Is it too early to get tired of the marriage?

[@pichness@]

Hello. I don't know if this is the best place to post my marital problems but there's no harm naman siguro in trying.

You can view my posts so that you may have an idea how me and my husband met.

We were married December 2013. I have a kid, my hubby is not the real father but sa birth certificate ng baby ko pinaayos ko na at pinagawang sya talaga ang ama.

I loved my husband. Yes, I really do. It was not just because of despair kaya ako nagpakasal sa kanya. Ewan ko sa kanya. Sabi nya oo, mahal daw nya ako.

Marital problems started to become worse this 2015. Ito pala arrangement namin: He works at their family business (water station) sa Calamba while me and my kid are living with my parents here in San Pedro. Every Wednesday ng hapon umuuwi sya sa aming mag-ina then we will go sa aking own house somewhere in San Pedro also. Then ihahatid nya ako papasok sa work kinabukasan ng Thursday then sya uuwi ulit ng Calamba. Uuwi uli sya sa amin Saturday ng hapon (minsan gabi na because minsan nakikipaginuman sya sa mga barkada nya doon) then balik uli sya sa Calamba ng Monday morning. Gulo no?

Honestly, for the past 1-1/2 years naming mag-asawa, ni minsan wala syang inaabot na pera panggastos. Although he would volunteer to pay some bills like electricity or water. He would also say na sya daw ang sasagot sa tuition ng anak ko who is now a nursery pupil (which is hindi pa nangyayari).

This May, while I was in my own house dumating ang Meralco and right in front of my eyes tinanggal ang metro. Yes, 5 months na pala di nagbabayad ang husband ko pero nilihim nya sa akin. Naputulan na kami noon tapos naging okay na akala ko binayaran na nya. My parents knew about this dahil narinig nila kami na nagaaway nung inaamo na nya ako. There was another issue wherein nung umuwi kami mag-ina sa Calamba, piyesta kasi, so napakialaman ko phone nya at nakita ko na may kachat/kaflirt sya sa FB. Nung kachat nya yung girl na yun ay petsa kung saan pumunta kami sa Bataan nang kaming dalawa lang at matutulog na sana kami. 

After the incident of the girl, the Meralco meter, issue of not giving financial obligations, I decided to give him the cold shoulder. Two weeks ko syang iniwasan. I blocked him on the phone. But ayun, inamo nya ako, sabi nya magbabago na raw sya. Sige, I thought, baka maging okay pa. Nangako sya na give him until June para maayos ang kanilang family business at lilipat na sya sa bahay ko para maging isang buong pamilya na kami. Mag-aapply daw sya ng work near San Pedro para araw araw na raw syang uuwi (or so I thought again).

Now last week, ito na naman.. I talked to him about applying. He was so negative about the idea, kesyo di na daw pwede edad nya, may problem daw sya sa mata, etc. Sabi ko just pass your resume, halika magresearch tayo sa jobstreet. Pero ayun very hesitant. Inaway ko uli sya last week dahil overnight naiwan nya bukas ang gripo nakamaximum pa. Laking issue to sa akin kasi nagtitipid nga ako dahil ako lang talaga kumakayod.

Yesterday, Saturday, expect ko uuwi sya man lang ng maaga kasi nung Wednesday hindi sya umuwi, may inaasikaso daw sya sa Calamba. I called him yesterday because may kakilala ako sa Binan at hiring daw sila sa isang company sa Cabuyao. Based dun sa kakilala ko ay pasok na pasok sya sa mga qualifications in terms of age, degree, etc. Pero hindi sya umuwi kagabi. Reason? Wala lang. Kanina lang madaling araw sya umuwi dumiretso sa bahay ko while me I'm here at my parents' house.  I went to my house kinuha ko duplicate keys nya. Sabi ko akala ko ba gusto mo magapply ng trabaho tapos ito na nga di mo pa grab yung opportunity. Mga sis, sa totoo lang wala nang linggo na hindi kami nagtatalo. Hindi ko alam ano talaga yung pumipigil sa kanya para tuluyan na kaming magsama-sama bilang isang pamilya. Ako lang ba nangangarap ng ganoon? I decided kanina na makipaghiwalay na. Yung mga damit nya inayos ko na sa isang sako sabi ko sa kanya ay idedeliver na lang ng kasambahay ko dun sa bahay nila sa Calamba which freaked him out.

I really didn't know what to do. He was asking for another chance pero pag binibigyan ko ng chance umaabuso. Pagod na pagod na ako.  Pasensya na kung mahaba ang post ko. Need ko lang talaga ilabas ang sama ng loob ko.

[evilwoman]

Naalala kita sis. I hate to say this (joke lang, masaya kong sasabihin ito) ikaw naman kasi..ang tigas ng ulo mo.nung unang thread mo ang daming magandang payo sa iyo hindi mo sinunod. E di ayan, nagsayang ka pa ng panahon dyan sa pseudo husband mo.pati anak mo binigyan mo ng sakit ng ulo.nilagay mo na yan ang tatay sa birth certificate nya na hindi dumadaan sa tamang proseso. Baka naman ngayon idadahilan mo na naman na hahanapin sya ng anak mo kaya di mo mapakawalan. Hugot naman ng konting self respect..

[@pichness@]

Oo nga po sis. Matigas ulo ko. Lagi ko kasi syang binibigyan ng chance ako si t**** na wala nang ginawa kungdi magintindi sa kanya at magparaya. Sa uri ng trabaho ko kasi sis bawal ang single mom. Hay ewan ko na talaga. Isang malaking milagro na lang sana yung dumating para magbago sya. I really do not know what to do.

[@pichness@]

32 na sya sis. Kanina bago kami umalis ng bahay ko kinuha ko duplicate keys ng house at car ko. Ayaw ko na talaga sya makita. Sising alipin ako bakit ako nagpakasal sa kanya kaso ano pa bang magagawa ko?

[@pichness@]

Buti nga sis di pa ako nabubuntis sa kanya eh. Hirap magpalaki nga. Feeling ko dalawa anak ko, sya at yung baby girl ko na 4 years old na ngayon.

Update: Hindi na ganon kaclose ang baby girl ko sa kanya

[evilwoman]

Ano bang trabaho mo sis at nasabi mong bawal maging single mom? Teacher sa sectarian school? If ever namang matauhan ka at pakawalan mo ang linta mong asawa, hindi mo naman kailangan magdeclare na hiwalay ka na.quiet ka lang.

[@pichness@]

I turned him back na this afternoon. Hopefully this is for good na. Yes teacher po ako sa public school. Sa totoo lang po madami na ako nasabing masasama sa kanya kaya nawalan na ako talaga ng respeto para sa kanya. Ang nakakainis pa sa kanya kanina eh pinagbibintangan ako na may iba akong lalaki kaya nakikipaghiwalay ako. Hindi ba nya magets na sobrang nastress na ako sa kanya? Dun sya magaling, ang palabasin na kasalanan ko ang lahat at sya ay inosente.

[Girltalker2]

TS, dapat title ng thread: good riddance!

[evilwoman]

^^public school naman pala.i don't think it should be a big deal.

[mysterioza_me]

Sis since married na kayo I think you should try harder to save your marriage. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na pagtiyagaan mo pero kasi hindi pwede na basta ayawan na. You both need to communicate and have an open-mind para maintindihan ang katwiran ng bawat isa. Pag-usapan ninyo share sa money kasi mukhang hindi siya naoobliga at pati setup sa bahay. Pag-usapan ninyo lahat baka kasi may insecurities pala si mister or may problema kaya ganun pero if madiscover mo na sadyang batugan at iresponsable lang siya talaga at wala siyang plano na gawan ng paraan, ikaw na magdecide kung ano gagawin mo.

[aquacharly]

When one is no longer motivated to make a go of a relationship -- one is more prone to look for the sadness & troubles therein, than at the joy & happiness it brings.  So, to answer your query:  Is it too early to get tired...   IMO, it all depends on you since time is relative.  It all depends on your capacity to hope, try & try, wait, suffer, & be patient as well as forgiving.

Some of your problems are not hard to solve.  But the character flaws you can't tolerate ... Well... What do you think, do you too have character flaws he finds hard to tolerate?   Give-and-take.

What is BEST for YOU?  Focus on that, in your attempts to answer your thread's query.
You are a responsible woman & mom.  You will most likely answer the question above with maturity & realism. So what is best for you will intrinsically be best for your child too.

All I can say is:  leave behind what does not bring out the best in you.

[j.adore]

TS, backread on your posts and I think I'd agree with one of our sissies here. Disclaimer -- harsh and judge-y solely based on your posts..

It was not just because of despair kaya ako nagpakasal sa kanya. Ewan ko sa kanya. Sabi nya oo, mahal daw nya ako.

Is this a fact or are you convincing yourself?
Sabi mo dati, gusto mo ng may mauuwian sa gabi. To have someone be there for you no matter what -- like the fairytale we're told to have.

Parang you keep looking for it and as long as someone tells you mahal ka, you go all out believing this is it. Ang dami ng samples mo sa past relationships kung pano ka naging **** for love. Yet you're still in the same predicament.

Siguro narinig mo na "true happiness comes from within" and "you don't need a man to be truly happy". If ever God blesses you with THE ONE, maraming salamat! Pero kung wala pa talaga, wait and do not settle.



Living Separately: Bakit nagpakasal kung magkahiwalay ng tirahan? Di ba pwede ikaw lumipat dun o siya lumipat sa inyo?

Income Sharing: Hindi ba ito napagusapan bago ang kasal at bago siya gawin legal father ng anak mo? Surely he knows what he's getting into. As a wife, he should provide for you and your daughter.
So same question, bakit nagpakasal kung hindi pa pala ready financially?

Affairs: I think he has been doing this before you were even married? Tapos magsosorry tapos ok na ulit kayo?
Kasi kung nagwork noon na magddrama lang tapos patatawarin mo ulit eh di yun at yun lang gagawin niya (I know someone na ganito talaga ilang taon na).



You haven't really been a married couple nor a family. So as stated here, good riddance!
Focus on your daughter and yourself (personal/internal problems you need to address first before going into relationships) na lang. That is way more important than the illusion of a husband or a family with this man.

[caterpillar-girl]

Maybe it would be better if you don't take him back based on promises alone. Words are cheap, sis. Take him back only when he's actually done something to prove he's sincere about making things right between the two of you. Like if he finally gets a job. At least then you'll know he's taking steps to set things right.

[@pichness@]

Thank you mga sis. Sa totoo lang gumaan ang loob ko kahit na alam kong napakabigat na consequences ang nakuha ko dahil sa mali-maling decisions sa buhay. Right now I want to focus on my kid, my job and my business. I felt relieved now na wala akong kasigawan at kapalitan ng hurtful words.

For my next steps regarding my marriage, I don't still know what to do basta right now gusto ko magkalayo kami.

I'm planning to arrange some legal papers about sa house and lot at sasakyan ko. Pwede bang sa anak ko mapupunta yun in case may mangyari sa akin? Alam ko kasi sa batas eh ang legal na magmamana ay asawa kasi muna bago ang anak tama po ba?

[evilwoman]

^50% sa spouse, other half e hati pa din.sila ng anak mo.so bale 75% ang kanya.pls correct me if im wrong mga sis.

[happytalker]

Sis evilwoman, tama yan if there was no prenup agreement or last will and testament.

Sis pichness, maybe you should give it more time. Tama siguro na mag"cool-off" period muna kayo so that both for you will be able to think things thoroughly before you make any final decision since mahirap makita ng klaro ang sitwasyon kung galit ang papairalin.  Also, huwag padalos dalos sa pagdedesisyon, sabi mo nga you've already made several bad decisions in the past.

Agree with one of our sisses here, bakit nga ba kakaiba ang living arrangement nyo, is it because of work? Baka naman pwede nyo gawan ng paraan for one of you to move or sacrifice sa pagbyahe just so you'll stay together in one roof. 

[aquacharly]

^50% sa spouse, other half e hati pa din.sila ng anak mo.so bale 75% ang kanya.pls correct me if im wrong mga sis.

Correct.

You cannot disinherit a legal heir -- kahit paklang pakla ka na sa spouse mo.

Knock on wood, if you drop dead:  your spouse becomes the administrator of your minor child's 25percent.  Unless -- you set up a trust fund that nobody can touch until the child turns 18 or 21 --  your choice. 

[maiandra]

Sis, your problems are doable and still kaya pang masolusyunan. Don't think of separation as your way of escape or first optiom to your marriage problems UNLESS you have exhausted all possible options. I mean, ALL. If something is broken, you don't have to throw it away but you have to fix it first.

Pangatawanan mo na kelangan nya magtrabaho at maghati sa finances, and don't be weak about your resolve. Hindi tayo pwedeng wishy washy sa mga desisyon sa buhay, may anak na tayo at nanay na tayo.

[ramamads]

relate sa thread na to sis. that's how my ex live-in partner. irresponsible at tamad sobra. nagpakatanga ako for 9 years. mabuti nlng at hindi kami kasal.