pursue.

[blushberry]

How long ago was this fubu?  It's usually a phase that men go through.  It's really hard to judge a person based on his or her religion talaga.  Iba iba naman talaga, we are all sinners after all.