What can you say about my In-laws?

[rmajwong08]

So me and my boyfriend were seeing each other for 4 years, I've known his parents ever since but were not too close, were okay I guess?. Yes, we talk about what's going on with life, My plans in the future and some other stuff anyways... A year ago my boyfriend got me pregnant, Well, I really wanted to have a baby but he wasn't sure about it. He then told his parents about it. First his mom while they were eating, he told me that she couldn't believe that he got me pregnant (Like in a bad way), She told him that he wasn't thinking straight etc etc. to make it short she got mad. I wasn't expecting that kind of reaction.. I thought they'll be like the ones I seen on youtube videos where they surprise their parents that they're pregnant and the parents will just be in AWE, cries or scream because they are too happy! but no, not in my case. It probably took a week for him to tell it to his dad.. Then that day came, the dad was furious.. told him stuffs like economy is too weak, where will you get the money? They have lots of "debt" (his dad makes $250k a year), How can she(ME) live here the basement is not done yet theres carbon monoxide down where my boyfriend sleeps, that his oldest brother is going to get married and they will live in the house, That the best thing to do in the situation is for me to live with my parents. Let me tell you something about myself and my bf, I am 25, a nurse with savings. He on the other hand, 26, an Engineer ( was studying when he got me pregnant ) probably a month away from graduating.
Soooo of course,  when he told me that I was furious and I angry. He told me that I should listen to his dad and I should stay with my parents.. I was begging him to live with me.. why not? I can work till my water breaks (I was 2 months pregnant that time) while he finish school and get a job. I even told him we can get married (civil wedding) That's how much I wanted to be with him, but he said no. told me that we can't "afford" to live together (but I am living alone anyways) He probably just got scared. I went to their house after a couple of weeks his mom and I were talking about the baby, how big is he or she since I don't know the gender yet but the mom kept saying I hope its a baby girl, I want a baby girl and so is my bf. I was like mehhh. Whatever comes I'll be happy as long as the baby is healthy. Every time there's an occasion at their house I'd be there but every time they'll take a picture the mom will always tell me to hide my baby bump.. if not that, i'll be in the back. So when my tummy got bigger and bigger i'd just volunteer to take their family picture so I won't be included. I felt really sad I even cried and even until now whenever I remember those moments my heart just sinks anyways, My sister came to visit me I was 5 months pregnant then, Introduced her to my bf and his family. One day we (me and my sister) went to their house. The mom told me they have a family friend coming over so me and my sister just sat on the couch. Finally, they arrived and in front of my sister the family friend asked me, Ohh who's friend are you? The mom told their family friend it's my son's FRIEND.. Like really? my bf was there too.. He just had no comment about it. When the family friend left, I confronted my bf and asked why is it like that? It's okay if its just me but my sister was there.. After all the good things I told my parents about their family... He told me that his parents wants to keep the baby a secret for now because were not married yet, that his grandma who is a strict catholic will die if she knows that he got me pregnant... Like wth..

I will end it for now and update what happens next.. But seriously, What can you say about it?


Sorry guys I couldn't reply.. Every time I try to do it the page would give me an error.  So I will just probably reply here by updating it like this.


@snowkeis - yes of course, He is still the father of my son and I still love him. The question is HOW is it possible now that every time I think about it, the hate I feel towards his family is just getting worse?


@anthithesisofbarbie - I want to be part of my bf's life.. It is really sad because he can't fight for me especially those times when I need him the most.. He never talks back to his parents and whenever the  parents ask for something he just does it. Maybe because he has no choice cause he still lives with them.


@silver_crescent - That is true.


@mysterioza_me - I wasn't ashamed I got pregnant. I was thinking that I was in the age where I want to have you know.. a family. It was just a horrible experience for me when I was pregnant because his family wants the baby "hidden" from people 'till were married.


@Girltalker2 - He is asking me to marry him now. I'm the one who is hesitating because my parents and my siblings knows about what happen and they are not happy about it especially my dad. I know my boyfriends loves me thing is I don't know why he never defended me when I was still pregnant. He told me we both have different "values" that my family is this and his family is that.


@amethyst028 - We both live in Canada. I was raised here (Filipino-Chinese-Canadian). He is Filipino and so is his family. He did 6 years of Engineering in UP but didn't finish 1 subject cause he had to move here. So he went to Univ here in Canada and finished Engr. The reason my bf told me why his parents wants to hide the baby it's because his Grandmother (father side) might die from a heart attack cause he got me pregnant before marrying me... Which is MEH in my opinion.. after a couple of months she died anyways, I just think its stupid.


@amethyst028 - 6 years in the Philippines, his course takes 6 years to finish 18-23 yrs old then 2 years here in Canada cause he got credit. I already had the baby he is actually 3 months already (turning 4 in 2 weeks) I've never been happy! It is what I want after all. I am still living alone. He is asking me to marry him but I am the one who is unsure now. My family knows about it too and they are not happy about it. My mom and him were really close to the point where my mom asked him to call her mommy already but it all ended because my sister told my parents about the hiding thing and keeping the baby a secret.

[mysterioza_me]

Mga ipokrito at ipokrita sila! Idamay na natin bf mo na walang betlogs haha

[pjiyeon]

^^ ou nga prang walang balls ang bf ni TS.

[snowkeis]

Grabe naman sila sis. Question, gusto mo pa ba magpakasal sa bf mo ngayon alam mo na din ang totoong ugali ng family nya?

[antithesisofbarbie]

do you want them to be part of your life? I am not judging them pero ayon sa kwento mo... parang they are not a good family to think na sa kanila ang lalaki.. and come on you and your bf are not minors naman na para itago pa nila ang situation ninyo. I know maybe they have plans for their son and dahil he got you pregnant things will change for him and them... pero come on sana man lang eh tinuturuan nila ng sense of responsibility yung anak nila... eh ang lagay parang walang buto ang bf mo.. he cannot even say a word or at least to stand for you and your child.

strict catholic their faces nakakainis talaga pag sinasabi yun na ginagamit pa ang religion...

[silver_crescent]

I think his family is the type na super conservative, yung kasal muna bago buntis.

Regarding sa reaction nila in breaking the news, I think naging negative kasi they have all these plans for their son's future, to think na graduating sya at that time, tapos malalaman nila na a baby is on the way, so parang "nasira" na yung mga planong yun. And I'm guessing ganun din nasa isip nong guy. Di pa nagsstart yung life/career nya tapos biglang may responsibility agad. Idagdag mo pa yung situation nila na may family debt sila and Im guessing umaasa sila sa guy na kahit papano sya ang solution dun.

Syempre gusto ng family nung guy na pag nagkaroon sya ng own family with you, may stable job na sya, may ipon na and nagawa na rin nya ang responsibilities nya as a son.

[mysterioza_me]

I think his family is the type na super conservative, yung kasal muna bago buntis.

^Let's say they are super conservative but makatarungan ba ang treatment ni guy and his family kay TS? Lalake yung sa kanila kaya kung may mas "dehado" hindi ba si TS yun kasi tiyan niya ang lumaki at siya ang nanganak? Kung talagang conservative family sila guy hindi ba dapat sinagip nila si TS sa kahihiyan at pinanagutan nila ang responsibilidad nila, not literally dapat pakasalan pero sana naman tinuturing nila na kapamilya si TS. Kung nagkataon ba na girl yung sa kanila at nabuntis papayag ba sila na ganyanin kasi nga conservative family sila?

Di pa nagsstart yung life/career nya tapos biglang may responsibility agad. Idagdag mo pa yung situation nila na may family debt sila and Im guessing umaasa sila sa guy na kahit papano sya ang solution dun.

Kasalanan lang ba ni TS kaya siya nabuntisan? Si TS lang ba ang may gusto na magsex sila? May pangarap pala siya sa buhay sana nagcontrol siya. At ito naman family ni guy imbes na turuan na maging responsable anak nila kinukunsinti pa. Nega for them na nga ang nangyari pero ayaw nilang itama, relihiyoso pala sila dapat naniniwala sila na ang bata blessings yan galing sa langit.

Nakakaloka talaga yung mga ganitong mapanggap na relihiyoso. Relihiyoso lang sa salita pero kulang sa gawa. May kakilala akong ganyan, patawarin na lang sila ng nasa langit.

[silver_crescent]

^Let's say they are super conservative but makatarungan ba ang treatment ni guy and his family kay TS? Lalake yung sa kanila kaya kung may mas "dehado" hindi ba si TS yun kasi tiyan niya ang lumaki at siya ang nanganak? Kung talagang conservative family sila guy hindi ba dapat sinagip nila si TS sa kahihiyan at pinanagutan nila ang responsibilidad nila, not literally dapat pakasalan pero sana naman tinuturing nila na kapamilya si TS. Kung nagkataon ba na girl yung sa kanila at nabuntis papayag ba sila na ganyanin kasi nga conservative family sila?


Kasalanan lang ba ni TS kaya siya nabuntisan? Si TS lang ba ang may gusto na magsex sila? May pangarap pala siya sa buhay sana nagcontrol siya. At ito naman family ni guy imbes na turuan na maging responsable anak nila kinukunsinti pa. Nega for them na nga ang nangyari pero ayaw nilang itama, relihiyoso pala sila dapat naniniwala sila na ang bata blessings yan galing sa langit.

Nakakaloka talaga yung mga ganitong mapanggap na relihiyoso. Relihiyoso lang sa salita pero kulang sa gawa. May kakilala akong ganyan, patawarin na lang sila ng nasa langit.

I'm just trying to make her see yung sa tingin ko is the point of view ng family nung guy para di lang one-sided ang mga opinion. based sa reaction mo, mukhang may pinanghuhugutan ka sis?

[Girltalker2]

I would say family ng guy probably had higher expectations from him. Totoo naman na kakatapos lang ni BF mag aral. He should first establish his career kesa maging palamunin (adding one mouth to feed whereby he is not yet self sustaining). Kahit pa may savings si TS or high paying job, if I'm the parent, I would be disappointed din kasi gusto ko yung anak ko ang magtataguyod ng family nya, if and when that time comes.

Now the BF. It seems he is not ready. Kahit ano pa gawin ng family nya, if he wants to be with you, Papunta sya. If he wants to marry you, kahit after 5 years pa, he will ask you to marry him now. As of now, he is not sure with you, he is unsure of his feelings whether he wants to be with you for the rest of his life. And sis, your prob naman is nagpa buntis ka without reconfirming again and again if long term material ba si BF.

Hindi ka ganun pa ka accepted sa kanila - sa kwento mo. And coming from a conservative family, im also looking at this sa pov ng family ng BF mo. If I have a daughter na nabuntis nang hindi married, I would be devastated. For some reason, wala sya sa dictionary kasi. regarding pakilala sa iba, I don't think they have an idea na you will be their son's life partner. Nor has your BF expressed that. So sa kwento mo, mukhang Ikaw Yung 'gf na nabuntis', not the Wife Nor their son's partner, implying their son can still marry someone else in the future, when he is ready.

Bottom line... He is not ready. His family is not ready. That's all I can say.

[junetwentythree]

A year ago my boyfriend got me pregnant, Well, I really wanted to have a baby but he wasn't sure about it.

Here lies your problem. Your in-laws are a lesser problem.

[amethyst028]

@TS what country are living in? what's the nationality of your bf and his family? like what others said here it seems that they are the super traditional and conservative type. plus the fact that your bf is a month away from graduating meaning by the time the baby arrives baka mag wo-work pa lang siya or mag te-take ng board exam. which means he hasn't establish himself yet. and at 26 and mag graduate pa lang means hindi siya yung responsible type in the past. why did it took him so long to finish a 4-5yr course. para siyang nag doctor o nag abogado sa tagal nya nag aral.

don't worry sis this is not about you it is about them. the way i see it they are afraid for their son. having a baby is a huge responsibility and maybe they think your bf is not ready for it. as for the not introducing you as a gf and hiding you in pictures it's their issue. baka ayaw lang nila na pag chismisan sila and ayaw lang nila may masabi ang ibang tao. i can understand that kasi i came from a super conservative family and the whole time i'm pregnant wala din nakaka alam yung mga super close friends ko lang. as for my parents wala rin sila sinabihan kahit sino until the baby arrived.

[mysterioza_me]

I'm just trying to make her see yung sa tingin ko is the point of view ng family nung guy para di lang one-sided ang mga opinion. based sa reaction mo, mukhang may pinanghuhugutan ka sis?

True sis, relate much talaga ako kay TS. Ganyan din ex ko and inlaws na hilaw. Mas malala lang ex ko kasi grad and may work na siya pero nakatago pa sa saya ng nanay niya na maka-Diyos kuno. Ang hugot naman nila nun e naka-petition daw si ex pa-US, o ayan 8yrs old na anak namin nasa Pinas pa siya. Nadedeny naman application niya. Ewan if makaalis pa yun 30+ na siya. Nakakaloka ang pamilya na yun, mabait sa ibang tao nun pero yung bata na responsibilidad nila dedma lang sila. Maski text na mangumusta wala. Kaya dedma na din kami sa kanila. Di bale na ako tratuhin na parang hanging wag lang yung bata.

[silver_crescent]

True sis, relate much talaga ako kay TS. Ganyan din ex ko and inlaws na hilaw. Mas malala lang ex ko kasi grad and may work na siya pero nakatago pa sa saya ng nanay niya na maka-Diyos kuno. Ang hugot naman nila nun e naka-petition daw si ex pa-US, o ayan 8yrs old na anak namin nasa Pinas pa siya. Nadedeny naman application niya. Ewan if makaalis pa yun 30+ na siya. Nakakaloka ang pamilya na yun, mabait sa ibang tao nun pero yung bata na responsibilidad nila dedma lang sila. Maski text na mangumusta wala. Kaya dedma na din kami sa kanila. Di bale na ako tratuhin na parang hanging wag lang yung bata.

Ouch naman yan sis.  Sana naman wag nila idamay yung bata. Apo rin nila yun. Ano pala say ni hubby mo about sa treatment ng family nya sa inyo?

[Girltalker2]

^Let's say they are super conservative but makatarungan ba ang treatment ni guy and his family kay TS?

It is not about being fair or what. Kung ayaw sayo eh? What can you do? Wala din naman di ba? Alangan naman pilitin mo sila? Kung ayaw nila, TS just has to walk away. Tutal si TS naman ang gusto mabuntis.

yung sa kanila kaya kung may mas "dehado" hindi ba si TS yun kasi tiyan niya ang lumaki at siya ang nanganak?

Well ang sagot dyan eh kung ikaw si TS, bakit mo hinayaan magpa buntis eh you haven't even confirmed if you're accepted or sure si BF sayo? It is your body, and it is not as if you were coerced or raped .

Kung talagang conservative family sila guy hindi ba dapat sinagip nila si TS sa kahihiyan at pinanagutan nila ang responsibilidad nila, not literally dapat pakasalan pero sana naman tinuturing nila na kapamilya si TS. Kung nagkataon ba na girl yung sa kanila at nabuntis papayag ba sila na ganyanin kasi nga conservative family sila?

Valid point, that is kung conservative talaga sila. My take on this story is Hindi pa talaga ready si BF financially and emotionally to commit.

Kung nagkataon naman anak nila yung girl, madaming puede mangyari and we can only speculate.

Kasalanan lang ba ni TS kaya siya nabuntisan? Si TS lang ba ang may gusto na magsex sila? May pangarap pala siya sa buhay sana nagcontrol siya.

Actually both sila irresponsible. Pero we all know the fact na ang babae ang lumalaki ang tyan at magdadala ng bata for 9 months, so if you are the GF, Hindi ka ba mag aalala knowing lolobo ang tyan mo and you're unmarried? Worse, Hindi pa stable Si BF at mukhang Hindi pa decided to have you as his life partner?

I've seen situations before kasi nagpabuntis ang girl para walang kawala Si guy. If I turn the tables around, puede mo rin maisip, di kaya the GF just gave everyone no choice but to accept her. Pero since nakahanap si TS ng hilaw na in laws na matigas din like her, this is what you will get.

At ito naman family ni guy imbes na turuan na maging responsable anak nila kinukunsinti pa.

The guy talaga has to be man enough to face the consequences of his action. His family cannot force him to do what he doesn't want. Bahala siya, since ayaw nya panagutan, eh he will suffer naman later at di sya makilala ng anak nya.

As for TS, just face the consequences din of your action. Nagpabuntis ka because you want to have a baby. You took the risk. But the situation turned against your favor. Just learn from this nalang kung ayaw nila sayo. We can say so many negative things about his family kesyo maka dyos Pero masamang tao, but that doesn't change the fact they are like that. Not sure if it will make you feel better either to keep on cursing them or hear other people say negative things about them.

Hope it works out for you TS, mahirap kinalalagyan mo. Just focus to bring up your child the best way you can. Add more positivity nalang. Time will tell magsisisi din sila if they don't recognise your child.

[khaleesiCersei]

You are in a relationship with a little boy not with a man. Kahit ayaw sayo ng parents kung meron siyang balls eh pagtatangol ka niya at paninindigan no matter what. Kaka turn off, tanda tanda na takot pa rin sa parents. Walang sariling diskarte, naka depend lahat sa parents bawat kibot niya. Do you seriously want to get married with someone like that? The way the parents treat you is unbelievable. Kahit pa conservative ka, wala kang karapatan na intentionally mang offend ng ibang tao. Why do you let them treat you like that? Leave him. That's better for you and your baby. Ngayon pa lang they make the baby feel unwanted na what more paglabas niyan? He will never marry you because the parents don't like you. They never will. They are control freaks na magdidikta lahat ng dapat gawin ng anak nila. At ang bf mo eh susunod lang sa lahat ng gusto nila. Kayo lang ng baby mo kawawa nyan.

[mysterioza_me]

Ouch naman yan sis.  Sana naman wag nila idamay yung bata. Apo rin nila yun. Ano pala say ni hubby mo about sa treatment ng family nya sa inyo?

Wala dedma lang si ex, mom niya ang nagdedecide ng dapat gawin. When I decided to let go dahil ang hirap nilang pakisamahan, kausap and everything na I told his mom (bilang ayaw na makipag-usap ni ex sa kin)  na pakisabi na lang sa anak niya about sa sustento sa bata. Ang sagot lang ng mom niya "Ay ayaw ko nang makialam sa INYO!" I understand naman na wala siyang paki sa amin ni ex pero para sa bata naman yung sustento hindi para sa akin. So yun dedma sila. Ok lang naman and mas tahimik yung ganito na wala kaming natatanggap from them and no communication at all. I don't have any plans na maghabol pa, sayang lang ang effort and kung talagang mabuting Kristyano sila alam nila ang responsibilidad nila sa bata, hindi ko kailangan magdemand. I just hope na wag silang biglang maghabol sa bata once I file for petition na ilipat na sa akin ang surname ng bata. Halos pamilya pa naman sila ng mga baog, boy ang anak ko and last name nila ang gamit.

***********************************

It is not about being fair or what. Kung ayaw sayo eh? What can you do? Wala din naman di ba? Alangan naman pilitin mo sila? Kung ayaw nila, TS just has to walk away. Tutal si TS naman ang gusto mabuntis.

Whether they like TS or not they should take responsibility, hindi kay TS but atleast to the child that she's carrying. Hindi sila kailangan pilitin, they should know what to do bilang tao. And I agree with you that TS should just walk away since sobrang pang-aagrabyado at pamamahiya na ang ginagawa sa kanya.

Well ang sagot dyan eh kung ikaw si TS, bakit mo hinayaan magpa buntis eh you haven't even confirmed if you're accepted or sure si BF sayo? It is your body, and it is not as if you were coerced or raped .

Sabi nga nila t**** ang nagmamahal pero ginusto nila pareho ang nangyari kasi naulit ng ulit until makabuo nga. Hindi din naman siguro pinilit ni TS si guy. They both know na bata ang kalalabasan pagnagsex sila kaya they should  be BOTH responsible. Let us not blame the girl, partly kasalanan niya dahil hindi sila nag-ingat but then again hindi naman mabubuo ang bata ng siya lang.

Valid point, that is kung conservative talaga sila. My take on this story is Hindi pa talaga ready si BF financially and emotionally to commit.

I agree hindi emotionally and financially ready si guy at lalong hindi nakakatulong ang rants ng parents niya sa pinagdadaanan niya ngayon kaya lalo siyang pinanghihinaan ng loob. Kung halimbawang binuksan ng parents ni guy ang isip nila sa possibility na blessing ang pagdating ng bata sa buhay nila imbes na problema bakasakaling naging postive din ang pananaw ni guy. Who knows di ba? Ang mga lalake sa panahon na to karamihan mahina ang loob, pagnagkaproblema tatakbo imbes na harapin. My brother almost did that to his gf but then my parents talked to him kung anong kinabukasan ba ang gusto niya para sa magiging anak niya? Ayun naliwanagan ang kapatid ko. During that time walang work ang bro ko and it was us who supported them and the baby's needs. Kasalukuyan din kaming nagpapaaral ng youngest sibling and nagbabayad ng utang during that time but pinilit kayanin instead na kunsintihin siya na abandonahan ang bata.

Kung nagkataon naman anak nila yung girl, madaming puede mangyari and we can only speculate.

I just hope it won't happen sa daughter nila kung meron man. Masasaktan sila bilang magulang for sure. Pero sabi nga what comes around goes around. Karma/retribution could come in any form.

Actually both sila irresponsible. Pero we all know the fact na ang babae ang lumalaki ang tyan at magdadala ng bata for 9 months, so if you are the GF, Hindi ka ba mag aalala knowing lolobo ang tyan mo and you're unmarried? Worse, Hindi pa stable Si BF at mukhang Hindi pa decided to have you as his life partner?

I agree, irresponsible sila pareho. Dapat nag-ingat sila. But maybe iniisip ni girl na ok na ang lahat since stable siya and graduating na si guy. Sad to say nakatali pa pala sa responsibility sa family si guy so sana nag-isip din siya bago siya nambuntis.

I've seen situations before kasi nagpabuntis ang girl para walang kawala Si guy. If I turn the tables around, puede mo rin maisip, di kaya the GF just gave everyone no choice but to accept her. Pero since nakahanap si TS ng hilaw na in laws na matigas din like her, this is what you will get.

Hay yan ang malaking kalokohan ng ibang girls, akala pagnabuntis na pakakasalan na sila. Andaming failed marriage dahil ang reason sa pagpapakasal e buntis na si girl.


For TS, wag mo ng asamin na pakasalan ka kasi ngayon pa lang may patikim na kung anong pwedeng maging buhay mo sa piling nila. Let go na kasi kung patatagalin mo pa pakikisama sa kanila magiging bitter ka lang everyday and lalo lang dadami ang mga bagay na pagsisisihan mo pagdating ng araw. Focus on your child na lang, alam ko masakit yan pero mas dadami lang sama ng loob mo kung ipipilit mo ang sarili mo sa mga tao na ayaw naman sa inyo. Kahit anong pakikisama at mabuti ipakita mo sa kanila mananatili kang masama or may kakulangan sa paningin nila.

[amethyst028]

@rmajwong08 so you mean 6years siya nag engineering sa phils and 4 years sa canada para sa isang subject na kulang? anyway whatever their reason is however stupid it may be for you pabayaan mo na lang sila. mag concentrate ka na lang sa pregnancy mo and plan a future with your child. it will make your life so much easier.

you cannot control how they will act, even your bf, kung ano man ang gawin niya e pabayaan mo na lang siya. i've also been there, mas malala pa nga e. when my ex and i found out i was pregnant he disappeared for 2 weeks. yung phone niya cannot be reached. when he called me up sabi niya hindi pa siya ready and he is sorry. tapos nawala nang parang bula. few months later nag text sakin na he wants to be a part of his child's life daw. fast forward 10years ok naman kame ng son, he is no longer part of our life pero nagpupumilit pa rin siya maging part.

be classy. don't sweat it. things will fall in it's proper place. huwag ka na mainis sa parents niya and sa kanya. wala ka na magagawa sa pag iisip at ugali nila. now is the time to think kung kaya mo ba maging part ng family na yun. for me malaking factor iyan kasi his family will be your family too.

[yn061515]

Hindi ako magtitiis!
Kung una pa lang nababastos ka na at nakikita nila na tinatanggap at pinapalampas mo, asahan mo hanggang pagtanda nyo ganyan na yan.

Payo lang mula sa may asawang katulad ko. Kung hindi ka masaya, run away as fast as you can.
Madalas sa madalas, you have to save yourself from more kahihiyan at sama ng loob.