Babymaker

[babykat]

Mga sis, I am deleting the text of my post since it was used without my knowledge in another page.  I am doing this to preserve my anonymity.  The topic I posted here was something I couldn't share with anyone I know.  Girltalk was the only venue I knew where I could really pour my heart out.  Thank you to all who read and responded to my original post.  You have given me invaluable advice and POVs.

[hunny_ally]

What if that first sexual encounter doesn't bear a child? Anong gagawin niya? Try and try until he succeeds? What will you do if that leads to more than a sexual thing? Sorry ha but your husband is giving a lame excuse of wanting a child to have a sexual encounter with the bar girl. He is just using that to justify having extramarital sex.

My aunt and her husband has been childless for almost 15years. Last year they decided to hire a surrogate and they have a baby now. Madaming scientific methods. He just needs to be open about it

[babykat]

Paano ba maghanap and maghire ng surrogate sis?  And how much would it cost?

[jan888]

Yes..agree with sis hunny_ally ..go with the surrogate route..at least inyong inyo yun baby, your egg and your hubby's sperm. 
Think of someone close to you na you can fully trust and mentally stable..so that you can trust her to carry the baby to full term and that the baby she bears is solely yours and your hubby's..
Others prefer to ask someone young who they don't really know but through referrals so that there will be less emotional attachment and guilt involve as the due date approaches.

[babykat]

^Mahirap lang kasi we don't have enough resources right now.  Medyo hirap sa pera kaya we may not be able to afford expensive treatments, etc.  I've been asking around for at least a ballpark figure para may idea ako.

[forumera]

Kung ako siguro yan, baka sabihin ko "okay fine pero not with that girl" not because bar girl sya but because it is obvious na may feelings/spark na nagbabadyang tumubo.

[babykat]

Ang hirap lang, he doesn't listen.  Ipipilit lang nya na baby lang habol nya and di nya yun gusto.  Walang feelings, etc.

[LGV]

Oo nga sis tama sila. Ayoko magmukhang gumagatong pero obvious naman na yung kahihinatnan nito. Ako based sa nabasa ko na sinabi mo, lalaki lang lalo problem nyo. Why is he itching to see the girl that often? And bakit sex is involved talaga kung may ibang way naman. Meaning gusto nya talagang gawin yan. Simple lang siguro kung wala pang pera pagipunan na muna kesa madaliin sa hindi magandang paraan. Obviously the husband want something else aside from just bearing a child kasi paano nga ba naman if hindi makuha sa isang gawaan lang. Ang hirap nito for you, kung natanggap nya naman ng ilang years diba. Siguro sis pray harder let the Lord guide you and your husband para maituwid ito. Kung walang ibang nakakaalam I think kelangan nyo din ng opinion ng closest family member like parents nyo or kapatid. kelangan may magexplain sa asawa mo ng BS (sorry for the word) na gusto nyang gawin. He needs to know na hindi tama yun kasi kung ikaw lang lage magsasabi for sure pagaawayan nyo lang eh. Or if wala sa family better yet magpacounselling kayo.

[[-c-h-a-]]

I agree with everyone. There's an attraction from your husband's side... and him having sex with a girl he's attracted to? A recipe for disaster!! No, no, no.

Fair enough - he wants to have a baby. But I think he also wants to mix business with pleasure. Kill 2 birds in 1 stone. Ay naku, no talaga!

Find a different girl willing to be a surrogate. Basta not that girl. Especially since he really wants to have sex with her I mean, "make sure the baby is his and no one else's". Honestly, what a lame cop out. He just wants to have sex with her! How can he be sure it'll be his anyway since the girl "nagpapa take out"?? So she IS having sex with different men. Ay naku...

[jan888]

not only that, bakit solo siya nakikipag-usap?  diba something this serious should be discussed together eh bakit in your case, parang wala ka sa picture?  tsk tsk..  nagri-report lang or update sa iyo? hmmm..

[Girltalker2]

TS, mag adopt man kayo or magka baby from him, you will be the mother of the baby. So feeling ko, dapat may SAY ka rin who the baby maker will be.

Bakit sya lang ang pumili? Nakita mo na ba yung girl?

Second point : San ba ang focus nya? Magkaanak kasehodang nagkaka problem kayo sa pagsasama nyo? Di ba dapat iprioritise ang pagsasama nyo then anak, that way, lalaki ang bata sa loving environment.

Third: if ever mag decide kayo to take the route of hiring a baby maker, can you guys please go to a professional one? Kasi if it is just a bar girl, how much would it cost? Sabi nyo wala kayong resources? What makes you think may resources yung girl? Magastos iyan, she will demand everything once she gets pregnant. Paano ang kinikita nya monthly? Kayo din sasagot, check ups. Worse, since ka deal nyo is not a professional, what if she backs out after giving birth? Anong gagawin nyo?

If gipit talaga kayo sa funds, adoption is the cheapest.

Lastly, he wants to make sure it is his kid. Pano nya Ito ma assure? There's no way unless magpa DNA sya after lumabas ang bata. Feeling ko mas sure ka pa nga kung artificial insemination kasi the procedure will be done by the doctor.

[ms_simone]

Hi Sis,

I just saw a friend the other day na may myoma and they are exploring the possibility of IVF.
Sa Makati Med daw meron. The whole procedure will cost 200k. Pero the good thing is hinde siya isang bagsak. Per procedure ang bayad. Like yung fertilization muna. By stages kumbaga.

Why dont you explore this option?

Mahirap kasi ang ganyan. May human emotions involve. Ano assurance mo na hinde maghahabol yung girl after? or that she will give up the child once born?

And yeah, I think your hubby wants to get a free pass.

[seven82]

a decision this big should be made by BOTH of you. hindi pwedeng one sided. hindi pwedeng siya lang ang masusunod o magdedecide. kahit gaano pa niya kagustong magkaanak kailangan pareho niyong gusto yung mangyayari. hindi lang naman siya ang magkakababy e but kayong dalawa. tapos kahit alam niyang nasasaktan ka itutuloy pa din niya?

Wala daw lalaking nangangaliwa ang nagsasabi sa asawa.

this!? 

Sabi nya maraming babae ang kayang tanggapin yun para sa baby. Bakit daw ako, napakabigdeal?

san naman niya nakuha iyang idea na yan e dito palang sa thread na ito wala pa ngang sumagot na "ok lang"

[momentum]

same with everyone here, I also think he just wants to have sex with her

and eto rin ang weird sa kanya, bakit bar girl?  sorry pero nachecheapan ako.
ang daming factors why this is all just soooo wrong:

-what if may STD?
-what if may sakit (hepa, etc) siya na puwede niya ipasa/makahawa sa baby?
-what kind of lifestyle will she have once mangyari na ito at buntis na siya? tuloy parin ba siya sa bar?
-aalagaan kaya talaga niya ang sarili niya so much so that the baby will be healthy? 
-mababayaran ba ninyo sweldo niya for all the months she will be carrying the baby if she quits her job? lalo na't kung ayaw niyo siya maexpose sa kalakaran ng bar where there is smoking, drinking, late nights, unhealthy food etc which will obviously affect the baby.

magbabayad ka nga sa kanya pero siyempre you wanna make sure normal ang baby paglabas so there are so many factors to consider

sorry pero I can't help but think g@guhan ito.

kung gusto niya magkaroon ng healthy baby eh you guys should consider the professional way or sabi nga nila duon sa mga close relatives na papayag. not some random woman who works in a bar na kung sino sino na gumamit sa kanya. I don't know why he resorted to that just because he found the girl attractive. something is differently brewing and I don't think it's just because of him wanting a baby.it's just an excuse of his. be careful sis...he has to snap out of this coz obviously lust lang ito. 

[babykat]

He doesn't listen and he has a talent for turning every argument into a he's right, i'm wrong thing.  he knows i'm hurting, katabi ko sya, impossibleng hindi nya alam gaano kasakit ginagawa nya sa akin.  Pero, the thing is,  he thinks ako ang may problema kasi di ko matanggap gusto nya gawin.  tapos nagagalit sya na depressed ako at walang sigla.

kung gusto lang nya makasex yun, why all this pa?  Bayaran naman yun, bakit di na lang nya binayaran and be done with it.

Mahal ko sya.  Siya lang family ko.  Tapos ginaganito pa nya ako.

[hisana]

Yes, I feel this is way too much to ask from you, as his wife. And I agree, why does it seem that he already went ahead and chose the girl, talked to her about it, etc., without getting the go-signal from you first? And why is he downplaying the situation by saying that he only wants a baby and nothing else? Parang ang dali lang sabihin nun. He's about to have a sexual relationship and a child with another woman, and he seriously thinks there is nothing to be anxious about? I really doubt he'll be as receptive to the idea kung ikaw yung gagawa ng baby with another man. Para ngang pride and ego and the chance at trying something out with a new girl play a huge role in what he wants to do right now. If he really wants a child, at the very least he could have expressed interest in other methods first.

[babykat]

I don't know how to make him snap out of it.  Minsan sasabihin nya, sige wag na lang daw.  Pero isusumbat nya yun sa akin ang di ko sya mabigyan ng anak o kaya di nya ako kakausapin.

Delikado na kasi para magbuntis ako. And he keeps saying natatakot syang may mangyaring masama sa akin.  Di daw nya kaya mawala ako.

[Ireneeeeee]

once sex is involved, feelings are for sure to develop because of the hormones... lalo na kung uulit ulitin tapos attracted pa sya may pabigay bigay pa ng chocolates nalalaman..

And if ever maging successful man yun "business" maraming possibilities kelangan iconsider..
the worst is that after the panganganak baka magbago isip ng girl at ayaw na nya ibigay yun bata baka gamitin pa nya yun to get your husband, magdemand, umepal sa buhay nyo. And because of the child, kumikitang kabuhayan yun for her lalo na bar girl medyo hindi reliable yun pagkastable ng utak at buhay nya. lelz. For sure kapag kumulubot na mga balat nya and nawala na alindog nya kakapit sa inyo yan mag- asawa parang linta lang..better get someone you trust or yun professional.

ang hirap ng situation pero you have to be strong sis. besides sabi mo kahit ano naman gawin mo wala ka na magagawa kasi gagawin ni husband kung ano gusto nya gawin and hindi ka rin makapagdemand because you feel guilty somewhat kasi ikaw yun nahihirapan magbuntis..

siguro kung ako nasa kalagayan mo sis..I will slowly rebuild myself mahirap man pero wala ka na ibang aasahan kasi kung hindi sarili mo. Siguro maganda gawin build a strong support system like talk to your family and friends din kasi mahirap kinikimkim lahat and pray hard sis. Kaya mo yan. Sana marealize ni husband na mali sya. Kung mahal ka nya talaga, he will consider and respect your opinion and feelings and stay away from that girl.

[Nuriko]

Ano yon, gusto nya magka baby KAYOng dalawa o magkaron ng baby sa iba? Kasi kung para sa INYOng dalawa yan, bakit wala kang say sa decison na yan? Ano yon, pag nag uusap kayo parang ikaw pa ang mali? Nako wag kang magpapatalo sa kanya. Maliwanag pa sa sikat ng araw kung ano ang ibig sabihin nyan.

[Msfi]

Sis babykat, mas mahal yung iniisip nga asawa mo kaysa magpa ivf ka. I-compute nyo kung magkano ibabayad ng asawa mo para siguruhin na di yun tatanggap ng ibang customer to make sure na kanya yung magiging anak nun. We're talking of daily income here ha, magkano ang bayad sa ganun pag take-out 2k-3k. Tapos pag nabutis, magkano sustento? papayag ba yun ng 30k lang a month?

I also agree with our sisses na gusto lang ng husband mo na gawing legal ang pagkaron ng affair sa bar girl na yun.  Para di siguro ma-guilty dahil may alibi/justification yung gagawin nya.

If myoma lang naman yung sakit mo, di naman siguro yun ganon kadelikado para di ka magbuntis. At wag nyong pabayaang may makapasok na ibang tao sa marriage nyo. Baka sa halip na maka strengthen, eh masira na lalo ang marriage nyo.