Involved grandparents, healthy ba?

[kikaygimikera]

Hi mga sis, I need your thoughts and advice re. my situation and also feel free to share your experiences.

I was a young mom. Medyo malaking factor nung paglaki ng son ko yung Lola niya (my side) when he was growing up. 5 years old pa lang son ko when we went back to my Mom (the Lola) because nag hiwalay kami ng first husband ko. Then, fast forward to 10 years. I re-married. Okay naman lahat. Yung relationship namin ng mom ko, ng son-husband ko etc. The ex husband and biological father, went missing/did not want to support anymore/I chose not to contact him again.

Yung Lola (my mom) may ugali kasi na kapag kailangan pagalitan ang son ko, she will talk to my son alone and she will ask ano ang nangyari, etc. She assures my son na its normal, etc. Ganon. Maganda diba? Pero hindi niya alam ang backfire sa akin as a mom, my son dont see me as her mom anymore. Bumalik na lang yung respect, yung takot, yung pag sunod niya sa akin when we moved out and I re-married.

The Lola usually contacts my son, even gave my son his own iPhone5. Sobrang showered with love. Spoiled but not bratty naman. She'd give us weekly baon for my son, and alam mong gusto niya involved siya sa son ko. I appreciate it naman.

Kaso lang kagabi, my husband and I learned that my son was not sleeping anymore dahil sa games sa iPhone niya. Before naman, kinukuha ko ang phone during weekdays and nakakapag phone lang siya during weekends. Ngayon hindi kasi may instance dati na parang lumabas kontrabida ako dahil ako gumagamit ng iPhone 4 niya noon. Then the Lola gave him an iPhone5 then sabi ng son ko "walang hiraman" and he'll give me his iPhone 4.

So ayon. Nahuli namin he's not sleeping. 5am gising na just to check on his games. His Dad caught him and kinuha yung phone and told me ibigay pag weekends na lang. So okay na. Then this morning, I tried waking him up mga 5 times. His school service arrived, tulog pa din. We decided wag na siya pumasok sa school. Sobrang galit ko I told him "wag ka na magpphone hindi mo na mahahawakan phone mo ha" tapos I checked his phone iba na ang passcode. He had a way to check on it habang tulog pala ako kaya --- antok siya and hindi nakapasok.

I told my sister and my mom about it. My sister said its normal daw. Oo normal maging pasaway pero syempre hindi itotolerate diba? Pero parang pakiramdam ko mali na naman ako dahil nagalit kaming mag asawa. Tapos my mom said "Can I call him?" Eh tulog pa son ko non. Sabi ko mamaya na lang. Pero deep inside ayoko naman talaga. Kasi ayan na naman yung mom ko eh. Involved na naman. Tapos my husband told me the same thing verbally. Pareho kami ng iniisip. Sabi na lang ni hubby, dapat di ko na sinasabi sa mom ko.

Question: Tama ba na di na dapat sinabi sa Lola and my sister ( the Aunt)? My reason for telling them kasi gusto ko rin naman sila i-update about sa life ng son ko. (his crushes, his secrets etc)

Tama ba na normal lang ginagawa ng son ko?

Mali ba yung naramdaman ko na ayoko ipakausap yung son ko sa Lola niya?

[ri-anne]

First, mali yung anak mo. Tama lang na pagalitan nyong mag-asawa sya. You should discipline him more. If it were my son, i'll confiscate his phone indefinitely and change the passcode.

Second, if you don't want other people to get involved (like, your mom), edi don't tell her about your issues or problems anymore - just the good stuff lang para nga ma-update din naman sila.

About how you feel, it's ok lang naman you acknowledge. Hirap din ilabel if right or wrong, eh sa ganoon nararamdaman mo eh. [textspeak!] just don't let it affect your relationship with your mom & son.
Or try to make a way para something positive will come out of it, like, nurturing your relationship wih your son more.
Good luck sis

[budzwhiz]

Hindi mo na kailangan sabihin yung mga ganung issue sa kanila sis, if you think you shouldn't have told them (para maiwasan sila getting involved) then there's nothing wrong with that. Ano naman masama with keeping family incidents within the 'immediate' family, diba.

[j.adore]

If you want to be the sole parental figure for your son, you have to act like one. I think kaya your son didn't see you as his mom kasi naka asa lang sa lola yung rearing.

Hindi kailangan every instance every problem sabihin sa lola at Tita. That's basically asking for intervention nila.

[TysLolakins]

it will not work, you have to tell your mom to back off, there can only be 1 parent (you and your husband is one) figure to the child .  your mom sounded like she meant well with helping to rear your child but this creates a situation where the child tries to pit one over the other.  you'll lose the ability to set firm limits and boundaries because there is another person having a say too.  how can you consistently discipline him when he knows he can always run to his grandma to fix things up.
and your mom will need to understand that she should discourage your son  from running to her all the time, she should firmly say that she defers to you on everything and for him for listen to you.  it will only get worse as your son gets older, esp the teenage years.

[aquacharly]

You are just enforcing discipline, which doesn't appear excessive to me.
Kids may not like it, but they do look to be disciplined too.

Tama Lang hindi mo muna pinaka usap -- emotions were running high for you & your son pa that time.

[lovemeagain30]

How are you TS? na establish mo na ba ang relationship mo with your son with regards to discipline?

Same situation din tayo nuon and I could say nasa atin talaga parents ang pagdidisiplina sa anak. wala sa lolo at lola nila. mahirap talaga kung naging involved sila sa pagpapalaki sa bata. isa eto sa mga cons.