Sama ng loob during wedding preps

[Reynamargallo]

oh my sis edna_mode ang bastos ng friend mong yan ha. sorry pero may problema ba siya? Hay nako talaga!

I cant believe talaga na may mga tao na di mo ma-gets why seems so bitter sa wedding natin.

[edna_mode]

i know sis! pero kiber na lang Pero as for friends na seen zoned lang FB msg mo, give them time sis baka pina-plano pa nila how they're going to go sa wedding mo.. logistics planning mode pa siguro sila.  Pero pag tipong malapit na sa RSVP deadline mo and wala pa din reaction, then go ahead follow up na. kung deadma pa din well.. that's pretty much confirmed  that they won't go.  Kase sis by experience, those who really want to go, gagawa ng paraan para makapunta. Talagang sila pa mismo ang mag kukusang loob na magsabi na pupunta sila.  Ramdam mo ang excitement nila ika nga

[mindiegirl]

sis brendaumnas, ang mean naman nung friend mo na yun! Parang hindi friend. Gayahin mo na si sis edna_mode, wag na din i-invite. Hehe! Seriously, baka wala lang syang gawin buong wedding mo kundi mang-puna. I know it will not affect you and your h2b as much (because there are so much more beautiful things to focus to). More of doing her a favor na hindi madagdagan wrinkles nya. Haha!#andbadlang sorry.

Now after reading your posts sisses, mas lumakas loob ko na magtanggal sa guest list ng mga ayoko talaga makita sa wedding. 

I also saw a few post back about our sis na madaming iimbatihin ang mom in law nya kahit pa silang couple ang magbabayad. I feel for you sis. Honestly, can't find the right words/advice to say pag ganito na ang scenario. Maybe, your h2b can do something?

[toria]

^Sis another tip we got from one of our uncle/ninong is magbigay ng allotted number of guest for your parents. What we will do is give 10 pax for my parents and another 10 pax for h2b's parents, bahala na sila sino gusto nila I-invite outside our list pero need nila to stick to the 10pax since we will only be allowing 130 guests. =)

Para hindi OT, isa pa palang problem is yung iba lagi sinasabi na ang tagal pa naman pala! Eh hello, hindi kaya matagal ang isang taon hehe!

[brendaumnas]

I share the same sentiment sis toria. Minsan nakakatampo mommy ko pag sinasabihan ako na bat ako book ng book eh matagal pa naman wedding. Ineexplain ko nalang na para may price lock na and mahirap mag asikaso sa part ko dahil overseas ako.

Regarding dun sa friend ko na kontrabulate, invited pa din sya sa wedding namin. Para lang makita nya kung san ko ginastos ang pera ko. Pero Jollibee ipapaserve ko sa kanya. Waahahah! Joke lang. Side kwento about her, sabi nya, puro gastos lang kasal pati engagement ring. Tapos nung nagpropose sakin si h2b, tinanong nya saang store binili yung ring ko, tapos nalaman ko na dinala nya din sa same store yung bf nya ang nagsukat sukat sya ng rings dun.

[mindiegirl]

Sis toria, good advice. I hope iameynjhel gets to read this. will take note din if the parentals become makulit. Hehe.

Haha! I know people na ganyan! Di nalang ma-appreciate na kaya maaga ka nagsabi e para maiayos nila ang mga schedules nila. Iniisip ko nalang baka nabigla lang sa reaksyon. Hehe

[ANJFinally]

Hi sissies pa rant lang ha?

I have this sama ng loob kasi just now lang. Our wedding will be Q4 of 2016 pa naman. We're an overseas couple, and plan namin is just an intimate wedding of 80 guests max.

Pa kwento lang mga sis! Ang bigat talaga!

I have issues with my relatives talaga, like yung sa mga titos at titas ko both sides lalo na sa mother side. To think na first degree titas and tito ko pa sila. Mas close ko pa yung mga 2nd cousins ko from my moms' cousin. Pero yung mga first cousins ko? No way! Hindi kasi kagandahan ang mga attitude lalo na nung time na teenage years pa kaming magkakapatid, since yung mother namin is a single parent. Our papa died way back 2001.

Yung isang kapatid ng mom ko, yun lang ang close samin since mabait at matulungin. She's residing in US for so long na talaga. Then yung 1 sis ng mom ko and 1 brother yun yung masama ang ugali talaga samin ever since. Yung tita ko from US pinag aral nya ako nung college ako kaso hindi ako naka grad dahil yung isang tita at tito ko, panay sulsol noon na kesyo ang mahal daw ng tuition ko, sa ibang taon nalang daw ako mag-aral hindi daw ako mauubusan ng school, etc. As in lahat ng paninira para lang hindi nako masuportahan sa studies ko. Ang ending, I wasn't able to finish my nursing course kahit 2 sems nalang ga-graduate nako, dahil nung time na enrollment ko na for 4th year, sabay sabay sila humingi ng pang placement abroad, pang bussiness, and so on. So my tita from the US have to choose kung sino ang unang tutulungan since nakarinig sya ng "Pamangkin lang sya, kapatid mo kami". My bad tita told me once nung nagkaroon kami ng confrontation dahil ginastos nila yung tuition ko sa ibang bagay and hindi naibalik on time nung kaylangn ko na ibayad sa school "Sinusumpa ko hindi ka magiging successful" So ang ending, I gave up my school and my dream to become a nurse at nag give way nako sakanila kung yun ang ikasasaya ng mga buhaynila.

Fast forward, nag strive ako na magkawork ng hindi lumalapit sakanila, and now I am blessed to be an OFW ng hindi ko sila inaabala.

Come wedding day plans, I invited my tita from the US if she could be 1 of our PS's since I owe her a lot and I really love her. I even told her that our wedding will be simple lang, intimate and secret since we don't want to splurge ng sobra sa expense since kami lang ni bf gagastos for our wedding.

Now my mom messaged me in FB na nakapag usap daw sila ng tita ko from the US thru skype few days back. Napag usapan nila yung upcoming wedding ko next year and she even mentioned na "Baka naman kung sino pa mga kapatid mo, yun pa ang hindi invited? Baka naman mas iinvite pa yung mga second cousins / relatives kesa sa first degree? Kapag nangyari yan, magagalit talaga ako sa inyo."

And my mom just replied na "Hindi naman aking okasyon yun, at hindi naman ako ang mag iinvite kundi silang dalawa. Nasakanila na yun."

And now, para akong iiyak na ewan kasi I really don't want them to be on our wedding, pero kapag nag refuse ako, my aunt from the US magagalit naman sya sakin and sa mama ko.

Na explain ko na yung side ko how sad I am kung paano ako ituring nung mga iba nilang kapatid way back, pero syempre since magkakapatid sila kahit anong bad ng iba nilang siblings talagang dun parin sila papanig.

I know I have a bad attitude na nagtatanim ng sama ng loob, lalo na sa kamag anak ko pa. Pero hindi ko naman masisi yung sarili ko dahil puro heart ache lang naman ang binigay nila sakin noon. =(

I am totally confused now. Ano ba ang dapat ko i spare? Feelings ko or yung magiging reaction ng Tita towards me and my mom? Hayyys.

[Purple_Power]

^Medyo confused lang ako, sino yung Tita na tinutukoy mo na nakausap ng Mom mo? Yung good or yung bad Tita?

Sa nababasa ko you are a bit luckier na hinayaan ka ng mom mo magdecide kung sino ang gusto niyong imbitahin, ang masasabi ko GO LANG KAYO dapat ni fiance sa decision niyo, tao ka lang rin na naooffend sa mga nangyayaring issues within family and relatives. What is the reason of inviting your relatives na hindi mo kasundo? For me lang ha! being relatives itself is not enough reason for you to invite them hindi naman ito family reunion, this is wedding and you all know the meaning of it more so you all have the right to choose kung sino dapat magiging witness. Kung magalit sa inyo yung bad attitude relatives na first cousin hayaan mo sila ang importante rito mismong mom mo na ang hindi nagpepwersa sayo and hopefully hindi magbago isip niya. Kung magalit sila eh di magalit, ramdam naman pala nila na ayaw niyo silang mainvite eh, alam naman pala nila na may issue eh! Para ano pa ang dumalo sila sa kasal niyo?

I am totally confused now. Ano ba ang dapat ko i spare? Feelings ko or yung magiging reaction ng Tita towards me and my mom? Hayyys.

Kung ako mismo ang sasagot nito, YOUR FEELINGS is the answer.

I have issue too with relatives na first cousins pero the advantage lang is they are all in US, malas ko lang kung sa planong date ng occasion tumama yung pagbabalikbayan nila.

Kaya ko nasabi na maswerte ka pa dahil hindi ka pa naman pinepwersa ng mom mo, dahil sa akin recently lang ito nangyari and actually nai-post ko na ito sa family issue thread about change of plans dahil sa family mo. My mom was forcing me to invite our relatives, ito nga second cousins pa ito but biologically hindi namin sila kadugo, well long story pa yun. We have issue too with that relatives ang pinepwersa pa nga sa akin ng mom ko yung kamag-anak ng Tatay ko na parehong hindi namin kasundo ng Mom ko. Since my mom has the attitude of being diplomatic and civil she wants me to do the same thing na kahit hindi ko kasundo dapat invited. I tell you I am too devastated during that time and week before the event. Naghihimutok na talaga ako na kahit anong explain she is still forcing me. Nag-usap na kami ni hubby na kapag nagkaroon ng pilitan rito aattend lang ako ng baptism ni baby tapos hindi na ako dadalo sa venue. My hubby wants to do the same thing para samahan ako sinabi na niya na kahiyaan na kung kahiyaan. Nagsucceed naman kami sa plans namin kahit anong pilit ng Mama ko to give invitation sa relatives, nakipagmatigasan talaga ako na hindi magbigay pero ang sakit sakit talaga sa puso dahil sa tigas ng ulo ng Nanay ko. Sa totoo lang nakakayamot ang feeling. Tumigil na lang Mama ko days na lang before the event. Though may mga nagtatanong kung bakit hindi sila invited even my bro asked my mom.

Last night naman I took the opportunity to explain kahit na ba tapos na or 1 month ago pa yung event. Kasi yung Mama ko nainis siya nang husto dun sa cousin ko na yun. Talagang inungkat ko na yan nga ang reason kung bakit ayaw kong imbitahin sila dahil pinagkagastahan namin yun sa hubby ko nga ang dami pang hindi naimbita tapos sa ibang relatives namin may mga naisakripisyo ako pero gusto kong imbitahin tapos sila ganun lang kadali? I am still hoping na my mom should really understand na hindi ako type ng tao na mag-iimbita ng hindi ko kasundo. Ang point ko is ikaw ang organizer ng event or celebrant, I believe naman na 1 requirement here is for you to be happy so why inviting somebody na magpapagalit o magpapabigat sa nararamdaman mo? Habang sila nagsasaya sa libre mong pagkain at patawa tawa lang tapos ikaw aabot sa point na meron kang mararamdaman na bigat sa bulsa which is normal lang na nangyayari yun so bakit mo pa isasama yung feelings mo?

Yung sa hubby ko nga may mga suggestions Lola niya na gusto invite pero hindi talaga ako pumayag na imbitahin yung someone na close sa Lola niya, except lang sana kung relatives pero yung kapitbahay or kung sino pa hindi ko pinayagan since private event rin ito.

Panindigan niyo na lang objective niyo na marami pa kayong priority lalo na sa fiance mo. Sabihin niyo na lang gusto niyo unahin mga Ninong at Ninang. Well if you can be notorious a bit then kung possible deretsuhin mo na sila na you only want to invite people na nagpahalaga sa buhay mo.

[anneshirley]

^ ANJFinally, big hugs to you dear. I felt your pain when I was reading your post, not just now about your wedding preps but also when you were younger. Thanks for trusting us enough with your story.

I know you shared it just to rant, but some thoughts lang from a third party observer:

I absolutely understand not wanting your mom’s other siblings and their own kids. I’m also quite saddened that your US-based tita insists on having them there too (she would have her reasons though, and I respect that). It’s obvious that she means a lot to you, so much so that I think you’d be sad if you look back to your wedding and not have her there -- unless of course your anger towards your other relatives is greater than your love for your US-based tita.

If your love for your tita exceeds your anger to the rest of your family, let me tell you what my own parents told me when I had a similar problem: let go of your anger. I know this is hard. To be honest, I haven’t fully let go of mine myself haha This has been repeated in almost every thread in GT but your wedding days is about the two of you. More than that, the wedding day is so symbolic of the start of a new life together. If possible, start it with a lighter heart unburdened by grudges

I don’t want to overstep but some suggestions you could also consider:

1) Be consistent. Either you keep it with immediate family (and keep your US-based tita as an exception since she’s part of your entourage) or if you plan to invite second cousins etc then include the first cousins too. Family is family, no matter how much emotion there is beneath the surface. Which brings me to suggestion two:

2) Find a way to move past this. Every family has a different dynamic and ways of smoothing over differences vary. If I were in your shoes I wouldn’t even want to see the bad titos and titas but I think you could look to your mom for help/support/guidance on how to go about this.

3) Compromise. I get not wanting the first cousins and their parents on your own wedding – I’m having a small wedding myself and want to weed out any people who pose a threat to my happiness/sanity on the day itself haha But if your US-based tita really insists on them being involved in some way or other, then I recommend immediate family lang (her being an exception) on the wedding day and possibly just host a dinner for the rest separately. Treat is as a regular family dinner/reunion of sorts so there’s no symbolic attachment to it the way you would have for your own wedding dinner.

Best of luck to you, and hang in there!

[mindiegirl]

Sis ANJFinally, so sorry to hear that. I can’t absolutely know how you much pain you feel trying to choose between your mom and tita’s (soon to be ninang) advice or your own happiness for not wanting to include those people who have a not so beautiful contribution in your life and whose presence still pains you. As I see it based on your narration, you’re having a hard and painful time because part of your happiness is seeing your mom and your tita happy as well. I admire you for being such a loving daughter.

My mom has a similar experience as yours when she was young. This one naman is with her sister-in-law. Their kuya is well-off during that time and she lives with her kuya while studying. She practically became the house help of her kuya’s family and sometimes when her kuya is not around (due to business trips), her SIL treats her so much less than a house help to the point of not allowing her to eat. Because of this, my mom, at an early age developed gastritis (to which she suffers till now). You know what sis, I “despise” my tito’s family because of this. There comes a time when we are more successful than them and until now this is the case. There are many instances when they will visit us to ask for food and financial help. My mom willingly obliged despite the bad past. I remembered, I questioned my mom why she seems to forget what they did to her. She simply says that she don’t want to bear hatred towards them. I can see that this benefited her because she has peace of mind and can face anyone with head high. While my tito’s wife is so ashamed every time they face my mom.

Not sharing this to point out that forgiving is easy. I just want to share that as a daughter of someone who experienced unfair treatment, I felt pain, so what more to the person who actually been in it. I can never say if I have the courage to ever respond as my mom’s if that happened to me. I cannot say either how hard your’ s or my mom’s experiences were. And I cannot discount the fact that, as all bride to be’s, you want to celebrate your wedding day with the people dear to you only. Sis anneshirley has brilliant and wise ideas suggested, that in all honesty, I would consider myself.

I can only share what I usually do, but maybe you also have applied this na. I let each side’s emotions subside for a while. It may seem too spiritual for some but I pray this moment of silence away. After a few days or so, most of the time, what I want is clearer. Then I speak to the involved persons once again. If it’s not my heart that’s changed, there are times that it’s the other person’s heart that is.

I hope it goes well and this would be settled swiftly. Still claiming happy preps for you sis.

[120515]

sis ANJFinally, big hug to you! the pieces of advice given to you by sissies mindiegirl, anneshirley, and purple_power are very sound and reasonable and in the end it's all up to you and your fiance.

[Purple_Power]

I back read this thread and realize na may mga friends pala talaga na ang kakapal ng mga pagmumukha pagdating sa usapang kasal.  Sa bagay nabasa ko na rin ito sa ibang mga thread. Kapag kasal talaga ang usapan lumalabas ang payabangan, inggitan, mga pakialamera sa gastos and so on. And what a friend na magsasabi na lang na sa Jollibee na lang dapat magreception,    bakit hindi na lang siya mismo mag Jollibee, sana man lang kung inutang yung pangkasal sa friend na yan I would understand pa na magtalak ng ganyan.

Regarding naman sa invites I also want to share yung mga issues na narinig ko sa relatives namin and yung sa neighbor namin during their wedding preps na nagkaroon ng matinding conflict.

Yung first cousin ko na kinasal sa US sa ibang state siya kinasal so chances are air fare pa rin yun kung saan sila nakatira to another state kung saan yung kasal. We have other first degree relatives na kasama naman nila sa US hindi pa inimbita and take note yung pinsan ko kinukuha na make up artist sa kanya pero nung nakakuha na ng another make up artist biglang nag cancel dito sa pinsan ko at hindi na pinapupunta sa kasal. Ang kapal diba? Bakit hindi pa niya inimbita alam ko namang wala silang issue. More so pati yung Tita ko o yung mismong family hindi rin inimbita except yung close niya na lalaki, sa 5 magkakapatid. Yung Tita ko naman na kapatid ng parents namin she was informed ng Mom niya which is of course sister in law ng Tita ko and my Dad, na dapat raw mag Gown Tita ko kasi mga rich raw ang dadalo. Only to find out over dressed raw yung Tita ko as in hiyang hiya siya then yung mga visitors naka cocktail dress or smart casual lang meaning they are not all wearing a gown.

Ito naman last year sa neighbor namin. Narinig rinig ko na they are planning to do their wedding sa Boracay so that means it is beach wedding. There were so many issues within the family, nagrereklamo yung siblings niya and their wives paano ba naman kasi siempre hindi naman sila libre ng air fare kundi sila ang gagastos then of course isama mo pa yung accommodations, eh siempre marami silang priority like yung education ng mga kids nila. Sinabihan pa sila nitong bride na huwag raw isama yung mga bata o anak nila kasi hindi pwede ang bata sa reception, I mean what the  sarili niyang pamangkin tinatakwil niya? Tapos eh di nag attend na nga sila ng wedding sa Boracay and expected na that wedding is usually not a Catholic wedding. Doon nila nalaman ng parents and her siblings na kasal na pala siya sa Catholic church sa Cebu and unfortunately her family weren't invited. Hinanap nga sila ng byenan niya eh sa Cebu. Nung narinig ko ang kwento na ito Shock talaga ako dahil hindi ko akalain na yung level ng pagiging social climber niya aabot sa point na pati magulang niya at pamilya niya ay itatakwil niya. Hindi namin siya pinapansin dito because of her attitude and of course she is snobbish to us, so wala rin kaming pakialam sa kanya but we never expect na pati kapatid niya and parents she will do the same thing.

My cousin and the neighbor that I am talking about has something in common, they are both social climbers pero masasabi ko di hamak na mas matindi yung sa neighbor namin. Because of that attitude nagawa nilang mamili kung sino ang gusto nilang invite kay may issue o wala pero kung hindi naman nila mapapakinabangan or they are not rich at all then hindi nila iinvite kahit relatives o worst case sariling pamilya pa mismo ang lakas ng loob na gawin nila yun. I am not saying na maigi pa sila or bakit sila nagagawa yun kundi tayo mismong may mga issue sa ibang tao na closer to us hirap na hirap tayo magdecide at panindigan yung gusto natin kasi pinepressure tayo ng ibang tao.

We all have different convictions regarding this matter, sa invites, dealing with pakialamera people and mga friends na saksakan ang pag-iinarte. Minsan napapaisip pa rin ako na gusto ko pa rin diretsahin na ang Mom ko na kapag she is going to push the Catholic wedding to us gusto ko na sabihin na masakit sa akin kung hindi kami ang masusunod. I mean considering the fact na we are the celebrants here it is my strong conviction na decsion namin ni hubby ang masusunod, laking sampal talaga sa akin kapag may nanghihimasok. Whether they will offer a help or finances pero kung may gagawin naman sila na sampal sa akin di bale na lang. I am willing to work hard and spend for it.

[ANJFinally]

Mga sis!!! Purple_Power, 120515, mindiegirl, anneshirley Thank you for listening, for the comfort, and for the understanding. Haaayyysss!!! Matagal pa wedding namin pero na stress talaga ako sa conversation ng mom ko and my US based tita. Actually, hindi naman sya uuwi for my wedding eh, and hindi ko parin nakukuha yung approval nya kung tatanggapin nya yung invitation namin na maging Ninang namin sya on our wedding. Uuwi kasi sya next year Feb, and sabi nya last na uwi nya na yun sa Pinas since her mom (our lola) died na last 2011. Uuwi sya sa 5th Death Anniversary kasi iuuwi nya sa aklan yung lola ko katabi ng grave ng lolo ko.

When I told her about our wedding plans, she even suggested na gawing Feb para daw nasa Pinas sya kasi di nya kaya 2x uuwi ng Pinas. Sabi ko hindi pwede since dipa kami naka target sa ipon namin, and yung wedding date namin is sobrang significant for us. So she answered me ng pabiro na "ay ayoko, kasi hindi naman ako makaka-attend".

Then now yung previous conversation nila ni mom ko, dun nya sinabi na magagalit sya samin ni mama kapag hindi na invite yung mga kapatid nila. Which is what the??? I became torn na with my fixed decision na ayoko sila on my wedding. They have this attitude din kasi na sobrang ma tsismis and lahat may puna, ayoko kasi ng bad vibes on our wedding day that's why I better chose my invites na closests friends, immediate family lang and few of my relatives na 2nd degree na since mas nagpakita sila ng care sa family namin ever since, unlike sa first degree na walang ginawa kundi hamakin kami.

Nung sinabi yun ng mom ko sakin, sabi ko talaga sakanya "that's the main reason why I don't want it to be announced. Kaya konte lang kayong sinabihan ko kasi I want it to be intimate and private para lang sa mga taong malalapit samin. Ayoko ng ganyang ka-negahan." Then my mom just told me to change the topic na, I know she felt that I am quite upset. I really appreciate din my mom na hindi nakikisawsaw talaga sa ganto, and she's letting us to do our staffs.

Now I am thinking real hard, nag do-dominate parin sakin yung fact na AYOKO talaga sila on our wedding. But still, matagal pa naman. Grabehan lang kasi I am thinking now, ano to? Pwersahan? Though I love and I owe my US based aunt the most, I just dunno if I can consider her request talaga. I still have a year to think more which makes me feel sick talaga. Kakasura.

Thank you mga sis sa mga comforting words. As long as I wanted myself to be at peace, parang nakuha ko yung peace kasi na yun when I started to strive on my own. Then parang deadma na ko sa mga badass kung relatives kuno. Parang I didn't let them enter and ruin my life again since then. Hindi naman sa pagmamalaki na kahit paano umangat ako kahit hindi ako nakapg tapos, then sila andun parin kung nasaan sila before.

I just hate the fact din na I can't let go of the hatred from the past. It wasn't really easy. Ayoko naman lokohin ang sarili ko. Actually nag let go ako by letting them out of my life and did not even treat them as my relative na, as in deadma. Kahit makita ko sila, i'll just walk out. I even swallowed my pride na yung courtesy ng pagmamano hindi ko ginagawa kahit makasalubong ko sila. Which is sabi ni BF that attitude of mine na nagtatanim ng sama ng loob is isa sa mga bad attitudes ko na dapat ko alisin. Hayyys.

Thank you Thank you mga sis!!! Poweeerrrr Huuuuuggggsss!!!! ><

[sparklingjewel]

^Parang ang hirap naman ng situation mo. Pero what sticks out to me is, if she says she cannot attend anyway (bec your wedding obviously isnt in Feb) then you wont need to abide by her demands right? Of course it hurts that an impt person to you wont be there but at the same time the silver lining is that you wont have to obey her and you'll get to do your wedding the way you wanted it.

[iameynjhel]

Hi sis mindiegirl – yep I actually talked to h2b about it, sabi niya he’ll be the one to settle the issue with his mom. Nag sorry din siya kasi alam niya din yung ugali ng mom niya na medyo mahilig mangelam. Sana maayos kasi 8 kumare niya yung isinama niya sa list tapos meron pa yung mga malayong relatives na hindi talaga namen kilala and di pa nakikita.  Syempre we have to consider na each will bring plus one diba? 


Hi sis toria – thanks sa tip.  At first, we informed our parents that they can invite kahit tig 5 each. So sa side nila tig 5 na sina mother and father in law. Kaso mukhang kulang pa din e.  Sa side ko naman since nasa heaven na si mama ko for 2 years si papa na lang sinabihan ko na mag invite kaso ayaw din kasi alam niya na gastos lang naming dalawa kaya sabi niya magpapakaen na lang daw siya sa mga kaopismate niya ayun. Hindi ko naman masabihan si H2B na ganun na lang din gawin ng mama niya dun sa mga kaibigan nila na di makakapunta. I mean di ko alam paano iapproach na di lalabas na ayaw ko ipaimbitahan mga kaibigan ng mama niya and malayong relatives.


Yung mama din niya lagi kaming sinasabihan na “Matagal pa yan aga aga niyo naman asikasuhin. Masyado kayong atat” ayun medyo nakakasama ng loob kasi di din nila alam na syempre gusto lang din namen maging maayos yung wedding preps namen at ayaw mahassle next year.

I’ve been praying a lot and I know gagabayan kami ni God sa mga challenges na to.


Sis ANJFinally, I’ve read your sentiments, ang sa aken, sundin mo kung ano yung magpapasaya sa iyo and sa hubby mo. Remember it is your wedding so kahit ano pang sabihin ng iba sundin mo yung sa tingin mong makakapagpasaya at makakapagbigay sayo ng peace of mind.
At the end of the day, hindi ang Tita mo or mom mo or yung relatives mo yung makakasama mo kundi ang one and only HUBBY mo.    

[Purple_Power]

ANJFinally We have to accept the fact na meron talagang taong hirap at matagal mag move on at may iba iba tayong strategies on how to move on. Ito medyo out of topic ito although a bit related dyan sa post mo. Dati dati yung Tito ko na Kuya ng Mama ko nakasagutan ko yan, so many issue rin naman sa kanya in fact hate na hate siya ng Dad ko. Way back 2009 pa yang issue na yan. Wala namang naganap na sorry or kung ano pa basta go with the flow lang. Nakatira sa house namin yan na magulo talaga. Hindi naman namin siya kasama parati pero siguro naman hindi naman nauungkat parati yung past. Marami pang nangyari, and siempre patanda pa siya ng patanda not until ang nakaaway niya yung maid rito sa bahay. I mean ang point ko is naiiba rin naman ang issue unlike sa Dad ko constant ang galit niya sa Tito ko. Pero nitong nakaraang occasion na baptism ni baby I considered him sa invites in which my mom thought he wouldn't be invited. Siya itong nag text to me na gusto sana pumunta nitong Tito pero ayaw niya na ng gulo dahil sa issue with my Dad. Sabi ko ako ang nagdecision kaya for sure walang gulo mangyayari. My point here is kung noong 2009 ako nag organize ng event sa malamang yan hindi ko rin maiimbitahan yang Tito ko, hindi ko alam kung paano rin ako makikipagmatigasan sa mom ko pero I am sure ito ang pinakamahirap kasi mismong kapatid na niya ang inaayawan ko. Kaya ko siya ininvite kasi past is past naman na saka sobrang tagal na ng issue na yun and considering as well na matanda na siya. I don't care kung mainis tatay ko kung mas pipiliin ko pa yung bayaw niya kesa sa mga pamangkin at pinsan niya.

Ito ang masasabi ko sa situation mo.

First of all, I understand na mahalaga sa buhay mo ang Tita mo although unfortunately kung magkakaroon ng conflict sa schedule dahil manggagaling siya sa ibang bansa hindi pwedeng mag aadjust ka ng wedding date nandahil lang sa kanya. Hindi naman sa sinasabi kong dapat balewalain mo siya but you should face the reality na the most important person here in your wedding is you and your husband. Hindi yung Tita mo ang pakakasalan mo para magsuffer yung schedule ng wedding niyo nandahil lang sa kanya. Kayo ang magdecide ng wedding date kung kailan kayo ready ang comfortable. Don't mind the others. If she cannot make it on your wedding day then sad to say SORRY NA LANG! ano ba magagawa natin kung conflict talaga sa sched niya? Saka isa pa she should be considerate naman sa fiance mo, may iniintindi rin yan sa family niya and part niya, ang celebration na ito is not about you and your family. Hindi pwedeng balewalain si hubby rito. Ang masusunod rito ay kayo at kayo ni fiance.

Kung nangingibabaw sayo na ayaw mo sa kanila huwag mong ipilit. Hindi mo pwedeng isakripisyo mo ang kaligayahan mo sa special na araw niyo ng taong pakikisamahan mo habang buhay. Hindi pwede ang Tita mo ang magdikta sa inyo ng decision niyo ni fiance. Aba sa nakikita ko ha! lugi naman si h2b mo kung sa Tita mo masusunod o nakasalalay ang decision niyo kasal niyo.

Yes it is true ang sama ng loob dapat alisin pero as human naman hindi naman ito naaalis talaga overnight or mamaya mawawala na. Ang sugat ba agad agad ba nawawala o gumagaling? Masaklap nga minsan nagkaka scar pa. Hindi naman pwede yung pipilitin mo magkaroon ng peace just because of the wedding.

Your wedding plan is year pa magaganap so as much as possible wag kang mag open up ng plans to anyone and just to be safe pati sa friends mo. Magfocus na lang kayo ni fiance sa wedding preps and kung sino ang invited. My tip here is make a seat plan, gumawa na kayo ng invitation na may RSVP at maglista na kayo na kung sino lang ang strictly gusto niyong mainvite. Again be silent with your plans.  Naalala ko tuloy ako nga eh! sa iba nalaman ng Mama ko na we are planning event na pala and take note sa student niya. Nagulat Mama ko kasi wala talaga siyang alam. We became silent sa preparation at all ultimong sa menu at souvenirs. Pati Godparents plantsado na. Days before the event na lang niya ako naipressure of inviting others.

Another thing here is panindigan mo yung objective niyo whom to invite or choose. Pwede niyo kasi project na ang gusto niyong invite ay yung mga taong alam niyong may concern at magiging masaya sa pag-aasawa niyo. Why inviting someone na wala namang pakialam sa pag-aasawa niyo? Ask them why should I invite them? Anong gagawin nila sa kasal niyo? Kakain lang? Hindi feeding program ang event niyo.

[tiffany24]

Wala na din talaga kong masasabi kaya virtual hug na lang for you sis ANJFinally Let's hope for the best that your relatives come to their senses or if not, at least you find the courage to just ignore them. I'm also not in good terms with my relatives pero come to think of it i don't really bother inviting them talaga.. kasi we're not close. Siguro pabalat bunga na lang na invite tapos sabay wish na sana hindi sila umattend (yung iba lang naman!) haha ang bad!

[toria]

@iameynjhel Sis, for me ha ano ba talaga ang desisyon mo? I-aallow mo ba ang 5 guests per parent?
If yes and sinabi ng dad mo na sakanya ok lang kahit wala syang invite then give your in-laws the same number of people to invite. Para fair na din to both parties.

If you decide that you really don't want to invite people that you don't know, ask h2b to talk calmly to his mom. Ask him to explain why you don't want, don't give the MIL an impression na just because ayaw mo lang kasi for sure ugat nanaman yan ng problema he he.

@ANJFinally Both ways may masasaktan sa magiging decision mo but you have to close your eyes and accept this.

You have to choose and be firm with it.

H2b and I were not very particular with the date of our wedding, we just know na di namin kakayanin ang 2016 kaya we decided to schedule it to early 2017.

Another factor in picking the date was our ninong/ninang (his uncle and auntie) who are based abroad. They always schedule their PH vacation during late Jan/early Feb (since mahal ang pamasahe pag Dec) so we picked a date in late Jan 2017 and informed them. Malaki kasi talaga ang part nila sa relationship namin, sa kanila kami palagi nanghihingi ng advice as a couple, kaya sobrang laki ng paghanga namin sakanila. I think it's a small gesture to thank them by considering their schedule in picking our wedding date.

[moana]

hay pa vent out lang ulit mga sissies. kaka imbey kasi ma seen zone talaga.

Kasi naman recently may war yung 2 friends ko na pareho kong inalok mag bridesmaid. For me kasi wala ako kinakampihan sa kanila kaya pareho ko sila inalok. Nasa kanila na lang yun kung idadamay nila yung issue nila sa pagpapa-unlak ng invitation ko. Afterall, magkakaibigan naman kami.
Kaya lang yung isa talagang pati ako yata dinadamay sa issue nila. Pati pangungumusta ko lately 'seen-zoned'. Pwede naman kasi simple NO, mahirap ba yun? Mejo nakakasama ng loob dahil sya pa yung pinaka unang naka alam ng wedding plan na ito at sya din una ko inalok personally.
Isa sya sa mga unang naka alam na magpapakasal na ako, tapos ganun yung pinapakita sa akin ngayon eh di naman ako involve sa kung ano man away nila nung isa.

Last na update ko na next week, pag walang sagot talaga sorry pero aalisin ko na sa listahan ng bridesmaid. At hindi na pwede humabol once magbago man ang isip.

[Purple_Power]

^Nakausap mo na ba siya kahit landline o cellphone? Kasi kung facebook lang mahirap pa kasi mag assume kung bakit nananahimik lang siya mas maigi na yung may marinig ka. Inform mo lang siya na naghahanda ka na ng list for the entourage and she is part of it. Aba abah hindi biro ang mag organize ng event ha! Nakaka hassle rin sa totoo lang yung hintay ka ng hintay ng confirmation at mas lalong nakakainis yung hindi ka sineseryoso kapag kinakausap mo siya ng maayos. Sabihin mo sa kanya kasi if she can't make it iba na lang ang mag bridesmaid.