Refusing to be a co-maker

[g-gurl]

My dad is angry with me because I refused to be a co-maker in a chattel mortgage for a dump truck which he got. I was totally caught off guard when he suddenly shove a bunch of papers in front of me asking me to sign. He automatically assumed that I am willing to be part of it. Out of fear and respect at that time, I signed faking my signature, making it appear so different from my actual signature. My gut feel just did not feel right. Now, the creditor is asking for my payslips and certificate of employment which I will not comply. This time, I summoned up enough courage to tell to my dad's face that I feel so seriously bothered, stressed about my being a co-maker and I want out of it.

Dad is 67 years old, reitred government employee, has a penchant in start up businesses of any kind and all were failures, palpak. He lost his retirement money in a span of 1 year because of his obsession with gold treasure hunting. He used to occupy a high position in government and is used to getting his way, ordering people around and expecting blind obedience. His source of income these days is share in the profit of a fishing corporation where he is a stockholder and legal adviser ( dad is a lawyer). Ironic, lawyer nga cya but he falls into all sorts of scams and quick rich schemes. Mom is the typical emotionally battered and martyr wife.

I am married with a 2 year old kid. Husband is a seafarer while I work with the government. To be honest, i have lost faith in my dad a long time sgo. He has lost countless of millions with his start up ventures. I'd rather do business with other people rather than with him. Plus, I am married now. It just didn't feel right. I would feel horrible if my husband would sign as co-maker with his family of origin without fully discussing it with me.

His last words were: you wont get anything from me. I will sell all my remaning properties. I think it was his last resort to emotionally blackmail me.

I think on his end it was very disrespectful of me to speak up. He is not used to hearing the word "no"

[g-gurl]

Do you guys have any advice for me? Any comments or inputs?

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, so sorry to hear your story. Parang ang bigat sa dibdib.

One good thing naman about your dad, he still has the motivation to earn money. Unlike yung iba, early retirement ang hanap but won't work/earn a living na.

I really don't know what to say. Siguro if I'm in your shoes, I will just tell my dad I cannot take that risk because I need to take out a loan too (either for the house, car, education or whatever). instead would just offer him other businesses na lesser ang capital.

[kikaygimikera]

Hi sis, I am not very good in giving advices however, I can relate to you as my dad is almost the same as your dad. Same talaga, retiree --- worked with the government and used up all his retirement money. Marami pa akong kwento, basta SAME.

I think tama ang ginawa mo. You are now an adult with your own family. Huwag mo idamay ang family mo. I know you love your DAD but helping him as the "co-maker" wont do you and him any good. It was a good move on your part, actually.

"I think it was his last resort to emotionally blackmail me." --- when I read this, narinig ko na din ito sa Dad ko - who pawned our house, cars and asks money from my Mom. He really thinks my mom is an ATM machine.

When he asked me to join a "networking scheme" sobrang deadma ako. Actually, bilib ako sayo for saying no to him and telling him straight.

[sarsingkit]

My dad is also retired. He used to be successful in the business but not anymore. So He retired and I send him money monthly. To be honest, I like this setup more na I just send him money and that's it. At times, naiisip nya din magbusiness ulit because he used to earn big money and you know may pagka mapride minsan ang mga parents. Kaso ako ang hihingan ng pera pero lagi ko sya sinasabihan na wag na sya mag risk ng bigger money for business na hindi naman sya sure. hindi ko naman sya papabayaan. Ibuhos na lang oras nya sa mga apo at sa church (he is very active at church) Wag na lang sya masyado magastos. Fortunately, hindi nga naman sya magastos.

If that is the type of blackmail that I will get from my dad, I'll say fine. Kaya nga ayaw mo maging co-maker kasi you want to save your money and be responsible for your own family. Make him understand that your money is no longer just yours to spare but your family's. Or, point at other siblings. Hehe.

[g-gurl]

Thanks so much for your inputs sis.

Yes, I love my dad and as adult I made some reflection. I don't want to be an ENABLER, further feeding into his many vices ( start up businesses without any feasbility study, no projected ROI, no targets, no system). Parang its a never ending process na dapat pairalin ang tough love. . I also do not want to be dragged along with him. Credit rating is very important.

About his motivation to earn money, pala-isipin din ito. The fishing corporation where he draws his monthly allowance is more than enough for him to live comfortably. Swerte lang cya dito sa fishing corp because he has no direct management as to its operations and funds. It is run by another member who is very meticulous and systematic kaya it withstood the test of time. Mahilig cya mag cash advance parati just to finance his other start ups. His situation is pitiful. When he retired he was saddled with many foreclosure cases which he thought he could manipulate when he was still in position. He is even hated by his siblings because he mortgaged their late parents property. Last year, we also had a fight because he would want to borrow money from me but I firmly refused  I know I would be feeding his obsession sa treasure hunting.

[smoothie]

Pareho ba tayo ng Daddy? Hehe!

Sa akin naman, he asked me if pwede daw ba ako kumuha ng car loan under my name pero siya magbabayad. I said no kahit he promised na babayaran naman niya. Hindi biro ang masira ang credit profile and mabaon sa utang ng hindi mo pera. Plus, what if in the future we would need to take a loan I have 2 kids kaya talagang hindi pwede.

He had an early or forced retirement, the money that he got from his company, nawala within 1-2 yrs. Then he sold the condo that he bought that was supposed to be our future home (pero hindi na natuloy). He got around 5M from that...nawala within 2 yrs. Ang daming niyang pinasok na business na hindi pinag-isipan or hindi binantayan. Nag-franchise ng UV Van, mali yung francisa (?) ang nakuha, pang school bus. Plus, he has vices.

Sa akin naman, he should have thought about it. He was earning a lot. Plus, aside from the usual schooling and groceries. Me and my sister were not "bili mo ko"

[naddie99]

lol. baka may malalim na pinaghuhugutan ang dad mo? How did you end up in that kind of relationship? medyo masakit nga sa dibdib ha.

[theshopaholicprincess]

Do you guys have any advice for me? Any comments or inputs?

Sis, there's nothing wrong if you don't want to sign the co-maker. Kung sa umpisa palang may doubts ka na then tell your dad politely that you don't want to be co-maker. Isa pa you mentioned that your dad has a penchant for start up businesses that fails so why fuel his obsession without any ROIs or benefits in the future?

Just want to share with you, naalala ko lang kasi it was a topic on Financial Stewardship by Chinkee Tan. Chinkee strongly discourage the co-maker system even if its kamag anak or closest friends. Reason for this kasi is kapag hindi nabayaran ng nangutang yung utang, ikaw yung mag shhoulder nung utang pati credibility mo affected. By the time you wanted to borrow money to set up for business baka hindi ka na pahiramin.

 Worst case kasi na pwede mangyari is what if hindi mabayaran yung utang ng dad mo? Sino unang hahanapin to pay the remaining balances, syempre kung sino yung co-maker, which is ikaw.  Sis be firm and put your foot down na. If gets mad at you pabayaan mo na. I know ang hirap kasi daddy mo but minsan tough love din.

[im fine!]

Co maker issues.. With anyone in the family  wala naman mahilig mag loan. I suggest just tell it politely and go. Magagalit, just let him.
I have a friend nakasuhan ng estafa. Co maker sya ng friend nya, di nakabayad, nagtago so ang co maker ang kawawa.

[CityHunter]

Hi, g-gurl.

First, mas maraming biktima na mga professionals than those who are not.  Ewan ko why.  Take note mo na lang yun Janet Napoles scandal.  Mga propesyonal yun mga sangkot sa ideya niya - though she is just one of the many who do that.

Second, walang masama sa ginawa mo.  I've got a friend na same name siya ng mother niya.  Forced into a situation like yours so she is having problems.  Dahil mom niya naniniwala doon sa end of the world ek-ek so ayun nag-happy tour of Europe.  All on credit.  Wala pa doon yun mga dapat bayaran na bills sa mga negosyo nila, utang, etc.

Third, mukhang consistent na kahit sinong financial adviser na iwas to work or ganitong co-sign with a family member o friend.  Its just going to end up bad. 

During work ko noon with a government office maraming ganyan.  Co-maker ending up with the payment while yun nakinabang deadma. 

Now, ang tanong sa iyo ay WHAT ARE YOU DOING SO THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO YOU?  Sabi mo you work for the government and husband mo is a seafarer.  So habang maaga learn how to invest.  This way hindi maulit yun nangyari sa dad mo sa inyo.  And obviously do not chase after those rumored treasures.  Nakuha na iyon ni Marcos, Cory, etc.

[gil12]

what if your father "borrows" check payments from you? sorry sa TS, I don't want to start a new thread. he needs PDC and idedeposit na lang daw niya bayad every month sa checking account ko. Payment kasi toh sa house na nirerent nila. He lives with other relatives naman. Sabi ko magopen na lang silang checking account, may banks naman na minimum P5k to open. Siguro naman since madami sila kaya nila paghati hatian yun dba? Ayoko magmukhang madamot pero may laman kasi checking account ko. baka masanay sila na pumapasok agad payment dun hindi na ko mabayaran. I always help out financially kapag needed pero sa gantong situation ayoko talaga. Hindi naman biro magpahiram ng check dba. Nakakainis lang. hindi nila ginawan ng paraan noon.

[hypergalactix13]

^haha that is very scary.

[angelholics]

@gil12
if ever i will be in the same situation that the father needs to have a checking account but not one. I will not lend my checking account. I'd rather give the minimum amount/maintaning to open his checking account and say that's it. no more favors.

co-guarantor sucks. my mom used to co-guarantor to her friend and then the friend died (may sakit na pala di naman pina alam sa mom ko) and then my mom blindly paid for all of those craps. woah that's a lesson earned from a very expensive way.

[ginangganda]

Mahirap talaga maging co-maker ng loans. Mismong bible na nagsabi, "It's a dangerous thing to guarantee payment for someone's debts. Don't do it!" Proverbs 11:15 CEV

[keejac21]

Sana magkaroon din ng way na mawala ang co-maker system ano? Maybe the lending institutions can find another way to secure themselves.
Actually, asking someone to be a co-maker (esp sa office loans) takes a lot of guts din. Iisipin mo din how to approach a person amd how you can gain their trust. And there's always the possibility of rejection.

[aquacharly]

Well, big girls must make hard decisions now and then.
This is a hard one, and I hope you did not capitulate.
A co-maker is a person the lending firm will run after, to the max, hangga't may mapipiga to cover for unpaid principal, interest and penalties on penalties.   Susko
Tama ka, your priority is now your family.  Do not endanger your family for something he does not need to go into     

[snowberry]

It happened to my mother when we were still young. Puro siya ang ginawang co maker/guarantor sa mga utang ng pamangkin . Ayun, hindi naman pala nila kayang magbayad at mother ko ang nagbayad ng mga utang.  Sobrang bait kasi at matulungin ang mother ko .

Siguro kahit gaano kayo ka close sa relative or friend, Pagdating sa ganyang pabor ay huwag na lang pagbigyan kesa mapasubo kayo at masira ang records.