Show me something I do not see

[lovemeagain30]

^ True. Hindi magkaka ganyan si Ex kung hindi siya nakakita ng kakaramput na motibo na gusto pa din siya ni hubby mo. yung smack nga lang sa lips.. ano yun nangyari lang??  para mo na rin sinabi bigla mo na ismack ang katabi mo sa elevator ng wala lang or kung sino mang masalubong mo diyan sa kanto. of course, obviously both are at fault here. madalas alam naman natin mga babae ang totoong nangyayari eh (instinct) kaya nga tayo humuhingi ng opinyon ng iba kasi mas gusto natin pakinggan sila kesa harapin yung gut feeling natin.

[vermich]

sinabi ko rin yan both of them are at fault. Marami akong tanong bakit need magkita na sila lang, bakit gabi pa, anong pinagusapan nila....Pero ewan hugas kamay naman si partner nagulat na lang daw syang nilapitan sya at nagsmack when they we're saying goodbye na - i guess lahat ng lalaking mahuhuli ganito sasabihin na wala syang ginawa yun other party lang talaga.

So yun kakausapin ni partner si exgf kasama ang kuya nya. Ewan ko na bahala na sila. Unless nga delusional si girl na pwedeng meron pang something sa kanila kung ang parating sinasabi sa akin ni partner e hindi nya ito pinapansin which make it seem like it kung babasahin ko yun viber messages.

Ang yes hindi naman basta basta makakaalis si partner sa job nya, si girl bagong pasok sa company nila. 5yrs na nagtra trabaho si partner sa company na yan at meron pa syang upcoming promotion.

I asked opinions kasi I don't feel any suspicion not even a gut feel that there is an actual infidelity ongoing, kaya pakiramdam ko manhid ako. That's why I am asking help me see what I do not see. Feeling ko ang kulang na lang ako mismo kumausap kay girl na rin para malaman ang side nya , kasi puro one sided ang messages nya na hindi ko naman nirereplyan nababasa ko lang. Pero yun nga naisip ko rin kung malaman ko naman ang purpose nya bakit nya ginagawa ito at malamang hindi ako makakakuha ng matinong sagot from her dahil ako kausap nya.

5yrs ago na rin yun last na may nangyaring panloloko, at aminado sya doon choice nya yun ginawa nya kasi he wasn't getting any bedroom action from me buntis ako e. Mula nun wala naman nangyayaring ganito, hindi ako naghigpit sya naghigpit sa sarili nya. Sya pa rin naginstall ng tracking apps para alam ko daw kung nasaan sya. Samantalang yun office nya kabilang building lang ng tinitirhan namin condo.

[lovemeagain30]

Bakit nga ba hindi mo kausapin ng diretso ang ex gf? go straight to her. find the other half of the truth.

[Girltalker2]

I dont think talking to the girl is worth your time.  Matutuwa lang sya na nagkakagulo kayo.

Sa mga messages na ganyan, kun wala talaga nangyari, ang dali lang naman magreply.  "I am getting married to the girl I love. Matagal na tayong wala, lubayan mo na ako kasi there can never be an us."

Mahirap ba sumagot sa mga messages nya (kahit ngayon) na "I am not interested. Can you please respect me and my partner, ikakasal na kami. And out of respect for yourself, stop this non sense at baka pagsisihan mo ang pinagagawa mo. Nakakahiya".

I also don't think there is a need for your partner to meet the girl with your future bro in law. Basta, she is just wasting everyone's time, that is assuming, your partner talaga does not have anything invested in her. Yun lang naman.

Pag pumilit parin yung girl, the next step is ireport sa HR ng harrassment. Gano kahirap?  Kung nahihirapan si partner, perhaps may ginawa nga sya for the girl to say those things.

[WorriedB2B]

^Exactly. That's also my point. Ang daming paraan para maayos ni partner mo itong situation na ito. But it seems, nagiging mas complicated pa. Ang dali tapusin ni partner mo yan if gugustuhin niya, bakit need pa nila i-meet si girl.

[vermich]

SAlamat sa mga inputs po mga girltalkers. They did setup a meet pero tumanggi na makipagmeet si girl this time. Nun panay pa rin ang message ni girl over the weekend kinuha na ni partner ang phone ko and yes he reported it to HR na rin. Mula pa nun Thursday last week hindi pumapasok yun girl accdg sa supervisor nya at kahapon nag file ng formal complaint si partner sa HR nila.

Accdg sa boss nila hindi man ako employee ng company pero harrasment ginagawa nya and slander kay partner dahil nagkakalat pala sya ng mga chismis tungkol sa kanila na may relationship sila dun sa floor nya. Syempre nakarating na floor nila partner dahil nasa management sya.

Pinapapunta rin ako nila kuya sa women's desk to file a complaint of harrasment at file a request na hindi makalapit si girl, hindi ko pa alam ang process. Nalaman nila na nagstal stalk na pala si girl matagal na up to what extent hindi pa namin alam. Kung paano nalaman yun kapatid na lalaki ni girl ang tumawag kay partner para magask ng sorry which di naman tinaggap ni partner kasi gusto nila galing kay girl yun sorry. Nagask ako about the past relationship ni partner with that ex pero sabi lang nya ginago sya ni girl to the highest level nun sila pa at involved ang kuya nya dahil binastos si sil nun time na yun. I cannot get enough details why at kung ano nangyari dahil mainit ang ulo nila ayaw nila napapagusapan si girl.

Sila ILs din sabi nila basta ignore the girl at loka loka nga daw yun. So yes I am ignoring her at sila na bahala. Kung ano man ang issue ni girl ayoko na ungkatin. And yes over the weekend I am checking out my wedding dress, tuloy pa rin ang kasal. Pupunta dito ang last living relatives ko by October to help out and para makabaskasyon na rin dito sa Pilipinas. I cannot state enough how it shook the foundation of trust that I gave my partner over the last 5yrs.

I made me realize din na wait andito pa rin ako helping him reaching his potential to become a better person and dapat I should grow better too myself.

Tama naman there will always be bitches and kabitches left and right. But the focus should be on your partner and the relationship you have not on those women. It will be a waste of time in the end -- yan yun parati kong sinasabi sa iba -- and funny kapag ikaw na pala nasa situation ang hirap talagang gawin sarili mong advice.

[akosimaiatot]

based on my observation TS, your partner have severe infedelity issues and this is not the first time na nambabae sya but still inaccept mo parin and  had another baby with him? well , there's a saying na you cannot teach an old dogs new tricks and I'm seeing a lot of red flags here.

1. they kissed- smack lang naman but still they kissed and he allows it
2.he's ok about cancelling the wedding AGAIN instead of doing something to fix your relationship
3.the malanding ex have the nerve to send those viber messages,that is something to worry about because to be honest hindi lalakas loob nya if your partner did lead her on.
4. Is he doing something to end the malanding ex obsession with him?
5.Why is he allowing his malanding ex-gf to do all of this ? lalo at alam nyang you are not comfortable with it and it's basically affecting your relationships?

sorry sis pero sabi nga nila if you have at least 1% doubt abt getting married don't do it.

[vermich]

Isang beses lang nya ginawa 5yrs ago pa. I don't see any lead ons, and yun nga wala akong makita or maramdaman na red flags that I should be alarmed na nambabae sya. Office bahay na lang sched nya at kung lalabas ang team nila isasama pa ako. The reason na gusto kong itigil ang wedding kasi ayoko ng magulo at ayusin ang dapat ayusin, yes doubted kasi madali akong masway sa mga sinabi ni girl.


please tell me what else he should need to do para masabi na enough na yun ginagawa nya. Technically hindi pa rin ako well verse sa legal processes dito. I only filed a restraining order para di makalapit si girl sa amin due to harrasment pero it will only run for certain number of days since walang solid evidence ng physical harrassment unless she would try to attack me and the kids physically.

[lovemeagain30]

Sis marry the guy.  You don't need any assurance or opinions from any of us. I wonder why you even have to seek advice in the first place? After all, this is a life changing decision for you -- that you will be solely responsible for it and for its outcome.

Kasi if there is an advice/s from any of sisters here not to push on the wedding (because of the red flags) I noticed you have an answer in defense to your partner. So ano ba talaga?? Magpakasal ka na my dear, ituloy mo na yan. If there is an inner voice inside you that tells you not to do it -- it's up to you should you wish not to listen to it. Ignore it. Pero ituloy mo na yan para hindi ka na matuliro. Wala naman nakakaalam kung magloloko "ulit" ang asawa mo in the future di ba? or may lalabas ulit na obsessed ex gf after many years. hindi rin namin alam kung totoong loyal na ulit si hubby mo. bottomline, ikaw lang ang makakapagsabi nun kasi ikaw ang makakasama niya sa buhay. Kung mangyari man ang hindi kanais nais, ikaw lang naman ang sasalo lahat nun. It's part of married life my dear. So tuloy na yang kasalan yan para lahat happy na. 

[Girltalker2]

TS, convincing enough narin siguro filing a harassment case.

Just remember you have to trust your partner 100% which I think you do.  There shouldn't be any tinge of doubt in your heart/mind. Buo loob mo dapat.

Best wishes to you sis!

[aquacharly]

Take that Leap of Faith.
You may have doubts, but you are willing to gamble again. You are convinced the odds are better in your favor now.
After all, what kind of a life will you have if you will let every Fear dry up your happiness?

Heto lang masasabi ko:  Take good care of yourself, always.

Financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically, & intellectually -- take good care of yourself. Improve yourself each and everyday. 
If nothing rocks your relationship, no regrets.
If there is another Betrayal, no regrets -- you will be strong & not be The Loser.  You will be able to survive the heartbreak by being comforted that you had a great time while the relationship lasted, now it's time to choose which fork in the road again. 

Relationships have expiration dates.  Some sooner than later.  Those with late expiration dates survive, yes, due to other factors.  We stay in relationships we are convinced we deserve (whether you are proud of it, or just settling).  Whatever the expiration date, enjoy it while it lasts & do not neglect advancing yourself.  Para nga, no regrets.

Let me give my thoughts on mga "malandis"  or mga "makatis"  & their ilk.
There will always be someone wanting to steal another woman's happiness away.  Morals have deteriorated:  the mangled   "by crook  or by crook" guideline is no longer rare. 
There will always be someone more beautiful, more sexually tempting, younger, etc etc.  INTENTIONALLY out to rob you of your Beautiful Life.
(Men have likewise eased on their morals. Hahaha they have become good at rationalizing their rationalization for cheating.  Medj mayabz na rin!!  Kahit pangit eh choosy. Hahaha)

So...
A woman must not lull herself  into false complacency with misplaced pride na mas sexy or maganda sya. 
What we offer our men is that their Best Life is with us.  Ayaw nya? Go, he is The Loser, not you.  BUT you can pull that off only if you improve yourself every effing day. Hwag tatamad tamad.
Malay mo, 1 day that guy you made the center of your life is no longer good enough for you. 
IMO, there will always be a Loser when relationships break up.  Better say he is The Loser, not you.  Your choice.  Work on it every effing day -- that's the only way. 

[csj]

I wonder saan nanggagaling confidence ni ex gf to send messages like that to your partner? There must be something you're missing out when it's just the two of them, might be misinterpretation sa part ng ex gf on her friendship with your partner or hindi outright rejection ang pinapakita ng partner mo towards her. Either way, it's your
partner's words against her. Up to you kung sino paniniwalaan mo. Remember that legit reason to get married is if you truly love the person, not because may anak na kayo or nanghihinayang sa kahit ano. Pray and reflect, you will get through this

[vermich]

I know matagal na itong post na ito. Pero yes we are now married legally in a simple wedding with our immediate family and close friends. We underwent family counselling under CEFAM a week after I posted here. At least I know we are now on the same page how we wanted our family to be and how our kids will see us.

I was able to talk to the girl mid October. She admited trying to get her exback kasi palpak yun pinagpalit nya. She had a thinking na kaya double promotion si husband was to show her pwede pa sila regardles kung may family or whatnot. She broke up with him before kasi ayaw papromote ni husband no matter how multi awarded and talented he was.   Parang feeling nya walang pangarap sa buhay. Nagulat ako sa sagot ni husband that time.. He said it was for my family and kids I never thought about you. He said that poker face.. Kitang kita how deflated she was. I feel bad for her.

But all is clear she has resigned from the company as di na rin naman sya pumapasok. I received an email a few days before Christmas from her she seems to be doing okay and profusely kept saying sorry for doing those mistakes she previously made. Lesson learned for all of us.

Girltalkers. I have reread again and again posts and or comments. Lalo na napublish ang post ko recently.. Sana lang wag kaagad agad magcast ng stone with the wrong party. I understand grieved party wants to hear views from other women who may have similar experiences but isnt it better if we uplift each other na lang than casting a bad light to any parties involved. We don't know their side yet. Sabi nga innocent until proven guilty. Well that's just me.

I feel bad din that I doubted my husband after 5yrs of having a normal family life with him. It gave me time to do check myself and how I view people around me. It's an eye opener. We are going on a family retreat for the new year to renew our energies to positive ones.

Let's help each other and empower other women who are lost and has no to talk to. Thank you GT!

[junetwentythree]

^ Quite honestly, I'm tired of seeing women's posts on here that are about their men possibly cheating on them and they choose to stay with them anyway. I'm not sure what it is you wanted to hear instead, for us to have you stay in a possibly bad relationship? There's no uplifting a situation that doesn't seem ideal, especially when kids are involved. You're right, we will be quick to judge, when someone commits infidelity but that's because too many fall for that trap -- and they only have themselves to blame. So if some posts appear harsh, it's because they just want you to realize an even harsher reality. But good on you that you and your partner have seemingly fixed things. In the end only you know what's best. After all it's your life, not ours.

[lovemeagain30]

^ I second agree sis junetwentythree. I've known also same women around wherein they will complain about their hubby's infidelities, they would like to hear your thoughts, you will make a sound judgement based on what info they'll give you (it may not be likely on what they want to hear) ang ending? Ikaw na ang masama for giving out your opinion to their issue.  Ikaw lang na nakinig at nagbigay opinyon sa issue na sila mismo ang nag open up sayo,, ang ending ikaw pa etong nakasakit sakanila. hay naku tao nga naman.

madalas sinasabi ko sa mga ganyan babae na susunod mag away sila dun siya mag open up sa "friends/family" ni partner/hubby. i'm pretty sure they wont say anything bad towards him baka malamang ikaw pa ang ijudge nila sa mismong ikukwento mo saknila. kasi kung ako kaibigan i would be upfront but most likely, they wont like it.

[donya_dyosa]

first, congrats sis vermich on your wedding..
oo nga pala noh, napublish nga itong post mo sa mismong website... nakita ko sa fb wall ko.

anyway.. tama si sis lovemeagain30 and junetwentythree...
actually,  sorry, not sorry for giving nega feedbacks  on your husband.
minsan kailangan din ng nega sa buhay.. di pwede puro positve lahat.. pang balanse yan eh.

pero naging ganyan narin ako..
dati mega rant ako sa friends ko sa bf (ex) ko na babaero,.
tapos sila kamping kampi saakin na kinainisan na nila yung lalaki.
pero pag kaming dalawa lang nung ex ko ang sweet sweet ko naman.
tapos magagalit ako sa mga friends ko na inaway yung bf ko. nagagalit naman ako sa feedbacks nila.,
napansin ko, nilayuan na nila ako. kasi ang balimbing ko na masyado.
ang ginawa ko., kunwari okay na kami ng bf (ex) ko at gumawa nalang ako ng story na ayaw na niya dun sa babae niya at ako talaga ang mahal niya at naghahabol yung babae at ako na ang pinili niya.
pero yung totoo.. nambabae parin yung bf ko..
dahil sa mata ng lahat ok na ang "sitwasyon" ko, lahat ng panloloko sakin, sinarili ko nalang kasi the boy who cried wolf nako masyado.,  narealize ko, sarili ko lang pala niloloko ko...
but thats just my story. i mean, ako na ang nagkwento sa friends ko, ako pa nagalit sa kanila nung pinagtatanggol ako at pinamumukha saakin ang hindi ko makita.
 

good thing, happily ever after ang ending nyo. more like a teleserye to me, .pero i am not doubting your story , maganda ang nangyari sa lovelife mo, maganda ang twist of events. maswerte ka na ganyan ang nangyari.... at sis, embrace it kasi bihira yan...