Babymaker

[hunny_ally]

Your husband is opposed to adopting cause the baby won't be biologically his. But doesn't he realize that him having a child with that bar girl would mean that the child won't be biologically yours? Ano iyon safeguarding only his manhood but not considering your emotions? If ok lang sa yo ang mala-teleseryeng setup, then you should have a say too. After all, like what others mentioned here, you will be the mom of the baby. You should have a say on who will be the other party. How sure are you that the bar girl is genetically healthy? Is her IQ ok (sorry, but her DNA will be in your child)? How sure are you, if ever she agrees, she will agree to have a healthy pregnancy? Madaming factors.

The way I see it your husband is in a crossroad. Obviously, he is attracted to the girl but at the same time he doesn't want to betray his marital vows. His proposition then is a perfect solution. He can have his cake and eat it too.

[Pink_Sugar]

Lame excuse, kukuha ng surrogate eh bar girl pa na expose sa usok, alak at puyat?

[red_yesha]

Hmmmm maling mali.
I don't think na baby lang ang habol nya. Kaduda duda.

[prettysummer]

Parang yung husband mo gigil na gigil sa bar girl. Walang siyang pakielam kahit masaktan ka.

Gaano siya kasigurado na kanya yung bata?

Paano kung may sakit yung babae? May STD? My mental issues?

Kaya niya ba suportahan ang income ng babae habang buntis na?

Bakit siya lang ang nakikipagusap sa babae? Diba dapat kayong dalawa if anak lang ang gusto niya?

Sis, natanong mo na ba ang mga ito sa asawa mo? Ng mahinahon. Nasabi mo naba sa kanyang sobrang sakit ng loob mo?

Baka sa huli sabihin ng asawa mo na sa inyo muna titira ang babae habang nagiintay manganak.

[babykat]

Sinabi ko na dati pa sa kanya.  Sabi nya one time payment lang and pagkatapos na manganak.  Lahat ng check up at vitamins, provide nya pero di daw kasama yung lost income or sustento sa girl.  Kung papayag daw, ipapacheck up muna nya bago nya galawin.

Pag madami ako sinasabi, sasabihin nya ang nega ko magisip.  Ganun kasi sya, minsan plano sya ng plano, pero di plantsado detalye.

[ziziChic]

Tang@ng babae or may hidden agenda lang papayag sa proposal ng asawa mo.

Paano sila kakain during pregnancy kung hindi makakapagtrabaho yun babae? May bargirl ba na buntis na mabenta? Mabubuhay lang ba sa check up at vitamins yung bargirl? Paano ang bayad sa bahay, pagkain, kuryente at tubig?

Sorry to say, nag-iisip ba talaga ang asawa mo?

Arte nya lang yun na di ka nya kayang mawala sa kanya, if he do di ka nya bibigyan ng reason to do it. He knows kasi na he can manipulate you, kaya iniinsist nya na sya yung tama. If he insist this, having a child is more important to him and not you. While he choose, you should be also choosing which path you want to go.

Trigger lang yung hindi kayo magkaanak... kasi kung ok talaga kayo in your relationship, this should not be an issue. Paano kung may iba na namang issue or problema? How he or you would handle it? Di kasi dyan lang matatapos ang problema ng mag-asawa.

[j.adore]

Kailangan niyo magusap ng masinsinan. Yung tipong nasa mood na open-minded pareho and both trying not to be too emotional about the topic. Kung sa tingin mo hindi ok yung mood, don't talk yet.

Eto mga points na sinabi nila na kailangan niyo pagusapan and find out your husband's POV:
- If the baby is for you and him, why is he the only one making the decisions? Why did he do this behind your back?
- Bakit kailangan sa kanya ang bata pero hindi sayo tapos palakihin niyo as a family?
- He's never strayed in 8 years but his actions recently are like that of one who is straying -- lying to you and going to the girl plus keeping constant communication and always visiting the girl as if nililigawan niya (my god at the chocolates) behind your back.
Explain to him that these actions, no matter the reason, are forms of betrayal because it's not with your consent and it is hurting you.
- He is being selfish with this "Lalo lang daw kaming magkakaproblema if di ako umayos." kasi he is not giving you a choice except to accept his flawed plan.
- He doesn't listen. Why? Is this his personality? Ask him why he doesn't want to consider the points you're raising.
- Hindi mo kasalanan na hindi kayo magkaanak. Ikaw ba gumawa ng paraan para magkasakit ka? Di naman di ba? Bakit niya isusumbat sayo yun.
I get the frustration of not being able to have a child when you're trying but he is deliberately hurting your marriage by making this seem like your fault.
- Ask if he still truly loves you. His actions aren't coming from someone who does. He's hurting you deliberately and wants you to comply while he does what's best for him and for him alone (siya lang magbebenefit).



Let's count the ways how this plan is so flawed:
- Sex with another woman who is not your wife with the intent of making a baby is an affair except it's out in the open.
Bakit kailangan niya makipagsex? Bakit ayaw niya sa surrogate?
- Quality
You don't have enough resources so bar girl na lang. Ano assurance na magiging ok yung bata? Simple tests will not show mental capacity, congenital disease, other diseases in the family.
- Legality
Ano assurance na hindi maghahabol yang babae pag lumabas na anak? Magkakaroon ba kayo ng contrata? Ano ang habol niyo kung hindi sumunod yung babae sa mga clause ng contrata?

Also, for each point, tell him how it makes you feel. Explain why you're feeling the way you're feeling para may basis at hindi basta lang na ayaw mo.



Ultimate question -- Will having a child really make you both happy?
I ask because this is a milestone and should not be regarded as a quick fix for unhappiness. Tipong you need to be happy on your own first bago ka magdagdag ng tao (and a child at that) sa buhay mo.

[babykat]

Dati happy kami or so I thought.  Nung nalaman namin na malaki na ang myoma ko, mas violent pa nga reaction ko kesa sa kanya.  Kaya nagtataka ako bakit ganito sya ngayon. 

Pag nagkakausap kami sa ibang issues, sa bandang huli, ako pa ang lalabas na selfish.  Pag sinabi koko na nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa nya at bakit parang may something else sa kanila, sya pa masasaktan kasi daw wala akong tiwala sa kanya. Mabait sya. In all the eight years na magkasama kami, ngayon lang kami nagkaproblema ng ganito.  I never thought we would ever come to a point like this.

I don't know how to talk to him and get him to listen. Walang mas pinakabinging tao kesa sa taong ayaw lang making.  Mas makikinig pa siguro sya kung may ibang magsasabi sa kanya pero sino.  Walang nakakaalam sa pinagdadaanan namin ngayon.

Please pray for me sisses.

[Evolet027]

Hi! We have been childless for 3 years since our son died 3 yrs ago. Ito din isang dilemma ko. For now, yeah. kuntento kame na kaming dalawa lang. Pero baka pag tumagal, maghanap din ng baby si hubby. Our first son, miracle na nabuo sya kasi PCOS ako. so hirap talaga ko magbuntis. Trying naman kame pero yuun nga, ang sabi ng husband ko, kugn me ibigay eh di Thank You, kung wala eh di wala. Pero I think that will change pag tagal ng panahon na maghanap na sya ng baby. I do not know how will I feel, pero for me, sa I'll go for other options rather than sa option na makipag sex sya sa iba. EH kasi nga, pano kung walang mabuo sa first time?? mukha akong t**** nun na paulit ulit gang makabuo. I'll rather leave him kung ipilit nya saken yun. Hindi ako selfish, I will give him his freedom if he choose to have a child with other woman. That's for me.

[ramamads]

marami naman ako kilala dyan na masaya kahit walang anak.

[[-c-h-a-]]

my husband read this whole thread and he said what a LOAD OF BS he also thinks he only wants to make his affair legal

if your husband is after the baby lang, why does he have to keep visiting her? nanliligaw! Ginagawa ka nyang t****, babykat.

Please stand your ground and do not let him manipulate you. 8 yrs of being together and he's never strayed? Dapat lang! That's not something he needs to throw at you. Di mo yan utang na loob sa kanya! And so what if ikaw lumabas na selfish? If it means preserving your marriage, then so be it! If he wants to have a baby, then fine. But pick someone you both like. Hindi yung sya lang comfortable, ikaw hindi. This should be decided by both of you.

Nakaka high blood asawa mo

[babykat]

nagaaway kami now kasi nga nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa nya. Feeling nya sya na lang daw lagi nagbibigay sa amin at ako lagi nasusunod.  Di nya maintindihan nasasaktan ako sa ginagawa nya. Wala lang daw akong tiwala sa kanya.

[[-c-h-a-]]

^who in their right mind will let their husband have sex with a girl they're attracted to? Natural hindi ka papayag! Natural hindi sya ang masusunod!

Tell him it's not about trust. Respetuhin ka naman nya as a wife. Don't let him take you for a fool does he really think you're that stupid to buy his excuse?

[iwannabeasupermodel]

This reminds me of a filipino movie ah. Anyway of all girls yung bayaran pa. Well throw back at him na how he can make sure it will be his kung bayaran na babae ang gagawin niyang surrogate mother?

[babykat]

He makes it out to be about trust.  and how nakakasakal and praning and selfish ako.  Nagtanungan na kami kung maghihiwalay na kami kasi di na kami masaya.  Binalik ko sa kanya ang desisyon.  Ayaw naman nya.

[jan888]

hi sis ts..am sure you're hurting now..as you can clearly see majority don't agree with your hubby's solution or excuses..

sis..are you sure ikaw lang ang cause of your being childless?  granted that you have myoma and so do many other women, may pcos rin but naka conceive..  has your husband ever been tested?  eg sperm count?  quality of his semen..and the likes??

if your husband is for real, tell him the consequences (as mentioned by our sisses here) you as a couple may face as a result of HIS (remember you're against it..) action.  Baka maging lifetime harassment yan sa inyo!  if he is too stubborn to listen, write him a letter and list down all the negatives as a result of his clever plan..give him time to reflect on it..

Besides, would you even consider/want to be a mother to a child conceived by such without your approval at all??

[jan888]

^^how about respecting you as his wife?

[hunny_ally]

It's your husband who is selfish! Napaka-one track minded. Siya ang ayaw mag-explore ng other options to conceive a child. he set his mind already in having achild with that bar girl

[iwannabeasupermodel]

well give him an ultimatum, being childless but being with his wife (who can give so much more than cheap thrills of attraction) or that cheap attraction with questionable everything.

[mysterioza_me]

Sis ang daming girls bakit naman sa bar girl pa. I'm not judging her dahil sa bar girl siya pero kasi ang iniisip ko baka yung kasabihan ng matanda na "kung ano ang puno yun ang bunga." I know its not true all the time pero magri-risk ka ba na magraise ng future problem child? Naalala ko bigla yung laos na boldstar na pinalaki ng mag-asawang professionals pero siya naligaw ng landas. Naging bar girl like her biological mom.

Saka paano makaka-sure hubby mo na sa kanya yung kid e bar girl nga. So ang plan ba niya is ititira sa inyo after may mangyari sa kanila para mabantayan. What if di agad magconceive? So sa iisang bahay kayo 3? Pag may sexual urge si mister dun siya kay bar girl then after nila tatabi si mister sa iyo?

Magulo to sis, baka bigla pang maghabol sa mister mo si bar girl. If ipipilit niya, kundisyunan mo na ikaw ang hahanap ng babymaker. Pero kung ako iiwanan ko yang hinayupak na yan lalo na kung di na ko masaya. Magsama sila nung pokp*k na yun. (sorry sa term )