Paying most of the time on dates.

[jeninajenina]

Hi guys. I'm not really sure how to begin this so whatever goes.

I am in love with my bf. He's not my type pero I'd learn to love him na din kasi he puts on effort to be with me palagi and all. Okay naman yung relationship as far as I can see.

We've been dating for 10 months now. napapansin ko na I tend to pay most of the time on dates. I didn't mind at first pero 10 months on the relationship parang most of the time ako and sa mga medyo pricey place pa to go out kaya nauubos din ang budget. He pays minsan pero super minsan lang talaga. I appreciate it kahit sa tapsihan nya lang ako dalin or as fast food. He has a job pero i earn more than him pero hindi naman to the extreme yung difference.

Actually, wala na kong savings. napapansin na rin ng mga tao sa bahay na bakit parang kinakapos na ko eh dati daw ng wala si bf nakakabili ako ng mga gusto ko and now kahit damit wala na ko nabibili for myself. Syempre pinagtakpan ko si bf.

I tend to spoil my bf if kaya ko, til now ako rin yung nabili ng vitamins nya, dahil sakitin si bf and I want to take care of him.

Got involved in a car accident two weeks ago so kailangan ko ng money to fix my car and yung sa nabannga ko. I'm broke to the point na nagsangla na ko to settle for the damages. Hindi na ko nag attempt na humingi ng help kay bf.

Am I being selfish sa pagbibilang kung sino nagbabayad on dates? Expecting too much na my bf would help me when things gets a little harder, I don't know Baka naiisip nya na bf lang naman siya so wala siyang responsibility to help me financially? Or stereotype lang ako kasi I expect him to pay on dates. I mean we can share naman din. I just don't know how to handle it. Ayoko naman umabot sa point ng hiwalayan dahil hindi siya nagbabayad.

I hope you guys can help me understand this and how should I deal with it. 

[khaleesiCersei]

Sis sino ba madalas magyaya sa inyo? And sino nagdedecide san pupunta or ano gagawin? Try mo kaya minsan na mag kkb muna pede mo naman sabihin sa kanya na short ka eh, im sure he'll understand.. Or kung sino nagyaya, sya ang gagastos, pede din sa bahay na lang muna kayo magdate, dvd marathon na lang and if kakain sa labas eh sa fastfood na lang muna. Pero Medyo nakaka alarm yung nauubusan ka na ng savings dahil dyan. siguro medyo lay low muna ng konti.. Or stop na muna sa pag spoil kay bf, unahin mo muna ang needs mo.. maiintindihan ka ni boyfie kung talagang love ka nya.

[j.adore]

I suggest you read up on the savings and investment section here or read articles on the net.
The problem isn't just going on dates with your BF.

[dismembered]

Hello jeninajenina

I think... at this point, since BF mo naman sya, dapat open na kayo sa mga ganyang usapan. Like kung wala kang pera or wala syang pera, dapat alam ng isa't isa yun. Kung may problema ka sa expenses dahil may nabangga ka, alam nya ba yun? I know kailangan may limit ang info, pero mukhang alam nya din naman ang salary mo kasi alam nyo na mas malaki ang salary mo kesa sa kanya, so alam nya din ba na may sinangla at wala kang savings? Through that magiging sensitive kayo sa needs ng isa't isa. I'm not saying na dapat si ganito or si ganun ang dapat gumastos. Pero malay mo naman, he is saving din something para naman sa future nyo? You might be the one spending for your dates, pero sya pala he's saving for your house and lot? You just have to know each other well. I see nothing wrong naman. Wag lang talaga excess. If walang panggastos sa pricey place, eh di mag try na lang sa ibang cheaper alternative. Madali lang pagusapan yun.

[kaiz]

before you eat out, napag uusapan nyo na ba who will pay the bill?

[quinone]

since it seems you are absolutely sure that he is not taking advantage of you...pwede mo siguro sabihin sa kanya na napagisip-isip mo na mag set ng budget para sa dates ninyo para ma open yung topic. i think pag-aralan mo na yan na hindi mahiya pagusapan about money lalu na with bf.

for me lang kasi ang matinong guy kahit na sabihin mo ikaw na magbabayad, maginsist yang makihati at least. kung talagang wala naman siyang pambayad, e dapat magsabi yan na next time na lang kayo lumabas.

na-mention ko na ito sa ibang similar threads, na dati kami ni hubby may wallet kami and monthly we contribute the same amount. lahat ng expenses for labas namin dun kukuhanin, including transpo. it worked well for us naman, lagi pa nga kami may sobra.

nung mag bf pa lang kami we see each other twice a week, pero per week lang ang labas. isang beses isang linggo naman kumakain kami sa house.

[mysterioza_me]

Bad omen na yan for me TS. Kung lalake talaga yan hindi yan papayag na solohin ng girl ang bill kahit sabihin pa na si girl ang nag-aya ng date. The guy will definitely insist to atleast split the bill. Ako personally I do not have any issues about going dutch except on first date, of course.

Lessen the dates and pagspoil mo sa kanya. Sa bahay na lang kayo kung ikaw din naman magshoulder ng pangdate ninyo. And also let him buy his own vits, responsibility niya din na alagaan at gastusan ang sarili niya. Swerte ni guy buong-buo naiuuwi salary niya tapos yung sa iyo ubos because of him.

[bloody_venus]

hi ts!

here's my take on paying on dates, i might be a little old fashioned lol

dating period- the guy should always picks up the tab
bf/gf/exclusive dating- whoever ask for the dates

on my past relationships, i never experience paying on dates, not that i mind paying, my ex(s) won't let me pay

anyway sis, if your bf is in some sort of financial problem, he don't need to take you naman to expensive dates, walk in the park/beach, movies are not that expensive right?

[jeninajenina]

Siguro I didn't see it pa before kasi wala ako masyado pinaglalaanan ng pera. I mean yes, wala po akong savings but still hindi pa naman ako umuutang, hindi naman ako gipit not until I had this car accident nga. BF was there with me when it happened so he was clearly aware that I needed the money.

Kasama ko siya when I withdraw kahapon nakita nya laman ng atm ko, siguro kaya hindi rin siya nagyaya to have dinner with me tonight kasi alam nyang i'm running low on money. Eh he's still waiting on his sweldo rin siguro.

Sinong nagyaya? well both of us, it usually goes like he saw this restaurant somewhere along qc ganyan ganyan and wants to try it, minsan nagsshare siya like less than half nung bill. Okay lang naman sakin sa ngayon, i just don't know if i can deal with it for the rest of the relationship.


Apparently he's saving 1/3 of his salary for his ps4. Nothing big for the future. In fact, nagpre-order pa siya ng 2k16 then inuutangan ako to claim it, sabi ko wala akong pera right now. so he said okay lang. then the another third is for his groceries, then yung third is panggastos nya sa sarili and that occasional na siya yung gumagastos and stuff. Sakitin siya kaya ako na lang nabili ng vitamins nya. Pag hindi ko kasi binibili nag-aact up yung RLS nya and parang wala naman siyang balak bumili for himself.

Hindi ko alam if he's financially abusing me o wala lang talaga. Okay naman siya as a person.   

[cutemama]

Naku sis for me lang ha.. dapat open kayo sa isat isa..parang feeling ko hindi pa kayo comfortable sa isat isa.. parang nahihiya ka pa na sabihan siya na " hoy ikaw naman magbayad lagi na lang ako.."

IMO (opinyon ko lang to sis ha) may mga signs na siyang pinapakita na hindi siya magiging responsible husband and also not a good provider.. naku baka.pag naging asawa mo yan ikaw lagi magpoprovide lahat ng needs niyo.. parang napaka insensitive niya naman.

[khaleesiCersei]

Ngek, sis kala ko naman may pinaglalaanang importante sa sweldo nya ang bf. Gadget lang pala. Well, if you feel na somethings not quite right sa set up nyo eh trust your instincts sis, medyo nakaka turn off naman yung ganyan na ang lakas makapag aya ng bf mo tapos walang ilalabas na pera or kung meron man kulang pa sa kalahati hehe. Tama ang ibang sis natin dito, may mga signs sya na parang magiging financial burden sya syo. Para ka nang sugar mommy nyan.. Mahirap ang ganyan sis.. Kasi ngayon pa lang nagiging problema mo na, eh pag tagal nyan, baka magkasiraan pa kayong 2.. Unahin mo yung needs and wants mo sis bago yung sa kanya. Pagawa mo yun car mo, settle your finances and go shopping if you feel like it. Kung gusto ka nya i-date either kkb kayo or treat nya.

[shygirlme]

The reason why I broke up with my ex. Mas inuuna pa nya gadgets or hilig nya. Alam ko di nya kaya pangatawanan future namin. Tama ibang sis natin dito. Tsaka sis alam mo kung mahal ka nya alam nya may ganyan nangyari sayo sya unang tutulong sayo. Makita nya or hindi laman ng savings mo. Magtatanong yan sayo kung ano maitutulong nya. Well siguro alam nya kasi mas malaki kita mo. Pero ewan ko nung nabasa ko sinabi mo pinag iipunan gadget nya. Tinitipid ka sa dates nyo na ikaw gumagastos. It's a sign na sis.

[TomHansen]

@jeninajenina, as a guy masasabi ko sobra sobra na yung binibigay mo sa kanya sis. Imagine nagpre-order siya at ikaw pa inutangan? Wag siyang magpre order kung wala siyang pera pero ginagawa niya because alam niya nandyan ka lang palagi para saluhin ang gastos niya. Kung nagssave siya for a ps4 hindi ibig sabihin ikaw ang sasalo ng mga gastos niyo as a couple. Imbyerna naman ako sa bf mo sis.. Instead na gumastos ka for him save mo na lang para sa mas mahahalagang gastusin in the future(at please itago mo from him).. Yes he's financially abusing you na so kung di siya aayos breakup with him, sabi nga ni shygirlme it's a sign..

[Girltalker2]

^ you have a point sis. It just shows how the BF loves himself more than his GF.

Samin naman, hindi naman issue ang money. But nakikita ko lagi ako tintreat ng BF ko. He regularly buys me flowers din. Though between the 2 of us, mas marami akong savings kasi he has a lot of bills to pay (parents, kids and alimony - divorced kasi sya, 2 households din sinu sustain nya). One time, I even found out he did not pay his credit card in full coz dami bigla expenses in a month (insurance, 20th birthday ng Anak nya, etc) and yet never ko na feel nagtitipid sya. Kaya I told him, the next time mangyari yun, he shouldn't hesitate to ask me. Temporary lang naman.

When I didn't have a job, lagi nya ini-insist he pays. Now, di naman sa nag uunahan kami sino magbabayad, but it is just automatic, either sya o ako and never ko na feel na lagi ako or lagi sya naglalabas.

TS, siguro try to evaluate muna your own finances and savings plan, before you commit sustaining your bf's vitamins. Hindi naman na sya bata para alagaan mo. Once is fine, pero regular vitamins Ikaw parin? Naniniwala ako one has to first take care of himself before he can care for others. So in your case, matuto muna sya alagaan health nya before sya magGF. Ang selfish nyang tao, nakakatakot maging katuwang sa buhay.

[shygirlme]

^bravo sa sinabi mo sis! And kahit new palang kayo mag bf gf dapat pinag uusapan yung ganitong bagay. When we are still bf and gf ng husband ko, kkb kami pag kumakain kami sa labas. Nagtatravel kami kkb din. Madalang nya ko ilibre pero pag special occasions may gift and flowers ako. Admitted husband ko that time bakit kami kkb, hindi kalakihan sahod nya. Mas malaki sahod ko. Ipokrito daw sya kung aakuin nya lagi bayad sa dates namin tapos wala sya naiipon na for me din naman. Pero nung na engaged kami, sya na sumasagot sa lahat since mas malaki na sahod nya sakin at ako naman i have respomsibilities sa house namin. Now that we are married. Syempre sagot na nya hehe

[mysterioza_me]

Magkakaroon ka daw ng idea kung magiging good provider ang guy base sa spending habit/s niya. Base sa kwento mo sis na mas inuuna ni bf ang gadgets maski ipangutang pa kesa unahin health niya naku red alert na yan. Ipagkakatiwala mo ba ang future mo sa ganyang guy?

[dismembered]

RED ALERT!

Kung ganyan pala... eh wala. Sakitin na nga sya at lahat, mas maliit na nga ang sahod, tapos gusto pa ng gadget at kain ng kain sa labas.

Nasa sa iyo yan. Kung tingin mo kaya mo naman tiisin yan forever, eh di tolerate mo lang. Pag nagka PS4 yan, nako, baka mas busy pa sayo yan at mas lalong hindi na kayo lumabas unless ililibre mo nga.

[argento]

I am in love with my bf. He's not my type pero I'd learn to love him na din kasi he puts on effort to be with me palagi and all. Okay naman yung relationship as far as I can see.

wala naman palang problema eh.

mas ok pa pala yung may suitor na KKB. 

[jeninajenina]

Hello everyone. Just to give everyone an update. well ayun. I'm days away from payday and struggling financially.

I was very verbal na short ako this month. Okay naman. We split the bill often now and we don't go out to expensive restaurants at the moment.  I just don't know that he's only doing that kasi short ako.

may sakit yung puppy nya and currently naka confine sa vet. Syempre he needs the money so yung savings nya for ps4 nagalaw.

when we're talking he was asking for a favor. kaso he held back. Pero I'm guessing he wants to assist me on paying yung hospital dues for the dog.

I don't know if dapat ba ko magshare kasi I'm going to give him the impression na okay lang na he's using my cash for his needs or I might as well should dahil syempre for the dog.
too caught up. 

[shygirlme]

^first of all sis. May problema ka din sa pera. At aso nya yun. May pera sya inipon para sa ps4 nya at since aso nya yung nagkasakit bakit hindi nya gastusan? Hindi sya responsible pet owner. At isa pa alam naman nya may problema ka din sa pera.