what's wrong with us?

[ilove7]

Hi sises, this will be a long post. Please bear with me. I know marami dito mas grabe yun pinagdadaanan sakin, pero i just need to vent out and talk to someone.

8 years kami magboyfriend and we've been married for a year. Nakilala ko ang asawa ko bilang responsible at pasensyosong partner. During the 8 years na mag boyfriend kami, aminado ako of my mood swings, at short temper. Pero mostly petty lang mga issues namin. Nung 5 years na kami, nagOFW ako at naiwan siya dito pilipinas helping with their family business. Usapan namin, pag nagpakasal kami, hindi na kami magkakalayo. Grabe yun hirap namin nung LDR pa kami, umiiyak talaga kami pareho sa airport at kapag umuuwi ako, sinasabi niya talaga na huwag na ako umalis. Nagpromise naman ako na tapusin ko lang kontrata ko at uuwi nako, aabi niya magpapakasal na kami by then. Ieexplain ko lang na during the time na magkalayo kami, we text everyday. Walang mintis yon. We preferred text and call. Hindi skype or facetime kasi yun family business nila requires him to be always out of the house at hindi reliable ang pocket wifi sa probinsya. Madalas din naman ako nakakapagvacation sa pinas. Mahirap magkalayo pero smooth naman ang pagsasama namin despite our distance. Almost 4 years later (2014) as promised, umuwi na ako, we got married. At tinupad namin yun usapan na hindi na kami magkakalayo. Dito kami sa bahay ng parents ko nakatira. Before getting married, nadiscuss namin ito. Sa kanila ba or sa amin or bukod kami. At since meron kami petition na hinihintay sa Canada at anytime pwede kami maalis, we decided at inoffer din ng parents ko to stay with them. Hindi kasi practical magpundar ng mga gamit dahil aalis din kami. It was also my husband's choice na sa amin kami kasi sa kanila mahirap daw makisama at may Lola, tita, etc.

All these concerns po, lumabas at narealize na lang nun kasal at nagsasama na kami. Hindi kami ganito before:

- dahil may family business sila, oftentimes busy siya. Walang oras na pinipili ang negosyo. Proof na ang parents niya na kahit madaling araw my mga delivers at orders.

- his whole family, as in whole (lolo, lola, mommy, daddy, tito, tita, distant relatives and friends) ay dependent sa kanya. Not financially ha, they are well off. Pero when it comes to decision making, family issues, may napa trouble na kapitbahay, nagwawala yun daddy niya pag nalalasing, check up ni lolo ni lola, maglinis ng kwarto ni lola (they don't trust their helpers sa paglilinis ng rooms kasi may mga gamit daw na importante), kapitbahay na nahospital yun kamag anak, i am not exaggerating, parang politiko ang asawa ko sa dami ng humihingi ng tulong sa kanya. Na minsan o madalas naaapektuhan na yun pagsasama namin. Nagiging sobrang busy niya in trying to help everyone. ** ok ako sa pagsama sa checkup ng mga elders, ok ako diyan, what i don't get, lahat sa kanya umaasa, hindi lang siya ang anak at apo. ** ang masakit don, his family, the same family na inaalagaan niya, often says "walang kwenta" si husband, after evrything. This hurts me so much kasi yun time at effort na para dapat damin dalawa ay napupunta sa kanila tapos maririnig mo to? Just because my husband is not like their other apos na doctor, engineer, etc..

- ang mga elders may mga high blood na yan at diabetes, at regular niya inoorganize yun mga gamot at pinapacheck-up, i am not asking for anything in return, pero naman, yun daddy niya halos everyday umiinom, sobra lakas magsmoke, taba ng baboy ang sahog sa mga food, hindi ba sana ingatan naman nila sarili nila? Kasi yun anak nila (husband) palagi sila iniisip at inaalala. Araw araw nireremind mag diet at mag gamot at magingat, hindi ba sana kahit paano, kusa na nila gawin? Ingatan ang katawan?

- at dahil madami siyang kaibigan, at pinakikisamahan, si husband lagi naiinvite uminom din, at least 2x a week, worst ay 5 straight nights. At ang lagi niya paliwanag sakin, nakikisama siya. At pag daw naalis na kami punta canada, yun mga kaibigan niya na yon ang titingin sa family niya. Latest uwi niya 4am maaga na ang 12 midnight. At during this time, hindi man lang niya ako matext kung nasaan siya at hindi sinasagot ang tawag ko kaya hindi ako mapakali sa bahay kakahintay at kakaworry kung nasaan siya dahil hindi ko nga macontact. Ilan beses ko na siya kinausap, na huwag naman masyado late yun uwi, nagaalala ako kasi hindi man lang siya mag text, natry ko na rin silent treatment, mag set ng curfew, pero ganon parin. At ang sagot niya sakin, kilala ko naman daw kasama niya at wala siya ginagawa masama. Maduda lang daw ako. (I am not maduda i am plainly worried for his welfare lalo na driving home ng nakainom) due to family business, husband is a strong believer of good pakikisama. At may high blood siya on meds kaya mas worried ako pag madalas mainom.

- i am not maluho or materialistic, hindi rin ako matravel. Pero dahil sa mga yan, we rarely get to have time for ourselves lang. Pag nag out of town kami which is like once in few months, his family never fails to call him regarding: "yun daddy mo umiinom nanaman" "yun lolo mo mukhang nambabae" "yun daddy mo mukhang nagsusugal at nambababae" i mean, 3 days out of town kami, while driving tatawagan siya for these, kahit alam nila na nagdadrive tuloy pa din ang tawag at yun bakasyon namin, 3 days na nasstress siya dahil kakaisip sa mga problems sa family. Not fun. *** take note that we didn't have a honeymoon, kasi day after wedding busy na uli siya. Even day before wedding busy rin siya for other issues not about us.

S3xlife - nung magbf pa lang kami, everytime na mag-init, go kami. Nung nag ofw ako, during vacation ko regular ang sexy time namin. Ngayon na mag-asawa na kami, madalang na kami mag make love. Even during the first few months of marriage the most we did it was 2x a month. 2x!!!! Lately, once a month na ako ang nag initiate. Nagusap na kami about this, not just once, and he always say na ang dami niya kasi iniisip. Wala sa mood. Kahit mag lingerie ako, mag hubad, kahit nasa ibabaw na ako, no means no. And i lost count na how many times i got rejected. I told him, need namin yon, i even told him na deprived na ako, na sometimes i feel unwanted na talaga. During times naman na we do it, hinihingi ko yun foreplay para intimate kasi nabawasan or sometimes wala na foreplay talaga. I feel unwanted talaga. (I think dito pumapasok sa mind ni husband na nagdududa ko everytime ginagabi siya, kasi nga we don't make love like newly weds) but personally, hindi ako duda na may iba. He promised be before na he will not do what his father did to his mom. At saka mabarkada man siya but i never know him as a cheater.
Ang fave past time niya manuod at magbasa ng news lalo na politics.
Just today, i initiated na magmake love kami, nalungkot talaga ko kasi may hawak siya ipad nun naginitiate ako, at kahit na we're doing it, nanunuod pa rin siya, i asked him ano yan, he said campaighn ads daw ng mga politiko. I politely asked him, baka pwede later na yan, ayon sumunod naman pero nakakatampo lang kasi. Hindi man ako model sexy, i believe i have maintained naman my body since mag bf kami, including skin care. Ang alam ko, hindi naman ako unattractive.

Yun dating bf ko na pasensyoso, nun maging asawa ko, naging iritable. I believe, sa stress yun. Pero i can only take so much, napapagod din ako.
Hinatid niya ako sa girls' party kanina, may naiwan ako sa bahay and he had to return for it, i was apologetic, pero nainis siya sakin, enough inis not to answer my texts and calls. As in he ignored my calls talaga. Lahat. Then he messaged me na magtext ka pagsusunduin na kita. Pero hindi niya ako nasundo kasi nainom na siya. At nalaman ko kasi mabait yun friend niya, when he noticed that my husband is ignoring my calls, tinext niya ako na magkasama sila at nainom na si hubby.

Just now, umuwi si husband 3am, nakainom but not drunk, hesaid sorry na napagbuntunan niya ako. He always apologizes naman, pero nauulit parin.and kinausap ko siya, at sinabi niya talaga nun magusap kami na mahal na mahal na mahal niya ako, alam niya pagkukulang niya, wala problema between the two of us pero 60% of him ay sa family talaga ang concern. At he knows na yun marriage namin is not in doing good. Nasa adjustment period pa kami, at ang hirap hirap kasi hindi lang kaming 2 ang factor.

To his defense, when he's not busy, nasa bahay siya with me, we go out sa mall nuod movie, with his friends, at saka he is very nice to my family and my family loves him. Pag ginagabi siya, nagsosorry siya, babawi, yun nga lang nauulit parin. Kahit we don't always have s3x he is clingy kahit sa public at saka mahilig siya magcuddle. Hindi nga siya makatulog kung hindi niya ako hawak.

Sisess sobrang haba na, hindi ko na nga matandaan kung ano ang tanong ko. Pero i am bothered, sometimes happy often sad at hindi ko ito mashare sa iba kasi i want to protect my husband and our marriage.

[ri-anne]

I don't think there's anything wrong with your marriage. Nag-aadjust ka pa lang siguro kasi hindi ka sanay na ganyan kayo because LDR kayo for a long time.

Marriage is about compromise. Learn to talk to each other kung anong pwede nyo iwork out. Like his drinking with friends and stuff and spending more time with you.
Other things naman wala kang magagawa but to accept it (like his relatives and family -- ganyan na sila you can't change it)

Really don't worry too much and just take things one day at a time.
Good luck

[yannuh]

Agree with sis ri-anne, i think asa adjustment period pa din kayo kasi yun nga, LDR kayo before, hindi pa kayo sanay kung pano kumilos ang isa't- isa ng magkasama kayo. try to widen your patience sis. tapos mag-usap kayo. yung seryosong usap about sa current state ng relationship nyo, anong problema and possible ways para maayos yun

[latte]

TS, lahat ng sinabi mong complain sa tingin normal adjustments ng Bagong mag asawa except IMO yung sexlife nyo. Parang hindi normal sa Bagong mag asawa ang maging ganyan kababa ang libido. BUt it can be because of health issues kasi sabi mo high blood sya at may maintenance may mga gamot na pampababa ng bp na nakakababa ng libido.
Pero lahat yan makukuha sa tamang pag-uusap. I know mahirap lalo na Kung sa tingin mo eh nagawa o nasabi mo na lahat Pero Alam mo ganyan talaga ang pag asawa you need to think of other ways or other technique para masabi mo ang gusto mo in a way na mauunawaan Nya at babaguhin Nya. Wag kang masyadong may frustrate kasi kasama lahat yan sa journey ng pagiging asawa. Cheer up! Marami pang magagandang bagay ang mangyayari sa inyo ng hubby mo.

[shesgullible]

Kausapin mo sya and lay out all your issues with him and kung paano nito naapektuhan marriage nyo in a non-accusing way. Para di nya isipin na nagdududa ka lang. And from there magcompromise kayo kung ano mga pwedeng gawin para mabawasan if not totally maeliminate the issues. Tutal sabi mo alam nya naman mga pagkukulang nya, which is a good thing.

May work ka ba sis? Kasi baka pwedeng 'saluhin' mo nA lang ibang responsbilities nya sa inlaws mo? Like yung pagdadala sa kanila for checkups. O kaya samahan mo sya if you have time pag nagpupunta sya dun. Baka mas maging close mo the inlaws and maybe mahihiya na sila palaging mang istorbo sa hubby mo. At maybe din you will see where his coming from.
Tell him din na he need to set his priorities. Paano pag may anak na kayo? Pag nakamigrate na kayo? In the middle of your intimate moment with him eh tatawag the inlaws at sya maiistress na naman at baka gustuhin pang umuwi ora orada. You'll be fine sis. Basta talk to him like an understanding and loving wife that you are para di na din dagdag sa stress nyong dalawa.

[glamorosa_09]

What's lacking in your relationship? Hmmm, I guess it's the absence of healthy boundaries from his relatives and friends.  Gaya nyan, his energy goes to business plus relative's needs plus friends, kung anong matitira dun, yun ang sayo, yun ang sa marriage.

Even an individual person, kailangan ng boundary. Tipong, I will give you my hand, but don't try to get my whole arm. Kasi if you don't put boundaries, it will take a toll on you. Ganun din in relationship, especially in marriage. Like when you're spending quality time to invest in your marriage, and then bigla bigla papasok yung angkan niya. Walang sufficient boundaries yung marrige nyo from external pressures.

But establishing boundaries is not easy, lalo na sa angkan. One must courageously assert him/herself. It doesn't mean that he should abandon his responsibilities, rather, it's about putting limits and knowing what his top priorities are.  Ouch lang if mas priority nyang i meet yung needs ng relatives nya.

But then again, this can be challenging, kasi kakausapin mo pa ang husband mo, in a way that he will be receptive and understanding. You can start by appreciating his strengths, then you may move on to your requests. Maganda talaga magkaron ng psychoeducation ang couples,so they would know the ways to increase the likelihood of their relationship's happiness, nang hindi lang yung isa ang bigay nang bigay, intindi nang intindi, para lang magsurvive yung marriage.

Regarding adjustment, yeah, that's true. Pero hindi lang isang tao ang mag-aadjust, dapat kayong dalawa. Yung issues mo, hindi sya irritable personality quirks that are harmless, they are external factors that has the potential to weaken your new marriage. I think you also showed that you are adjusting, like willing ka to accompany the elders. Sya, ano naman ang pwede nyang gawin or bawasan.

I hope, na ngayon pa lang, magkaintindihan na kayo. Kung sakaling ikaw lang ang palaging iintindi, I hope you would have the strength to keep it going. lilipat din naman kayong Canada, so I guess mababawasan yung responsibilities nya sa relatives nya.

[ayi0119]

Your husband should know his priorities. Pag nag-asawa na, yun marriage na nila dapat yun priority, hindi yun dating family, relatives, at barkada.

Yun in-laws mo dapat kausapin din, na they should know their place. Hindi rin naman tama na balewalain na lang sila, pero dapat may limit na yun time sa kanila.. So kung nambabae yun tatay nya at lolo nya, ano gagawin ng asawa mo? Hindi na siguro sya dapat ma-involve dun. Pati paglinis ng kwarto? Paginom ng gamot nila? Private Yaya lang ang peg ni mister? ang OA ng demands!!

Yun barkada, ok na siguro once a month. Busy na nga sa business at relatives nya, nakuha pa mangbarkada?? Hindi na excuse yun busy sya kasi may time pa sya sa barkada e.. Mukhang di alam ng asawa mo ang priorities nya.

[aquacharly]

What's wrong with you? 

You must know your husband's basic traits --  matagal na kayo.  And the things he does that irritate you most now -- his pandering to everybody's problems & his frequent social drinking -- these all require Time.  So malamang matagal mo na alam mga gawain nyang mga  ito.  Use of Time is extremely hard to hide. So, you must have known all these years that his family & friends use up a lot of his time.   

BUT NOW, these irritate you -- just because you are now married?  What's a piece of paper, technically?  Na because of that eh kelangan overhaul ng husband mo his personality?  He is what he is. 

But of course, you are reasonable in desiring he modify his time-consuming involvement with his family & friends.  After all, he has a new role as a husband. But using that argument that he must change his habits because he is married now -- that isn't likely to convince nor motivate him to change.   How do you think you should go about getting him to moderate his involvement?  You must draw on your knowledge of him to provide the motivation.  Talking to him apparently does not work.  Nagging will just alienate him & make you the contravida. 

What's wrong with you? Nothing.  It is the dilemma all married couples go through:  the continuing merging and compromising of disparate personalities, preferences & priorities.  Marriage is hard work, after all -- walang katapusang work. 

Maybe you can start weaning him somewhat from his social drinking by getting into activities you 2 can do together.   Something that requires commitment, like training for a marathon?  A new sport?  But do not expect him to  totally dump his friends nor his social drinking though, moderate your expectations.  As for his family --  he apparently wants his family to be running to him with their crap.  That is the role he has chosen to take on in his extended family. You just gotta suck it up.

P.S.
I agree with you -- do not go around complaining about your husband, or advertising his shortcomings.  Do not let others enter your relationship. Do not give others the window to judge him.  After all, nobody really knows what goes on in a marriage, except for the spouses. 

[ilove7]

Hey sisses, thank you sa lahat ng nagreply. Salamat for pointing out to me na i can't expect everything to go as i want. So far:
- we've talked about a lot of things. Lately he's been spending time with me. Narealize niya kasi na his dad is like abusing the fact na hubby's helping everyone out at the expense of his time for me. He talked to his mom about it. We're scheduled to accompany them for their check up this January, God help me sana they comply, usually kasi pag checkup at laboratory time super dami excuses ng mga elders, like they use it to get my husband to do more for them, which he will do, then ayaw parin nila pacheckup etc etc. sabi niyo nga i have to accept na i can't change his family dynamics. Pero at least we talked, he understood na to maintain his elders health needs cooperation from them as well. Na he can't do everything for them.

- sa pag inom with friends, we spoke, he still goes out pero siya na mismo nagsabi na babawasan niya na yun frequency, he realized na napadalas nga daw and he's sorry, nagkasunod sunod lang daw talaga un invites which i said will happen again, he knows daw, pero he'll try his best daw to lessen the frequency ng pag inom niya. We'll see. Lately he's spending more time with me. When he went out with our friends, kasama ako, i told him we have to be home at a certain time, medyo nagbargain ng konti pero nasunod naman. I guess we can't expect change that fast din naman.

-we agreed na rin to go to the gym starting January. We talked again about our s3xlife and he acknowledges naman na its unusual for us na madalang. And he said the same thing, he's really stressed, aminado siya na all he thinks about are his responsibility sa family and business and how his family would thrive (sorry for the lack of term) pag umalis na kami. There was one time, he solved one of his "business situations" he went home really happy and cheerful. He initiated! It was a quick one because we had an appointment pero less stress pala talaga will help. Sabi niya pa, with me lang daw talaga in our house he feels peace and quiet. With his family daw kasi it's all chaos and a lot of troubleshooting. That is why din I decided na pag he's with me i'll try my best not to stress him and make him feel happy para sulit our time together.

- i called him out on his mood swings na rin. I told him  na stress can do that to him. There was one time na mababaw and i was really smiling about it, he wasn't. Haha then i think he realized then and hindi na sour mood niya. I told him, you used to laugh about these telling me i'm too serious but now im laughing you're pissed off, my last line was "eto o, nagddate tayo, can we enjoy our time together?" Tapos yun he said sorry and he lightened up. He kissed me in the forehead and said 'sorry ang dami kasi iniisip ng asawa mo.'

Nasa adjustment stage pa talaga kami and ther will always be misunderstandings, lahat naman meron niyan. I can say na lucky pa rin ako sa husband ko kasi we can talk to each other. He's humble enough to admit his mistakes and he is honest enough to point out mine. It may hurt kapag he tells me my fault or negative traits (he told me na pg may nagawa ako at nagsorry ako, i expect everyone daw to accept my sorry right away, lagi ko pa daw sinasabi na "nagsorry na ko, ano pa ba gagawin ko" which he said was wrong of me kasi hindi ko daw binibigyan ng time to cool off steam at gusto ko daw ok agad. naiiyak talaga ko kasi narrealize ko na oo nga noh, mali pala mga ginagawa ko) pero siya din naman nagccomfort sa akin telling me na if he doesn't tell me i'll never learn.

There was one time last week pa a friend who was married for 5yrs na i thought they were doing so well, told me na maghhiwalay na sila magasawa, na she had no idea na her hubby pala feels so disconnected with her, na they haven't had s3x for amost a year and she never realized there was something wrong. Na nagulat siya her husband wanted out kasi she thought ok lang na they rarely talk pag nasa bahay, na ok kasi they don't fight. After hearing this, naisip ko, i am lucky na hubby and i can talk openly to each other. Na he's not the type to keep quiet and let things go without a talk.

Thank you talaga mga sisses, siyempre there will be problems along the way, pero kaya namin to.

Sabi nga ni Adam Levine.. "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along.." 😊

[shesgullible]

That's good to know that you're working things out. tama ka, di pa naman ganun kabigat pinagdadaanan nyo. your marriage is still young, enjoy it.

[j.adore]

Kapit lang sis

We're going through something similar and changes won't happen immediately so kailangan din ng patience. Remember that marriage is hard work (pwedeng every day). But as long as communication is open between the couple, there's no problem you can't work through TOGETHER.

[ilove7]

^Sis if you have time read Fascinating Womanhood. Available sya sa Google Play Books. It will help you a lot and understand your husband. Hope everything went well with your husband. God bless. Pray hard.

I'll check on that, sana may epub version for the ipad

Sis shesgullible, thanks, sometimes kasi we only see the negatives pero when we think about it, mas madami pala positives we just oversee it, and when things get bad, ang naaalala lang natin are the bad things.

Sis j.adore, everyday kasi is a learning process in marriage, i realized that. Akala ko kasi dahil we've been together so long before the marriage e we know each other completely na, mali pala yun. Communication is key. Patience and acceptance also. We need to be thankful din, kasi come to think of it mas marami our there na mas grabe yun problems satin.

[j.adore]

There's also a thread here about that book and experiences of our sissies ☺️

Yup that's correct. We learned not to be too confident and always work on our relationship.
And no need to compare just like in life we have different struggles so we can't really gauge each others problems..

[rjaye_2000]

so happy to hear na gumaganda na relationship mo sis with your hubby. i can say that i can relate with your experience in relation to adjusting. iba nga lang story ko. 

i agree with a lot of our sisses na marriage is really hard work. never ending na nga ata iyong new things na madidiscover mo about your partner. before, i used to complain sa mga negative stuff na nakikita ko kay hubby to the point that i want to leave him and take my son with me and go back to my parents' house. pero narealize ko na di naman ako ang tipong nag-gigive up agad-agad and i recall all the vows i made during our wedding.... for better or for worse....alam ko sa sarili ko na mahal ko ang hubby ko and i want to make our marriage work not just for the sake of our son.

what i do right now is i always pray and seek God's assistance. whenever i feel down i make sure i hold on to Him for guidance and to make the right decisions. 

[ilove7]

Update: we've been spending time together regularly naman. May mga times lang talaga na naaaya uminom.

Question: how many times in a week ba na pakikipag inuman ang acceptable?

Since my last update here, ok naman, may mga time ms kasi na in a week hindi siya umiinom, may once a week, but this week, hay... Lastfew weeks we're ok. BUT... Today is Thursday, almost 12mn he's still out, tinawagan ko siya 6pm sabi niya lapit na siya umuwi kasi he needs to get up early tomorrow, na he'll have dinner here at home at wala siyang inom. 7pm gutom na ko so i texted him na im hungry, mauuna na ako kumain, no reply, 830pm siya nagreply na "yess babe sorry love u". 1030pm, was calling him no answer. Tried caling 3 times, hindi sunod sunod kasi ayoko makulitan, no answer. I called his friend na alam kong kasama niya, pauwi na daw sila but now 12mn na wala pa. These are the times that get me down e, bakit hindi man lang magtext na mauna ka na magdinner late ako makakauwi maiinom e. Ignoring my calls pa. Last Monday uminom din siya with other friends, umuwi siya 3am, nun Tuesday with same set of friends na kasama niya tonight, umuwi siya 10pm then pag uwi pagod antok etc, Wednesday, he was busy sa business at out of town came home 11pm understandable. It's just i expect na tonight sakin naman siya. Hindi pala kasi iinom parin siya. I heard sa Saturday may inuman sila nun kasama niya nung Monday. What is left for me? Kanina, magkasama kami until after lunch, he is very quiet, isang tanong isang sagot, when i asked kung may problem wala naman daw. May iniisip lang siya. Sisses naiintindihan niyo ba ako? Am i wrong na i feel sad. I'm sure pg kinausap ko siya he'll tell me, this week lang naman to. Tapos eto live update: pauwi na daw siya, he said ' sorry wag daw ako magalit sorry sorry' ayan. Wala akong outlet. Huhu

P.s. Our s3xlife is still same. Maximum 2x a month. I tried. Pero wala.

[ayi0119]

Umiinom yun husband ko kasama barkada nya maybe 2x a month. Usually pag may birthday yun isa sa friends nya, or kelangan nila ng "ma-boteng" usapan. Palagi ko naman sya pinapayagan pero sadyang bihira sya makipaginuman.

Sabihan mo din asawa mo na bukod sa nakakasama sa relationship nyo yun lagi nya kasama ang barkada, masama din sa kalusugan yun palaging umiinom. BTW, puro lalaki ba yun kainuman nya? baka may kasamang babae, lam mo na.. Nabanggit mo kasi na isang tanong isang sagot makipagusap. Walang gana makipagusap, walang gana sa love making, there's really something wrong...

Kung palagi syang pagod sa business, lasing at puyat sa inuman, bababa talaga s3xdrive nya..

[momentum]

I think it is not normal to be having drinking sessions for that much for several times in a week.
I don't want to add to your paranoya or depression pero I think something is really really off.
Pag umuuwi ba sya from inuman, talaga bang lasing or naamoy mo na madami nainom? iba kasi amoy diba kapag konti lang nainom versus madaming ininom. at meron ba silang mga pics (like sa fb) as an "evidence" na talagang bday ng friend niya or may occassion kaya naginuman? at malayo ba yung pinupuntahan nila to have those drinking sesh? if its not that far, do you think you can drop by to check him?

have you tried checking his phone kapag nakatulog na siya? I know everyone should have their own privacy pero in cases like this, that is what I will do..fish some details.

[ilove7]

Yes alam ko naman kung saan sila umiinom and sino kasama niya. I know his friends. And wala kasamang girls sa inuman kasi nakasama na ko ilan beses na. Kinausap ko na before ang friend niya na naging friend ko na din, he told me na i don't need to worry kung may babae etc kasi mahal naman daw talaga ako ni hubby(i trust this freind so much, and i trust hubby naman na wala talagang iba) he said na si hubby once nastart uminom he finds it hard to stop kasi gusto lagi kwentuhan, hirap awatin. Hindi naman siya umuuwi ng lasing na lasing kasi he can still drive. Pero alam niyo yun nakainom na, smells like alcohol at makulit. Somehow, yun lack of s3xdrive niya feeling ko dahil na rin sa alcohol at sa dalas na wala naman siya dito pag gabi. 😞 Pag umuuwi naman siya super sorry daw etc etc, super lambing and love na love daw ako. Kagabi when he got home, ok pa siya not drunk, Naluha na talaga ako, "sabi mo hindi ka iinom tonight? Sabi mo pa sakin ng 6pm pauwi ka na, hindi mo man lang ako tinext na gagabihin ka, hindi ko na alam gagawin ko. Pag ako kasama mo wala kang kibo tapos pag iba inuumaga ka? Ano bang mali sakin? Mas gusto mo ba na magabroad na lang ulit ako?" Naiyak na [textspeak!] ko, even now while typing naiiyak ako. Alam niyo he just said "sorry, wala naman problema sorry ako ang mali sorry babe." While hugging me. Sabi ko miserable nako kakatry na intindihan siya. Hindi na siya sumagot nakayakap lang siya nagssorry. Tapos hindi na ko sumagot, i let him sleep na kasi maaga pa gising niya. This morning, he hugged me again nagsorry and told me he loves me, i told him, hindi ako galit, na magingat siya today. Yun lang. I'm really not angry sisses i just feel so down na bakit ganito nangyayari samin? Super opposite sa kami before marriage.


Sorry for rambling mga sis.

[j.adore]

Words versus actions..

Kailangan niyo mag usap maybe at a time both of you are OK (no strong emotions, not tired o puyat).

He needs to understand why you're unhappy and you both need to find compromise or a solution for this.

Hugs sis.. I know it's draining pero keep trying.

[momentum]

If it was me, i will make him realize what he will lose if he will go out 1 more time for an inuman session and if he doesnt communicate to me about whats really going on. Im not saying na totally tigilan na nya to hangout and drink with his friends, but there's gotta be a quota na talaga that you both should agree on. For this month sobra na ata sya sa quota.

Pag naexhaust na lahat ng efforts to communicate and be open to each other, making promises but then breaking it, then I will give him an ultimatum. One more time na umagahin siya or have another drinking session this month, then he can expect that when he gets home i'll be gone and be with my parents. Not necessarily hiwalayan, but just to be away from the stress and pain he's giving me.

Sorry pero inaabuso na niya pagintindi mo and being patient with him. If he'd rather spend time with his friends than me, why should I force myself pa or magmakaawa? After all the efforts na gawin ko to meet him half way or communicating and all, ganun parin? Aalis nalang ako. Until he realizes if he can really live his life without me. And know what is really important ba talaga. Iba ang puro words lang but no action. Sometimes kasi ang mga lalake ganyan.. Hanggat alam naman nila na nakakalusot sila by just saying sorry, hugging and kissing eh uulit ulitin nila kasi panay intindi nalang natin. Sometimes they really need to be waken up from their illusion kasi tao lang din tayo na may hangganan.